Archive for June 23rd, 2008

I was over at Weasel’s today and ran across her post regarding suicidal dogs in the UK. Now, given that dogs are normally happy creatures, I was surprised at the number of pooches that decided to pack it all in for a pair of wings by flinging themselves off of a bridge. For those of you who are not dog owners/lovers this is not normal K-9 behavior.

So I thought “How the HELL does Weasel come up with some of this stuff?”

And I got this headache, with pictures, that was pretty persistent. A co-worker calls them ideas. He’s such an idiot.

Why not pick any animal, and any odd behavior and see what comes up on Google?

Hamsters. Cannibals. Innocent enough combination of words, right?

Apparently these fuzzy little creatures don’t wait until your plane is crashed in the Andes mountains to chow down. These things are to the animal world what Jeffry Dahmer was to single-guy apartment dwellers. Except they don’t have refrigerators.




While we’re on the topic, did you know that snails get erections?


Oh? We weren’t on that topic and it was a non-sequitur? Beg pardon.

… and yes, I am screwing with you. Just looking for the stranger things I could find after just a short while. So much out there that you couldn’t catalogue it all.


On to more minor news. What’s less important than Cannibal Hamsters from Hell, after all?

Geoff over at Uncommon Misconceptions has a great world oil graph (looks good, spells crap for oil prices). He also has some very consequential news about Brits not getting fertilized if they smoke. I wasn’t aware that they needed fertilizer – they all seemed fairly healthy and proper-sized to me.



Gotta say… Politico really doesn’t have any business asking for this information. If the senators have broken laws then it is up to the law enforcement people to take care of and investigate. Right to privacy does not suddenly turn off because you are in a public office unless of course it happens while you are on the job. More power to Michael B. Enzi (R-Wyo.), whose spokeswoman said:

Sen. Enzi’s mortgage isn’t with Countrywide, and since that company is at the center of this issue, I fail to see how having a loan with another company is at all relevant.


Interesting to think about…

Essentially this is what I heard on the radio going home one day. It’s interesting to think about…

A “family” is looking to trade in one of their vehicles to save on gas. Both vehicles are driven approx the same number of miles per year.

#1. One vehicle is a van getting 10 mpg and they are thinking of trading it in on a station wagon that gets 20 mpg, or a difference of 10 mpg.

#2. The other vehicle is a sedan that gets 30 mpg, which they are thinking of trading for a hybrid that gets 50 mpg, a whopping difference of 20 mpg.

Which way should they go to save the most gas?

Converting #1 to gallons per mile: .1 gpm vs .05 gpm — a difference of .05 gpm. Trading would save 2 times the gas.

Converting #2 to gallons per mile: .033 gpm vs .02 gpm — a difference of .013 gpm. Trading would save 1.65 times the gas.

Answer: trade in the van for the station wagon. They will use almost 20% less gas by trading in the van, vs. trading in the sedan.

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Awww… shit. (can I say that on a blog?)

Man, this is a sad day. This is the guy who taught me the meaning of the word “irony”, which seems to be used in every way but the proper one. He made me laugh even as my parents recoiled in parental concern over his language. He was parental taboo.

George Carlin, 1937-2008

But dammit, he was funny and original. He was incredibly sharp and had a mind that never quit moving.

Well George… we’ll miss you. Let’s all remember him by saying some words that can never be said on TV….

Song Lyrics: I love words. I thank you for hearing my words. I want to tell you something about words that I think is important. I say they’re my work, they’re my play, they’re my passion. Words are all we have, really. We have thoughts but thoughts are fluid. And then we assign a word to a thought (POP) and we’re stuck with that word for that thought, so be careful with words. I like to think that the same words that hurt can heal, it is a matter of how you pick them. There are some people that are not into all the words. There are some people that would have you not use certain words. Yeah, there are 400,000 words in the English language and there are 7 of them you can’t say on television. What a ratio that is. 399,993 …to 7. They must reallllly be baaad. They’d have to be outrageous to be separated from a group that large. All of you over here, you 7! Baaad words! That’s what they told us they were, remember? “That’s a bad word!” (Wahhhh!) No bad words. Bad thoughts…bad intentions…and words.

You know the 7, don’t you, that you can’t say on television?
Shit, ****, ****, ****, **********, ************, and ****, huh? Those are the heavy seven. Those are the ones that’ll infect your soul…curve your spine…and keep the country from winning the war. ****, ****, ****, ****, **********, ************ and ****, wow! …And **** doesn’t even belong on the list! It’s such a friendly sounding word. It sounds like a nickname, right? “Hey, ****, come here, man. Hey, ****! Hey ****, meet Toots. Toots, ****. ****, Toots.” It sounds like a snack, doesn’t it? Yes, I know, it is, right, a snack. But I don’t mean your sexist snack. I mean new Nabisco ****! And new Cheese ****! Corn ****-n, Pizza ****, Sesame ****, Onion ****. Tater ****. “Betcha Can’t Eat Just One.” That’s true. I usually switch off. But I mean, that word does not belong on the list. Actually none of the words belong on the list, but you can understand why some of them are there. I’m not completely insensitive to people’s feelings. I can dig why some of those words got on the list, like ********** and ************. Those are…those are heavyweight words. You know. There is a lot going on there. Besides the literal translation and the emotional feeling. I mean, they’re just busy words. There’s a lot of syllables to contend with. And those Ks, those are aggressive sounds. They just jump out at you man. **********, ************, **********, ************! It’s like an assault on you, you know? So I can dig that.

