update: this guy has balls like a tiger. I don’t normally say that about stunts.
****
I got a call today while at work.
Minding my own business working on a particularly hairy design revision – which, coincidentally, looks an awful lot like sitting there stupidly and almost-drooling – and I hear the sound of a flushing toilet.
As it turns out the flushing toilet sound is the ringtone on my cellphone that tells me that Cruel Wife is trying to get ahold of me. I think she knows, but I’m not sure, and I’ve never wanted to ask lest we arrive at her knowing by the self-tipping of my own hand.
Anyway, the phone rang flushed and I madly scrambled for it. I flipped it open and said nonchalantly “Hello…?” I like to answer my phone in unique ways and sometimes “Hello” is refreshing. Last week I answered it “Heidi’s House of Pain. Heidi speaking.” The week before that was “Joe’s Bar and Grille – Bar speaking.” Our conversation went like this:
Cruel Wife: I screwed up.
Lemur King: Okayyyy…
[screeching tires and sound of racing engine, muttered swearing]
Cruel Wife: I forgot to call in for Jury Duty last night and I didn’t show up this morning. Sh*t… sh*t… sh*t… sh*t.
[Sound of hyperventilating and nauseous gulping on other end]
LK: Good one! Where’s Frankenboy?
CW: In the car with me. [screeching of tires, sound of tortured metal] I’ll call you when I know more.
LK: K! Have fun!
Turns out Cruel Wife dodged a metaphorical/figurative bullet. She showed at the courthouse a full hour and a half late to find that she was juror #150-something and they only called up to #140-something.
****
I don’t believe it… I actually agree with Hillary Clinton on something.
Clinton did not single out critics [of the US aid to Haiti] but said that “some of the international press either misunderstood or deliberately misconstrued” the US decision to send troops along with civilians to Haiti.
It hasn’t been the international press. It’s been leaders and top people of countries (FRANCE, ITALY) that are supposedly our friends.
This isn’t misunderstanding or misconstrued. This is one of two things – they aren’t intelligent enough to be allowed to remain in control of anything, including the office supplies cabinet – or – they are more interested in taking shots at the US than rolling up their sleeves and doing more.
Those that bitch have no idea what it takes to take care of half a million people plus several hundred dead bodies at the drop of a hat. I defy anyone to do better, and if they think they can they should step up and take the lead at the next disaster.
****
For the record… don’t bury me until you know I’m brain dead. M’kay?
Man discovered alive in his coffin.
****
Alien life could already be among us, Scientist says.
Just now figured that out? Hell, we’ve had women among us for millenia and he just now figures it out. What a maroon. He should write for New Scientist.
****
Been looking at art, fonts, ideas, concepts… found a sort of retro look website. Love the lead-in page… Rejected robot.
Lemur King's Folly 
Only served once, but it turned out to be a murder trial. Lasted a whole week. We didn’t hand down the verdict until 3 AM Saturday morning. Left around 4:30 under police escort and got walked right past the family of the man we just sent to prison as they cried outside the courthouse.
It was a crazy week… a rewarding experience, but not something you’ll ever be able to forget.
Guilty beyond a reasonable doubt? Yes. Beyond all doubt? No. Was I personally responsible for swaying most of the jury? Yes.
It sticks with me.
Geez, Woody. I guess that would stick with me as well.
For all the gripes we hear about “innocent people going to jail” I’d say we have one of the best systems in the world – it leans heavily in favor of the accused.
I’ve been called up three times now and every time they get to what I do for a living the lawyers seem to get all twitchy and scratch my name off their lists.
Love the robot.
Please convey my adoration to Cruel Wife. She is my heroine.
I like to answer the phone in different ways. “Grand Central Staion” is common, but my best one was “The Singing Needle Tattoo Parlor– Rusty speaking. How can I help you?” The guy at the other end freaked out…something about “eeeewwww…rusty AND needles?” then a dial tone.
Women as alien creatures….It has merit. And that guy probably sees the writing on the wall, too. SETI has been a money drain, and shows signs of being pulled.
I wonder how I would fair at a jury duty pool, especially being a Minutman volunteer, NRA member, and a supporter of the death penalty?
Stinging Needle… I feel a photoshop coming on. You guys are like… creative gold or something.
Women and blackberry bushes. Alien Life Forms.
Minutewoman, NRA, and a death eater, huh? I’d think you’d be a shoo-in in Texas.
Your similarities to Cruel Wife are rather frightening. Steampunk, small stature, alien, sharp tongued, and married to poor sons-o-bitches who are really saintly guys.
“married to poor sons-o-bitches who are really saintly guys.”
Damn your hide!! I just shot coffee out through my nose!!!!
I dated an alien chick back in ’73. What she could do with her hands was unearthly. Hell, I’ve been posting photos of alien women for years. But does anyone listen? Noooo………
I got called to jury duty once in Tx, and served on a malpractice suit. We found the Dr. not guilty. We figured the plaintiff was just seeing what she could gouge out of his insurance. he didn’t do shit…
Usually Tx lawyers reject engineers automatically, but he must have seen my look of utter disgust when a fat lady asked, “Does the Dr. have insurance?”
I had a dream about the skydiver dude last night. He was falling feet-first and the friction was causing his feet to burn up. Brrrr.
The people in other countries that are complaining about the US’s work in Haiti would have been the first to complain that we were being too high-handed and not cooperative enough if we had done it the way they (now) say we should have. I hope I’m around when we finally tell the French officially and publicly to go fuque themselves.
And here I always thought it was “fucque”.
What the hell do I know?
Phucque?
Yes, the Fwench and Eyeties can suck rectum. They’re just jealous because we have the wherewithal and organizational skills to quickly respond.
That was a weird dream, Enas. I’m envious.