News of the Strange and Fantas… No, Just Strange.

McGoo sent me off to corners of the internet where the inhabitants lie in sluggish eddies. It’s a place where you can encounter the slithy toves, bandersnatch, jujubs, and jabberwocks and still say “I wonder when I’ll run into something odd?”

So those meanderings led to stuff that I scarce could have conceived had I pondered for a thousand years. More even.

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Who knew that the Japanese were so ingenious? So, now we have tactile versions, fluorescent versions, chemically enhanced versions, flavored versions, and vibrating versions. Wow, technology has really advanced mankind in leaps and bounds, hasn’t it?

A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she’s a tramp. – Joan Rivers

But seduction isn’t making someone do what they don’t want to do. Seduction is enticing someone into doing what they secretly want to do already. – Waiter Rant

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And why do I add this to the mix? Because the idea of this sort of anatomy on an equine is very very disturbing. I’m not sure this is safe for work or not. (follow the above link for more *ahem* “intimate” pictures. Keep the kids away unless you would like to answer your daughter’s questions like “Why does that horse have boy body part things?”

Whatever they paid in commissioning the artist’s work, they paid too much.

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Another strange idea is the one that Obama seems to have regarding the machinations of the real world. Pollyanna-ism reigns in Obama’s world, and unbridled optimism supported by no facts in the real world does not have a place in today’s world.

Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything. – Frank Dane

The real distinction is between those who adapt their purposes to reality and those who seek to mold reality in the light of their purposes. – Henry Kissinger

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Truly amusing is the DNC’s desire to come to some sort of closure on the Hillary/Obama issue. Sure, they desire that the convention date rolls around with only one candidate, but whether you make the hard choice now or make it later, even if it is clear and legitimate, a number of people are going to be pissed.

In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk. – Rita Rudner

And, I might add, that in politics, loyalties labor under the same weaknesses- LK

An honest politician is one who, when he is bought, will stay bought. – Simon Cameron

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This is somewhat eclipsed by the democrats’ silliness, but it is still unusual enough to warrant comment.

The next quote is essentially what our government tries to do, even though we couch it in terms like aid packages, relief efforts, and disaster assistance. Katrina was the perfect example of all the worst things we would do from start to end: Not listen to warnings, refuse to take steps to save ourselves, bicker about priorities, and buy off the witnesses and complainers.

Purchase not friends by gifts; when thou ceasest to give, such will cease to love. – Thomas Fuller

For all the bitching about FEMA trailers after Katrina, mayhaps this was the correct way to go?

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I hate to admit is, but my mind IS blown.

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Updates…

My muse showed up again, that black stallion from hell, so I worked on him a bit last night.  Do a search on “muse” and you’ll find the fell beast himself.

Added to the post “Implosion of Hubris – Revisited” – finally thought of the other social engineering example that I could not remember.

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I AM SO *TORN*…

Ok, one hand, McCain is like eating broken glass, turpentine, and polonium.

But if he does win…

SUSAN SARANDON, who appeared in three films last year and won kudos for her TV movie “Bernard and Doris,” is still not a contented soul. She says if John McCain gets elected, she will move to Italy or Canada. She adds, “It’s a critical time, but I have faith in the American people.”
http://www.nypost.com/seven/05292008/gossip/liz/pollack_was_loved_112946.htm

Didn’t Alec Baldwin swear this same thing? Oh they are such teases.

Also, over at The Cowl we have another pledge to relocate. Good for Jackie Kramer! Waytogo! Don’t care what side of the fence you’re on, if you make statements like this, make good on it or go sit somewhere quietly.

This I predict: If McCain wins, you will see the exact same huge landslide you saw booking for the borders into Canada that you saw when Bush won. Two people, neither of which were pre-declared. If you’re going to open up your mouth with threats/promises, grow some guts and follow through. Although I suspect Canada isn’t excited about getting our malcontent floaters.

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Implosion of Hubris – Revisited

Given that the democratic party is made up a collection of individuals that hold to no common goal, it is surprising that they have not fallen apart before now. When you each believe in your pet cause to the exclusion of everyone else it is hard to work together as a unit. I think it is called Anarchy.

