Archive for October, 2009

When is Art No Longer?

As I said, I’ve been feeling artsy again.  A friend of mine who goes by the name Fossilips is a pretty good photographer – really good.  She manages to catch images of this squirrel outside of her place that she suspects drinks tequila and smokes cigarettes.  So I took one of her images and… viola.

squirrel drunk_smallDamned if the little bugger doesn’t drink tequila.  I’ll catch him smoking cigarettes next.


I’ve been artistically jump-started lately.  As I’ve been wandering around deviantART and ConceptArt (and many many seedy places and great places, too) I’ve run across this theme now and then:

Some Guy Whose Name is Omitted Here says:

December 18, 2008 at 12:04 pm

those are all really fantastic, but i can’t help but feel saddened that we are in a sense automating our creative processes. it makes you wonder to an even greater extent, if art you see was forged out of hard work and love, or simply ‘photoshopped’ =/

I’m pretty sure someone said the same stupid thing when film was first being used, too.  It was probably said when the first artist to use mass-produced bullwhips took a photo of himself with it stuffed up his arse, rather than make his own bullwhip from a cow he grew from a calf born after mounting and impregnating the mother cow himself.

Think, people.  Think.


Fox News called today.  It was a poll.  They asked Cruel Wife some questions and asked her about her feelings towards the health care reform issue.  She told the lady, who was shocked and surprised that someone had the intelligence to say “On what basis, constitutionally, does Congress believe they are authorized to do this?”

Natch, Cruel Wife said that she listened to Yours Very Truly, and agrees with the Glorious Lemur King’s feelings on the matter 100%.  Which is good since the Lemur King is a verifiable genius.

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If this NEA suck-up tries any harder to get his nose up Obama’s ass he’s going to snap it off and require a nasal transplant.

Most powerful writer since Julius Caesar?

Damn, man… I mean… DAMN.  Have some self respect, m’kay?


If this guy sinks any lower, in terms of what he’s willing to endure, he’ll be just another typical Obama supporter.

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The Holy Grail.


The Dude sent me a link to this.  You see he and I love Pulp Fiction.  It’s pathetic really, but there it is.  Cruel Wife isn’t so hot on Pulp Fiction but she says she can appreciate parts of it – can’t wait to see what she thinks of the Broadway Musical version of it.

(And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers)

So here is a remix for Pulp Fiction…


Update #2:  Very VERY good reason to hope that Barney Frank is removed from office soon.  Him and all of his ilk.

'We Are Trying On Every Front To Increase The Role Of Government'...


If you haven’t read the reviews on Amazon (dot com) for the Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket by Wattgate, you should drop whatever you are doing and do so now.  Amazing testimonials, all.

A review read thusly:

Yesterday the hospital called me. My grandmother had had a car accident, and was in surgery. I rushed there, and a nurse friend of mine (bow-chicka-wow-wow) got me into an observation room off the OR. I watched my grandmother’s heartrate flatline. The crash cart rushed over, and instead of a defibrillator there was a Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket and a screwdriver. I watched, still in shock as they placed the screwdriver into my dying grandmother’s hand, and carefully guided her hand to the socket and had her insert the screwdriver into the socket.
Immediately, there was a bright flash, and my grandmother jumped up on the operating table and started singing the most beautiful opera I have ever heard. I think it was Carmen. Whatever it was, it brought tears to my eyes. And the socket wasn’t even wired to any other electrical system!
My grandmother has completely recovered, and a major label just signed her new punk-rock band. She no longer drinks or smokes either! And I owe it all to the Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket.
Thank you so much Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket!!!

P.S. I now carry a Wattgate 381 Audio Grade Duplex Socket and a screwdriver with me at all times, in case of emergencies. I will never be without one again.  – Paul Johnson, Minnesota

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Ok, here is Another Rant About Our Taxes.

In the art world, money flows freely from public funds without your knowledge.  Picture states A-E.  Each state has a varying number of people that pay taxes.  Of those taxes, they go to a person or multiple people who are artists or very close to them who dole out the money.  Often their values are radically different from the taxpayers.  That money then goes to still other artists in each state (blue) who get it without the knowledge of the people in other states (unless they are art lovers themselves).

Taxing for Art - Now

Now, lets look at the “local” model, as it should be.  Note how the people really responded to the art in question.

Taxing for Art - Should Be

See the difference?  TAX money to those artists can ONLY come from within the state they live.  Now those other people in their state are the ones scrutinizing those funds and their uses.  It could be from tax money but it could also be free market.

In State A, only one person thought that was a worthwhile use of their money – maybe, and there is some accountability, shown by the question mark.

In State B, several people felt the same way.

In State C, people found that the artist in question was a pervert/pedophile and he was treated as he should have been, a pariah.

In State D, there was one person that was cautiously supportive but others didn’t care for the art and chose not to support it.

In State E, lots of people bought art directly with varying degrees of value placed on the works of art.


Most of us don’t care about art enough to want our taxes going to pay for something we don’t even consider art.

