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Posts Tagged ‘Christmas’

Ho Ho. Ho.

It is the craziest time of year again.

The Dude sent me some pics.

This is what it seemed like at home some Christmases. Well, ok, most of them. But it takes home the win for the “Cthulhu Tannenbaum” category.

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Nothing says “Happy Holidays” or “Merry Christmas” like a bacon tree. Nothing. Feel the love.
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What did Cruel Wife get me?

Well… A shirt that made my day.

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Then, the crowning touch. She took a picture of the group I worked on our part of MESSENGER with, and matted/framed it with some MESSENGER commemorative postage stamps. It is beautiful. The frame is awesome, the matting is sublime, the color choices were phenomenal.

I did smoosh out the lab logo in case they want to never be linked to me again. Perhaps salt the earth where I walked. I have had that effect on folks.
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My gift to Cruel Wife… Another frog!

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Merry Catsmus for the Rest of Us.

Ten minutes after the tree was up, so was the cat.

Merry Catsmus-2

 

 

 

Melly Catsmus-1

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I am going to live.  As my old man said, “You get to where you think you’re gonna die, then you pray that you will…”  And he was right, as far as that went.

But now I’ve decided I don’t want die just yet and that sentiment firms up more and more as the nasty old flu recedes in the rear-view mirror.  So while I didn’t get what I really wanted for Christmas (health) I got it later, so it all worked out.   The worst of the coughing is over and not a moment too soon since it cracked my neck every single cough.

Now I am just going in fits and spurts of being wiped out and then getting energy back off-on throughout the day.

See the energetic furry creature below?  She got spayed today and the poor dear is pretty uncomfortable.  Yes, even the Furry Little Black Dress of Evil can suffer.

Mel-CoatCat

We gave Lemurita an MP3 player for Christmas and she asked me to load it up with some of my music after she went to bed.  I have a huge collection of digital music but not all of it is exactly acceptable for a 10 year old.  Butthole Surfers, Circle Jerks, Henry Rollins, Metallica, the Doors… nah.  I did give her AC/DC Hell’s Bells (she loves that one), some Rod Stewart, Don Henley, bagpipes, etc.  Not sure about The Who, Shawn Mullins, Tom Petty, etc.

By the way – if you have not seen the movie Limitless, I would HIGHLY recommend it.  I said to Cruel Wife, “Ok, I have to admit that if I was in his shoes I don’t think I could have done anything differently – it would be that seductive, especially to my brain.”  It is NOT an anti-drug movie.  It’s not a pro-drug movie.  It’s a movie with a drug that the movie centers on but what a fun ride the movie is.

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Happy Freakin’ New Year

If you haven’t been boycotting me you’ve probably wondered where the hell I got off to.

Christmas Eve day I started coming to grips with the fact that I was getting a cold.  I didn’t feel all that horrible though, and thought I was going to shrug it off.

Note:  That is known as “foreshadowing”.

By the end of Christmas Eve I was feeling pretty crappy with bloody sinuses and a sore throat that went all the way down.

By Christmas day I felt worse.

And for the rest of the week up until Saturday, I was worse.  All the colors of the rainbow came out of my lungs and sinuses.

Saturday I asked Cruel Wife to take me to urgent care since my inhaler wasn’t doing a damn bit of good.  They gave me a nebulizer treatment to help with my breathing and prescribed… a nebulizer.  Like I can find one of those at 5pm on a Saturday or Sunday.  But I felt a little better even if I did look like hell – serious dark circles under my eyes, pale, lethargic.  Oh, did I mention that I also have a case of pinkeye in both eyes?  Yes.  I’m not making that up.

Sunday night (last night), around 9pm:

“Uh, CW… I need you take me to the ER… NOW.”

I couldn’t get a breath that seemed like it was enough.  I was dizzy as hell.  And I felt just as sick or sicker than I did on Christmas Eve.

So, CW packaged up the kids and rushed me to the hospital where I was admitted for IV fluids, X-rays (which loosened some of the phlegm in my lungs), donated about 2 pints for blood work, etc.

