Note: The posting below is out of character for what I’d normally write but it is something that I’ve pondered over many a time.
The link in the next line has an article that touches on something that has bothered me for years.
Ladies, in case you hadn’t noticed, yoga pants allow other to see your “female parts”. The author makes a great point…
Now, I refuse to be called a pervert for noticing [that your vagina] is separated from me by only a thin layer of spandex. I am not asking for you to show me; you are showing me and asking me not to look. There is a difference. – Ben Whitmore
Not only does he make a great point, he makes an excellent point. It happens elsewhere, too.
Women bitch about how (yoo hoo! helloooo?) their eyes are roughly 18 inches higher up (or based on my keen observations as much as 24″-36″ depending on age and physical condition). But then women never seem to notice that they are wearing clothing that is tight, has plunging necklines, or is sheer enough to see skin through. Or they aren’t wearing a bra. Or not wearing one thick enough to conceal “nature’s little thermometers” (aka high beams when I was in high school). Or they wear necklaces designed to draw the eyes to that region. It is all a polite fiction, as must be if you’re going to walk that curvacious line between wanting to be sexually desirable and not wanting to be viewed as a piece of meat.
I try not to be obvious but even so, as Cruel Wife and I are watching TV or a movie, I feel compelled now and then when I see a blatant example to say “Gee, I wonder what they are selling there” or “Uh, isn’t she a bit top-heavy?”, or some remark in a similar vein.
If you don’t want men staring at your tits, why won’t you stop drawing attention to them? – Dr. Lemur
It’s actually even worse than that, because men like them. A lot. Call them what you want – boobs, bodacious ta-tas, hooters, nodes, knockers, fun-bags, breasts, tits, milk juggs, melons… wait, I found a good listing of euphemisms (see way down below)… but my point to drive home with women is that men like them and you quite obviously like them so if you don’t want men ogling them, stop parading them about – and that goes for camel-toes, as well.
One may hear aghast and outraged complaints from women in response to my remarks:
Oh, no, we don’t want to be sexualized. You pig.
Yet any teenage boy or man knows this to be a complete lie when they walk by the women’s clothing section of any store, or see magazine covers at the supermarket, or watch women in bars.
Oh, but we don’t want you to view us lustfully, we want you to see us as attractive in a idealistic way. You pig.
You don’t get it. Or you do and you refuse to admit that any guy who doesn’t put the two together is probably gay.
We just want to feel good by looking good. It is for ourselves that we dress the way we do. You pig.
Uh-huh. What makes you feel good about yourselves just happens to be the exact thing that turns guys on? What an amazing coincidence. And I’d love to be able to walk around with a bacon t-shirt because it smells way more awesome than I do, but it still means every dog within 2 miles is going to want to be my best friend.
I read an article in Slate, where the gist of one commentor’s observation was that [the center of the bell curve of the varieties of] pr0n must actually be close to what a lot of men want because that is how the majority is done – there is a reason why the internet is clogged with pr0n downloads, and that is because what is there sells. I can’t believe that 1% of the population makes up for the pristine and pure remaining 99% who have never held the desire to see it (please note the sarcasm).
Think about it – if it wasn’t a turn-on for so many the way it is in it’s present form then it would not be this way, it would be in whatever form was the biggest turn-on. It just wouldn’t sell. Put another way, how many men read bosom-heaver, bodice-ripper, sweaty-nipple novels?† Not a great many because that doesn’t float the male boat as much as something really visual. Women consume printed BHBRSN porn – excuse me, erotica and romance – in a far greater percentage because that is what they like.
It should be noted here that the statistics are pointing to a sea-change in this area, challenging the notion that men are the only ones that go for the visual stimuli.
SOYLENT GREEN has a great following for three reasons – good writing, AGW-bashing, and T&A – it sells, and he makes no apologies for it. Go see a NSFW example of what I’m taking about at SOYLENT GREEN.
There’s supposedly this culture (Sami people) that has thousands of words for snow. That is because snow is very important to them. Well, tits are called by many names for the same reason. Here’s what Shakespeare would have said had the culture of the day been less sexually repressed.
“What’s in a name? That which we call a teat
By any other name would taste just as sweet.”
As to the list of mammarilogical/teatoligical euphemisms, they missed one below that I have heard and I find it amazingly humorous: Sweater-Puppies.
If you have others to add to the list, just shout ‘em right out.
And ladies, for heaven’s sake, if you don’t want men’s eyes to track, cover your rack. And quitcherbitchin’ about it.
† I will take some heat from Cruel Wife for the BHBRSN remark.
