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Posts Tagged ‘evil’

Slowing down. Turbulence.

Things are not in reserve but I have them scattered about.

Have Mrs. Reynolds in her car.

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Here is Mrs. Reynolds in my chair. I don’t dare move her when her eyes do that.

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More later if I get permission to post something awesome.

But first a Richard Bach quote or two… Three I hope to teach my kids, actually

Your friends will know you better in the first minute you meet than your acquaintances will know you in a thousand years.

The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.

Argue for your limitations and sure enough, they’re yours.

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Childrearing can be fun.

The kids are of an age to teach about guns.   At their age I was already shooting several boxes of .22’s daily.  Here they cannot do that.

So I got out various weapons and showed them the proper way to point them, when to consider them loaded (all the time), showed them how any one of them could easily kill a person.

Moved on to the “sound” portion.  I racked the Mossberg 500 – you know that formidable sound it makes.  I said “Kids when you hear that sound what do you do?”

“Run away” was one answer.  Another was “Hide in such-and-such location”.  I told them “No, what you do when you hear that sound is hit the floor.   “Let’s see how fast you can hit the floor when I rack this gun”

And so we made a game out of a very serious thing, which is get the kids out of the equation.   “How long do you stay there?”    “Until you say we can get up.”    They were slamming themselves into the floor to see who could be quickest.

It was a great start.    And I made it clear to them that if I ever have to choose between their safety and the safety of an intruder in our home we will not hesitate to send the intruder to his maker in the most expedient way possible.  I disabused them of the silly notion of “aiming for the leg” that so many liberals would love – if you mean to aim a gun at someone you should only have done so thinking that you or yours were in terrible danger, and if your situation is that extreme then the idea of only trying to wound someone is ludicrous.

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Given the latest round of testing done to look at Lemurita and where she falls on the ASD continuum, they reversed her diagnosis to a lesser but still real diagnosis and then said “She tests just under 140 on her IQ.  Get her into robotics or something.”   Well, I KNOW she’s bright… why did y’all think I have been throwing latin and classics and music at her all this time?

She and I are so alike that the worst disservice we could give her is to not give her free reign to run as far as she can go in any field of learning.  With the right mentor, vast swathes of my childhood would have been infinitely more interesting.

So last night Lemurita and I built a galvanic response circuit you can use as a VERY simplified lie-detector circuit if you have appropriate leads.  She swears she does not sweat when she lies so now we must prove the point one way or another.  I’ll also take the opportunity to teach her how to flip the emotional switch off and see if that makes a difference.   Doing scientific projects with Lemurita is fun – a vast huge amazing amount of fun.

Wait until Lemurita and I make thermite and put it on a remote ignition.  Oh this will be such fun.

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I am going to live.  As my old man said, “You get to where you think you’re gonna die, then you pray that you will…”  And he was right, as far as that went.

But now I’ve decided I don’t want die just yet and that sentiment firms up more and more as the nasty old flu recedes in the rear-view mirror.  So while I didn’t get what I really wanted for Christmas (health) I got it later, so it all worked out.   The worst of the coughing is over and not a moment too soon since it cracked my neck every single cough.

Now I am just going in fits and spurts of being wiped out and then getting energy back off-on throughout the day.

See the energetic furry creature below?  She got spayed today and the poor dear is pretty uncomfortable.  Yes, even the Furry Little Black Dress of Evil can suffer.

Mel-CoatCat

We gave Lemurita an MP3 player for Christmas and she asked me to load it up with some of my music after she went to bed.  I have a huge collection of digital music but not all of it is exactly acceptable for a 10 year old.  Butthole Surfers, Circle Jerks, Henry Rollins, Metallica, the Doors… nah.  I did give her AC/DC Hell’s Bells (she loves that one), some Rod Stewart, Don Henley, bagpipes, etc.  Not sure about The Who, Shawn Mullins, Tom Petty, etc.

By the way – if you have not seen the movie Limitless, I would HIGHLY recommend it.  I said to Cruel Wife, “Ok, I have to admit that if I was in his shoes I don’t think I could have done anything differently – it would be that seductive, especially to my brain.”  It is NOT an anti-drug movie.  It’s not a pro-drug movie.  It’s a movie with a drug that the movie centers on but what a fun ride the movie is.

