The Abuse and Consumption of Muppets.

Warning:  Sensitive readers may find the following offensive or repulsive.  I suggest you toughen up and read it anyway, because if you can’t handle this, you’re in no shape to handle the new congressional supercommittee that is about to be shoved down your throat.

veeshir, who has studiously boycotted this blog for months now, posted a comment on a Sean M. posting over at DoublePlusUndead (yes, I’m confused, too, so relax – you get used to it).

You see, Sean M. linked to the SF Weekly where someone suggested that Bert and Ernie get married so it would be possible to teach small children and Republicans about gay marriage.

Me, I think we’ve got bigger issues at the moment, so if folks want to get married I say go for it.  Remember, I’m a Libertarian-conservative.   Say whatever you want in defense of traditional marriage – on a different post – that’s not an attitude on my part, but it steers us back to my real point on this post:

I do have a serious problem with sexualizing muppets.

veeshir said (hilariously):

I can’t believe they’re trying to force Ernie to marry that evil puppet
That’s just cruel.

We should start a “Free Ernie” campaign.

My follow-up comment, remarking on the more sinister side to all of this:

veeshir is right, Bert has been known to be evil† for well over a decade by my accounting, and probably half that again. It will end tragically with Ernie beaten repeatedly and doing horrid things against his will.

Bert supposedly even had ties with the Taliban.

Battered puppets are just the saddest thing ever. Once kids get a view of torn threads and protruding stuffing, Ernie wearing dark glasses, long sleeved shirts, and duct tape… the “teachable moment” will have really arrived. And everyone will ask why this had been allowed to go on so long.

Now, when I think “battered muppets” I picture beer-batter, tempura, or panko and wonder what muppet flesh must look and taste like.  Yes, that does somehow sound even worse than sexualizing muppets, I know that.

Muppet with Cilantro and Peanut Dipping Sauce

If you don’t remember the skit “Eating Muppets” from The State… well, you should go there right now.

† The notion of Bert being Evil is nothing new.  I leave it as an exercise for the reader to go find it on the web using “bert is evil” as the google or bing search words.

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The biggest, scariest, and most un-Constitutional blatant power-grab by Congress since the founding of this country, and the important question seems to be if the lone woman on the Super-Committee shouldn’t be two women so women have fair representation?  Seriously?

This is like bitching about which bar the book of matches that the arsonist who burned down your house got them from.

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In keeping with the tribute to Nancy Wake, Nazi Killer, I’d like to toast another lady made of interesting stuff.  No, not Margaret Thatcher.  Nor Salma Hayek, nor Uma Thurman, nor Scarlett Johansson, nor Charlize Theron…  (yes, men are pigs)

Hedy Lamar.  Pretty and brains, too.

Any girl can be glamorous.  All she has to do is stand still and look stupid.  – Hedy Lamar, actress and owner of a patent for spread-spectrum controlled torpedo(es) - AKA Secret Communications System