Angel Cakes Double-Whammies Loaves PT Boats Apples Dueling Banjos Loblollies Pumpkins Balboas Dugs Love Melons Rangoons Balloons Dumplings Love Muffins Rib Balloons Bangers Dunes Lulus Rib Cushions Bangles Ear Muffs Macaroons Rivets Bassoons Eclairs Mambos Roundies Baubles Eggplants Mammaries Sandbags Bazongas Enchiladas Mammies Satellites Bazookas Flapjacks Mams Scones Bazooms Flappers Mangos Scoops Beacons Flesh Bulbs Marangos Set Beanbags Flesh Melons Maraschinos Shakers Bebops Floaters Marimbas Shebas Betty Boops Floats Mau Maus Shimmies Big Boppers Fog Lights Mausers Silos Bikini Stuffers Fried Eggs Meatballs Skin Sacks Billibongs Fun Bags Meat Loaves Skooners Blinkers Gagas Melons Smoothies Bombers Garbos Milk Cans Snuggle Pups Bombshells Gazingas Milk Fountains Spark Plugs Bonbons Gazongas Milk Shakes Specials Bongos Glands Molehills Spheres Bonkers Globelets Mommas Spongecakes Boobers Globes Mondos Spuds Boobies Gob Stoppers Montezumas Stacks Boobs Gongas Moo Moos Stuffing Boops Goombas Mother Lodes Sugarplums Bops Grapefruits Mounds Sweater Meat Bosom Grillwork Mountain Peaks Sweater Puffs Boulders Guavas Muchachas Sweet Rolls Bouncers Gum Drops Muffins Tahitis Bra Buddies Handsets Mulligans Tamales Bra Stuffers Hand Warmers Mushmelons Tartugas Bronskis Headers Nancies Tatas Bubbas Headlamps Nectarines Tattlers Bubbies Headlights Niblets Teats Buds Headphones Nibs Tetons Bulbs Headsets Nippeloons Thangs Bulges Hefties Nippelos Thingamajigs Bullets Heifers Nippers Tidbits Bumpers Hemispheres Nippies Titbits Bumps Hills Nips Tits Bust Hindenburgs Nodes Titskis Busters Honeydews Nodules Titters Busties Honkers Noogies Titties Butterballs Hood Ornaments Nose Cones Tomatoes Buttons Hoohas Oompas Tooters Caboodles Hooters Orbs Torpedoes Cannon Balls Hot Cakes Ottomans Tortillas Cantaloups Hottentots Padding Totos Carumbas Howitzers Pagodas Twangers Casabas Hubcaps Pair Tweakers Cha-Chas Huffies Palookas Tweeters Charlies Humdingers Papayas Twin Peaks Chihuahuas Hush Puppies Parabolas Twofers Chimichongas ICBM's Pastries Tympanies Chiquitas Jawbreakers Paw Patties U-Boats Coconuts Jemimas Peaches Umlauts Congas Jibs Peakers Wahwahs Corkers Jobbers Peaks Waldos Creamers Jugs Pears Warheads Cream Pies Jukes Pects Water-Melons Cuhuangas Jumbos Peepers Whoppers Cupcakes Kabukis Pillows Wind-Jammers Curves Kalamazoos Pips Wobblers Dingers Kazongas Plums WOngas Dinghies Kazoos Pointer-Sisters Woofers Dingos Knobbers Points Yabbos Dirigibles Knockers Pokers Yams Domes Kongas Polygons Yayas Doodads Kumquats Pompons Zeppelins Doozers Lactoids Pontoons Zingers Doozies Lip Fodder Potatoes
LK – you wrote the post that I have dreamed of writing for years! And you hit every friggin’ point!
Let us stop pretending: if you women don’t want to be looked at, then stop dressing in precisely the way most likely to evoke it! Trust me – if you cover it all up – we won’t stare at all.
But that isn’t really what you want, now is it? I leave it to the interested reader to state what it is you REALLY want.
An old Indian expression goes: “To tempt is but Womans way…to be desired is but Womans need.”
Lot of truth to that.
BTW: I’ve read one or two of those BHBRSN novels. Eeew. X-rated porn in words instead of images.
Ever since then, I have viewed those little old ladies skimming the romance titles in the used book stores in much the same way you ladies tend to view old men in overcoats ducking into porn shops.
The two genders are just getting their jollies off different ways. Think about that the next time you notice your Aunts reading preferences. I have.
Yes, I’ve picked up one or two because I was curious and oh… my… whoa.
I’m surprised the book didn’t have wet spots every few pages.
