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« How does it feel to be the world’s biggest wanker?
Cat-ass-trophe? Perhaps not. »

Phenomena Explained.

May 30, 2011 by Lemur King

Update 2: 

I missed this but I found out from the wife…  Girlhead saw a few of the older vets in the Memorial Day parade and asked Cruel Wife “Mom, were those guys in the Army?”

“Well, they were in the Armed Services, all vets were.”

She said “Can I go thank them?”

“You sure can – let’s go.”

And so she did – walked up to one of them and said “Thank you.”

He smiled and said “You’re welcome.”

I would have said something deep and profound to Cruel Wife about that but at that moment something really huge flew in my eye.

Update:

My five year old son, missing all his front teeth as part of the “Planned Obsolescence of Childhood Schedule” (AKA “POCS” or just pronounced POX) just ran in and said lispingly “Girlhead is trying to give me a Texas Wedgie!”

I goggled at him.  “Not an atomic wedgie but… A… A… A Texas Wedgie?  That sounds like a really big wedgie!”

He said “Yeah!” and then he ran away.

Aggie, or some other Texas person… what is a Texas Wedgie?

****

After a few discussions about the age that women claim to be I’ve done a bit of research.

This is an area of investigation fraught with peril and is like tapdancing in a minefield full of twisted metal, broken glass, angry rabid rodents, and… well… mines.

But for the sake of science I will publish my conclusions.  Men!  Who will stand with me?  Men?

Hang on, I must catch up with the others, for I am their leader.

****

Thank you Fark, for recognizing this for what it really is:  NOT A CATASTROPHE THAT NEEDS FIXING.

Report: Over a third of students entering college need remedial help

Fark’s headline?

Report shows over a third of incoming college students need remedial help. Back in subby’s day, they used to say those people weren’t college material, not treat them like snowflakes and patronize them

At what point do you finally say “No the system didn’t fail the children, perhaps they just aren’t cut out for it”?

Put another way:  Not everyone is cut out to be an astronaut, a doctor, or a SEAL.  Suck on that Disney.

****

Wow.  Someone in Missouri is on the lookout for the exploited strippers.

But Dick Bryant, a lawyer for Kansas City’s adult entertainment industry, said the clubs are following the law, in part because he claimed the dancers only appear to be topless. The exposed breasts, he said, are actually covered by a thin layer of opaque latex.

“Once they’re covered, none of the rest of the law applies,” Bryant argued.

Remember Blade Runner?

Deckard:    Excuse me, Miss Salomé, can I talk to you for a minute? I’m from the American Federation of Variety Artists.
Zhora:       Oh, yeah?
Deckard:    I’m not here to make you join. No ma’am. That’s not my department. Actually, uh. I’m from the, uh, Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses.
Zhora:        Committee of Moral Abuses?
Deckard:    Yes, ma’am. There’s been some reports that the management has been taking liberties with the artists in this place.
Zhora:        I don’t know nothing about it.
Deckard:    Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?
Zhora:        How do you mean, exploited?
Deckard:    Well, like to get this job. I mean, did you do, or- or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise, uh, repulsive to your person, huh?
Zhora:        Ha. Are you for real?
Deckard:    Oh yeah. I’d like to check your dressing room if I may.
Zhora:         For what?
Deckard:    For, uh, for holes.
Zhora:         Holes?
Deckard:    You’d be surprised what a guy’d go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body.
Zhora:        No, I wouldn’t.
Deckard:    Little, uh, dirty holes they uh, drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress. — Is this a real snake?
Zhora:        Of course it’s not real. Do you think I’d be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake? — So if somebody does try to exploit me, who do I go to about it?
Deckard:    Me.
Zhora:        You’re a dedicated man.

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Posted in Art (homegrown), Science/Technology | Tagged ageing, Aggie Phenomenon, Cruel Wife Affliction, life force, men, women | 24 Comments

24 Responses

  1. on May 30, 2011 at 5:02 pm LC Aggie Sith

    A Texas Wedgie is just a really, REALLY big wedgie. Sometimes confused with the “atomic” wedgie, but nothing over the shoulders ;)

    Girlhead made me cry with gratitude.