This tribute to Hillary is a new demotivational poster by yours truly, the glorious Lemur King. It is a simple reminder to the junior senator (leech) in the swamp, that determination to win don’t always make it so.

(click on the graphic for the larger version)

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Their next hurdle will be when they chew and gum each other to the death at the convention (and leading up to) as they decide how to get around those pesky rules that let Michigan and Florida copulate themselves right out of the picture when it comes to the primary.

I can see it – two factions inside of the DNC standing before the Supreme Court, waiting for a panel of judges to rule as to whether or not you have to play by the rules in an election. Such a tough call. Luckily we’re all adults and can be expected to see reason.

Oh, let’s just pull up a chair and a nice ice-cold Dr. Pepper while we watch them twitch in the wind!

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The latest in social engineering. NPR (National agitProp Radio) reported today that there would be incentives given to those who buy hybrid vehicles.

Think about that… Think about it again… I’ll wait…

They will take taxes from you, far in excess of what the government needs to run (if you take away pork and entitlements), and give it back to you if you exhibit rewardable behavior while purchasing a large item, such as a car. This is known as social engineering. How remarkable! Our government is in the business of regulating our behavior. Doesn’t that just leave you all warm and fuzzy?

Next, in the latest issue of Guns and Ammo Handguns (June/July 2008) comes word that as many as ten (10) states are considering – get this – serialization of ammunition. That is, a serial number laser-engraved on every bullet. Every bullet. Totalitarian states considering this are: Arizona, Hawaii, Illinois, Indiana, Maryland, Mississippi, New York, Tennessee, Pennsylvania, and Washington. So, now you know where you won’t live when deciding to look for work elsewhere. It’s not even that it is so infeasible as to not even work, but the fact that some damned idiot wants to do it. Theres no real proof that it would (1) work so that a bullet was recognizable, (2) prove to be anything less than a bureaucratic nightmare, or (3) change anything in a meaningful way, but by God, some unqualified schmucks in government think it’s jim-dandy idea.

[note: I had another example of societal engineering that I thought of on the way home but cannot remember it right now, sorry. I’ll pick it up again tomorrow when I’ve gotten some rest. – LK]

Update!!!

I just though of the latest thing in social engineering that I had forgotten. The mind manipulation in new TV ads convincing us to buy into CFL’s. Yes, according to this ad, our seven year old daughter has more on the ball than old dad, who apparently must be guided through life by his children, even to the point of being told what kind of lightbulb to buy.

I have issues with our government and politicians making decisions that they have no business making, for politicians rely on emotions, political dynamics, and a large amount of hubris to make up their minds about anything, including light bulbs.

from the link above, Steven Milloy states:

The business fantasy is for the nation’s 4 billion-plus light sockets to sport CFLs. There’s much more ka-ching in selling 4 billion $5 light bulbs as opposed to incandescent bulbs costing $0.75. But what about the mercury problem that may impose substantial liabilities on businesses and consumers faster than CFL light bulbs turn on?

Today’s business leaders apparently have forgotten the infamous Superfund program that needlessly and retroactively imposed tens of billions of dollars of costs for pre-1980 waste disposal practices regardless of whether they were legal at the time. CFL-maker GE, in particular, is involved in a senseless $500 million clean-up of industrial chemicals known as PCBs buried long ago in Hudson River sediments.

Imagine the clean-up costs from billions of CFLs disposed in landfills and burned in incinerators across the country. Superfund even imposed bankrupting liability on mom-and-pop businesses. Imagine the peril of home-based businesses that casually toss CFLs in the household trash.

First mercury was dangerous. Then, temporarily, it became no big deal. Now that the Greens have caught us in the CFL trap, they’re reverting to form on mercury — all to cause the sort of chaos resulting in increased government control of our lives.

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Speaking of ammo and gun control… Next is the woman obsessed with sniper fire and the idea of her opponent being assassinated (perhaps a bit of instability there, eh, Hill?), HIllary Clinton and her stance on… Yeah, you guessed it… guns! She was reported in USA Today as saying “I believe in the Second Amendment right to bear arms.” As pointed out in TownHall, however, she has in her last seven years in congress co-sponsored 22 anti-gun bills. Well, I guess being shot at so much would have an impact on your gun stance, huh? And it’s a lot easier to sponsor anti-gun bills when you have your own ****ing Secret Service bodyguards paid up for you and your entire family for the rest of your miserable life. The rest of us aren’t so lucky.