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As an attention grabber, I have totally stolen something from Bunk Strutts.  A certain amount of shame was involved, yes.

It is sad.  But I’ve more or less come to terms with it and have moved on.

I like Pugs.  I really didn’t steal this for any other reason than that I like Pugs.

Full disclosure: And he obtained it from here… http://www.amyoops.com/2012/08/from-my-inbox.html#.UDQrhqBA2tY

No, it’s not a sick kind of “I like Pugs” thing, I just think they’re ugly enough to be cute and I haven’t seen many mean ones.

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Semi-alert reader ID10T Killer has sent me a second image that he says was flashed on his screen in a sidebar advertisement at Tom’s Hardware during his first visit on a totally virgin machine on it’s maiden voyage. (The first image can be found here.)

Now, this means one of the following:

  1. He’s either a lyin’ perv (which I’m not saying is a bad thing) and they’ve totally got his number  (odds of this are somewhere between 30% and 0.00001% but I ain’t telling because if I tell, he tells)
  2. Tom’s Hardware just figures 99% of their clientele consists of males who cannot find a real woman who will get (and stay) within 10 feet of him  (ID10T Killer is married, with kids)
  3. Tom’s Hardware is tracking people in ways we can’t believe
  4. Random sh*t happens all the time and even blind squirrels find nuts once in a while

If #2 didn’t make much sense, Tom’s Hardware is Geek Central.  Either accept that as gospel or go see for yourself.

Now, all that said, ID10T Killer and I have wondered…

“What in the hell is Wartun3, and are you going to be exposed to “t3nt@cl3 53x” or a major payload of nasty code just for being curious?”†

I doubt either of us is going to go check it out.  And we probably wouldn’t tell you if we did.

As Cruel Wife can attest, I have a thing for short cute brunettes with sometimes violent tendencies, so the graphic was at least interesting.

Apologies, because I am no fan of l33t-speak, but neither do I want web-crawling stuff sniffing me out for the term “t3nt@cl3 53x” so I threw in some pseudo-l33t.  Don’t even think about flaming me about my improper ‘spelling’ because I don’t even claim to know it all that well.

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And, this just in from the Bizarro Universe…

Study:  Marriage causes women to drink more than men

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And a hearty:

“THANK YOU, PAL!”

… to Aggie Sith and Cruel Wife.

Cruel Wife just visited Aggie’s site (Sithy Things) where she posted the recipe for a drink called “Witch’s Brew”.  She laughed at the drink and the name and I said “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it’s Aggie post today” chirped Cruel Wife.

I thought hard.  “Wait, what was the post again?  Oh, the drink…”

“… Witches Brew,” she finished for me.

Cruel Wife read the ingredients list and said “‘Black sugar’ is an ingredient?  I’ve never heard of ‘black sugar’.”

Trying to be helpful because (a) I was pretty sure it wasn’t a common variant of heroin, and (b) I’m a food-lover and interested in all things food, I said “Hang on… I’ll look it up… okay… Bing-dot-com… b-l-a-c-k space s-u-g-a-r… waiting… waiting… oh, it’s some kind of Taiwanese variant of way darker brown sugar and…”

I stopped, stared, and then I finished with “… Goddammit, you better thank me for doing that search for you.”

Confused, Cruel Wife said “What, why should I tha… black sugar… oooooohhhh.  (insert ‘bwah-hah-hah-hah here)

One cannot un-ring the bell once it has been rung.  Dammit, I’ve been on the web 20 years and should have known better.  I’ve seen worse, I just don’t like being surprised by it.

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Burning Sensations.

Today I took my bottle of Blair’s Mega-Death Sauce to work.

If you’re just stumbling in, BMDS is a sauce I bought while passing through Hell, Michigan?

Heat.

How to describe it? Well, take a smoky pepper, one with hints of fruit from the habanero, add in the brightness of a jalapeno, add some salt, swirl it around some vinegar for tartness’ sake, and then add the crushed souls of harp seals and rhesus monkeys… and napalm.

Is it as hot as a bhut jolokia? Not. Even. Close. But it is zippy.

Only two co-workers had the testicular fortitude to try some today – Rectified Diode and The Dude.

Diode did really well and identified some of the flavors but then stumbled – stumbled hard – when he licked his lips. The burning sensation on the lips is a force that one must take seriously. He took his leave rather suddenly to go find some pop in the lunchroom. I cannot mock him for his response – it’s a powerful burn to the lips. Hey, he was one of two to even try it.

