Update: #10 wins. #6 is dear to my heart but #10 is one I haven’t told in a while.
Stay tuned for later tonight.
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As close as I’ll ever get to a “tweet”…
Had a blood test for cholesterol today.
Darned vampires. They suck four quarts of blood out of your arm and then have the audacity to tell you to not take the band-aid off for seven hours or you could bleed out right there on the floor. I think they’re just worried about where their next meal is coming from.
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No, I’m not going to quote Marcellus from Pulp Fiction, although it would be great and all.
No, “Now What?” refers to what stories shall I tell next? Vote and if you are the selected winner of the “What Next?” lottery you will get… mentioned.
The choices are:
- Spelunking While Drunk
- Death Ride with a Strange Drunk Woman
- Driving to Michigan with a Drugged Cat in the Truck
- The Taternator: Stories of a Loosed Potato Cannon
- Til the Blood Runs Clear – A Short Water Polo Story
- The Dog Groaned at Dusk – A German Shepherd’s Tale
- Cutting the Mustard
- A Compilation of Puppy-Dog Tails -or- Finding Nemo
- Fractured Ego, or “How I Didn’t Spend My Summer” (industrial accident)
- The Spitting Beaver River Incident
There’s more. Many many more. I’ve lived a strange life. All of it true.
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I got a mission-style rocking chair today. Originally marked at $75 and marked down by 75% I walked away with it for $18.75. A movie production house near my work had a sale and were dumping items to get them out of their building. I paid my money and then picked it up with my truck.
Later today several co-workers asked if it was a redneck thing going on with the chair.
I said “Huh?”
Well, ok, I guess I could see what they meant.
I told them it was cheaper than a child car-seat.
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The Dude sent me this today. I didn’t know what the hell to do with it. Finally I wrote back and said “Should I blog this?”
He said he got it from the moronosphere so what the hell, I’m blogging it. No idea what the source is, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to do a Google Image search on “University of Michigan” and “semen“.
Lemur King's Folly 
I’ve seen that masturbation thing several places, LK. Breakdotcom, for one, but its been quite a while.
Tell the story of the mucus membranes! I’ve been waiting for that one!
Mucous membranes? Which number is that on the list?
The Spitting Beaver River Incident?
I vote for #1, since I am an amateur spelunker 🙂
There is nothing I can say about the sign….. nothing that wouldn’t get me in trouble, anyway.
I lurv the rocking chair!!!
I vote for #3, and then #6, mostly cause I think those are the best two titles of the bunch, but great titles all, and I hope you eventually do all of those stories.
Remind me never to take a shower at the University of Michigan.
I just made it up, LK, to see what you’d do. 🙂
The spitting genitalia sounds interesting.
What I’d do? Why, I sat there in a endless conditional loop – my brain kept evaluating the statement and coming back “Null”.
The rocking chair isn’t for child restraint. We get my mom, call her “Granny”, and stick her in the chair while we go down the road! I don’t even think she’d get the reference! LOL
From the inside perspective, folks, my favorite stories of those listed above are #’s 6 and 10. 🙂
Dang it….now I have that damn theme in my head, complete with banjo music!!
Sorry, but you WAAAY exceeded your 140 character limit with your psuedo-tweet.
I vote for 7 just to be contrary.
I wouldn’t know a tweet if it walked up and honked me on the ass.
Mitchell, if you hadn’t voted to be contrary I would have fallen over dead with a heart attack. It would be analogous to stopping a black lab’s tail from wagging and having them expire on the spot instantaneously.
(It’s true – NEVER stop a black lab’s tail. You can trust me.)
By the way – the winner is announced at the top in the Update…
Twitter is fun. Here’s mine for today: “Everybody stand back! I’m about to commit random acts of statistical analysis! BWAHAHAHAHA! *puts on goggles*”
Steampunk goggles, right?
You know it! I ordered a pair last week and they just arrived last night. They’re very cool.
Latest tweets:
“Oh, yeah. That was some good Analysis of Variance right there, people. I analyzed the HELL out of that variance!”
“I’m doing Full Frontal Scatterplots now. You can’t stop me. Don’t even try!”
I SUBMIT TO YOU THE FOLLOWING:
…for great justice!
my goodness, this blog strips out IMG tags.
I’ll be hornswoggled.
Ruh-roh.
My blog strips images?
Now I have blog-envy and feel totally inadequate.
Crap, I’m never going to know what apotheosis was going to post…. 😦
Mayhaps we could convince apotheosis to post it somewhere where the blog isn’t so… limited. I must admit I too am disappointed.
Apo’ posted this at the top of SondraK’s site:
http ://www.sondrak.com/archive/skpics2/diapers_democrats.jpg
if LK’s place strips that out, go to SondraK’s web site and look at the top just below the banner.
LK – “spitting genitalia” = spitting beaver
*And I win!!!*
Sorry, my noodle is just going that way tonight. It may be a tea with bourbon & honey overdose.
Let’s put it this way, McGoo – that name conjured up many images. The story behind it will be told tonight.
Tea, bourbon, and honey… gosh that sounds good right now.
I can’t take credit for that image at all. Mine was much more prosaic, by which I mean boring-er.
I like that image though. Change that matters and steaming loads of poo just seem to go together with a democrat controlled gov’t. They’ve made a shit-all mess of it.