Why should a select group decide that art is vitally important and then run the whole show?

My values run more towards fiscal responsibility, not handouts to those who could not survive if their art was rated on it’s own merits.

Art won’t die if federal funds dry up, there will just be a whole lot less really crappy art.

As a parting shot, here are some of the funded arts in that link above…

  • $400,000 for an exhibition “exploring the importance of plants as a source of inspiration for noted American poet Emily Dickinson” [You. Must. Be.  Joking.]
  • $350,000 to explore the “cultural significance of the circus poster”  [Over a quarter million dollars to answer a question that has no answer?]
  • $725,000 to produce a two-hour documentary on the history of American whaling.  [I can look that up in the library, thanks.  Three quarters of a million dollars to make a video of a lot of old photographs.  Yeaaaaaaahhhhh.  Right.]
  • $130,000 for 16 professors to study the “truth and meaning” of life according to Aristotle [Mental masturbation.]
  • $50,000 to build a computer model of an ancient city in Pakistan complete with “animated and interactive ‘inhabitants'” [I. Don’t. Care.]

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For those who don’t know me… that was sarcasm.

On the Life website…

Oh yeah… tires that light up.  From the inside.  (ok, this would be kind of cool at first)

Venetian sunglasses, for when your eyes want a little privacy.

When you’re willing to risk death for your invention, that is dedication.  When you’re willing to go to certain death for your invention, that’s just stupid.  Birdman costume.

Yes.  Yes this would work.  Now I can restrain my 30MW bundle-of-energy English Shepherd, Zoe.  My problems are solved with the Dog Restrainer.

Cigarette holder for two.  When you need this kind of intimacy you don’t need more of it, you need professional help.  Get all the psychiatric disciplines involved, while you are at it.


Reuters brings us more science from London (apparently).

Many prehistoric Australian aboriginals could have outrun world 100 and 200 meters record holder Usain Bolt in modern conditions.

Some Tutsi men in Rwanda exceeded the current world high jump record of 2.45 meters during initiation ceremonies in which they had to jump at least their own height to progress to manhood.

Any Neanderthal woman could have beaten former bodybuilder and current California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm wrestle.

Except for several key points.  Prehistoric man was about as intelligent as a brain-damaged guinea pig.   Prehistoric man died around age 25 if he was very very lucky to have lived that long.  Prehistoric man didn’t have SUV’s, DVR, answering machines, microwaves, Tito and Tarantula albums… hey, their life sucked.

These and other eye-catching claims are detailed in a book by Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister entitled “Manthropology” and provocatively sub-titled “The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male.”

Oh yeah, I’ll run right out and buy that.

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And a Woman Shall Lead before Him.


I expect this from a little kid who doesn’t know better or just a jerk that goes over his boss’ head to get what he wants, but you don’t expect it from your president.

If he doesn’t get what he wants he marginalizes you and moves on until he gets the response he wants.

End run around Chamber of Commerce… nice.   Stayin’ classy, I see.

The administration is now trying to neutralize the Chamber by doing an end-run around the group and dealing directly with its members.

During remarks in early October, President Obama named and shamed the Chamber for opposing a consumer protection agency.

And the White House again criticized the group Tuesday, telling Fox News in an e-mail that the group’s opposition to reform efforts gives the administration pause.

“We have an open door to the ideas and suggestions of the business community including the Chamber,” White House spokeswoman Jen Psaki said, noting that administration “representatives” met with Chamber representatives last week. “But it does give us pause that they continue to throw millions of dollars against productive efforts under way to reform the regulatory structure, provide access to affordable health insurance for more Americans and reduce the impact of greenhouse gas emissions — all plans essential to the continued growth and recovery of our economy.”

One of these days, just invoking his “huge popularity” and banking on that being good political capital to get what he wants is going to just fail.  It’ll be an Epic Fail.   And I’ll laugh.  And giggle.  And laugh some more.


Yeps… Sarah Palin to appear on Oprah.

Contrast that with… yes!

Obama refuses to appear on Fox.

Do you *really* think Sarah is going to get a warm hug from the Oprah crowd?  A book review about a conservative mom?  Like Oprah is going to gush over Palin’s new book “Going Rogue: An American Life”.

Do you *really* think Obama would be verbally abused on Fox?

Who is tougher here?  Who had the balls to go into a potentially uncomfortable situation?

I know who I vote for.

His flunky, Gibbs, acting every bit like a man drenched in a bucket of the finest slippery-slimy-politician-sweat (greasiest stuff in existence) ever:

Gibbs weighed in on the controversy after several top White House advisers have gone on other channels to criticize Fox News’ coverage of the administration, dismiss the network as the mouthpiece of the Republican Party and urge other news organizations not to treat Fox News as a legitimate news station.

Gibbs said White House officials “render (that) opinion based on some their coverage and the fairness of that coverage.”

But asked how Fox News was different from other news organizations, Gibbs mentioned the channel’s 5 p.m. and 9 p.m. shows, in an explicit reference to “Beck” and “Hannity” — even though those two shows represent opinion programming.