Indeed if they cover it up, we don’t stare. When was the last time you picked up a copy of “Plump Burkas”?
This post probably just won the internets.
Yes, I read bodice-ripper “novels”, and find them to be exceptional brain candy. I certainly don’t expect Hubby to act like a hero in one of those books, though. Hell, I don’t expect any man to act like that!
And I agree… this feminist movement has taught women that they can dress however they like, and men have no right to look. That is total bullpuckey. I didn’t wear a corset for my health, you know.
Won the internets? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Is it more like getting MRSA, a curable venerial disease, or like getting a cat?
Hm…like getting a cat that obeys
Most tit-illating.
Mammaries are truly amazing…what else could be a tweeter and a woofer at the same time?
Sound engineers everywhere salute you.
Hmm…unless I overlooked them, I would put forth the following ones that I believe you missed:
Skyscrapers
Puppies
Rack
Badonkadonks
Flotation Devices
Jiggly puffs
Bobbies
Speed Bags
Marshmallows
Also, there are the euphemisms for those of the smaller variety, such as:
Mosquito Bites
Bee stings
Mannyninnies
Itty-bitties
Good catch, Curtal.
CW and I are relative newcomers to “Big Bang Theory” and one of the characters (Raj) gets lit and wants to run down and snag a copy of “Bombay Badonkadonks”
We love the show and I love the word “badonkadonks”.
Mosquito bites and bee stings used to royally piss me off when I was 16, because my sister would go around bragging that she had “bee stings” and I only had “mosquito bites”. Nope. I wish I could have said then what I think now. I was well proportioned and nicely balanced, whereas she had cow udders and back aches, not to mention all the undesired stares anyone could ask. :]
Please add the following to the list:
“Bulgarian Air Bags”
Found on theregister.co.uk
Saved a woman’s life, they did!
For the curious reader, may I refer you to said airbag reference?
http://www.theregister.co.uk/2011/11/11/chicken_fillets/
Yes, you saw that right. Chicken fillets.
Saw that one too. Yup, chicken fillets. Same effect as the Bulgarian Air Bags.
Yeah, badonkadonks is a great word.
But then there’s a good many words on your list above that I love, and which can’t help but bring a smile to my face when I hear them.
Bazookas, howitzers, casabas, mulligans, wongas, you have it, they’re all great.
Hmmm….seems like I did hear someone refer to them as wookies once or twice, and I definitely did hear pumbas used at least once, but I omitted both those words from my earlier comment as I’m not fond of either of those as euphemisms for boobs. Er, breasts.
Norms was another one…
Norks. Damn autocorrect.
The Onion had a great headline once, “Woman with fake breasts wishes men would stop looking at her breasts”.
Another point, women like that we like boobs. I have never fooled around with a woman who did not enjoy getting “motorboated”. Quite the opposite.
Boobs also give women an unfair advantage. I can’t remember how many arguments I lost simply because in the middle of when I was making my best point which should have clinched it, I got shown a boob and then……what was I talking about?
I agree with all this from the standpoint of “If you don’t want the stares, don’t flaunt your assets.” However, if a woman is dresses normally and decently and yet get the stares and/or inappropriate comments because she can’t help her proportions, then I don’t blame her for getting upset. That really wasn’t the gist of the blog, though. You were primarily talking about the woman who dresses like a skank and expects guys to keep their eyes to themselves. For them, it’s a power trip.
Now, in all the time you’ve known me, have I ever made a spectacle of myself out in public by drooling in my lap even when there was a “proportions beyond our control” event? Generally I have some sincere sympathy mixed in with those “funny feelings”.
Yes, men are pigs.
In my past I’m pretty sure I’ve responded with less-than-admirable behavior around classy skanks and mocked the trashy skanks.
Interesting that women would use their assets as a power trip. I’m glad I had that confirmed by a female of the opposite sex.
Oh you know what I meant, relax. (bear – stick – poke – poke – poke)
I agree with you, CW. The flipside of the issue of women that dress like skanks, are the guys who don’t have any self control and blatantly stare at various areas of a woman’s body, no matter what she’s wearing.
That’s a habit I corrected in myself years ago. It’s all too easy, with how prevalent porn and erotic imagery is in our country nowadays, to become accustomed to looking at specific parts of a woman, and to do that in public almost without realizing it, because one has become conditioned in doing so by observing all the various erotic images prevalent throughout all forms of media that draw a man’s attention dramtically to specific female body parts.
Happy Thanksgiving to you and Cruel Wife!
Have a great Thanksgiving!