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Archive for August 19th, 2008

Noodle Nazi

Update: Epic FAIL. “TS Fay Slams Kite Surfer”.  It’s pretty violent Darwin Award material (critical condition viewed at a distance)… so fair warning.

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I ate this some time back and wrote but never posted my review.  Think of it as a public safety announcement or a guidepost.

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Quick assessment of the “Taste of Thai” brand “Pad Thai Noodles” product, consumed by Yours Truly, the Lemur King, on this, the Eighteenth Day of the Month of March, the Two Thousand and Eighth Year of Our Lord.  Time:  One O’clock.

Ish.

Notes of worth:

  1. Sterile by any sense of the word.  Things that live in sulfur vents at the bottom of the ocean would quickly expire in the box while the noodles are nuked in the microwave.
  2. Similarity of the product to it’s advertised name approaches a number so infinitesimally small it is for all practical purposes, zero.
  3. If not removed from carton and eaten within four seconds the product has the consistency of thick library paste yet mimics superglue’s properties perfectly.
  4. If product is eaten within those four seconds (or within five minutes for that matter) the temperature is sufficiently high to immediately cause irreversible burn damage to the tongue. (fourth degree)
  5. Surprisingly, what is left of the human tongue is quite tasty when flash-steamed and is very tender, unlike bovine tongue.  One wonders if variants of this product could cause the tongue to undergo certain processes in the Maillard reaction, thus enhancing flavors even more.
  6. Box labeling indicates that these are pad thai noodles yet the flavor is more reminiscent of scorched aromatic polycyclic hydrocarbons, violating Sangamon’s Principle, which roughly states “The smaller the molecule the better, such as nitrous oxide (inhaled)”.
  7. So far I am free of truly distressing side-effects such as gangrene of the testicles or heavy metal poisoning. (Like #6, a nod to Neal Stephenson, my hero)
  8. Cleaning of any user-supplied glassware after consumption of these noodles… either toss it or use a pressure washer at a minimum 2400psi.

Total Rating:   3.87 out of 10 stars  (6 if you are starving)

Disclaimer:  This review is only the author’s opinion and could potentially have been influenced by the author’s misinterpretation of the directions on the packaging.

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Yet more damning evidence that we are going to be broiled to death in Globular Worming.  All the warming climate models predicted this after they tweaked them.

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AFAIK, this is legit:

Friday, August 15, 2008
Cavuto: The Democrats are Done

It’s August.

It’s early.

But for Democrats, it’s over.

Over. Done. Fini.

At the risk of sounding like I’ve snapped…allow me this snap judgment.

The Democrats have just lost the presidency this week.

For them, a horrible week.

So horrible…so discombobulated. So inconsistently communicated and messaged, that they’ve lost their message.

And I think, this election too.

Because here’s the deal as we end this week, my friends.

The Dems…are done.

I know. Laugh all you want. And I will conveniently destroy this message in the event I’m wrong.

But here’s why I don’t think I am.

During this crucial defining period that brought a Russian bear out of hibernation and a befuddled Nancy Pelosi into drilling reality…allow me to drill home this point.

Democrats lost a lot of mojo this week, their only saving grace that it’s an August week.

I don’t think that will save them.

Not when Russia threatens a new Cold War and the best their presumptive nominee can do is offer hope warring parties could put aside their hostilities…

While his opponent calls Russia what it clearly was and is: a bully. And a bully that must be dealt with.

And if his presidential metal wasn’t tested enough…Barack Obama caves to Hillary Clinton and allows a roll call vote. He’s doing it for all good and decent reasons. But nothing good or decent will come of it….her supporters still don’t flip over him, no matter what he does to accommodate them.

He’s given Hillary a prime time speech. Bill a prime time speech. Chelsea a prime time speech. Is Sox the Cat still around?

My god, who won this damn thing? Show some backbone, man!

Then in the middle of the week Obama’s economic team comes out with this grand explanation of a tax cut package that reminds all again…not of cuts promised for the middle class…but serious hikes for those who don’t much consider themselves above middle class.

And charges again that these new numbers “still” don’t add up as we explored on this very show.

On the very same week Nancy Pelosi read the furor among her own members and decided to backtrack on that no-drilling vote thing.

Not good things for a party that said it would lead the charge.

It shouldn’t be this way…with the slowing economy, democrats should be running away.

But they look weak on a military crisis.

Inconsistent on an economic crisis.

And impotent on their own brewing political convention crisis.

Things change. Tides ebb and flow.

But I think we will look back to this week in August as the time the party that had it all in the bag…just puked in it.

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