Archive for December, 2010

Tis the season.

I got one, my son got one, then the wife and daughter got one!  And we spread it out over 3-4 days.

A great awesome case of the heave-till-your-nose-bleeds-and-you-see-the-angels.

It must have something to do with all the people-to-people contact right around this time of year.

So that is where I’ve been for the last few days.

Last night was juggling a tired boy, a barfing and groaning wife, and a daughter who would come and announce to me every heave-ho of her own.

And a son who could not understand that when mommy is puking she doesn’t want to see his Legos and to leave her alone, dammit!

I kept the laundry moving, the dishes going, the dinner made, a trip to the store for – peppermint tea, consomme, ginger cookies, chicken noodle soup, 7-up, gator-ade, brie, and tamales.  I am be-awesome.

The tamales were for me.  Cheap-ass canned ones since no one could eat my real ones on account of the gift that keeps on giving.


Can we please dispense with the bullshit and go back to being sane?

Dylan and Klebold were obvious.  There were a million signs that stupid teachers and parents just didn’t pick up on.

But kids who are future leaders and achievers with a paring knife in their lunchbox?  This is as ridiculous as the british law against kitchen knives larger than a certain size.

I was in school waiting to head to the lunchroom and pulled a kleenex out of my coat pocket.  A shotgun shell fell out of my pocket.  You’d have thought I’d shot the pope and was about to do the same to every schoolkid, teacher, and principal.  But they called my dad who was very clear:  We had just been hunting two days ago and it was an honest accident and get over it you candy-assed pansies.


There was a day when the cops would have heard all sides to the story and said “Guess you learned a valuable lesson here, kid.”


That day is no more.

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Merry Catsmus.

Merry Christmas to all.

I’ll flesh this story out a bit more tomorrow but suffice it to say I walked into the pet store looking for one cat and came away with two.

They are Last Chance cats, meaning they’re destined for the Humane Society if they aren’t placed with a family.

Meet Jack and Jill, or as I call them, Jackal and Jilly-boo.  They are three years old and brother and sister.  We took both so they could be kept together – they are fantastic with each other.  Jack has been out and about all evening and you would have thought he was our cat for years the way he’s been with the commotion and kids.  He was calm, cool, and catlike.

I even crashed my helicopter next to him and he barely twitched.  (full-control chopper – yay for me)

Why, someone got a cat for Christmas under the tree... (Jack)

Jilly-boo is a bit more reserved.  She came out and really started scoping the place out after the kids went down.  Shown below is her as she’s scoping the upper back shelves in our closet.

Why, there's ANOTHER one in the closet... (Jilly-boo)

Me and Cruel Wife, we’re tickled to have critters running about and cats are autonomous enough that they’re fitting in very well.


Mitchell, the gift to Cruel Wife was totally freakin’ awesome.  A Girl Genius print, and a great one at that.  I tell you, that Agatha… rowr.   And it has coffee on it, too!    Thank you again for the leather satchel as well.   Yours is in-transit.

More about Christmas and our totally hedonistic materialist binge tomorrow.   I’ve been a miser for years now and this Christmas we’ve been able to splurge a little.  It’s been nice.



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Warm weather can’t possibly be caused by the sun, but freakishly cold and harsh winters can’t be handwaved away and blamed on AGW, so NOW we’ll call it a result of “solar activity”.

Experts are still unsure why this is but suspect it may be related to the EL Nino weather system as well as changes in sea temperatures and solar activity.

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In the interim…

Until tonight’s GrovelBlog, a link to Angry Harry’s site where, apparently, Harry is quite Angry.

See, I was looking for the source of a quote I saw over this babe’s desk years ago (she was a femi-nazi):  A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.

Now.  Isn’t…  That…  Cute?

Actually, no, it was pretty damned snotty and bitchy, but hey.  Like a babe needs my respect?

[That was purposely designed to be offensive.  If you know me you should know that I don’t actually think like that.  I just say that sort of thing to get a rise out of babes.]

So searching in the webiverse, I came across Angry Harry, who we have already determined, is Angry.

Angry Harry goes a bit beyond my threshold.

Oh well, this was a good five-minute diversion for you, wasn’t it?  Stay tuned for tonight’s GrovelBlog!



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Too Much Time on Your Hands.

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The doc said that she has what is called mallet finger.

This is a hand actor shown, not Cruel Wife's actual hand.

It’s been a good thing that it isn’t hurting her all that much but it’s a bad thing that for four to six weeks she can’t bend that sucker or it’s going to undo any healing.

This really screws up any chance of a foot-rub.

Aggie… relax, she knows I don’t mean it about the foot thing.  Back when she was preggers I ran into the room to spritz her with water to “keep her wet until we could get her back in the water”, so it’s not unexpected that she’s not bent out of shape about this, either.

