Update: Fixing Your Hernia, the Man’s Way. This guy has guts.
It is absolutely impossible for someone to fix their own hernia. - Sam Carvajal, a surgeon at Glendale Adventist Medical Center
Might have saved some pain and suffering if the guy had checked that little fact out ahead of time.
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Real men don’t use BBQ’s… they use the wheel from their car… the one that a woman ruined for him at just 1092 miles (ten days old) by pulling out in front of him without even looking.
Yes, the real man will use an aluminum rim from a 2003 Nissan Maxima.
They pack that sucker with a few bricks, throw in some play-sand from the kid’s sandbox, dump a buttload of natural wood charcoal (not briquettes), wedge in a peanut-oil-soaked paper towel to light the whole mess, and walk away. They just don’t sit there and play with their wood when there’s meat to be beat.
Stealing one’s wife’s hairdryer works wonders once the meat has been seen to. The blowing job gets the charcoal hot enough to shoe a horse. Granted, we’re here to eat cow, but damn tootin’ you could do some serious work with that fire. But the work we’re here to do is cook some cow, because we’re meatitarians, dammit. That meat pic will get larger if you stroke click it.
That cow gets 2-1/2 minutes per side while immersed in the infero of Hades (center pic). The meat is thrown DIRECTLY on the charcoal. Be a man, flick it off if you don’t like it. It’s not gonna bite ya, that little piece of carbon sitting there smoldering at 3000F.
Note: Actually, it might bite you. I flicked it with my index finger. I hooked my finger and did a stabbing down motion to get the charcoal off of the meat. It allowed me to scrape red hot coals under my fingernail where it resulted in a burn that lasted for hours. This stuff is really hot folks, don’t just play with it.
If you like extra char, just run that hairdryer right in the middle of the pile of coals and believe me, things will happen. Blow jobs always make things happen.
I will tell you this: If you eat it my way as a guest and you tell me that you really would rather have salt and pepper on it, I will give it to you but I will never respect you. That meat was sublime without a thing added to it.
And the next day, slapped between pieces of bread is a religious experience. But hey what do I know?
I’ll make more comments on it more tomorrow when I’m awake.
If I’m gonna use a cracked aluminum rim (r-front) from a 1994 Porsche 968 coupe do I need to back off the cook time? It was never driven east of the Mississippi except once to Ohio, if that helps.
Couldn’t I just sprinkle some Worcestershire Sauce on it after cooking to compensate?
Well, it is a bit smaller but I guess it really depends on how you like your rims done. Try it as I’ve shown it (assuming 1-1/2″ thick cuts of cow) and you can always change it later.
Worcestershire sauce should be your normal procedure anyway to re-sanctify the altar for more burnt offerings.
…resulted in a burn that lasted for hours.
Dude. Do you go out of your way to find new methods of hurting yourself?
It was really a very very stupid thing to do.
Amazingly so.
One would think “Hey, these coals are red-hot and in some parts white-hot, so maybe I ought not touch them”, right?
Well, in case someone else decides to forego common sense I thought I should bring it up. If nothing else you can serve to be a good example of what not to do.
Don’t try that at home, kids!
Was using a knife or fork to scrape the burning embers of Hades off too pedestrian, LK??
Cripes…
Hey, it’s a “Cooking with Fire, the Man’s Way” post… nowhere do the rules say it had to be all wussified by using puny knives and forks.
Hell, as I recall the joke, a Texan would’ve used his junk to stir the fire.
That’s true, but next time you feel the need to exert manliness around, try flicking embers away in an outward fashion, as opposed to the inward one you employed with your fingers
I love telling that classic “man” or “texas” joke, LK. One of my favorites…
Isn’t that just the most awesome imagery ever, ooGcM?
I keep picturing him with a beer, stirring the fire slowly, then lighting his Marlboro off the glowin’ tip. Why? Because he can.
Exactly. Magnificent imagery. I’ve added your ‘lighting a smoke’ image to my personal image collection on that joke.
You know, a competent western-theme paint-artist could render the entire class of “western” jokes into carefully staged images and subtly work each joke theme into the image. The artist could make a fortune.
What about the “Hah, hah! You picked the ugliest one!” joke?
Gives a whole new perspective to “rim job,” and of course, the awesome of using a woman’s hair dryer as a bellows makes for an equal number of “blow job” revelations, especially since it’s as close as women are allowed to get to a charcoal grill–Man Law.
BTW, check your email.
That is pure awesome. The grill of course, not the injury. That is amusing because it wasn’t me but ouchy because I can imagine it being me.