They prescribed a nebulizer treatment on the spot and later came in to ask if the nebulizer was helping.  I said “Well, bad news is I’m still sick.  Good news is I don’t feel like dying quite as strongly.”

White blood count was up a bit so they gave me some antibiotics, finished off the IV drip, Rx for some Tylenol 3 so I can finally get some sleep w/o coughing non-stop, and some gunk that sure makes it easier to cough up the crap that has been nailing me.  When the nurse was describing what they were going to prescribe he got to the stuff that helps you clear your lungs out a bit better and I said “I will kiss your feet if that stuff works.”  Nearly had a tear in my eye.

So I got a nebulizer for home this morning and have been taking it easy.  Like I have any choice as to being active.

I haven’t been hit this hard by a flu/cold since the swine flu.  Geez.  I got three days of vacation and nine days of what was going to be the rest of my vacation knocked flat on my ass.  Wah-hoo.

Merry frickin’ New Year.  May it be a damn sight better than the last one.

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Yes, you could say “Well, geez, Lemur, Christmas isn’t about gifts”, and you’d be right.

But doggone it, this year I’m going to have to ask you to go sit in the garage and spout off there because I’m not interested in hearing the whine of someone moralizing in my face this year.

For the first Christmas in four years I was not wishing I could be somewhere quiet and lying down.  No, I wasn’t pain free, but pain wasn’t overshadowing the entire evening except for a few twinges here and there.  I took pictures, I laughed, I watched, enjoyed the kids’ grins and giggles, and had fun.

I got my Christmas present – a fixed neck.  The other stuff was good but this was better even than the butter on the corn, the icing on the cake, the gravy on the mashed potatoes.  Nothing is better than physically/mentally/emotionally being invited to the dinner in the first place.

Ok, enough metaphor.

Note:  Stay with this post long enough to read where my wife gives me a weapon for Christmas.  We are an atypical couple – she gave me a tanto for our anniversary one year, so don’t be surprised at what you read further down.

Here’s Jilly-boo, my imprinted/bonded cat, to give you a wonderful Christmas Kitty Stare.  Which reminds me, we have now had Jack and Jill – sibling felines – for exactly one year as of Christmas Eve, and boy am I glad the family railroaded me into taking both of them.

What else could a guy want?

Glad you asked.

Ladies, if you want your husband to be truly happy, and you want him to be able to defend house and home against intruders of all types (even zombies), then get him a tactical tomahawk.

Or get him a Jericho/Baby Desert Eagle -OR- a Springfield XD .40  -OR- a Glock 29 10mm.

Several months ago I had seen a SOG Tactical Tomohawk online and said “Oooh, look at that.  I’ve wanted one of those for a while.”

A week later I was flipping through a magazine and said “Hey, you know, if you were wondering what to get me, how about a tactical tomahawk?”

She looked at me and laughed.  Laughed right in my face.  She said “Oh yeah, right ‘Here you go honey’… do you really think that’s the thing to give daddy for a Christmas present?  What are the kids going to think?”

Nothing like a good heel-stomp to the soul and a rapier-sharp remark to the heart to sober one right up, and so, resigned to being a real life “Married with Children” Al Bundy, I stared at Peg… I mean Cruel Wife (sorry)… and I gave up on the idea.  I shuffled away with that idea lying on the ground and shriveling up, just like my testicles.

I figured I’d save up my money on my own and get it some day.

I opened one present from her, and it was Pixar’s DVD of their short stories.

The second gift was a pair of RC fighting helicopters.  Not the true swash-plate kind because on a smaller RC copter they can be fairly fragile, but instead uses coaxial props that perform yaw motion by adjusting prop velocity of one relative to the other.

This is really quite good since I’ll probably be training the kids and Cruel Wife how to fly them and a robust training helicopter is a working training helicopter.  Two helicopters, beefed up a bit, and sporting IR “guns” that can shoot the enemy helicopter.  Whoever is the first to get hit three times has their chopper slowly shut down and return to ground.  There is absolutely no way that gift could fail to please me.  None.  When it comes to helicopters I am all over that.  Here’s what they look like…

Someday I will get one with true swash-plate/cyclic hardware because this will allow true rotor tilt (sideways motion).  You can do things with them that you can’t do with the fixed co-axial rotors – pirouette and strafing are the simplest examples but there is also this half-pipe maneuver that works well, too.