    AGGIE PHENOMENON??? I am FAMOUS!!!!

    *reads Aggie Phenomenon*

    *smiles evilly*

    Great…. now I want to watch Blade Runner…


    • on May 30, 2011 at 5:21 pm Lemur King

      You. Haven’t. Seen. Blade Runner.

      *Brain PINGS loudly and goes **twang** painfully*

      Yes, Girlhead made me proud beyond words. I make it a point to fairly regularly tell her about soldiers putting themselves in harm’s way for the rest of us but I was pleased beyond words that it has made enough of an impression that she acted upon it on her own.

      People that I put to the kids regularly that deserve respect and are worth fighting for for many various reasons: Elderly, soldiers, children, disabled, and those that are being victimized and brutalized.

      Basically anyone with honor or is in need of someone to watch their back. I want to raise my kids to be herd dogs, not sheep. I owe ‘em that much.


      • on May 30, 2011 at 8:31 pm LC Aggie Sith

        OMIGOD!!!

        OF COURSE I HAVE SEEN IT!!! I OWN EVERY SINGLE CUT OF IT, INCLUDING BETA!!!

        And, I may add, I own an original lightbox movie poster AND promo button.

        *preens*

        I simply meant that you put it into my head with your clever take.


        • on May 30, 2011 at 8:47 pm Lemur King

          Probably two of my favoritest lines in all moviedom…

          “Quite an experience to live in fear, isn’t it?”

          - and the “moments in time” one that Mitchell loathes.

          God, I love this country – everyone can have their opinion and then I can have mine, the right one.

          Then comes pretty much any line from “The Lion in Winter” or “Grosse Pointe Blank”.


          • on May 30, 2011 at 10:06 pm mrmacs

            Give Girlhead a hug and thanks from me for her consideration of the Vets.
            I sent my Dad a thank-you email yesterday (he’s a WWII vet)

            Blade Runner ranks right up there with Fifth Element for favorite movies.

            The question of the day: Was Decker a Replicant himself?

            And yes, the book is very good, too.


            • on May 30, 2011 at 10:28 pm Lemur King

              Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep was very good.

              Deckard a replicant – I know the arguments for/against but I choose to believe that the trappings of memory that he keeps in his apartment are more to illustrate the similarities between replicants and humans than to imply that he is a replicant.

              I don’t know that Ridley Scott is my personal “final authority” in the matter – I’d rather take whatever Phillip K. Dick intended. Too bad he’s dead and can’t elaborate. Odd fella.


            • on May 31, 2011 at 11:27 am LC Aggie Sith

              In my opinion, he was. There was a sixth, after all.


    • on May 30, 2011 at 7:12 pm Mitchell

      Well if you absolutely MUST watch that film you have to decide which of the 35 different versions Ridley Scott has put out over the years in desperate and doomed attempts to make a cut of a movie that doesn’t suck. Once you do that you can safely fast-forward to the last 5-10 minutes to get to the relevant bits: “Blah blah blah Tannhauser Gate, blah blah blah tears in the rain, blah blah blah…” Then there’s a bit more afterward where you say “Wait-wha? Eh, whatever.” Better yet, just get the soundtrack and listen to that. It’s actually more interesting than the movie itself.


      • on May 30, 2011 at 7:32 pm Lemur King

        Don’t hold yourself back, Mitchell. You hold it in too much. I absolutely cannot tolerate those who waffle or bottle it up.

        The cut that was best was whatever they released in 1984 or thereabouts when I first saw it. Decker voiceovers.

        And yeah, the soundtrack is pretty good.


  2. on May 30, 2011 at 5:03 pm LC Aggie Sith

    Comment disappeared??


    • on May 30, 2011 at 5:11 pm Lemur King

      You went in the spammy chum-bucket.

      I’ve fixed it.

      I’m getting several hundred spams a day that Akismet is not capturing so it is easy to neglect it. So sorry.