Now we mentioned **** earlier of course and 2 of the other 4-letter Anglo-Saxon words are **** and ****, which go together of course, but forget that. A little accidental humor I threw in there. **** and ****. The reason that **** and **** are on the list is that a long time ago, certain ladies said, “Those are the 2 I ‘m not going to say. I don’t mind **** and ****, but ‘P’ and ‘C’ are out. ‘P’ and ‘C’ are out.” Which led to such stupid sentences as “Okay you *******, I’m going to tinkle now.”

And, of course, the word ****. The word **** – I don’t really, well that’s more accidental humor, – I don’t wanna get into that now. Because I think it takes too long. But I do mean that. I mean I think the word **** is a very important word. It’s the beginning of life, and yet it is a word we use to hurt one another quite often. And people much wiser than I have said, “I’d rather have my son watch a film with 2 people making love than 2 people trying to kill one another.” And I, of course, can agree. It is a great sentiment, I wish I knew who said it first and I agree with that but I like to take it a step further. I’d like to substitute the word ‘fuck’ for the word ‘kill’ in all of those movie cliches we grew up with. “Okay, Sheriff, we’re gonna **** you now! But we’re gonna **** you slow.” So maybe next year I’ll have a whole ******’ rap on that word. I hope so.

There are 2-way words. Those are the 7 you can never say on television, under any circumstances. You just cannot say them ever ever ever. Not even clinically. You cannot weave them in on the panel with Doc and Ed and Johnny. I mean, it’s just impossible. Forget those 7, they’re out. But there are some 2-way words, those double-meaning words. Remember the ones you giggled at in sixth grade? “…And the **** crowed 3 times” “Hey, tha **** crowed 3 times! Ha ha ha ha. Hey, it’s in the bible. Ha ha ha ha. There are some 2-way words, like it is okay for Curt Goudy to say “Roberto Clemente has 2 balls on him.” But he can’t say “I think he hurt his balls on that play, Tony. Don’t you? He’s holding them. He must’ve hurt them, by God.” And the other 2-way word that goes with that one is prick. It’s okay if it happens to your finger. Yes, you can prick your finger but don’t finger your prick”. No, no!

©1972 Dead Sea Music Inc., BMI

For those who want one-stop-shopping, here are the seven words, rendered only partially sanitized:

  1. Sh-t
  2. P-ss
  3. F-ck
  4. C-nt
  5. C-cks-cker
  6. M-th-rf-cker
  7. T-ts

Obviously the list has been carved into over the years since this first came out, but it was revolutionary at the time.


Cool! History preserved…

Maryland attic holds 400 years of documents

Papers provide a firsthand account of life from the 1660s through WWII

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(The Home-made kimchi part of the post is a bit lower down, just after the paparazzi stuff…)

Why, there’s just nothing better than fresh paparazzo blood on the beach. It does my heart good to see this. In fact, I’d like to see more people go out of their way to smack a pap more often. These vermin are nothing more than stalkers and are given a pass because it’s “free speech”. My ass. Harassing people day and night is not free speech. It’s called being an ass, even if it is a bunch of actors getting abused.

Around 12 photographers were on the beach in Malibu this afternoon trying to get shots of Matty hitting the surf, when an all-out smackdown was laid on the pappers by turf-protecting surfers.

One pap was hit in the face and we’re told suffered a broken nose, while another was thrown into some rocks and had his camera smashed. McConaughey was not involved in the ruckus.

Police tell us a battery report was filed by one photographer and no arrests have been made.

Cops: Can you describe the perpetrator?
PaparASSi: Uh yeah, he was wearing a black neoprene johnny suit, had blonde hair, and he was really tanned. And he kept saying “Let me hit him again, dude.”
Cop: (puts away notepad) Well, we’ll get right on this and get back to you. Don’t call us, we’ll call you.

Update: More details on this celebrated event…


Made some kimchi tonight. A word to the wise…

  1. You are working with salt, lots of it
  2. You will be washing your hands, a lot
  3. You will be working with a bit of vinegar, by itself no biggie, but it adds up with the rest
  4. You will be using ground korean red pepper, a hell of a lot
  5. Your hands will hate you

Now, I thought I was tough. I work in an office but I got callouses on my callouses. I work in the garden w/o gloves, when I am physically able (read: not this last 18 months) I lift weights w/o them. I handle hot skillets and corningware without mitts.

Callouses will not help you. Got that? Your hands will burn as if you got caustic grout on your mitts. You cannot handle 3 cups worth of ground dried red pepper and not feel it later. Especially the webbing betwixt your fingers.

Use gloves if you can get them. I’m sure a lot of koreans down through the centuries have said much the same thing and then determined that nevermore would they make a load of kimchi without latex gloves. Powder-free latex gloves, of course.

Wash the bejeezus out of your hands afterwards if you don’t have gloves. Trust me, your nether regions, eyes, ears, and face will appreciate it. Your girlfriend will appreciate it. Perhaps your wife, too.

Use cutting boards and utensils that are still just fine if they are cherry red. The red pepper in kimchi will stain everything an off-red forever. More permanent than permanent marker is this stain. The wooden spoon I used for pushing the kimchi down into the jars with… it’s fire-engine red. Washing is pointless.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my hands are starting to swell a bit or maybe it is just the skin is getting tight, but my fingers look taut and shiny, and feel tender – I’m off for the night. 🙂

Kimchi recipe and information may be found on this page – be patient, it is there…

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