I got one, my son got one, then the wife and daughter got one! And we spread it out over 3-4 days.
A great awesome case of the heave-till-your-nose-bleeds-and-you-see-the-angels.
It must have something to do with all the people-to-people contact right around this time of year.
So that is where I’ve been for the last few days.
Last night was juggling a tired boy, a barfing and groaning wife, and a daughter who would come and announce to me every heave-ho of her own.
And a son who could not understand that when mommy is puking she doesn’t want to see his Legos and to leave her alone, dammit!
I kept the laundry moving, the dishes going, the dinner made, a trip to the store for – peppermint tea, consomme, ginger cookies, chicken noodle soup, 7-up, gator-ade, brie, and tamales. I am be-awesome.
The tamales were for me. Cheap-ass canned ones since no one could eat my real ones on account of the gift that keeps on giving.
****
Can we please dispense with the bullshit and go back to being sane?
Dylan and Klebold were obvious. There were a million signs that stupid teachers and parents just didn’t pick up on.
But kids who are future leaders and achievers with a paring knife in their lunchbox? This is as ridiculous as the british law against kitchen knives larger than a certain size.
I was in school waiting to head to the lunchroom and pulled a kleenex out of my coat pocket. A shotgun shell fell out of my pocket. You’d have thought I’d shot the pope and was about to do the same to every schoolkid, teacher, and principal. But they called my dad who was very clear: We had just been hunting two days ago and it was an honest accident and get over it you candy-assed pansies.
****
There was a day when the cops would have heard all sides to the story and said “Guess you learned a valuable lesson here, kid.”
That day is no more.
Yeah, no one around these parts ever accused Sanford of being a hotbed of intelligentsia.
Hope you and the family get well soon.
I was gravely disappointed to note the lack of scotch on your shopping list – until I remember that you total the tea, as Chief Inspector Jacques Clouseau would say.
A shotgun shell! Good Gravy, my boy! – if you did that today they’d ship you and your parents off to the Gulag. Or Treblinka. Or wherever it is they are sending “undesirables” nowadays.
That blow-your-lunch disease is going around in MO too. That’s why I’m staying home and ma not accepting visitors.
I have every single Pink Panther movie – I think Peter Sellers ranks up there with the top actors of all time. Ever notice the high percentage of the best dramatic actors who started out in comedy? Hanks, Steve Martin, and Robin Williams. Sellers in “Being There” was top-notch.
Yes, I total the tea, indeed. Drank enough to carry me through a lifetime. I happen to like sobriety very much.
Actually I think it was three or four shotgun shells but only one hit the ground… Seriously you’d have thought I’d just shot several of my classmates. Or dropped a severed head on the ground. Or was molesting hamsters or something.
And there I was, going “Gee, it’s just a shotgun shell, I forgot it was in my pocket from grouse hunting – I’ll take it back home, I promise.” Nah, they had to go psycho. But now, I’m pretty sure ECT would be in the future for such a malignant infraction.
Once I got caught with a little pen-knife in my pocket at school. They stole my knife and suspended me for three days. The real LOL moment was when I was told that the reason that this particular knife was “illegal” was because it had a little tab that locked the blade open. If it hadn’t had that feature it would have been ok.
If I ever get elected (ha!) to office I’m gonna introduce legislation called “Restore Sanity & Reason To Our Schools” that would ban any and all “No tolerance” rules.
Your campaign mantra:
“Zero tolerance for zero tolerance.”
Reminds me of a time, years ago, that I had a similar stomach flu. Was “worshiping the porcelain god” when the girlfriend came into the bathroom, looked at me, and started laughing. And the blasted cat came in with her, and insisted on trying to find out what I was staring at in the bottom of the toilet bowl.
Oh lordy, the only thing I’ve got left to throw up is my nuts.
Yech. Hope everyone gets better soon.
Love the shopping list
Hope all feel better soon! We are headed back to MO today…hope we don’t have sickness waiting for us as McGoo mentioned it was going around…
Hey, I got it! WOW! Thank you so much! It’s geeky and pretty. This was a great Christmas all around.