If she thought I meant all the terrible things I say… I’d be a dead man.


Yep, she popped her finger good.

She still can’t straighten the tip of her finger out and there’s a knot about halfway between the last joint and the next.

Told her that she’d “better get down to an urgent care and have it seen to sooner rather than later – you don’t want to be sidelined for very long, because my feet need rubbing.”

So that’s where she’s at now.

Worried that she may have busted a tendon.  When she tries to straighten it out she says there’s none of that tension on the back of the finger that you normally feel.  If I remember it right, ligaments hold bones together and tendons connect muscle to bones, so it’s not a great sign.

This is going to be a real hardship since my mistress doesn’t like to rub feet.

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The Things that I Drink.

Cruel Wife just popped her finger.  It won’t straighten out.  Just the tip of her left ring finger.

It’s not serious in a bad way but it’s serious enough that she can’t rub my feet, and that has me concerned.

If she still can’t rub my feet in a week I’ll insist that she sees a doctor.  It gets serious like that and it’s no laughing matter.

If my feet get all crampy it’ll mess with my sleep.


I am a ‘holic.

Specifically a tonic-aholic.  I love quinine.  I drink a liter a day of tonic water at room temperature.  No lime.  Gets in the way of the flavor.  Midnight every night is the time when I crack the seal slowly and let the overpressure bleed off in little bits.  I savor the moment and my saliva glands go into overdrive like crazed Pavlovian canines.

Another weakness is eggnog.  Now here is another example where the weakness for the flavors started when I was adding booze to them in copious quantities but now I just love them for the taste.

I’m sure that if I had started back when I was drinking vodka I’d now be tossing down highball glasses full of the juice from freshly crushed bunnies or something like that.  But I never started knocking back crushed bunnies back then so it isn’t a habit of mine now.  But I did toss back a fair number of Bloody Mary drinks and so Spicy V-8 is still a favorite.

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In Ashland, Oregon, they want to make sure that around CHRISTMAS TIME they show more secular symbols and less religious ones.

According to the new guidelines, displays in public areas should “represent the diversity of the season, and should avoid symbols with patently religious meanings,” including the manger scene, menorahs, angels or the Star of David.

If a tree is displayed, it should be surrounded with “symbols from various religious backgrounds, along with secular symbols,” the guidelines state.

These people are teaching children, mind you.

The Christmas tree did not begin as a religious symbol.  It began as a pagan tradition and has come to be associated with the season.  Essentially the “Christmas Tree” IS a secular symbol.  Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think the Christmas season is complete w/o a tree, but I don’t mistake it for symbolizing Christ.


But, Ashland and Eugene, Oregon (and Portland) are well known for being liberal bastions and neither logic nor facts need apply.

They got owl lovers, tree huggers, duck squeezers, and bunny fluffers.  Everything a progressive needs to feed off of.

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A New Plug.

Update:  I’ve recently argued that if women ruled the world there would be a lot less high-risk stuff done (Panama Canal, Boulder Dam, rail guns, etc.) but I have to say there’d also be a lot less stuff like these… jet powered… well, everything. Totally ridonkulous, IMHO, because they didn’t include a tiny go-kart version of a jetboat.


Another plug for Stephan Pastis – may people give his books as gifts this Christmas until supplies just plain run out.  There’s this endearing quality to his work.  There’s less meanness in it even though Rat is evil and the crocs want to eat everyone – especially “Zeeba” (they can’t pronounce “Zebra”).

Cruel Wife says I am Rat because of my sarcasm.  And I did a Goat once where I raved about cordless shades like the ones shown.  What can I say?  I’m complicated.


Why do so many First Ladies feel the need to horn in on the President’s job?  Cruel Wife feels no need to jump in where I work.  Nor would anyone give her the time of day because they hired me, not her.  As it should be.  Her company isn’t interested in me, either.

Military leaders … tell us that when more than one in four young people are unqualified for military service because of their weight,” the first lady says in the prepared remarks, “childhood obesity isn’t just a public health threat, it’s not just an economic threat, it’s a national security threat as well.   – Michell Obama, telling us how it is

Can you gimme hallellujah?

But when our kids spend so much of their time each day in school, and when many children get up to half their daily calories from school meals, it’s clear that we as a nation have a responsibility to meet as well. We can’t just leave it up to the parents.  – Michelle Obama, taking our responsibility upon herself, unasked for

Actually you should leave it up to the parents – that’s why parents are supposed to be involved in local schools.  We don’t need you, Michelle, just butt out.


