“Just another bite,” I thought aloud to myself for the benefit of my family.
Surely finishing what was before me was the best honor I could give in thanks for everything those before me have allowed me to have…
But… the body cried out… it screamed “Foul! Foul, that which once nourished now overwhelms and destroys! By Othar Tryggvassen, Gentleman Adventurer’s left nut, if you take one more bite, we will all die!”
“I can do this,” I murmured, more to convince myself than anyone around me.
This is bad. This is so very very grim, but I can do this.
My soul shrieked “Have done with this! It would be better had you beaten your pancreas to death with your spleen!†”
I chided my insides… Ok, now you’re just exaggerating.
My stomach growled at me, with pure hatred and no supplication.
With an agonized expression I looked at Cruel Wife. “Huh. Maybe not… maybe I can’t do this.”
The mashed potatoes had loosed some of their bounty upon my stuffing, which was in turn smothering my turkey. This would be no mere bite, not even a Herculean bite. It would be the work of many bites.
“I can’t do this,” I said around a huge mouthful of turkey, stuffing, and potatoes. A rivulet of butter ran down through my beard, bringing with it promises of a portable snack later, as long as I didn’t wash my face.
Oh geez, I’m doing it. I’m really doing it now.
My stomach did the only thing it could do, which was to push food through the scanners… errr… my digestive system faster than it could handle otherwise because the protesters… uh… food just kept coming. And then it blew up. I rapidly slipped into a coma, and died.
And still, I ate more.
And finished it despite being recently departed.
A feeble croak escaped my lips, piggy-backed on a titanic belch which did nothing to relieve the pressure,”I’m dead… uh… full.”
I got up from the table and staggered the 23 feet to my chair and haven’t moved since.
Mmmm. That’s good butter.
†The idea of beating anything with your spleen was inspired by “Bolt”, a line from Rhino the Hamster.
Beating with a spleen. Love it.
Hope it was a Happy Stuff Yer Face Day.
Likewise, Nicole. It was a very small gathering, just the four of us.
Go anywhere or stay at home for you?
Stayed at home. In laws, mother and brother. We didn’t even do the traditional. We had soup, chili, rolls and desserts. It was actually pretty nice and we all still got stuffed.
Our daughter is old enough that we’re going to broach the topic of going back to our pre-children tradition of one traditional Thanksgiving then one from a different cuisine around the world.
We’ve done Thai, Polish, Italian… Next year I’m thinking Russian or Korean. Korean would be easy, Russian I know next to nothing about so it’d be a fun challenge.
Guess I’m saying that non-traditional sits very well with me – no judgments on that score from this quarter.
Happily I showed restraint yesterday and was merely over-full and not stuffed to the gills. Glad y’all had a good one too!
You must write down your secret. I lost three buttons trying to put on my jeans this morning. Ugh.
BEST LINES EVAH!!!! HAHAHAHAHA!!!
I forgot to drink yesterday. I hosted the dinner, so I couldn’t drink, and then Sis hosted the desserts and the Cowgirls were playing, and then the AGGIES CRUSHED THE LONGHORNS, and in my excitement over that, I forgot. So no pain today!!!
Forgot to drink. Whoa. I don’t think I’ve ever been that lucky, back in the day.
Glad you had fun! I mean, you must have or you would have remembered to drink, right?
Damn skippy I had fun
Not that I ate too much or anything, but we have officially entered day 2 of heartburn. Getting old (aside from the rather final alternative on this plane of existence) sometimes suckith the most.
Other then that, had a great Turkey Day, and happy to hear ya’ll did as well.