  3. on May 31, 2011 at 8:41 am The Curtal Friar

    Blade Runner was one of the best movies ever made, period, not just one of the best sci-fi movies made.

    I was thankful when they released the DVD set a couple of years ago that has the three main versions.

    I do prefer the one with the voiceovers, and the fact that Ridley Scott hates that version doesn’t matter.

    Another Sci-Fi movie I really enjoyed was Dark City.

    I seem to remember that the critics hated it, and I think it wasn’t all that popular with moviegoers either, but I loved it. I thought it was a great movie.


  4. on May 31, 2011 at 9:12 am Nicole

    Great. Once again Missouri makes the national news for… Something stupid.


    • on May 31, 2011 at 9:51 am Lemur King

      Nicole, what did the Mo’s do now? Seriously. I don’t know what you are referring to, but I am curious.


  5. on May 31, 2011 at 9:25 am veeshir

    I’ve always figured Hannah Storm on Sportscenter fits into category “E” above. She creeps me out.

    Here’s how I guess women’s ages.
    Take what you think is their age, subtract 25%. Then, subtract 20% more. Then shut up and say nothing.
    That system is foolproof.
    It’s like noticing a woman is pregnant. You can only mention that woman looks pregnant if a baby is coming out as you’re saying it.

    It’s funny, my office is supporting my boycott. They recently upgraded to IE whatever is the latest version and it won’t allow me to comment.


  6. on May 31, 2011 at 9:55 am Lemur King

    I wish you’d drop the boycott, veeshir. “Eliminate or evacuate”, I’d always say, if I hadn’t just made it up right now.

    My FiL picked up my kitty (Jilly-boo) and said “when is she due”?

    I looked at him and said “Nope, not preggers, just really really fat. I call her ‘Wide-Load’.”

    I have only made the ‘preggers’ mistake once. So help me, I’d have put $50 on the table betting that she was 7-8 months along. With a hippo.


    • on May 31, 2011 at 2:40 pm veeshir

      Yeah, my first age guessing system was “subtract 25%”.
      It failed miserably the very first time I tried it. I guessed older than she was even with the subtraction.

      Now I go with keeping my mouth shut.

      I also made the “Hey, when are you due?” mistake once.
      Once.

      I can’t drop my boycott. That will mean you don’t have a reason for keeping Selma and friends up there.


  7. on May 31, 2011 at 4:30 pm LC Aggie Sith

    I had to:

    http://nskmd.wordpress.com/2011/05/31/philosophizing-on-health/

    It was too good to pass up ;)

    Selma and friends

    HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!


    • on May 31, 2011 at 4:47 pm Lemur King

      I was really surprised – been working on a post about autism and innoculations (I don’t subscribe to the notion) when I read the NSKMD quote about curing disease.

      I thought I had accidentally posted without realizing it.


      • on May 31, 2011 at 5:45 pm LC Aggie Sith

        Oh, sorry about that, LK. I didn’t know.


        • on May 31, 2011 at 5:54 pm Lemur King

          Whoa, whoa, whoa!

          Sorry about what, exactly?

          You did exactly nothing wrong. In fact, I’m more than a bit totally at a loss as to what you’re talking about.

          It’s all good, you devourer of life-force, you.

          Heh! :)


          • on June 1, 2011 at 10:37 am LC Aggie Sith

            Devourer of life-force…

            You know, that’s pretty cool…..

            As to the apology, I thought I had stepped on toes ;)


            • on June 1, 2011 at 11:07 am Lemur King

              Thought you’d like that one.

              It is more socially acceptable than “Crusher of Kittens”.

              Nope, my toes are all good.

              I don’t usually get upset with someone about that sort of thing unless it was (a) intentionally mean, or (b) so humiliatingly over-the-top that the mere thought along those lines should have sent up a thousand red flags.


            • on June 1, 2011 at 11:31 am LC Aggie Sith

              I would NEVER crush kittens!!!

              Unless they were little surfing nazis.



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