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Archive for December 29th, 2010

Tis the season.

I got one, my son got one, then the wife and daughter got one!  And we spread it out over 3-4 days.

A great awesome case of the heave-till-your-nose-bleeds-and-you-see-the-angels.

It must have something to do with all the people-to-people contact right around this time of year.

So that is where I’ve been for the last few days.

Last night was juggling a tired boy, a barfing and groaning wife, and a daughter who would come and announce to me every heave-ho of her own.

And a son who could not understand that when mommy is puking she doesn’t want to see his Legos and to leave her alone, dammit!

I kept the laundry moving, the dishes going, the dinner made, a trip to the store for – peppermint tea, consomme, ginger cookies, chicken noodle soup, 7-up, gator-ade, brie, and tamales.  I am be-awesome.

The tamales were for me.  Cheap-ass canned ones since no one could eat my real ones on account of the gift that keeps on giving.

****

Can we please dispense with the bullshit and go back to being sane?

Dylan and Klebold were obvious.  There were a million signs that stupid teachers and parents just didn’t pick up on.

But kids who are future leaders and achievers with a paring knife in their lunchbox?  This is as ridiculous as the british law against kitchen knives larger than a certain size.

I was in school waiting to head to the lunchroom and pulled a kleenex out of my coat pocket.  A shotgun shell fell out of my pocket.  You’d have thought I’d shot the pope and was about to do the same to every schoolkid, teacher, and principal.  But they called my dad who was very clear:  We had just been hunting two days ago and it was an honest accident and get over it you candy-assed pansies.

****

There was a day when the cops would have heard all sides to the story and said “Guess you learned a valuable lesson here, kid.”

 

That day is no more.

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