Yesterday I went to help set up a big shoot – 3, 4, 5, 6, and 8″ shells for a commercial shoot. We got the kids moving finally – blankets, toys, sunscreen, extra clothing, bug repellant, Red Bull™…
Drove an hour away to get to the shoot, stopped at Taco Bell™ for the kids’ first feeding at the Bell. Why? Because it is cheaper than food.
We navigated through the city – dead like a ghost town – 100 degrees with high humidity. The fields were brown and the hillside fountain was turned off and even had little deltas of dust in the bottom. No one was in the park. Not one soul.
We drove up to the gate to let ourselves in and saw a padlock across the gate. Looking up the hill there were no trucks, none of the crew was setting up.
Cruel Wife pulled out her iPad™ and discovered that the shoot had been on July 3, not the 4th.
The truth is, I was dreading hours and hours of work in 100 degree high-humidity mid-day sun. It was kind of a relief and I couldn’t have gotten Tuesday off even if I had known it.
So we found another fireworks show that would be held in Gregory. The best way to get to Gregory is to go to Hell, hang right and stay the course. We drove up from the south and turned on to Darwin, which leads to Hell.
Then we found ourselves in Hell soon enough. I have ridden through hell on my bicycle twice for 100-mile (century) bike rides and the route planners had good intentions but the paved roads to hell are smooth as glass in some areas and a killer in other. Driving it wasn’t so bad. We stopped and had ice cream in Hell. Cruel Wife, Lemurita, and Hacker-boy had ice cream. I had pork rinds and iced tea. And tried out some hot sauce.
It didn’t make my teeth bleed but it was zippy. A number of people held their breath while I tried it.
We checked out Gregory and figured out where the show would be and where we could park and then drove home for a few hours worth of rest – it was 100 degrees still and still high humidity so just being outside was less than fun.
I will also add that sparklers are very very hot. Did you know that they are burning 1000C or more? My thumb knows that now. I was lighting Hacker-boy’s sparker, the one that died out halfway using a cigarette lighter. The flames and sparks shot forward and kissed my thumb from the knuckle to the end of my thumb. I couldn’t find the hose in the dark and I had one kid, two kids, Cruel Wife in the way as I headed towards the kitchen faucet in the house. CW got in the way and I just said “MOVE.”
So I spent a lot of last night wishing I could chop that thumb off. Feels all taut-skinned and deadened right now and hot things are really uncomfortable. Thank God for WaterJel and ice cubes.
Some people say the closest you feel to being alive is right before you die. That bottle is proof of it. Love the skull, too.
Sorry you got so singed by the sparkler. I for one have never trusted sparklers. Anything that shoots incendiary stuff all willy nilly can’t be all that good.
Darwin leads to Hell? I couldn’t have come up with that on a bet
I walked up to the register with the dry powdered stuff and the wet stuff once the lady told me they were there. I think she expected me to fall down screaming or something because she was a bit tense. I smacked my lips theatrically and said “Hmmm, zippy… not bad. Got a toothpick so I can try the wet stuff?”
Wet stuff was the same.
I rubbed my eye on the way home and experienced a bit of Hell. Bad move.
Years ago a guy turned onto one end of Darwin Road, which is graveled there. When they found his body they figured his motorcycle was going in excess of 100mph. Aptly named road and at first blush the story is almost irony but as you dig into it a bit just oozes irony and you can cut it with a fork it is so juicy and tender. Mmmm, good irony.
Irony isn’t just a daily supplement.
You have to take it after eating crow and before just desserts if I recall correctly.
And best served cold, huh??
Little bit of lime juice for that bitter hint, it’s exactly like ceviche, only different. Nobody likes warmed-up ceviche. I don’t, anyway.
Oh, HELL no!! Ceviche should be cold as a witch’s… refrigerator.
Colder than a jellyfish in a meat locker in my motto.
Darwin Road isn’t oozing irony. It’s not even bleeding irony…it’s fully congealed.
I’ll see your “congealed” and raise you a “clotted”.
Doesn’t “clotted irony” make the soul sing?
I did a search and it doesn’t show up many times at all.
Yes…and it even sounds like dessert–which, as Khan noted, is best served cold.