I also got two trebuchets, working models, that you can set up in the house and launch stones across the room at the enemy’s castle.  So now the kids and I can have battles.  See them online here:  http://www.facebook.com/siegetoys

Lastly there was a large box with a smaller container on the top.  I opened up the top one and it was some sort of strap/wrap stuff.  Totally stymied, I opened up the larger box and saw …

But first, Ladies, let me say this… Nothing, and I mean NOTHING says “I wuv oo” quite like a wife giving her husband a tactical tomahawk.  NOTHING.  I guarantee your man will ooze testosterone at the same time his knees turn watery and he has this orgasmic out-of-body-experience (OOOBE).

I was shocked.  I stared at the Lagana TT and blinked several times.  I was speechless and caught in the biggest OOOBE of my life.  Bigger pic if you click it.

My tomohawk, Sioux Me.

She told me that she had ordered the tomahawk just days before I had mentioned it for the second time in my whinging sniveling little Eric Cartman voice.

Cruel Wife is sneaky, but I don’t care because I’m so happy.

Why do I like the tomahawk?  Let’s save that for a future posting.  It’s Christmas, you know.  But you can bet that zombies come into play… and bad guys.

That is what Forgiveness sounds like… screaming, and then silence.  –  Carl the Llama

Cruel Wife says she is going to have to work extra hard for ideas on what to get me next Christmas because she is all out of ideas.  Apparently I am hard to shop for.  I keep telling her, I’m quite simple really, and don’t have all that many needs or wants… that she can afford, anyway.  (Next year – glass-carving setup)   But really, once a guy has a tactical fountain pen and a tactical tomahawk what more does he really need?

Yes, I own one. Yes, I use it. A lot. Every single day.

What did I get her?

Years ago while on a month-long data collection in Huntsville (Redstone Arsenal), I got her an Alabama Dirt Shirt.  That is to say, a shirt, from Alabama that uses red Alabama dirt (aka “mud”) to stain the shirt.  Amazingly that shirt has held it’s color for twelve years.  So I got her two more.  And she wanted new silverware and new dishes.  And I got her a ridiculously difficult-to-find Lego Pet Shop model to put together.

I went out and took some pics after the kids went down.  Near here is a road where they put out luminaries every Christmas Eve. Pic gets bigger if you click on it.

Merry Christmas to you all.  May God give you the happiness, time with family, and peaceful Christmas I had.  The presents were secondary, truly.

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Merry Catsmus.

Merry Christmas to all.

I’ll flesh this story out a bit more tomorrow but suffice it to say I walked into the pet store looking for one cat and came away with two.

They are Last Chance cats, meaning they’re destined for the Humane Society if they aren’t placed with a family.

Meet Jack and Jill, or as I call them, Jackal and Jilly-boo.  They are three years old and brother and sister.  We took both so they could be kept together – they are fantastic with each other.  Jack has been out and about all evening and you would have thought he was our cat for years the way he’s been with the commotion and kids.  He was calm, cool, and catlike.

I even crashed my helicopter next to him and he barely twitched.  (full-control chopper – yay for me)

Why, someone got a cat for Christmas under the tree... (Jack)

Jilly-boo is a bit more reserved.  She came out and really started scoping the place out after the kids went down.  Shown below is her as she’s scoping the upper back shelves in our closet.

Why, there's ANOTHER one in the closet... (Jilly-boo)

Me and Cruel Wife, we’re tickled to have critters running about and cats are autonomous enough that they’re fitting in very well.

Now…

Mitchell, the gift to Cruel Wife was totally freakin’ awesome.  A Girl Genius print, and a great one at that.  I tell you, that Agatha… rowr.   And it has coffee on it, too!    Thank you again for the leather satchel as well.   Yours is in-transit.

More about Christmas and our totally hedonistic materialist binge tomorrow.   I’ve been a miser for years now and this Christmas we’ve been able to splurge a little.  It’s been nice.

