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Archive for the ‘Cwazy cwazy stuff’ Category

I am far from the smartest bear in the woods but when I hear someone on CNN speculate seriously as to whether MH370 might have been the hapless victim of a rogue black hole, I begin to wonder if stupid is catching.  It is like Idiocracy has arrived in present day.

Mother Jones also says we destroyed ocean currents, so there is a reason we cannot find the remains the black hole did not get.


Sorry that one was days late.  My weekend and life have been devastated by digital pr0n… Minecraft.

See my castle?  It is somewhere over 155 in altitude.  Enough so that we are over the lowest cloud layer.

There will be four towers.  One is effectively done and ther will be three more. The second is partway done.


Cruel Wife found this… She said I could identify with the sentiment.  She is right.

True… True…


Speaking of idiots.  Sucking on toes is a bad idea.  Sucking on toes in Wal-Mart is a worse idea.  Sucking a stranger woman’s toes in Wal-Mart is a really stupid idea.


Even more idiocy.  And fear.  And loathing.

QE and how scary it is getting for all but the richest.

 

 

 

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WTT?

Only in my home state of Orygun would I not be completely surprised.  Stick a truck 10′ up in a tree and leave it.  Yeah. The cops will be more understanding once you’ve sobered up.

Oregon-Truck-in-tree-jpghttp://www.wgal.com/news/national/mystery-truck-lodged-in-tree/-/9360498/19934688/-/format/rsss_2.0/-/10wkpfb/-/index.html

Thanks to alert reader Black Lab on Amphetamines.

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I’ve got nothing to write about.  Too many hours of work, burned out, and want to… sleep or watch The Walking Dead.

So I flipped through a catalogue.

Dude, I want that.   http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/style/costumes/baby-head-masks.asp

Dude, I want this too.   http://www.dudeiwantthat.com/household/miscellaneous/tabletop-fireplace.asp

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Observant reader The Dude found proof that there is an “I” in “TEAM”.

I in Team

Thank goodness.  I was starting to worry that I wasn’t a team player.  Now I have a purpose again.

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Observant reader Black Lab on Amphetamines also noticed this:

Jumping Lemurs In Madagascar

The Backstreet Lemurs perform on an outdoor stage.

source:  http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/picturegalleries/picturesoftheday/10029971/Pictures-of-the-day.html?frame=2551283

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A new game for me… You can get it in HD for your iPad, too. Your goal is to evolve a pathogen’s lethality, capability, and symptoms such that you can wipe out everyone.  As ghoulish as it sounds, it’s pretty interesting.  A number of different factors determine the boom or poof of a virus.  It’s fun – you get a lot of SimCity type BS news headlines and a real-time death toll as you try to circumvent the world’s stopgap measures.plagueicon

plague

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Okay, look… I’ve seen enough weird sh*t come out of the woodworks this week that I’m upping the ratings level here to PG-13+ to cover some of these things.  I put bastardized leetspeak in for certain words because it is a smokescreen against the younger members of my family and to keep perv searches down a bit.  I’ll have some more weird shit to add tomorrow but for now it is 3:30am and it is nearly my bedtime.

Brits supply P@nd@ Pr0n™ movies to pandas with stagnant luv life.  Pr0n st@rs Hugh Mongous and Tiffany Teats, both WWF sponsors, donned panda outfits and donated their time and fluids to the cause.

Gosh, that was mighty nice of them, wasn’t it?

Of course now male pandas will slap the female’s butts and teats and achieve extra-coital climax on the female panda’s face just like Hugh and Tiffany show them.  Probably won’t get any more pandas out of the deal but the pandas will have a rockin wuv life as illustrated by pr0n st@rs.

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Here – have a horseshoe sculpture.  That’s pretty damn good – I don’t care who you are.

horseshoe-sculpture-21

 

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Maybe everyone heard this a long time ago (2 days on the internet is like forever, y’know?), but I only read it one day ago.  So I guess that is half of forever and I’m just now getting around to it.

Brown University is putting the learning back in education and tossing in/off real-world experience.  What are the topics?

4nic@tion 101, for starters.  The other is The Ultim@te Guide to Pro5t@t3 Pl3@5ur3.

The events are part of Brown University’s annual s3ck5 week, paid for by the student activities office.

The week of activities are set to conclude with a “Lace and Leather Burlsesque Show.”

A university spokesperson did not respond to requests for comment from Campus Reform or disclose how much funding had been deployed to fund the program.