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Another graphic, this one obtained from youscold.com… Thank God no one wrapped a turban around that butt or there would be rioting in the streets across the world over the indignity.

(click on the graphic for the larger version)

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Ok, I have no idea where this next one came from, folks but we should all take it to heart… cell phones must be turned off while in the movie theater or if you clearly cannot observe all traffic laws while discussing last night’s American Idol. Actually, to date, were it not illegal to do so, I can think of three guys, roughly fifteen different women, and six to seven teenagers that I would have done this to.

(click on the graphic for the larger version)

(if you are the owner of this photo, could you let me know so I can credit you with it?)

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See Yesterday’s Post…

… because it’ll save me from having to come up with something. Hell, I’ll add something right now. OCD is a real bitch at times.

Again, I the lowly minion, trudge to do the bidding of my fearsome master. So I shall have to find something quirky to pop in this space tomorrow… for now, ask not for whom the smoky tallow burns, it burns for thee.

In normal people terms, that means it’ll be a late night.

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Bumper Sticker on Co-Worker’s Vehicle:

Bumper Stickers Are Not The Answer

Screw it. I’m posting anyway. The boss can just get his stuff a little later tomorrow. It’s 2:30 now and I’m tired, dammit…

Ok this is funny and not funny… in space no one can hear you scream… as the toilet backs up.

Luckily the space shuttle has “facilities” and they are on their way, but you can’t cross your legs THAT long. And the arrival of the shuttle is not going to help when everybody is trying to pee into bottles left and right. You can’t just open a window and let ‘er rip.

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the next day

Ok, I saw this weeks ago and laughed till I cried – it’s old news but I’m posting it now (get over it). South Park did homage to Heavy Metal (complete with music). However funny, it mocks a very real problem with our teens – a dark and sinister side to ‘having fun’… the tendency to do ANYTHING to get high, including “Cheesing“, which is the topic of the episode. Check out your listings and watch “Major Boobage”.

Cheesing is a very dangerous quick high where the user will get high by allowing a cat to spray in their face. It’s fast, cheap, easy, dangerous, it’s addictive, it’s destructive, so Don’t Do It. So far, all users seem to be teleported to a mystical land and they see… whoa. Shown here is Kenny while on a binge of Cheesing. Terrible, isn’t it?

(For the record, Cruel Wife laughed, too.)

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Is this really the best that news has to offer? Is this what the average American considers top-of-the-fold? No wonder HillObama is so popular (see Yesterday’s Post)

Battery-Powered Robot Climbs Rope for 7 Hours in Grand Canyon, Sets Guinness World Record

So, the reader is supposed to get all hot and bothered that a piece of plastic went up a rope for 7 hours? Crap, if they made the thing out of a balanced pair of lightweight wheels clamping the rope they could have done the same thing and gone longer.

I’m convinced that our president in 2012 will be the Thelma and Louise Ticket of Hillary and Rosie given the state of people’s demand for “news” in a news site. I’m different because I’m blogging. I can put any old shit out there that turns my fancy. And do.

UPDATE:

Army to Remove Memorial Sign and Crosses From Chapel in Kosovo Camp

This is not a new regulation and exists to protect the free exercise of religion of all soldiers

Would someone tell me how putting up a memorial or remembering a fallen chaplain is going to damage the free exercise of even one person?

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Not posting much – late work night, but…

manishmah.com gets Kudos for this picture of him/her/it.

I’m going to have nightmares all darned night long.

Which means I shall not be alone, I will SHARE. DPUD is right, all variants are horrifying. You rub your eyes, you scratch them, you grind sand into them, and even bleach doesn’t work… the vision is still there… burned

INTO YOUR MIND.

I fear I may have blinded Old Iron, who by his comment below apparently can touch-type. Hope this does not hinder his travel plans in the future.

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Wacom Tablets STILL Rock.