Supposedly Global Warming leads to colder winters.  With that statement in mind, read the following from the Christian Science Monitor:

Last winter, the US reported snow coverage in nearly all 50 states in December. That anomaly led to unusual January freezes in the South and several “Snowmageddon” events in the mid-Atlantic, all of which Accuweather meteoreologist Joe Bastardi likened to “the great winters of the ’60s and ’70s.”

Mr. Bastardi predicted earlier this fall that the East Coast will “be granted a reprieve” from the kind of major storms that buffeted the region last winter. In fact, he noted that a fast start to winter in the East could lead to a major thaw in January.

Meteorologists have also predicted greater-than-normal swings between the season’s coldest and hottest days, creating what Mr. Bastardi dubbed “The Wintry Battle Zone.”

But the pre-Christmas “snow blitz” in the upper Midwest, added to the near-zero wind chills in the South, continue to confound atmospheric scientists like Mr. Martin, who is not keen to make a call on how the Winter of 2011 will pan out.

“Given our level of ignorance about what’s going on, we don’t want to compound that with a level of arrogance by saying we know what’s going to happen in a month,” he says.

If we don’t want a certain level of arrogance associated with claiming that we know what will happen in a month, how are we able to predict dire circumstances as a result of AGW?

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Stormy stuff.

Took Cruel Wife 3 hours to drive home tonight.  I went to get the kids (took today off because I had more than enough hours worked last week) and it was cold and icy.  Really cold.  Really icy.

So anyway, it sucked.  I won’t go into all the reasons why.  Just take my word for it, it did.

Global warming is making Michigan a really damned cold place.  Make sense of that, willya?

Pearls Before Swine is a favorite comic of mine.  Pig and Rat just make me happy.  I’m putting this strip in to make a plug for Pastis.  May his readership swell.

Pig is my Hero.

Heroes should not be necessarily brave, or strong, or demi-god-like.  Heroes should have one requirement and that is that they must be steadfast.  Pig is steadfast and loyal to a fault – flying in the face of the Nobel committee.  Good for him.


The Daily News…

Angry that his teenage daughter was dating an older man, a German dad went to the 57-year-old’s home and castrated him with a bread knife, police said.

Helmut Seifert, originally from Russia, recently pled guilty to attacking Phillip Genscher, according to London’s Telegraph.

Good for you, man!  I… uh… I mean… that’s horrible!   He castrated the poor… no, I meant what I said, good on you, Helmut.

I saw it as my duty as a father. – Helmut Seifert

How can we contribute to his defense fund?


Punish the leaker, not the papers…?  WTF?

Punish the leakers, spare the press: WikiLeaks ushers in scary new age of journalism

There is a huge difference between freedom of the press and breaking the law.  I don’t know how journalism was able to get away with granting itself protection from the law but it’s not right.  You can’t claim that just because the other guy broke into an ATM and threw money in the street that you aren’t breaking the law when you pocket that money.

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Topic Salad Sunday.

I was talking with my sister and asked her if they still have goats.  (We’ll call her “GlassCutter”)

Me:  Still got your goats?

GlassCutter:  Yes.  Disgusting animals.

Me:  Can I ask why they are disgusting?

GC:  Yeah.  We rented a billy to mate with our female goats.

Me:  Rent-a-Billy.  Cool.

GC:  Yeah, when they want to attract one of the females, the bucks piss all over their own heads.

Here I imagined a goat standing on it’s hind legs and trying to aim high and with enough force to have a golden shower.  I failed miserably, because I was laughing so hard I was near to blacking out.

Me:  So… do they lay on their backs and aim or…

GC:  No, they put their head down between their front legs and go.  Drives the chicks wild.

Me:  Hmmm.  Does it work with humans?  I mean, I could go pee on myself and…

GC:  Sure, see if Cruel Wife is interested.

To my great relief a verbal description failed to elicit any amorous responses from Cruel Wife.


We were eating dinner tonight and I noticed that the kids were far more interested in the tv that we forgot to turn off in the other room.  To test my theory that they were mentally on another planet I started talking.

Me:  So… NASA called.  I’m going to fly to the moon.

(silence, daughter blinks several hundred times slower than normal, but just once)

Me:  But only if I could take a zebra on the spacecraft with me.

(more silence, the boy drooled onto his plate)


(dead silence, food falls out of boy’s mouth… then…)

Girlhead and Frankenboy:  (in unison)  Can we be excused now?

Me:  Yes.  Fine.  Go.  Your mother and I will eat alone in silence.  In the dark.  Slowly going blind.  Don’t you worry about us…

No I didn’t really say that last part.


Sooooo… if Republicans back Obama’s tax cut deal then it is really them approving of another “stimulus package”.  Did I really hear that right?