On Monday, Brown also hosted a “4nic@tion 101” seminar as part of their s3ck5 week, which included topics such as “putting c0nd0m5 on with your mouth,” “petting kitties,” and “@n@1 adventures.”

I don’t much care if the student activities office funded this or not.  Why not host that down at the local gey bar?

I have a lesbian friend who called people that are “merely interested” in some of this stuff “NYN’ers”, as in Not Yet Notified, because it hasn’t really dawned on them that their wiring is hooked up differently yet.

Glickman will “talk about the common concerns that sometimes keep people from exploring it (and how to overcome them), tips for easy and pleasurable @n@l p3n3tr@tion, pro5t@t3 massage, which toys work best for pro5t@t3 fun, pegging, combining pro5t@t3 pleasure with other kinds of s3ck5, and much more,” it continues.

Following the presentation the school will host a night of “s3ck5 and chocolate in the dark” where students are advised to “bring blankets, pillows, friends, and questions for a night of cozy conversation in a dark, anonymyzing [sic] space.”

Got that?  Come for a nice powerpoint presentation and then y’alls can sit around in a conveniently darkened room and practice it in a non-threatening group atmosphere, but we’ll be discreet and cover ourselves with blankies.

You know I’m not a gay basher – I couldn’t condone the acts because they aren’t biblically supported, but I sure as hell am not going to go back to my old ways of spewing sh*t about them as people.  They’re people and no more or less a sinner than I.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t call creepy when I sees it.  Brown University has so many creepy crawlies they need to erect a tent over the school and fumigate it.

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Hey, who here likes eggs?  What’s more s3ck5ual than the unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl?  Freakin’ yummy, too.  I happen to love prepared chicken embryos in every way possible (to cook them, not engage in frantic acts of fruitless copulation with them).  Says CBS San Francisco:

A San Francisco food producer wants to make you an omelet without breaking any eggs – and they may be able to do it with one key ingredient they make in a lab – no chicken required.

[snip]

That’s right – Tetrick claims Hampton Creek has improved on the egg. They call their product “Beyond Eggs.”

“It’s made up of a variety of plants, including peas. We use different gums. We use a host of different plant-based protein sources,” Tetrick explained.

It’s hard to believe a blend of plants can imitate not only the taste of an egg, but the ability to whip up into foam like an egg, or coagulate into gel like an egg, but Tetrick said his team is clever about selecting plants that not only replicate, but surpass the egg in food products.

Look, if I want to eat something that tastes like an animal I want there to be an animal involved.  I want to take down that cow with my teeth if such a notion occurs.  I want to shatter the protective shell around that chicken embryo and fry it in butter.  I want to eat a corn dog and know that it was made with the finest chicken lips and assholes, pork snouts, and beef tendons that the industry has to offer.  I want a picture of the lamb next to my plate when they bring me a rack of lamb.

Has anyone made a “veggie” dish that actually was made entirely of meat?

I grew up with a cow named Herbie.  He was a great cow.  Friendly, followed you around, let you scratch his forehead… he was a good cow, Herbie was.  And then he made great burgers (HerbieBurgers) and steaks and all manner of yummy stuff.  Later Dad had two cows in the pasture named T-bone and Rump Roast.  Dropped the pretense entirely.  They were delicious with ketchup and a pickle.

Not only is it hard to believe a blend of plants can imitate an egg, I don’t believe it.  I’m also painfully aware of how bad butter used to be for us until the medical journal “EVERYBODY PANIC” was published that said that the Holy Sacrament of Margarine was found to be a tool of the devil.

So screw the vegan egg bullshit.  Tomorrow I am introducing Lemurita to Spam™.  I have been letting her know that “nearly food” products can be darned tasty.  Hell, we may even make Spam™ Kimbap.  What’s that?  You say you want to try some Spam™ Nasi Goreng?  Maybe Pad Krapow with Spam™ instead of beef.

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Joe Biden says: “It’s just easier to blow someone’s brains out with a shotgun”.

“Sweetheart, what are you going to do after you shoot the guy in the arm and he starts chasing you around the house?” Biden looked at the woman and winked. “You gonna outrun him in your chair? Because at that point you’ve really pissed him off. Do you know what some creep is going to do to you after you’ve put a bullet in his arm? Trust me, I’ve read some of those police reports and frankly, it’s too sickening to share with you. You’re only asking for trouble if you don’t blast that fella’s head off and I’m tellin’ ya, it’s just easier to blow someone’s brains out with a double barrel shotgun.”

Classic Joe, right?

With time for one last question, a woman said she was uneasy about the horrific physical repercussions of shooting an intruder in the head with a double barrel shotgun.

