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Archive for November 12th, 2009

How to be a Stellar Spammer

Note:  The topic of the post is the second item below this amazingly weird snippet…

For a certain segment of the population, they don’t need to take the MMPI (personality test).  Everything you need to know about them – and the answer to “should they be locked up?” (yes, without hesitation).

Making a teddy bear from your child’s placenta.

placentateddy****

I am addicted to Shin Cups.  Yes, there you have it.  I am Lemur King and I am addicted to Shin Cups.  I eat one every day. Every time a new person comes on board at my company, they get a complimentary Shin Cup – the first one is free.

And I use chopsticks.  A billion plus orientals slurping noodles with sticks can’t be wrong.  Actually it is MUCH less messy using chopsticks and impresses the hell out of the chicks.  Like that matters in the least – guess how many engineering chicks there are in the world?  Well, I married one of them and they stopped tracking the other one years ago when she chewed the transmitter out of her arm.

So anyway, I happened upon this not-new posting about a new breed of chopsticks – The Chork.

chork

Bless those Geekologie.com folks…

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There seem to be a few rules that really generate strong returns for spammers.  They are worth reading because I really respond well to these, myself.

  1. do not use capital letters or punctuation because they distract
  2. Incomplete sentences best
  3. Grammer suck ass
  4. Make the e:mail to an individual from that individual
  5. Use catchy personal hooks like “shoot her in bed all night” or “First Class Hardons” or “Make Your Zipper Prominent.  Make Your Python Active.”
  6. Appeal to the reader’s insecurities:  “Target Her G-spot!” or “Impotent Info” – because this stuff really is effective
  7. Share knowledge like “Best Lust Recipe” or “Recipe of Hotter Lust”
  8. Be endearing:  “Please Read, My Friend”
  9. Make sure the spam appears to be coming from the recipient’s boss, requesting a homosexual tryst.
  10. Send the same exact e:mail twice.
  11. Send the same exact e:mail twice.
  12. NEVER use spel check:  “Hey, read this rigth now!”
  13. Tell the recipient the obvious:  “New message received.”
  14. Add “-inator” to any word in the subject line.
  15. Be obscure about… you know.
  16. Use symbolics:  “Hi m8!”
  17. Use the word “herbs” in the subject line.
  18. Use nonsense sentences:  “My Revenge for Schollyears.”
  19. Tell me about bad things:  “Your membership stopped”
  20. Get manic about euphemisms:  “Hoisters for your Pork-Lever” or “Become her drillosaur!”
  21. Shock:  “Ronald McDonald Gangbanged”
  22. Interest them with a mystery: “Guess who I am.”
  23. Fear:  “You’re fired.”
  24. Appeal to the inner miser in your audience:  “Up to 75% on Rolex”
  25. Curiosity:  “What Jolie’s underwear hides.”    (It’s a advert for cosmetics.  So I hear.)

Just a few simple rules.  You too can succeed.

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I geeked out.  A nerd-shwing to the 10^5 power.

Digital Rat Brains.  Who knew that simulating the murine brain could lead to self-organization of the structure?  (I’m so geeked I need a cigarette and a shower)

How much power does the human brain require to operate?  (about 20 Watts)

Lastly, use this op-ed for a basis of a cool discussion.  Swine Flu Conspiracy.

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Ok, this is a lot like bitching for compensation when the free software you are using isn’t working right.

ACORN sues over unconstitutional funding cuts by congress:

Representatives for ACORN sued the federal government Thursday morning in an attempt to regain the millions of dollars in funding the community organizing group lost after filmmakers videotaped its workers offering advice on how to commit tax fraud and various other felonies.

The suit charges Congress with violating the Constitution when it passed legislation in September that specifically targeted ACORN to lose federal housing, education and transportation funds.

Uhhhhh… giving funding in the first place isn’t constitutional, so we really ought not be going there.

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