 

 

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In Ashland, Oregon, they want to make sure that around CHRISTMAS TIME they show more secular symbols and less religious ones.

According to the new guidelines, displays in public areas should “represent the diversity of the season, and should avoid symbols with patently religious meanings,” including the manger scene, menorahs, angels or the Star of David.

If a tree is displayed, it should be surrounded with “symbols from various religious backgrounds, along with secular symbols,” the guidelines state.

These people are teaching children, mind you.

The Christmas tree did not begin as a religious symbol.  It began as a pagan tradition and has come to be associated with the season.  Essentially the “Christmas Tree” IS a secular symbol.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the Christmas season is complete w/o a tree, but I don’t mistake it for symbolizing Christ.

Dolts.

But, Ashland and Eugene, Oregon (and Portland) are well known for being liberal bastions and neither logic nor facts need apply.

They got owl lovers, tree huggers, duck squeezers, and bunny fluffers.  Everything a progressive needs to feed off of.

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Christmas Came Early.

OK, this just never has happened before.  Random acts of kindness happen but rarely does someone who knows me look beyond the me channeling House and see what is really behind the facade:  House.

But amazingly in spite of my glaring character flaws Mitchell gave me a Christmas treat that left me speechless.  Literally.

See, it arrived at my workplace. I thought it was optical equipment.  I didn’t look at the box but grabbed a box-cutter and sliced the box open.  I peeled back the wrapping and saw what was inside and said “Huh? This is NOT optics… wah-heyyyy this is nice.”

And then I looked at the sender, back in the box, then the sender, and back to the box.

Sturdy?  You could beat a moose or a harp seal to death with it.

Now I need a leather trenchcoat, leather boots, leather shirt, leather pants… and… no, trenchcoat will do.  Leather boots would be icing on the cake.

Perhaps I’ll do some special blog-art for the near-term until I can figure out why the electrochem-etch power supply I’m using won’t work.  Then I can etch copper and brass as a return gift.

****

I was looking through old files on my computer.

Years ago, Xatrix/Interplay put out a game called Redeck Rampage, then Redneck Rampage Rides Again, then Suckin’ Grits on 66.

If you ever played it and purchased the Cuss-Pack you knew what the height of entertainment really was.

If someone says “take it down” I’ll un-post this, but for now, here’s one of the “newspapers” that they put inside the shrink-wrapped box.

Redneck Rampage Manual

NEEDED: Wrestling/tractor-pull tickets, any kind, any
bout, as soon as possible — promised the missus to take
her ‘somewhere special’ for anniversary. 555-1973.

…and…

Hey Annie,

My neighbor down the road keeps borrowing stuff and not giving it back. Now he’s got my secondbest shotgun and he says he’s going to return it next week but that’s what he said about the canopener and I never saw that again. When I told
him this, he got rude and forced me off of his property. I’m so mad I’m thinkin about “accidentally” driving over his mailbox — maybe his porch, too. Should I?

J. Wilson

Dear J. Wilson

Sure, why not? Just hope that he can’t read this column.

-Annie

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Going to keep it short since the kids wore us out.  They were so keyed up that nothing would chill them out all day long.

I just want to point out that AGW is a real phenomenon.

2/3rds of the US is now blanketed in Global Warming.  Looks like Wisconsin, Minnesota, N. & S. Dakota, Montana, and a few other spots got as much as 30 inches or more of Global Warming.

Dallas, Texas got it’s first Global Warming in 80 years.

****

Obama apologists (read: ass lickers) are busy making articles meant to buoy Obama up.

I know, you may be thinking “Geez, Lemur King, it’s Christmas – be charitable.”

I am being charitable.

There are several fundamental reasons for Mr Obama’s problems, and they will persist in 2010. First, he and his aides failed to anticipate just how brutal the recession would be and the devastating scale of job losses that have swept America.

As a result polls strongly suggest he has over interpreted his mandate. US voters are obsessed with two things: jobs, and the exploding deficit. It is now so huge – $1.4 trillion and counting – that it has become a dominant issue.

Here’s where the BS gets a bit thick.