“Look, it’s gonna be a little messy,” Biden sighed. “But you know what I always tell Jill? I look her in the eye and ask, whose brains do you want them scraping off the walls of our home? Yours, or the guy you prevented from stealing our toaster?” Mr. Biden looked at his audience. “It’s just that simple.”

The vice president closed his notes and smiled at the nursing home residents.

“Look folks, the fact of the matter is, America’s trauma scene cleanup crews are the best in the world, bar none. A couple of hours after they do their magic you’ll be eating meatloaf with your grand kids in the same kitchen that just hours before was dripping with some hooligan’s grey matter. Now, whatcha waitin’ for? Go buy a shotgun!”

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Silly Products

I was listening to Doyle on the radio coming home tonight and they mentioned this:

“Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl” from Miso Soup Design

Apparently you can hook your iPhone up to it while you eat miso soup and not feel alone while you eat your dinner.

One of the guys opined that it should be given the model name “Miso Ronery”.

I am reasonably certain that if you can go to hell for repeating that I am in big trouble because I also laughed.

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Update:

The kid health issue is getting better.  Manageable.  Cruel Wife is looking for gainful employment in a different establishment so wish her luck.  I think she has a good prospect already.  I’m still an asshole.  Franken-Boy is still a nutjob but the odds are he’ll remain one until he’s 27 or married, whichever comes last.

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Oh, well, that makes sense then…

Mayor Rahm Emanuel went on the defensive Thursday about a surge of recent homicides in Chicago and questioned why new law enforcement tactics hadn’t been created before he was elected 10 months ago.

You can say, ‘Are you doing it right,’” Emanuel said, “but the question is, ‘Why were those policies not done before?‘”  – NBC Chicago

A side note – I think we can assume that Rahm helped firm up Obama’s skillset in the area of redirecting blame.

To answer Rahm’s question – - – it’s probably Bush’s fault.

Well, why the hell not?  It’s the answer to every other ill that has happened on a liberal’s watch.
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New Black Panther chief of staff Michelle Williams (as reported by WTSP.com):

Michelle said during that interview, “Let me tell you, the things that’s about to happen, to these honkeys, these crackers, these pigs, these pink people, these —- people. It has been long overdue. My prize right now this evening … is gonna be the bounty, the arrest, dead or alive, for George Zimmerman. You feel me?”

Then later after she “apologizes” she says:

In a candid moment during her 10 News interview, she said, “Do I want to see George Zimmerman dead? No. Do I want to see him brought to justice? Hell yes.”

Michelle assured us that she doesn’t want to have anyone out there pick up a gun. “I don’t want violence, I don’t promote violence. That’s why I told you, my words were out of anger.”

But didn’t she say earlier that her prize would be “the bounty, the arrest, dead or alive, for George Zimmerman”?  I’m confused.  But if we take her at her word, picking up a tree limb and bludgeoning Zimmerman to death would be A-OK in her book.

Could we also assume that to her the word “apologize” means anything but the spin South Park puts on Jesse Jackson’s definition of “apologize”?

Anyway, she’s just another of a long line of leftist turds who only apologize when they realize that no one is going to back them up after their bullsh*t behavior, and as a result only petulantly give what seems like an apology but amounts to “I’m sorry you got offended when I told you the truth”.

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Speaking of not having your bullsh*t behavior backed up

Democrats have engaged in a full-court press in pushing back on strategist Hilary Rosen’s comment on CNN Wednesday night that as a wealthy stay-at-home-mom Ann Romney “never worked a day in her life.”

Rosen apologized to Romney Thursday, but only after kicking up a firestorm over stay-at-home motherhood and drawing a rebuke from the president himself.

Apologized “but only after kicking up a firestorm”?  Seriously, a journalism major wrote this?  How/why in the hell would anyone apologize before kicking up a firestorm?

Obama kicked the few teeth she had remaining clear into the back of her throat (yay):

“There is no tougher job than being a mom,” President Obama told a Cedar Rapids television station, mentioning his own wife and mother. He added, “I don’t have a lot of patience for commentary about the spouses of political candidates. My general view is those of us who are in the public life, we’re fair game. Our families are civilians.”

Oh, I don’t know – being a dad isn’t always a walk in the park, either, you nimwit.  And if you were obliquely referring to Michelle as being a civilian, not when she pushes meal choices on our military and engages in indoctrination of our kids she’s not.

Hey, here’s another “apology”!