Next came The Dude. He and I regularly eat thai food, vietnamese, and korean food and always loaded with chilies, and we have roughly the same tolerance. He also recognized the flavors and appreciated the smokiness. It was his opinion that it’d go great in some guacamole or perhaps a bowl of chili. I concur.

Then the evening got interesting.

I went into the boss’ office with the bottle and a coffee-stirrer. I said “Squatting Bear, only two people – Diode and The Dude – had the balls to even try this. No one else had any guts whatsoever. So I figured I’d give you a chance.”

In guy-speak this is as good as calling a guy a p*ssy in advance if he refuses to try it, or basically the equivalent strength of the dreaded Triple-Dog-Dare.

Note: For reasons we will not go into I gave my boss that nickname years and years ago. Yes, he is aware of it. No, I do not call him by it.

He had to try it, he had no choice, really, and I am a soulless bastard for manipulating him so cruelly.

I pulled the coffee-stirrer straw out of my pocket and unscrewed the lid, placing it directly between us. Then I arched an eyebrow Spock-style and non-verbally dared him to do it.

He looked at me, dipped the stirrer and stared at it. I think the part of the label that says “Not to be consumed directly, dilute in food” might have spooked him a bit.

I sighed and tipped the bottle and coated my index finger with it and smeared it all around my tongue and showed him my spotless finger. I told him he could just touch the straw with his tongue as there was a decent amount on the straw. He rebelled against the very idea because I had bound him with a socially-binding contract – he’d been backed into the Triple-Dog-Dare corner even though I never actually had to utter those words.

He touched it to his tongue and started getting that “Oh no” look.

With gusto I took the stirrer from his trembling hand and licked every last bit off the stirrer and said “MMMMM-mmm, damn that’s good. That’s some serious gour-MAY sh*t there, boss.”

He grimaced and said “It just hit my throat.”

I said “Yes, I’m a bastard.”

Here he made pantomiming motions that should absolutely be interpreted as “Blood from The Alien splashed into my open mouth and just burned through my lower jaw and then splattered the ground”. He pulled it together and said “I am not much of a spicy food eater.”

“Never too late to start, SB! Have a great evening!”

In retrospect I probably should have weighed more carefully the possibility that he could fire me at any moment but it sure seemed like a fun idea at the time.

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Skyrim

I’m really into Skyrim when I’m not too dopey to function, which means I haven’t done a lot of it in the last month, but I’ve done some.  It’s a quite good game if you haven’t already seen it.

Alert co-worker Laconic Pup noted that Skyrim’s dragons can be modified so they’re cooler and macho-er.

Zoidberg mudcrab mod… I can’t stand Futurama’s Zoidberg and think he should be dipped in melted butter and fed to Blernsball fans.  So dispatching him in Skyrim sounds pretty good.

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Yes, the only poll that counts is election day but here is an example of  wishful self-delusion:

When it comes to how Americans view President Obama going into the new year, there appears to be very little spirit of Auld Lang Syne. Instead, according to the new Washington Whispers poll, many voters aren’t forgetting what they dislike about Obama and want him out office.

In our New Year’s poll, when asked what news event they fear most about 2012, Americans by a margin of two-to-one said Obama’s reelection. Only 16 percent said they fear the Democrat won’t win a second term, while 33 percent said they fear four more years.

The problem is when you read 2:1 against it is easy to miss the fact that the “2” part is 33% of voters.  Thirty three percent accounts for the strict party-line conservatives that will never like a liberal in the WH.  But only 16% fear that Obama won’t win a second term… now that is noteworthy.  But even that doesn’t tell you how many people would likely vote in either direction.

One thing we can say for sure is that none of the presidential candidates that are likely to survive til election day are worth a fake nickel.

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Kim Jong Ill is dead. Who is hungry?

Yeah, go look it up. I’m not going to bother regurgitating the big news orgs’ stuff on it.

Sad. Pity.

We will see how tight insanity can be woven into the fabric of a society. Whether it can continue to feed itself after the current main vine has died.

Yep, what a pity.

Who is hungry?

How about a baked cheese and kimchi dip?

Kimchi Dip

It is all I got. Glad the little f*ck is dead.

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