Soy Sauce and ridiculous Charges of Minion Murdurousness
January 25, 2013 by Lemur King
I seem to be taking some heat over at doubleplusundead – above and beyond this life-crippling boycott levied against me.
Apparently two minion lemurs (short tailed, unkempt) were freed from their enforced incarceration by a strange individual with bolt cutters. Since these were minion lemurs and not of higher breeding – uneducated, unwashed, undisciplined – they followed their baser natures and got involved with incidents involving the law.
One of them (Leonard “Ratface” Lemur) was in a tree when officers arrived on the scene and came quietly. The other accosted a 2 year old, leaving her face scratched. Leo Langton Lemur will not be officially punished with jail time but may have an unfortunate accident sometime in the future involving a wood chipper or a cement truck.
Point to be made is that I have no control over these minions – only Maurice held the real power associated with my figurehead and he is vacationing in St. Petersberg. These new minions do not even pay dues to enhance their legal defense fund. I wash my hands of them and dismiss them with a double flick of the tail.
****
Soy Sauce.
Ok, I was thinking… When was the last time any of us men said to the wife “Woman, I am going to a movie with the guys” and then went to see “John Dies at the End”?
It is due out on the 24/25th last time I heard. Rumor is that Mitchell has seen it and now is a follower of Korrok
Read the book in early 2012 and I can say it is like the strange offspring of a ménage between Phantasm, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Apocalypse Now if AN had been more than simply a dark comedy.
The story centers around a guy who investigates the paranormal after he has been exposed to Soy Sauce, a really bad soy-sauce-like hallucinogenic. Sort of. Or maybe it is part love story where one partner is wired a bit funny and has a prosthetic limb. Or a story about monsters made of deli meats.
Oh just go look it up. Fair warning – - – John dies at the end, just like it says. It is probably also extremely violent, gross, and a chunk of your life you’ll never get back again.
The preview might not be particularly good for kids.
It’s got a 67% on Rotten Tomatoes which isn’t too bad. Considering that it is firmly in “Bubba-Ho-Tep” cult movie territory it’s really quite good. I’m trying to get a bunch of friends to ditch their wives to go see it.
Mitchell must write a review on it.
Like this:
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Let’s not be raggin’ on Bubba Ho-Tep, baby.
Thank you, thank you very much.
Whoa… who said I was ragging on Bubba-Ho-Tep? I was most certainly not. My remark is that mainstream rankings will always give less weight to the more… artistic… movies. A 67% is a pretty good rating.
How could I not love a movie where you get to hear:
That’s right, baby.
Now someone get me a peanut butter and banana sandwich.
Makin fun of Bubba Ho Tep? Typical.
As for your minions….
First, it’s about their murderiferousness.
Second, that reads like something a Clinton would write.
I have one word for that crap: Plausible Deniability!
And I ain’t buying it!
veeshir, see my response to SOYLENT above. Leave it to you to assume the worst possible scenario – I can always depend upon you.
I meant it to read like a liberal would write it – satire. It might not be great satire but I would have thought even you could recognize the general form. You are so mercifully untouched by the ravages of intelligence at times.
See I got that. That’s why I wrote what I did. Count on you to ruin a joke.
Bud Abbot is spinning in his grave.
Nice save. Sort of.
I really need a better arch-nemesis.
Yet you return day after day. How empty your life must be.
Yes, it is.
And you’re not helping.
Thank you for restoring meaning to my life.
Just to clarify: I haven’t seen the movie, and I just finished the book today. I didn’t think he was going to be able to actually pull it all together but he did. I look forward to starting the sequel.
Ah. The movie should be out in some theaters about…. now.
They didn’t try to promote it at all so it’s not going to be showing everywhere at once. I saw that you can rent it On Demand for the low low price of $10.99. I like David Wong but not that much.
Pull it together is so imprecise, don’t you think? I mean that the word doesn’t adequately describe the way the story gets to the finish line.
You can get it online for $6.99
Mm. Good point. It’s almost like watching it do a reverse car-wreck across the finish line yes?
So, um, do you, like, want someone to, you know, rub-out your wandering minions?
Dirty deeds done dirt cheap… (sing along with me)
Bonus if you rub them out by dropping a dump truck on them.
Lowly minions always give us a bad name.
I thought men did that all the time. Are you telling me otherwise???
I cannot recall ever having done so… I usually plead for leave to go see one, usually prefaced with “I will probably die a sad broken man if I cannot go see ______”.
Sheeet…. Hubby just GOES. Though usually he takes a kid or three.
Nah, I am talking “guy night”. CW would be ecstatic if I removed the kids for a day.
Oh, right… I usually send Hubby to the *ahem* gentlemen’s club for Guy Night
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