It is the irony of ironies if you believe one leading economist’s characterization of President Obama’s tax cut deal. As Republicans prepare to take over the House next month — having swept to power by railing against reckless spending in Congress — they are now backing what Mark Zandi calls a second “stimulus.”  – FoxNews.com

A stimulus package in the way politicians seem to see it is where you take away money from people and then give it back to them, thus granting them some sort of favor that they must now feel grateful for.  And they should somehow feel stimulated.

But wouldn’t it be better and far cheaper to not have wasted money on bureaucracy and let people keep their money in the first place?  Talk about government waste.

“It’s stimulus in the sense we’re providing some additional temporary tax cuts and some additional temporary spending increases, so I’m not sure what the difference is between what we’re talking about here and what we did back in early ’09,” Zandi said on America’s Election Headquarters Sunday.

Again… how about you keep your stinkin’ mitts off our money in the first place and let us figure out what to do with it?  THAT is real stimulus, you freak.


Watched “The Doors” finally.  God what an aimless damned train wreck of a human being and of a movie.  I walk away from reruns of “Barney” feeling more empowered than that.

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Popular Science, something I enjoy reading when I’m looking for “Science Lite” – tastes ok, less taxing…

Anyway, they put up this thing about the WikiLeaks moron.

A sponge by the name of kjmiklautsch commented…

People scream for equality, rally for human rights, protest for world peace, but are okay with the Governments and Powers of the world to continue to hold secrets from their people and other countries. If people truly wanted world peace, or truly wanted equality, we need to stop seeing other countries as competetors, and sharing all information on a global scale. Yes, this plan isn’t perfect, and I understand that thousands or perhaps millions of people will be harmed and possibly killed, but its a [risk I’m willing to take]. There are malicious people in the world, and they thrive on secrets and fear, and without question would take any information that can harm a country or its people and do just that.

Well, ok, since you’re willing to sacrifice those people, it is OK then.  No problem.

We spend so much time, effort and money in hiding things from other countries and trying to steal things from others; if all that energy was instead spent on furthering humanity as a whole instead of securing their seat as a world power, the would would be a better place.

Even though he is not handling the situation in the best way, Julian’s and Wikileaks actions are truly inspiring, and I can only hope that more people will finally open their eyes to the crimes of Governments, Corporations, banks, and other world powers, and in turn follow suit.

Inspiring?  Someone committing espionage and then blackmailing entire governments is inspiring?

I happen to agree with the sentiment that you should not blindly trust your government – any government – but that is a far cry from the automatic assumption Leftards seem to make that all governments are evil.  Or that all corporations and banks are evil.  Or that anyone who makes more than a quarter million dollars a year is suddenly evil.

All information should be free. If one person knows something, no amount of power, be it political or financial or otherwise, makes that person more deserving to know it than I.

I feel deserving of knowing your bank account numbers, you numbnuts.  Share them with me.  You can trust me.  It’ll be ok.  Likewise, your tax information should be free, your medical records should be free, and your fingerprints, DNA, and employer records should be easily accessible online.

Why not?  Surely this ridiculous effort being taken to secure your bank accounts, lock up your doctor’s office, lock up the corner pharmacy, and to lock your house up at night could be better spent furthering humanity.

That just sounds pretty stupid, doesn’t it?  Your bank account would be looted, someone might break into your doctor’s office to steal your records, the pharmacy would be cleaned out, and you would come home one day to find nothing there.

Why the hell would you think that a government would be any different?  Childish ideals have no place in a world rooted in reality.

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It was a rough week but due to the meticulous assistance from a very smart friend, my butt was pulled out of the frying pan and fire.  Whew!  Cyberspace thanks go to The French Sloth.  Very very grateful on my end.  I said so, and was even sincere when I said it.

Moving on – sometimes, just sometimes, Obama gets it right.

One year ago, I was humbled to receive the Nobel Peace Prize — an award that speaks to our highest aspirations, and that has been claimed by giants of history and courageous advocates who have sacrificed for freedom and justice.


Mr. Liu Xiaobo is far more deserving of this award than I was.

– President (loosely defined) Obama giving an award in honor of SOMEONE ELSE.

See, I am a narcissistic personality.  But Obama?  Ol’ Reservoir-Tip-Skin?  He blinds himself with his brilliance.

But the point is, here we are a year later and everyone – finally everyone – is wondering how blunder-boy could have possibly been considered worthy of an NPP.   He wasn’t.  Not even close.  Nor was Jimmeh Carter or Arafat.

To be honest, I’m not sure I understand how a guy that tried to spark anti-government behavior in China and is now serving an 11-year sentence is more deserving than many others in the world.  Oh well, it’s kind of a BS award anyway.  Might have meant something at one time but it’s largely irrelevant now.

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