Last year, many voters backed Mr Obama believing they were sending to the White House a left-of-centre pragmatist who would transform Washington by bridging the partisan divide. Instead, many have been unnerved – even frightened – by Mr Obama’s belief that gargantuan short-term spending is the long-term answer to America’s economic woes.

Must… find… dramamine.  Must… get… barf… bag…

  1. “Many” means less than half.  Sure, a lot of people were stupid enough to believe Mr. Teleprompterlympics but a lot were voting for anyone who could not possibly be anything like Bush.
  2. What he got was far from a mandate.  Nothing at all like it.
  3. Obama and his aids have failed to anticipate just about everything except for what they needed for their White House social functions.
  4. “Left of Center”???  Geez, that is like saying sewers can be odiferous.  He is the furthest damn thing from center that you can possibly get, and he’s a thug of a leftist at that.

****

Damn I hope they find someone to adopt this kid.  Moral flexibility towards people of this sort should be instinctive on just about anyone’s part.  Two month olds should not have 20 broken bones and a fractured skull.

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Obama felt the need, and had ABC’s complete agreement, to knock out a time-honored Christmas tradition “A Charlie Brown Christmas”.  This gives rise to a NEW special.  Man, was this ever a fun graphic.  Thoroughly delightful.

His ego was… three… sizes.. too large.

(Update:  It has been rescheduled for next week.)

(Update 2:  Since then I have found this:  http://www.annoyanceproductions.com/pageant/index.shtml)

****

Oh yes, this was funny.  FoxNews article has this from a climate scientist:

Soon says some scientists became staunch advocates for their position that global warming was occurring, and that they they dug in and started refusing to publish papers with contradictory viewpoints.
“I read a paper on increasing heat in the ocean and asked the scientist in France for the backup data,” Soon says. “She told me she did not distribute data to people who didn’t agree with her conclusions.”  – Fox News
Isn’t that just a hoot?  Science is about putting yourself out there and these lame brains can’t be bothered with debate.
Like the pic Rush Limbaugh put up… I now picture all AGW proponents as looking like this:
Can you just FEEL the love?

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UPDATE:  My guess is that the bankruptcy route was not acceptable because they had no idea how to make it work.  Or they felt they couldn’t make it work and wanted taxpayers to take the risk.  Who knows?

I’d like to have seen them at least try.  But no, gotta shut down for a month.

At least they still pay wages.  That’s something.

*********

Update #2:  If you love her, go see a slasher now.  Otherwise run right out and rent “Harry Met Sally”, “Sleepless in Seattle”, or “You’ve got Mail”.

The study said nothing about porn or professional wrestling.  Probably best to avoid them.

Tractor pulls and Monster Trucks – go for it.  Nothing shows commitment like Monster Trucks and double-distilled moonshine.

*********

Just what you need to feel secure, that you met all the requirements, and that you are guaranteed a safe holiday.  Here is a PDF of a print outlining the correct orientation and assembly procedure, complete with codes that must be met and approved by a PE (Professional Elf).

Christmas_for_engineers.

(Not to be confused with the Fruitcake of Doom +4 – like that would be possible.)

*********
Survival Panic, the Phenomenon.  Oh yeah, this speaks well of us in the US.

“People start seeing their economic situation change, and it stimulates a sort of survival panic,” said Gaetano Vaccaro, deputy clinical director of Moonview Sanctuary, which treats patients for emotional and behavioral disorders. “When we are in a survival panic, we are prone to really extreme behaviors.”

Oh yeah, this is actually pretty spot-on.

The U.S. recession that took hold in December last year has threatened personal finances in many ways as home prices fall, investments sour, retirement funds shrink, access to credit diminishes and jobs evaporate.

It is also a rude awakening for a generation of shoppers who grew up on easy access to credit and have never had to limit purchases to simply what they needed or could afford.

*********
My dog (picture later on today) has developed a nasty habit that is actually pretty common in canines.  I’m thinking of making a satirical movie poster to document the effect:

RePoo:  Adventures of a Scatalogical Canine

*********

1) Give the poor kid his cake.

2) Shoot the parents for giving him this name.

Assholes.

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