Working on an ocean. It is the cliche ocean waves breaking scene (much like in raytracing, doing the mirrored ball on a checkered plane) but it is also perfect to teach me all about how to use a tablet to simulate an oil painting (sans canvas texture, of course – I may add that in later, who knows?). Mixing colors would be much better implemented if you could actually have a palette board and mix colors as if you were painting for real.

It is rough, the wave on the left side is still elusive, and the shade of green in the sky isn’t my favorite. I also want to slowly tease the green in the wave itself into a slightly bluer shade – it’ll be delicate given the sky color.

(Click it to bigger it)

Next is WIP 2 – with some sunlight added… not sure if I like or not, but the green in the sky has gotta go.

Again, click it to get the larger version.

But, like I said – it’s my first painting of this style and I’m not totally displeased with it. A tablet and pastels/pencils/ink are so different as to be in different solar systems.

For those of you who are interested, the Wacom Bamboo Fun variant of the tablet family is an excellent way to dip your toes into it for $105.

Critical comments and suggestions for improving are welcome. I like advice because if I didn’t need it, I’d be selling art for a living, you know? It’s pretty obvious I could use it. 🙂

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Update: Only slightly disturbing was the hit to my website using these search words:

self defence portable flame thrower

It’s unfortunate because I only sell the plans for the canine-mounted version. A LARGE canine.

Update #2: This is so cool my tongue has dried out because my jaw is still on my chest and my socks flew clear across the room as they were knocked off my feet. Can’t even find my bunny slippers.

NASA’s Mars Phoenix Lander can be seen parachuting down to Mars, in this image captured by the High Resolution Imaging Science Experiment (HiRISE) camera on NASA’s Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter

source: http://www.nasa.gov/mission_pages/phoenix/images/press/9227-PHX_Lander.html

Update #3: Boo-hoo. Man is this guy a whiny little bastard when things are not going his way. Face it Bill, life just ain’t fair. Your “wife”s votes aren’t being counted for Michigan and Florida because they couldn’t hold to the rules of the game. Typical democrat attitude to try to circumvent anything you don’t like, typically using “It’s for the _____” (insert: children, disenfranchised, environment, lower class Americans – whichever furthers your cause most)

May 26, 2008

Bill Clinton says wife is victim of a ‘cover up’

Posted: 10:55 AM ET

From CNN Associate Political Editor Rebecca Sinderbrand
(CNN) — Former President Bill Clinton said that Democrats were more likely to lose in November if his wife Hillary Clinton is not the party’s presidential nominee, and suggested some people were trying to “cover this up” and “push and pressure and bully” superdelegates to make up their minds prematurely.

“I can’t believe it. It is just frantic the way they are trying to push and pressure and bully all these superdelegates to come out,” he said at a South Dakota campaign stop Sunday, in remarks first reported by ABC News. “’Oh, this is so terrible: The people they want her. Oh, this is so terrible: She is winning the general election, and he is not. Oh my goodness, we have to cover this up.'”

The former president added that his wife had not been given the respect she deserved as a legitimate presidential candidate. “She is winning the general election today and he is not, according to all the evidence,” he said. “And I have never seen anything like it. I have never seen a candidate treated so disrespectfully just for running.”

“Her only position was, ‘Look, if I lose I’ll be a good team player. We will all try to win — but let’s let everybody vote, and count every vote,’” he said.

The former president suggested that if the New York senator ended the primary season with an edge in the popular vote, it would be a significant development. “If you vote for her and she does well in Montana and she does well in Puerto Rico, when this is over she will be ahead in the popular vote,” said Clinton. (more)

Update #4: This can’t be for real, can it?

IAEA: Iran may be withholding info in nuke probe

May 26, 8:24 PM (ET)

By GEORGE JAHN

VIENNA, Austria (AP) – Iran may be withholding information needed to establish whether it tried to make nuclear arms, the International Atomic Energy Agency said Monday in an unusually strongly worded report.The tone of the language suggesting Tehran continues to stonewall the U.N. nuclear monitor revealed a glimpse of the frustration felt by agency investigators stymied in their attempts to gain full answers to suspicious aspects of Iran’s past nuclear activities.

(Here’s the portion of that article that should get you – LK)

“The intelligence also suggested Iran was researching construction of an underground site that apparently could be used to test fire nuclear bombs and ordered “dual use” equipment from abroad that could be part of an atomic weapons program.

