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Posts Tagged ‘cats’

Vainglorious.

Short post as it is a migraine day.

I looked over and saw the cat, Mel, about six inches from the fridge looking at her reflection. Black cat, black fridge.

I imagine she was sitting there thinking “Damn, do I look good in black, or what?”

It is -5F and dropping fast outside. Going to work in the morning looks to be brutal at -15F. I think my biggest complaint this winter is the idiots on the road. A driver nearly made a statistic of himself under a gas truck right in front of me last week. It was his fault but I doubt he learned a thing.

Found this on pitsnipesgripes. Warning, it is NSFW, that site. It is a great site but visit on your own time for the funny stuff. It is tucked between lots of “art” (aka “smut”, but who am I to judge?).

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Now… THIS one, I also found at PSG, and I will only comment to say a few things:

1) Warning… It is pretty “out there”
2) I can never see muppets the same way again
3) It is really really NSFW
4) My sister is scarred for life after viewing it, and I did not think it possible to shock her
5) I warned you

This is the tame sampler.

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If that doesn’t deter you, then… Click on the period.

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Hackerboy gets battle robots for Christmas.  Note the elevation controlled missile battery on a rotating gun.  It reaches them right out and touches things.

HackerBoyBot-Rockets

 

It would have been <i>one</i> bot but I successfully lobbied for a second so his battle bot can battle another bot.  This one shoots Malibu Barbie dinner plates.

 

 

HackerBoyBot-Saucers

They are quite fun.  In fact Cruel Wife e:mailed me today to tell me:

<blockquote>These robots totally ROCK!</blockquote>

OOoooh, Bad Mom.  Playing with your son’s Christmas toy before Christmas???  Someone is getting coal or reindeer poo in her stocking.

HackerBoyBot-2The above pic is before duking it out in the kitchen one room away.  No armor this time.  Three hits to the schnoz and you are out.

Here I knocked out CW’s bot with three fast strikes to the nose grid and froze her bot.  Classic match.  And Melody was an observer to make sure it all went well.  It seemed up and up.  (Except that I blocked CW’s sight so she could not line up a shot on me other than firing blind.)

HackerBoyBot-disabled

 

 

 

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Catzass.

I have been working more than i would prefer but am purposely scaling back prior to our vacation to see The Siths.

Housekeeper and Tender of the Beests, check. Bills paid, check. Time off, check, check, check. Train tickets, check. Packed and ready to go, not so checked.

Yes, train. We are taking a train to see the Siths in Deepest Darkest Texas. We will smoke meat, spend money (wimmenfolk and chilluns), and escape by fishing somewhere (me and Mr. Sith). I have packed the dry rub, which is of paramount importance.

Here is a pic of me trying to explain to CW last week why I had to work late again.

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Speaking of CW… She sent me this today. Great one.

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The shop is nearly wired. In a few weeks the contractor will start on getting it ready to put in a concrete pad. I am in a tizzy but my calm demeanor may be at odds with that declaration. Just tired.

Have a pic of Melody and Jilly-boo. Note the kitten’s size and her submissive stance around Jill.

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Now have a pic of Mel and Jill intently watching Hackerboy’s tuna fish sandwich. Note their clear hesitation at getting too close.

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Hackerboy was busy using Cruel Wife’s iPad and email account this morning when I got up… he was fixin’ to send a message to the makers of a video game, expressing his displeasure at their game. The kid is seven. We need to watch him more closely.

A side project of mine is playing with LED lighting. On Amazon I got 15′ rolls of LED’s for $13. I took an old train caboose lantern that already had red glass and installed a pipe for heat conduction and wrapped the LED’s around it, ending up with a lantern that makes an awesome night light. It won’t keep you awake but is excellent for seeing at night when you get up to answer nature’s call. Either that or we can open a brothel.

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I am currently figuring out how to mount a 4-5 inch lens in a brass ring, ala-steampunk, and internally ring the lens with green LED’s. It is a surprise for CW… Shhh, don’t tell.

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I am going to live.  As my old man said, “You get to where you think you’re gonna die, then you pray that you will…”  And he was right, as far as that went.

But now I’ve decided I don’t want die just yet and that sentiment firms up more and more as the nasty old flu recedes in the rear-view mirror.  So while I didn’t get what I really wanted for Christmas (health) I got it later, so it all worked out.   The worst of the coughing is over and not a moment too soon since it cracked my neck every single cough.

Now I am just going in fits and spurts of being wiped out and then getting energy back off-on throughout the day.

See the energetic furry creature below?  She got spayed today and the poor dear is pretty uncomfortable.  Yes, even the Furry Little Black Dress of Evil can suffer.

Mel-CoatCat

We gave Lemurita an MP3 player for Christmas and she asked me to load it up with some of my music after she went to bed.  I have a huge collection of digital music but not all of it is exactly acceptable for a 10 year old.  Butthole Surfers, Circle Jerks, Henry Rollins, Metallica, the Doors… nah.  I did give her AC/DC Hell’s Bells (she loves that one), some Rod Stewart, Don Henley, bagpipes, etc.  Not sure about The Who, Shawn Mullins, Tom Petty, etc.

