Okay. So c.monster over at Soylent asked me what my vision would be for an award he has been given. Click for a NSFW picture post.
The award? (in a booming loud baritone voice)
The Iron Penis Award
So, like… wow. Now, I’ve known c.monster for a while now and it would be hard to turn him down when he’d been given a cool award for tasteful imagery, but I wasn’t sure just what to do.
When I did the Boob Bomb pic to see if veeshir could be enticed back (he’s triple-secret boycotting me now, it appears) I had to do a lot of distasteful searching on Google for boobs. I had to find the perfect one and CW would not model for the pic. So I sacrificed to come through on that image. I looked at literally thousands of boobs.
But somehow, I just wasn’t as interested in taking one for the team when it came to looking at lots of pics of penises.
So I said to myself “Self, what does one look like?”
And I answered myself by saying “Well, Self, if only we knew of someone who has one, and perhaps he might be able to help us.”
And that’s where I came in. I was indeed an owner of such equipment and I was able to help myself in this endeavor.
Can this get any more awkward?
So drawing upon my vast experience with original-owner genuine junk, I set out to do a line art version, one that would be stylized and not a ‘shopped photo, which had all the appeal of a drooling skunk.
Cruel Wife took a look and said “Yep, that is unmistakable, and if Girlhead sees it, you can tell her it is a chinese mushroom.”
The graphic is not a picture of my junk, ok? I just went for the stereotypical imagery and a size ratio that fit the effect I was going for.
My this is awkward, isn’t it?
The graphic may change, depending on what c.monster says he likes or doesn’t like. It is his award after all.
Update: Ditch the lettering. Chrome it up. I can do those. Tomorrow night.
You’re on the right track, LK. Isn’t research fun?
You could probably Brancusi it a bit more, a hair more abstract.
and chrome, of course. with reflected glory.
And salvo the text, I can do that above or below the image.
Oh yeah, Awesome. Thanks.
I don’t want to Brancusi it too much or you’ll have something that looks like a banana or a cigar with no labeling.
It’s awful late – I’m going to do it tomorrow night if you don’t mind. I have to go to bed in two hours.
Thanks dude look forward to the end product.
Where, exactly, are you planning on receiving this award?
Next question: Will the award be taking a stroll along the “red carpet” after it’s unveiled?
Follow-up question: Will there be a pole-r opposite of this prestigious, hard-earned award given? (The “Flaccid Phallus” or “Biggest Tool”, perhaps?)
I think the award was already bestowed, I think it just needs to be presented.
I don’t know about the award actually strolling, given that I didn’t design it with legs.
The Flimsy Tool Award… *NICE IDEA!* I’m already visualizing what to do with that one.
BC–When I was in high school, we had the “Tool of the Week” award–given to whomever committed the biggest FAIL over the weekend.
For a short time, we actually presented it during Monday morning announcements–a ceramic wrench fashioned by my neighbor–until the admin figured out what we meant.
So after a triple secret boycott all I’ve managed is to get you to put a picture of a huge penis on your blog?
I’m not really very good at this whole “blog war” thing.
Yeah, it’s not my strong suit, either.
I can tell you this: I don’t play well with others (life-long recognized issue) and I do not subordinate well.
It probably plays a role in whether certain behaviors elicit the desired result. Which, as you can imagine makes me about as lovable and warm-fuzzy as can be.
So are you saying you want me to make a giant panty-hamster award, too?
I think my friend GMLand will be quite, quite…. happy
Emotionally erect, too?
Probably, since it was his “brainchild”
Don’t worry, C Monster!
LK is putting the final “polish” on it as we speak!
No! Wait….
Now that there is an Order of the Iron Penis, will there be;
The Iron Penis with Scrotal sac – for valorous heroism in the face of no restroom facilities,
… and with an optional Steel Wool Thatch-Cluster, for braving an inconvenient stiffy in public?
With Chestnut Cluster, stranger, for our friends with alternative lifestyles.
Chestnut Cluster? I see there is a blank spot in my education…
Oh yeah – http://lemurking.wordpress.com/2011/04/29/boobs-and-boners/
When did this place become a boobs & boners site?
Ruh-roh.
You’re right.
I have failed in my long-standing attempts to maintain (reasonable) family-friendliness.
Ok, sad moment over… I’m over it.
Back to the boobs and boners.
LK, I’m getting the feeling that you are channeling another entity. I’m getting a strange reading on that entity…
Reading is getting clearer…
Signs point to a former blogger…
Very snarky individual…
Has a cat that he is very protective of…
Posted rude pics on his site occasionally…
Picture is still fuzzy, can’t get a good image of that blogger…
Damn. Lost it.
Will try again later…
I cannot think of more than a few higher compliments, mrmacs… thank you.
LK, it’s nothing close to your impeccable standards, but perhaps you could use this as an inspiration for the Phallus o’ FAIL™ award? (If it’s not killed by PhotoBucket before you get a chance to see it.)
http://i299.photobucket.com/albums/mm299/RottiePics/Fist_O_Fury.jpg?t=1304205482
B.C. … is… is… is that an S-E-X toy? Shaped like an Obama-faced fist?
I was thinking that the Limp Weenie award would be a penis-textured condom hanging draped over something – essentially a shriveled-up erection with all the stiffy-ness of a piece of warm taffy.
While I love (and that is truly the case) the Phallus ‘O Fail award, I worry that fisting may be over-the-top even for Cruel Wife. She’s been veeeery patient with me so far but I think a flaccid dork is about as far as I’m going to be able to push the envelope.
I might end up doing a stylized line art approach again but this time make it a muddy swirly mess.
LK, how about a small animated GIF for the PoF award instead of something larger and more graphic?
I’m trying to come up with ideas, but mind is not firing on all cylinders, need more sleep. And must catch up on email…
mrmacs – the only animated gif I ever did was so difficult I decided not to do any more.
I’m gifted in the area of intense focus that follows a train of thought but repetitive tasks that require attention to detail are like trying to buckle up a kid with ADHD – it tilts my brain too much.
B.C.: How appropriate and prophetic your illustration is. I noticed the date on it.
Very prophetic.
Whoa. mrmacs is right… whoa.
This is probably one time, B.C. where you’d have given anything to not be right in your prediction. Nice call though. If I’d seen it then I’d not have imagined how true it’d be.