Additionally, Iran possesses diagrams showing how to mold uranium metal into the shape of warheads.”

We all know that shaping of uranium is crucial to generating nuclear power, so what are you worried about? -LK

source: http://apnews.myway.com/article/20080527/D90TLAO00.html

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Thanks Veterans!

Not going to post anything else today as I don’t want to detract from the meaning of today.

Words aren’t really adequate, but…

Thanks to all you men and women who have served or are serving. Without you we would not have what we have today.

God Bless you all!

US Marines, 24th Expeditionary Unit – Afghanistan – taking shelter from a sandstorm

I will add this because it is appropriate to thank Vets for giving us a country where we can do amazing things.

Historic pictures sent from Mars

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ID10Ts of the Wrold, Untie!!!

I’m going to add more later tonight but the kids need to go to bed now before I stroke out…

Let’s examine Specimen #1, shall we, Constant Reader?

Group wants Wi-Fi banned from public buildings

A group in Santa Fe says the city is discriminating against them because they say that they’re allergic to the wireless Internet signal. And now they want Wi-Fi banned from public buildings.

Arthur Firstenberg says he is highly sensitive to certain types of electric fields, including wireless Internet and cell phones.

“I get chest pain and it doesn’t go away right away,” he said.

Firstenberg and dozens of other electro-sensitive people in Santa Fe claim… (more)

Thanks to Gadi Schwartz and Joshua Panas of KOB.com, New Mexico

The only worse knuckle-dragging mouth-breather is one who listens to these ID10Ts.

Ok, Specimen #2… smart people who write highly intellectual papers about the stupidest things.

Temporal and Spatial Aspects of Microwave Excitation of Compact Disks

No, really, I kid you not. These guys wrote about the manner and mechanisms of disruptions to the metallic layers in compact discs that were microwaved. Oooh, perhaps I ought to write about the spatial frequency of burn patterns on observers’ faces immediately following the explosion of an egg that has been microwaved 10 minutes? Yes, we did nuke an egg for ten minutes. You wouldn’t believe how hot they get, how far scrambled egg fragments can fly, and just how much surface area can be peppered with detonated egg. Perhaps we were the ID10Ts…?

Specimen(s) #3 – But, there’s other instances which make me feel good about myself again.

Would YOU pose for a picture like this?

http://www.idiottoys.com/2008/05/lappy-eee-pc-900-mascot-week-day-5.html

Again, we have to be open minded and accept that the level of stupidity, while not infinite, is pretty damned big… on to Specimen #4.

America, Israel, India Caused Tsunami

Jerusalem (CNSNews.com) – The earthquake that caused tidal waves to slam into the coast of Southeast Asia, killing at least 145,000 people, could have been the result of joint American, Israeli and Indian underwater weapons testing, an Egyptian weekly and other Arab media charged.

The earthquake struck along a known fault line deep beneath the surface of the Indian Ocean on December 26, generating 30-foot swells of water that engulfed resort areas and entire villages along the coasts of Thailand, Sri Lanka, Indonesia, and India.

But in the Middle East, where some prominent figures still accuse the Israeli secret service of perpetrating the Sept. 11 terror attacks on the U.S., conspiracy theories about the tsunami disaster are taking root.

Specimen #5 – I saved the best for last. Brought to you by the same people that control our brains with microwaves and lace KFC chicken to make black men impotent. (Those were two more nutty conspiracy theory examples)

AIDS is man-made – Interview with Dr. Boyd Graves

(FinalCall.com) – After beginning his research on the AIDS pandemic in 1992, Dr. Boyd Graves discovered in February 1999 the greatest evidence, to date, of records and reports of the experiments that led to the development of what the world now knows as the AIDS virus. That document is the “1971 Flow Chart of the Special Virus Program of the United States.” Dr. Graves submitted this flowchart as evidence to the Sixth Circuit Federal Court in a case which named the President of the United States as a defendant to answer a petition acknowledging the authenticity of the Flow Chart. On January 12, 2001, the case was dismissed as “frivolous,” and then referred to the District’s Appellate Court, which ruled in favor of the lower court. Eventually, it went to the Supreme Court, which refused to hear it without giving comment as to why. Dr. Graves spoke with Final Call contributor Sultan Muhammad to explain the significance and consequences of his research.