By the way – if you have not seen the movie Limitless, I would HIGHLY recommend it.  I said to Cruel Wife, “Ok, I have to admit that if I was in his shoes I don’t think I could have done anything differently – it would be that seductive, especially to my brain.”  It is NOT an anti-drug movie.  It’s not a pro-drug movie.  It’s a movie with a drug that the movie centers on but what a fun ride the movie is.

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By now there may have been disease carriers in your area (children, for example) who have offered to infect you with a gastrointestinal ailment.

Let me offer this advice – under no circumstances accept this infection from any plague carriers that may be peddling their wares.  Seven days of this, and the most delicate way I can put this is to say “Geese have stood back in amazement at the efficiency of my intestinal tract.”

Co-worker Rectified Diode had it for fifteen days.  I advise you in the strongest terms possible to avoid it.

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I’m honestly not sure… the Japanese have some amazingly cool cultural traits and I think the mindset formed by that culture is fascinating… but they’re off the rails at times.

Like injecting saline into your forehead and making a dimple so you look like you’ve got a bagel in your skull.

There just isn’t a great deal many things that are odder.  Sicker, yes.  Grosser, maybe, ok yes.  Mind-numbingly peculiar in its own class, absolutely.

Once his forehead is fully swollen and he has had the bagel’s “hole” pressed into it he looks in the mirror.

On seeing his “bagel head” reflection he smiles and says: “Oh sweet buttery bagels, I’m impressed.

“I look delicious.”

Ask yourself this question:  Can you point to any other culture where a person engaging in this behavior would say “I look delicious”?

Pay particular attention to the choice of words here:

“We stayed in contact, then eventually I experienced saline with him in 2003 and he gave me permission to bring it to Japan.”

When someone uses the words “… eventually I experienced _____ with him…” it is time to run.  It does not matter what they experienced, there is just no way to synthesize a sentence that works out in a normal social context.
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Cruel Wife sent me a pic that I feel applies perfectly to Crazy Cat Lady (CCL) at work.
Obviously this is a horrifying example of animal cruelty because those cats had to be drugged in order for sixteen of them to sit still long enough for a photo.
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Michael Savage is a peculiar thing for me.  On one hand I think he’s extremely intelligent.  On another hand I think he’s an egomaniac.  On another hand I really like him.  On yet another hand he bugs the everloving crap out of me.
But any guy who can piss off Great Britain enough to be banned from the country has my support.  That takes effort.  They won’t even ban Jeremy Clarkson and he’s been an ass for years.  But he managed to win in a court case to get out of a contract that he no longer wanted to be in and won.  Good for you, Savage.  Yes, yes, he signed a contract, but at some point (8 years) you ought to be able to say “Sorry, I don’t want to be part of this.”
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aliceaitch may have a standing shoot-on-sight order out on me after my comment but I loved her post on the relative amount of housechores done by spouses.

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WE HAVE WETURNED.

Arrived back home after ten days of funeral matters, family squabbles, memories, walks and fires on the beach, BBQ’s, birthday parties, good food, beds that are not our beds, etc.  And our cats got their humans back.  They are tickled beyond description.

We left Oregon at 11:30pm last night and arrived at 6:30am local time in good ol’ smelly Detriot.  I guess that clear Oregon air just ain’t for me.

More later – the family is just exhausted after that vacation.

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Pissed off.

Our male cat, Jack O. Katt, has some issues.  One thing that issues from his furry carcass is urine.

This is fine.  This is normal and good.  It’s a sign of a healthy cat.

Yet in an insecure and territorial male cat who sees an outdoor cat wander by his window in an admittedly cocky and disrespecting fashion – daily – tends to want to mark his own domain.

His domain is our domain since he is a house cat and the items that suffer are legion.  Just a few things:  Clothes, rugs, bookcases, walls, wicker trunks, and recently a framed and matted picture of Cruel Wife and her sisters, Crazy Sister and Driven Sister.

Naturally the last item prompted Cruel Wife to put up curtains in the bay window to restrict the incarcerated kitty from viewing unwelcome visitors.

I just told him “So, you lost your room with a view.  So sorry, but if you hadn’t pissed all over the house this might not have happened.  Look, you get three squares a day, a large house to nap in anywhere you like, you get a generous medical and benefits package and the retirement plan is to die for.  Is it so much to ask that you sit around and look pretty, purr every now and then, and not piss on the furnishings?”

He just stared at me.

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Cry Havok. Again.

Cry havok!  And let slip the cats of war.

Cats?  Oh my, yes, cats.  Number four is the best.  A couple are pretty awful p-shop jobs.  Oh well, can’t win them all.

I’d like to think the men and women in our armed services would get a laugh out of this.