“As a mom I know that raising children is the hardest job there is. As a pundit, I know my words on CNN last night were poorly chosen,” Rosen said in a statement Thursday afternoon. “I apologize to Ann Romney and anyone else who was offended. Let’s declare peace in this phony war and go back to focus on the substance.”

“… to Ann Romneyand anyone else who was offended”.

That is the CLASSIC apology that says “I’m sorry you couldn’t take my truths,”  which is really no apology at all.  She’d have been more convincing if she’d said through clenched teeth, “I apologize to Ann Romney (da bitch)”.

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Lost sight of how to keep up with peripheral visionary Dennis Leary’s song “Asshole”?  Why, here is just the thing for you.  Cracked.com has a list of gags that only a sociopath would use.  I would have used one of these on Cruel Wife if I hadn’t blown it by reading to her the title of the article.

I would use #6 on her but then she’d get me back with #2… and she’d win.

#3 is pure unalloyed Evil, however.

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A South Jersey man has come up with what he hopes is a solution to a controversy over the American flag that he flew in his yard — a flag bearing the image of President Barack Obama in place of the field of stars. Wes Kennedy, of the Acacia housing development in Lumberton, says he had no idea some of his neighbors had a problem with his flag until reporters started calling and telling him.  – Philadelphia CBS Local

You hang an adulterated US flag with a picture of a controversial bonehead on it and it never occurred that it might not be popular?  Riiiiiight.

“If someone had come to me in the beginning, I would have said, ‘Let’s sit down and talk to see what we might reasonably come up with as a solution.’”

Again:  Riiiiiiight.

Once he became aware of their objections, Kennedy worked out his own solution.

He’s taken the flag down and replaced it with two separate flags — one, the standard stars and stripes, and the second a picture of Obama.

Kennedy hopes his neighbors are happy, though he’s not sure.

“In Acacia, there are some angry, maybe even evil-minded people about Obama,” he tells KYW Newsradio.

Evil-minded?  Is that what we’re calling patriotism and respect for the flag now?  Must be lib-speak.

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Election year 2012 is past it’s due date.  It’s like contemplating eating c-rations from WWII.

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Speaking of past it’s shelf life – here’s an older story but can you really put a expiration date on “weird”?

From the endless Coffers of Trivia belonging to Black Lab on Methamphetamines I give you… goldfish with tattoos.  Yes.  Goldfish with tattoos.

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This one will never get old unless you live in India and have to put up with puppies inside your body.  Thank you, FARK.

And it persists even though it’s likely that not one person has seen another give birth to a litter of puppies.  Maybe it’s a social taboo to witness your neighbor’s puppy-squeezings.

And again, courtesy of FARK…

Among the people who have worn hoodies and, therefore, according to Geraldo Rivera, are asking to be shot include Justin Bieber, Mark Zuckerberg, Rachel Maddow, Ellen Page, E.T. and Geraldo Rivera. Gentlemen, let’s lock and load.   -  http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2012/03/some-other-people-who-geraldos-standards-are-asking-be-shot/50261/

Ever since Al Capone’s Vaults, Geraldo Rivera has an approval rating from me that ranges well south of zero.

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Dated but not expired at all…

Well, a small instrument I had a hand in has gotten a new lease on life due to an extension of it’s parent craft’s mission – MESSENGER has been so frugal and reliable that they’re going beyond the original mission duration.  It’s not going to be crashed on Mercury just yet.  But that day will come (thought to be next year).  This is a spacecraft that has been in-transit from Earth since 2004, has orbited Mercury while being baked from the sun-side (big heat shield) and from the backside (Mercury is hot, damn hot).  In fact, the spacecraft is exposed to enough heat that the nice highly-elliptical orbit allows it to cool a bit.  Radiation, thermal cycling, deep space, launch (they are very violent)… and it is still working.  Kudos to the mission scientists and systems engineers.

MESSENGER completed its one-year primary mission on March 17. Since moving into orbit about Mercury a little over one year ago, the spacecraft has captured nearly 100,000 images and returned data that have revealed new information about the planet, including its topography, the structure of its core, and areas of permanent shadow at the poles that host the mysterious polar deposits.

The latest findings are presented in two papers published online in Science Express today, and in 57 papers presented this week at the 43rd Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in The Woodlands, Texas. Team members at the meeting will also preview MESSENGER’s extended mission, set to run to March 2013. The event, scheduled for 12:30 p.m. CDT (1:30 p.m. EDT), will be streamed live on the Web at http://www.livestream.com/lpsc2012. Presentation materials are available online at http://messenger.jhuapl.edu/news_room/presscon11.html.