Conspiracy theories? Coverups? Nah. They don’t exist. Neither does the shadow organization “The Lemurati”. It’s all in your head, go back to work.

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Tornadoes – not just a lot of hot air like Al Gore

Can’t really joke about it.  Heres some footage of a tornado from the air.  I don’t think I’ve ever seen that before.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7419140.stm

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O’ Hilary, Whatfor Art Thou? – subtitled “The Woman Who Cried Assassination”

There was an appropriate (yet stupid) question on CCN/Time. “What Does Hillary Want?”

It is clear that at the very least that she and Bill would want her to get the consolation prize as a veep. But it is well known that the Clintons will fight until all hope is lost.

Does she have hope? Certainly. I don’t mean to say that I’m hoping for her. But she is holding out hope that somehow she can make the claim at the convention that with Florida and Michigan, two obviously dysfunctional states, she would beat Obama in a popular vote.

If she can stubbornly hold out until the convention, she will now have a forum where she can grandstand and win through guile and honeyed words what she could not by dint of her charming personality (which is that of a crocodile in a satin power-suit and makeup). Her every move and utterance is unconvincingly facile yet the Clinton persona is such that one must always use plausible deniability or nuancing to shape public reactions and they somehow pull it off in defiance of natural law.

The pundits have spoken and by and large the imply that bringing Hillary on to Obama’s team would help his ticket. I politely disagree. Obama is going to be very very wary of Hillary because of the baggage she brings – Primadonna Bill – who like a moth to flame, cannot possibly be a part of something without being a headliner name. Not to mention, her remarks towards Obama kind of make it hard to like her…

We have seen an X-ray of a very dark soul. One consumed by raw ambition to where the possible assassination of an opponent is something to ponder in a strategic way. Otherwise, why is murder on her mind?

It’s like Tanya Harding‘s kneecapping has come to politics. Only the senator from New York has more lethal fantasies than that nutty skater.

We could have seen it coming, if only we had realized Clinton’s thinking could be so cold.

– Michael Goodwin

(Wow, I never would have guessed that her thinking could be so cold. Could you?)

One thing I have not heard mention of is the wildcard. Ted Kennedy announced his brain cancer earlier this week after siezures. While I wish this sort of ill will on no one (an aunt of mine died from brain/lung cancer), there was a huge outpouring of absolutely disgusting behavior from all walks after his announcement. Claims from every quarter about what a bridging-the-divide influence he was in “reaching across the aisle”. There were words of his honorable intentions in quarters where you would never have heard such a thing in any other circumstances. This leads one to two conclusions: That they either lie like rugs or that they have actually always liked Kennedy and have lied like rugs to hide the fact (which is more disturbing for reasons which should be obvious). In any event, the point is that the value of Kennedy’s poker chip has just increased ten-fold, and in any convention tie-breaker that he chooses to attend, look to see his word skew the debate into emotion-driven territory.

Should Hillary make a persuasive argument for bringing the two states with the least intelligent behavior in 2008, Michigan and Florida, into the fold, McCain will have triumphed. These two states chose to hold primaries outside of their agreed schedule and have been appropriately penalized. What is done is done, and to change it now (or not) will serve to make only one side happy since Hillary seems to have those states.

Sadly, the field has been narrowed down to three liberal candidates, and what would normally be cause for conservative celebration is reduced to shudders of revulsion wherever one looks. The best possible outcome will be for Hillary and Obama to bleed each other dry and the loser’s supporters flock to McCain for his liberal-policied alternative. That fact is partly to blame for McCain’s pretty little “Damn, am I Green or What?” speech in Oregon.

Welcome to an election that showcases all the worst and denies the best of humanity. Welcome to Hell.

Camille Paglia on Hillary’s Sexism Problem.

Peggy Noonan had her say, too.

And Goodwin on an X-Ray of a Very Dark Soul.

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Update:

That ol’ oil-baron-antichrist, Old Iron will appreciate this link from Bloomberg regarding oil prices. When you see a correlation coefficient of 0.95 between the rise of the Euro vs crude oil costs, it says something, and says it loudly. It’s not the whole reason, but it is a reason.