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I love the writing style here.  DO NOT ask yourself what he is doing with his other hand.  Don’t do it.  Creepy.

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Hey, I have an idea!  But first, read this,  here’s a snippet…

Cell phones sold in Chicago after Jan. 1 would have to be equipped with a special feature that allows parents to block kids from texting while driving, under a crackdown proposed Wednesday by the City Council’s most powerful alderman.

Edward M. Burke (14th) proposed the surprise restriction at the last meeting of the old City Council in an effort to stop what he calls an “epidemic” of texting while driving, much of it involving young drivers.

Here’s my idea.  Ready?

How about not giving them a cell phone?  There’s a thought.  It’s so crazy, it might just work.

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Ugliest damn goat I ever saw.  It looks like the love child of Dr. Ruth and Marty Feldman.  Or maybe Feldman and Steven Tyler.

Note:  I’m not dissing Feldman – he made fun of himself, too.

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Sources involved in the operation that took down Usama bin Laden told Fox News the terrorist leader acted “scared” and “completely confused” in his final moments, “shoving his wife” at the Navy SEAL who ultimately shot him.   – Fox News

Good.  I hope he did in utter pants-shitting terror.  Oh dear, did I say that out loud?

Oh.  I even posted it.  Oopsie.

From CBSNews:

The U.N.’s independent investigator on extrajudicial killings has called on the United States to reveal more details of the raid on Osama bin Laden’s Pakistan hideaway to allow experts to assess the legality of his killing.

[snip]

[South African law professor] Heyns says “it will be particularly important to know if the planning of the mission allowed an effort to capture Bin Laden.

Gosh, did the bombings in Libya, Kosovo, and Iraq allow for efforts to capture those bombed first?  What difference between a bomb and a SEAL?  A SEAL is a pro, just as deadly, and much less likely to kill an innocent bystander.  What in hell do all these people care about a douchebag terrorist?

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Earned it.

I am not condoning theft, but if you are willing to hog a bathroom for a whole flight, crawl through panels into the cargo area, steal $200K (plus change), and then complain of heart troubles all so you can make a buck… hell, you’ve earned it.  Keep it.

Passenger steals $238,000 dollars.

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So who made Moore the official spokeswhore of the Wisconsin Losers Club?

Captain Corpulent at his best.

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Not sure who won the caption for the first photo of yesterday’s posting, but I can tell you that mrmacs got it on the last one.

We’ll get to it when we’re done with our union break.

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Update:

It would be funny if it wasn’t so scary – Bill Clinton thinks we should just blow up the BP well.  Yep, let’s just blow it up.  That will help.

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There was a guy who I’d have beaten up in a fraction of a second if asked to.  That song churning through my head like a paddle through so much rancid butter.

Thanks to Inscrutable Half-Breed (co-worker) I can pass this on to you:  A source of great comfort, a list of things that we can be happy and joyful about, even though we may be howlingly miserable inside, these things will take away your angst and pain.

The 24,504 Worst Pieces

of Advice Ever Published

Seanbaby at Cracked.com had a good review of the above link and he made something beautiful in one paragraph…

It doesn’t seem like she moved any items around after churning out the whole list, so sometimes you’ll hit patches where you can watch her mind go down a long path. Hmm, things to be happy about… drug stores, getting back correct change, headlines at the checkout line, clerks not calling out for a price check on Vagisil, applying soothing cream, rereading confusing instructions, applying soothing cream, making awkward eye contact with cats, surprise guests.  – Seanbaby at Cracked.com

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Ok, as lame as that was… THIS IS WAY COOL.
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I threw up in my mouth a little, and also felt a deep sorrow for kids around teachers like this.  I think it fair to say that most people would trade a barrel of acquaintances for one close friend, someone who knows them and accepts them for more than what is just on the surface.  How DID these “educators” unlearn that basic truth?
“[R]ecently … I read a profoundly depressing story in the New York Times about how ‘some educators and other professionals who work with children’ don’t think kids should have best friends. ‘I think it is kids’ preference to pair up and have that one best friend. As adults — teachers and counselors — we try to encourage them not to do that,’ said Christine Laycob, director of counseling at a St. Louis day school. ‘We try to talk to kids and work with them to get them to have big groups of friends and not be so possessive about friends. Parents sometimes say Johnny needs that one special friend,’ she continued. ‘We say he doesn’t need a best friend.‘ As a result of this thinking, best friends are broken up. Buddies are put on separate teams, assigned different classes, etc. It’s not quite the sort of thing cult leaders and North Korean prison guards do, but in principle it’s not too far off either. The response from across the ideological spectrum on the Web has mostly been outrage and disgust. … For the record, I think removing best friends from childhood is a barbarous and inhumane act, akin to amputating a limb from an athlete. You can still have a childhood without a best friend, just as you can still be an athlete without a leg. But why would you voluntarily make someone’s life so much harder? … The most offensive part of this whole enterprise is that it is aimed at making life easier for administrators, not better for kids.” –columnist Jonah Goldberg

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