It started innocently enough.
I tore a thumbnail below the level of the skin today, meaning there’s just no good way to trim it back because fingernail clippers can’t go beyond where the underside of the nail connects up with the skin. Anyone with fingernails knows this. So, how does one fix this?
Bright Idea #1: Superglue to the rescue!
The superglue container was sort of glued shut. So I used pliers to open it by pulling the little glue-encrusted tack out and with it came a bunch of crusty glue.
Then I repaired the torn nail. So far, easy-peasy.
But the little tack wouldn’t go back in the tube.
Bright Idea #2: Hold tube in palm of left hand and push hard with the right hand to force the tack back into the neck of the glue bottle.
Except the tube in my left palm slipped. I drove the tack into my palm – buried the metal and crusty glue plug in my palm at the 4 o’clock side of dead-center. Pulled my right hand away and saw it kind of stuck there. You know… impaled. I reached over and pulled the tack out quickly, and…
Bright Idea #3: Quickly cover the wound with your right thumb.
Except the puncture wound had superglue all around it because the pointy tack was recently on the inside of the superglue’s tube/neck thingy.
Yes. Yes. Yes, I did superglue my right thumb over the wound in my left palm after driving a glue-soaked tack into said palm of said left hand after having just repaired a torn nail on the thumb of my left hand.
Note: Superglue in a wound kind of stings. Also, superglue has been used in the past for wound-suturing, so it worked great in plugging up the puncture in my palm.
I can’t wait to see this one at work tomorrow.
It’s totally unimpressive. A red dot in my palm, a little swelling, perhaps a tinge of bruise, and a glue patch that is also underwhelming.
It’s the whole “I drove a thumbtack into my palm” kind of thing.
My aunt once glued all of her fingers on her left hand together. Big-time.
Isn’t it amazing how fast things can go utterly to shit?
There’s a solvent for that stuff, but I wouldn’t want to feel it in an open wound.
And it probably does genetic damage. 🙂
And there I sat for several minutes, with LK in the periphery of my vision, unconscious of the fact that he was still holding his thumb over the puncture (which I hadn’t realized had gone all the way in, about a quarter inch – sorry Hon). It wasn’t until several minutes had gone by that LK announce “You know, after all that, I just glued my thumb to the palm of my hand, too.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or be sympathetic. I attempted both. Hmmm, LK gets narrow-eyed and suspicious when CW starts acting sympathetic while stifling giggles…
Sorry for what? The puncture depth declaration?
As far as laugh vs. sympathy…? You didn’t cover the first one well at all and there was precious little of the second. “Cruel Wife”, remember??
Ha, great story.
I bet with all the superglue mishaps around the country, they could devote a whole website just for that purpose.
My father in law once was trying to fix a leg on a sofa, and was going to use superglue to fix it. He actually gave a little speech to his wife and son, explaining all the glories of superglue to them, and then he realized he had glued his hands to the sofa. His wife had to rip his hands loose. He was in too awkward an angle for her to be able to do something nicely effective like using solvent to remove the glue and free his hands, so 1-2-3 and a quick fierce yank, and he was once again free.
And in pain.
Heard about a father who woke up to find that his kid had been putting drops of superglue in his ear. Can you imagine superglue on your eardrum?
I did a Halloween costume that was simple as can be. I cut the tips off of some antlers, 2-3″ lengths, and put an angle on them. Then I superglued them to my forehead. Awesome demon look. I got lots and lots of intense stares. Taking them off? Five beers into a six-pack, grab ’em and YANK.
Ouch. I have never had to superglue anything shut or back on.
On my recent trip, however, I got a huge bite on my foot from some triangular golden fly creature. Three huge bites. I was afraid to smash him on my foot – I thought it might hurt worse – and shooing him away obviously didn’t work very well. I was scratching them to beat the band when my mother says “Here, I have some rubbing alcohol. Put this on it to get rid of any infection there might be.”
Like an idiot, I thought, “Hm. Why not.” Raw open scratches with alcohol applied directly in decent amounts.
My mother laughed at me.
Could be worse. Your mother could have smeared on some Merthiolate.
When I was young, every kid I knew feared Merthiolate, which we called monkey blood for some reason. My mother was famous for smearing the damn stuff on us at the slightest provocation. Got a splinter? Pull it out, douse with Merthiolate. Puncture wound? Merthiolate.
Paper cut? Merthiolate. I swear, if the doctor hadn’t told her it would not be a good idea, she would have doused the inside of our mouths whenever we had a cut or whatever inside our mouths.
Mom was a Bactine girl. I would guess her mother probably did the Merthiolate though. She was a nurse and very practical about what to use – didn’t matter if it hurt like the dickens. It would remind you to not get hurt again and have to have stuff put on a wound. 🙂
We had merthiolate, too. Merthiolate and rubbing alcohol.
If someone had tipped ol’ Joansey off to cauterizing our wounds she’d have done that, too.
Man oh man did I fear tincture of merthiolate. That hurt far worse than whatever I had done to myself.
I punctured myself all the time, half the time I had no idea until my mother asked me why my (…) was covered in blood.
Nicole, you mother sounds like a woman after my heart.
My niece cut her finger so I gave her a salt shaker and said, “Quick, put salt on it!”
My nieces used to be a little too trusting before I lived near them.
Your mom must be a riot to have around. 🙂
It’s a miracle CW lets you out of the house under your own recognizance…..
Yes, esp. after: Taking an axe to the top of my head, the cuisinart blade stuck in my ankle, stabbing myself in the forearm with an x-acto knife, and crunching my pinky finger under a power supply.
Unless… unless she *wants* me gone.
Hell no, she doesn’t *want* you gone, LK!! Aside from the candy-obvious, she also likes the unlimited entertainment you provide.
You sooo need to meet Hubby. He has experienced all that, and more….
And no, I was NOT involved!!!
Dude. You need to be more careful!
Five beers into a six-pack, grab ‘em and YANK.
DUDE.
Them’s was my stupid days. Now I’m Stupid While Sober.
The way to fix bad fingernails: 1/4 qt. boiling oil, quickly immerse wounded finger in said, excruciating pain covers minor pain, slow recovery of burned flesh and nail makes it all better.
Then again, I still ride the same horse that threw me into a Joshua tree. And, a barbed wire fence. Oh that canyon slope we went down, twernt nuthin.