Old Iron has a great post discussing oil prices. It’s a complex issue and yet there are certain key points which are fairly simple and obvious – and this post covers both well, I think. If you’re sensitive and get offended and righteously weenie-pissed easily, read it anyway. Might make you tougher.

(that was meant in fun, Old Iron – just ask and I will delete the antichrist jibe)

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Update #2:

Awww. Poor baby. Any bet-takers here want to bet on whether he joined the Guard for money to go to school and then found out that there might be… uhm… obligations?

NOW, Canada is depriving him of his comfy life after deserting because he didn’t want to go to Iraq.

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Look! I’m FLYING! Oh the HELL I am…

Those of you who know me even a little bit recognize that I’d rather slather my naked body with raw hamburger and jump into a pit of starving hyenas than fly. I’m better than I used to be. Used to take 30mg of valium just to get me on the plane and there’d still be a lot of whining. A lot of higher-than-a-kite whining, but still a distinct amount of it.

You see, this is NOT designed to make me feel good.

Airplanes taking off in the wrong direction at Newark Liberty Int’l airport.

NEWARK (CBS) ― Planes at Newark Liberty International Airport depart southwest have historically turned to the left on take-off, but now a new regulation that went into effect in December allows controllers to tell pilots to take a right turn.

AS CBS 2 HD has learned, the new rule may be causing some confusion.

At Newark Liberty, some travelers are very concerned. The union representing air traffic controllers says several planes this month were sent in the wrong direction on take-off.

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Neither was this going to make me feel warmish and fuzzy. WHY do they not neuter the damn things or at least chain them up so they can’t go around creating unwanted planes?

(source: Independent.co.uk)

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Other things can happen, too. Like the pilot falling asleep. Like BOTH pilots falling asleep. This is, according to top experts falls under the heading of A Bad Thing.

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Another Bad Thing

Airplane sushi… wherever is Itamae-san?

More “Bad Thing” kinds of accidents can be found on this fun blog.

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But, as a good friend of mine, EW1(SG) – crazy man that he is – reminded me of The Untouchables this morning, I think I can pull a quote out of context that fits the mood regarding flying when faced with the realities of life/work:

Jim Malone: [after a plan goes wrong] Oh what the hell? You gotta die of something.

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Too Tired to Sleep. God MUST Have a Sense of Humor.

As the last post clearly shows, I’m brain damaged, wiped, zipped, zapped, zonked, and confused.

Cruel Wife would say that nothing in that sentence distinguishes me from any other time.

And I still fit the description – in that much at least, matters are static. Except that I cannot sleep. I want to sleep but am “buzzed” from the lack of sleep. I once experienced this after a 24 hour data collection cycle that was followed by taking nets off of tanks scattered about the countryside and stowing them. By the time we got done with the nets, we (naturally) had to go get breakfast, and lastly around hour 40-something, back to the hotel room to lie, in futility, staring at the ceiling yearning for sleep.

SoanywaywherewasI?

Oh yes. You all remember the I-parked-the-car-on-the-railroad-tracks-because-the-GPS-told-me-to-so-it-isn’t-my-fault guy, right? He rented a car and then… you know.

Well, one wonders how that could happen. The answer is not going to be found here, so keep wondering. This is a tale of woe. A tale of tragedy. A tale of gut-gnawing fear and loathing.

We got off the plane in City X a few nights ago (Sunday) and proceeded to the Hurtz rental agency to acquire transportation suitable for two men and their luggage (had it been two women their luggage would have required a 15ft truck). Ever the bright spark, I insisted on getting one of them fancy newfangled EverLost GPS units. We took advantage of the intuitive interface and wasted 45 minutes in vain trying to enter the destination into the unit. At one point someone suggested that the “Power” button had not yet been tried and this was met with encouraging results. Once we stopped trying to take advantage of the unit, it relented and accepted the data with all the pomp and circumstance of a five-year-old announcing the next bathroom visit.