“The first year of MESSENGER orbital observations has revealed many surprises,” says MESSENGER Principal Investigator Sean C. Solomon, of the Carnegie Institution of Washington. “From Mercury’s extraordinarily dynamic magnetosphere and exosphere to the unexpectedly volatile-rich composition of its surface and interior, our inner planetary neighbor is now seen to be very different from what we imagined just a few years ago. The number and diversity of new findings being presented this week to the scientific community in papers and presentations provide a striking measure of how much we have learned to date.”    JHU APL  (jhuapl.edu)

Ice on a 800 degree planet?  Heck yeah.  In a vacuum, too.  Next we’ll find that they’ve spotted sharks with lasers on their heads.  Equally fantastic.

The MESSENGER team has launched a free app that brings you inside NASA’s history-making study of Mercury – the first images of the entire planet, along with the detailed data on Mercury’s surface, geologic history, thin atmosphere, and active magnetosphere that MESSENGER sends back every day.

Now available in the iTunes App Store, “MESSENGER: NASA’s Mission to Mercury” brings users the latest news and pictures from the mission, as well as details on the spacecraft and science instruments, and offers access to educational programs and activities.

Circle the innermost planet aboard MESSENGER, the first mission to orbit Mercury. Examine a detailed view of the MESSENGER spacecraft and its science instruments, browse the latest news and images, or trace the spacecraft’s path over Mercury as it scans the scorched surface of the Sun’s closest planetary neighbor. Can you take the heat?   – JHU APL  (jhuapl.edu)

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I was going to do a rant on racism – and how those who cry against it suffer from it as well – but I don’t have the energy to entertain the blatant hypocrisy of the last week at this time.  Maybe later.

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80% in a poll says they are either no better off than four years ago or about the same.  There’s a shining endorsement.

But some say “nah nah nah nah nah nah nah” with their fingers in their ears.  People like Harry Reid, W(hinger)-NV.  He’s just given birth to a whole new party of clueless people in painful denial.  He’s like an Occupier with a suit.  I hope that the internet sags under the number of times he’s quoted a poll.

“I’m not much of a pollster guy. As everyone knows, there isn’t a poll in America that had me having any chance of being re-elected, but I got re-elected,” he told TheDC.

“I think this poll is so meaningless. It is trying to give the American people an idea of what 300 million people feel by testing several hundred people. I think the poll is flawed in so many different ways including a way that questions were asked. I don’t believe in polls generally and specifically not in this one.”     http://dailycaller.com/2012/03/13/reid-poll-finding-80-percent-of-americans-not-better-off-so-meaningless

Oh really?

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) on Wednesday pointed to the results of a new poll in arguing that House Republican leaders “can’t let the tea party call the shots” in ongoing negotiations over funding the federal government.  – http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/2chambers/post/reid-the-country-doesnt-care-much-about-the-tea-party/2011/03/30/AFkYeZ2B_blog.html

I WONder where the dissatisfaction is coming from?

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Yes, the news is in – Tide, as in the soap, is a hot item across the country.

“We sent in an informant to buy drugs. The dealer said, ‘I don’t have drugs, but I could sell you 15 bottles of Tide,’ ” Sprague told The Daily. “Upstairs in the drug dealer’s bedroom was about 14 bottles of Tide laundry soap. We think [users] are trading it for drugs.”

Police in Gresham, Ore., said most Tide theft is perpetrated by “users feeding their habit.”

“They’ll do it right in front of a cop car — buying heroin or methamphetamine with Tide,” said Detective Rick Blake of the Gresham Police Department. “We would see people walking down the road with six, seven bottles of Tide. They were so blatant about it.”

Lots of euphemisms now sound even weirder.  “Bath salts”, “Crystal”, “getting clean”, etc.

Surf’s up, dudes.

I’m going to sit and wait for someone to notice something about these last few paragraphs.  If no one says anything I will conclude that Cruel Wife is right and I am indeed “A Sheldon”.  That’s painfully blunt talk, there, and we use it to mean “Yeah, technically smart but functionally as dumb as a bag of hammers”.  I am pretty sure she wasn’t implying “genius” in any way, shape, or form.

“Cruel Wife” fits.

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Mitchell has found a link that is a lifesaver.

I don’t know if you guys are Star Wars fans, but I thought Episode I (with Jar-Jar Binks) was some kind of obscene and cruel joke with no punchline.

Where Mitchell’s link leads, the guy makes a great argument for mixing up the order entirely and never watching Ep. I again.  And he makes sense!

If I can save just one child from that perversion named Jar-Jar, a lifetime of letter-writing to pass this information on will be worth it.

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