Informed that those hours are for opinion programming, Gibbs said: “That is our opinion.”

You know, when the president decides he doesn’t like some news organization and then encourages other news organizations to take care of them… you are screwing with the free press and you are acting like a Godfather.

Sadly, he also seems to behave a great deal like Kwame Kilpatrick in terms of how he spends tax dollars.  Kilpatrick was really big on making sure no expense was spared in throwing parties for his buddies and want-t0-buddies.

By the way… am I the only one who is just overwhelmed with the new age of complete and utter transparency the messaiah has brought upon us?

Justice is served.  Woman crushed by fire station door after making fake 911 call.
(Source:  Fox News)

Police say an Idaho woman who made a false 911 call to lure paramedics out of their station made a real emergency call minutes later when she got trapped under the station’s garage door.

Melissa R. Farris died Oct. 2 of injuries suffered when she was crushed by the closing garage door at the Canyon County station.

Farris, a former paramedic at the station, had been trying to crawl under the door after the ambulance left to respond to a nonexistent traffic accident she’d called in a few minutes earlier.

Caldwell Police Chief Chris Allgood says it may never be known why Farris was trying to gain access to the station

But according to a police report obtained by KBCI-TV, her sister told investigators that Farris may have been going after prescription medication stored in the station.

What do you want to bet someone gets sued for not having a safety d00r-won’t-close-if-bitter-ex-employee-tries-to-crawl-under-it mechanism?  I don’t have much pity for people who abuse 911 calls when someone who could really need it might pay for the extra unnecessary distraction.

A popular haunted house in Simi Valley that attracts thousands of children each Halloween has been shut down because the city deemed it an unsafe structure.

Haunted Halls has been operated by Cindy Fike and her family outside their Sebring Street home for the past eight years. But what makes it popular — a covered wooden maze with steel poles, dark and spooky scenes, and volunteers that startle visitors — is the reason it was given a 72-hour notice Friday to be taken down.

Responding to an anonymous complaint, the city said the 1,200-square-foot “amusement building” didn’t have a permit.

If he’s been doing it for years, odds are it’s fairly safe, so why did someone feel the need to make an anonymous complaint?

Grow some balls, you whoever decided to pee on a bunch of kids’ fun.

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I have felt arty-tistic again, no idea why.

A certain Cruel Wife (aka “Frog”) got her own logo.  Spent some time on it, I did.


Saying that she likes chocolate is like saying that Detroit is a bit of an armpit of a place to be in.  It’s understated.  Anyway, that’s a chocolate bar that frog is on.  The frog is a poisonous one.  Make of it what you will.

Another graphic I did features a crab to represent one of my co-workers.  She’s one of the best people I’ve gotten to work with.  She loves sushi.  So, the crab is attacking some crab rolls with gusto.


Well, damn.  I love Cirque du Soleil and this is a real bummer.  It’s really amazing that it doesn’t happen more often, really.



Balloon hoax.  Yes, I’d like to see the guy get popped for making a false police report.

If the incident was a hoax, the only charge local authorities could press would be making a false report to authorities — a Class 3 misdemeanor, Alderden told reporters Saturday.

However, a misdemeanor “hardly seems serious enough given the circumstances,” the sheriff said.

We certainly want to talk to FAA officials and federal officials to see if perhaps there aren’t additional federal charges that would be more appropriate in the circumstances than what we’re able to do locally,” he said.

Now, look at his wording.  Unless I read it wrong, he thinks this guy really just broke the law in terms of a false police report.  Bummed out by this, the sherrif is going to go find out if there are other things he can get this guy on.

The sheriff is making a determination to see if the charges seem appropriate.

I know this happens all the time but it seems like behavior best left in a cockroach country.


Hey, if this is offensive to ILLEGAL “immigrants” then where the hell do I sign up to get one.  Go home if you’re offended and come back when you are legal.


Until then, I got nothing to say to you.

Oh, and way to show some spine and/or balls, Target.  You don’t go out and find a costume and then “by mistake” sell it.

Target is removing the costume from the site after receiving several complaints, company spokesman Joshua Thomas said Friday. The store never intended to sell the outfit but included it in its online offerings by mistake, he said.


When is stimulus not stimulus?  When the democrats are involved, that’s when.

They’re talking about extending benefits through 2010.  If they can arrange it, COBRA, too.  To the tune of at least $125B dollars.

You know, on a per-head basis, why aren’t these people out of work and all getting gov’t guaranteed loans like with college students’ loans?  That way THEY pay the money back at some later date.  Now, that money is given to them and WE ALL pay back their debts.

All this throwing around of money – it has to COME from somewhere.  I’d just as soon it started – and stopped – with those who have the need for money to tide them over.  Nowhere does it say in the constitution that the gov’t should take my money to help others.  The argument that these people need help doesn’t matter in the least.  I want their communities to help them, not me helping a bunch of people in California for their fiscal idiocies.

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