As we left the rental lot, the NeverLost Unit (NL, or rather “Nell”, which has a nice ring to it)… Nell says “Make a right turn immediately. Make a right turn immediately. Make a right turn immediately.” We chose to disregard that imperative because we were still inside of a concrete-walled garage. I think we did the right thing. See, we didn’t HAVE to do what Nell said. A lot of people think it’s opposable thumbs that separate us from the animals. Others think it is the use of toilet paper. Still others (me) that think it is because we cook other animals with fire. But another blindingly brilliant indicator of our fitness to be separate from animals is that we don’t turn our cars into cement walls like a common Lemuridae or Mustelidae when told to. We’re better than that. We crash into fire hydrants when watching chicks in miniskirts walking down the street.

So, we pull out of the garage being careful to stifle the urge to flaunt the sign that says “Warning, do not back up or STD will result”. (STD = Severe Tire Damage)

A quarter-mile long road and Nell is bellowing directions: <bing bong> Right turn in 1/4 mile, straight ahead. <bing bong> Right turn 1/4 mile, straight ahead. Gee dude, where are we supposed to go now? Uh, how about we turn right up there? Oh, ok. Why I felt a need to verify every directive with my own paper map – continuously rotating it to register it’s orientation with the digital map Nell was showing us – I don’t know. I’m a Luddite – perhaps that influenced me.

<BING BONG> Right turn then turn LEFT after 1/2 mile. <BING BONG> Wild boar roadkill 1/3 mile ahead, ease left. <BING BONG> Wild boar roadkill…

It went on like this for 50 minutes, even to the point of Nell leading us around in little pink lines criss-crossing all over the place in some strange sort of Brownian motion about the actual location of the hotel. I began to wonder if in Nell’s version of the universe, our hotel had somehow succumbed to the much-larger-than-quantum-scale variant of Heisenberg’s Principle.

Another clickabiggered pic…

We knew our exact velocity (awful damned slow, at rest, nearly) and therefore we had NO business even guessing where the hotel actually was, because we didn’t even know where WE were.

Moral of this overlong windy story: Nell will not save you from Heisenberg. You WILL get to your hotel sometime after 1AM in spite of all efforts to the contrary.

You will get to your ACTUAL ROOM sometime after 2:15AM, except the fleabag hotel you were assigned to initially puts you in a room that is the new breeding ground for a radiation-resistant strain of black mold, and you must Make A Scene in order to get a room with a Breathable Atmosphere™ (which will “cost extra”). If the fleabag hotel were a cat, it would have looked like this:

* Fleabag portrayed by Silver d’Cat, shown here imitating a furry sausage

By 2:45AM you are now in just such a higher-class room, permeated with a marginally breathable atmosphere and a lot of bitter feelings. The comforter on the bed is safely thrown in a corner of the room and weighted down under plastic to isolate the parasites crawling upon it, and at some point after 3:15AM, you realize that yes, you have to get up at 5:45AM to get ready for the conference.

Mission Accomplished. The beginning of a great week has… begun.

~~~~~~~~~~~~****~~~~~~~~~~~~

UPDATE:

We’ve been hearing about how the population of polar bears is in grave peril, similar to what is shown in the picture below… Here a bear is suffering from some sort of groin irritation.

(photo taken from Fox News, credited there to Arne Naevra)

But this does not gel with other information, namely that the polar bear population has been increasing throughout the last 40 years (through the horrible global-[insert choice]-ing that is going on as we speak.  (choices are “warm”, “cool”, “invariance”, “fizzle”, etc.)

For fun I include a Spiked article.  There, they say a lot of things that I would say in rebuttal, so it saves me from having to write it.

My only beef with what they wrote is how they used the word “decimate”.  Decimate comes from the Latin “decimatio” which means to remove a tenth.  This was a Roman punishment wherein soldiers who were to be punished faced a removal of one-tenth their number, by death.  It is one of my great pet peeves that people choose to use the word “decimate” when they clearly mean to use the word “obliterate”.

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I’m Back. More or less.

I just few back in from my trip.  I flew to a city.  I did some work.  The work took hours and some number of days.  It was… work.

I flew home.  And now I sit in front of this computer and cannot think of a damn thing to say because my brain is made up of stuff about as substantial as talcum powder right now.  Lots of observations on the trip but now is not the time to try to relate the story.

More later, good to be back, talk at y’all tomorrow.  Perhaps my brain will regrow by then.

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