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Archive for January, 2011

Lion-Meat Tacos.

I am going to catch hell but ME WANTS ONE!

Boca, gaining a rep for exotic tacos, plans lion-meat offering

Taco types… Crunchy Growler, Soft Growler, choice of three salsas:  Purry, Snarly, and Takedown.

(I just made those up.)

How about…

  • Stork-n-Beans
  • Foxtail Soup
  • Seal Sliders

Add your own in the comments!

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Frankenboy has a bad cough, Cruel Wife has been working at home to make up hours, and I have just done load of laundry #6 tonight.   I got the trash cans, salted the walk, picked up, did the dishes, read stories to GirlHead, threatened Frankenboy with eternal torment if he didn’t get his jammies on (if they actually think you’re going to do it, they pay attention – that is the secret to working with anyone)… I am officially domesticated.

Sure, I may be SuperDad and SuperHusband, but my testicles shriveled up and fell off early into the evening.  I am a soul-eunuch.   But I can fold clothes, roll socks, cook dinner, and do dishes.  I even (sob) scrubbed a toilet last night.

I think a mercy killing is in order.  Just put a pillow over my face and have someone sit on it.

Now, if you don’t mind, I’m going to go watch some Dexter.

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Never Wash Fruit.

Update: I got a Winter Jacket.

No, not the wearable kind.

Jack-jack DaKatt was pawing at something on the couch tonight.  I thought “Idiot, you’re pawing at a piece of dried cheese.  Brilliant.  Just eat it already.”

Then the flash of yellow was more than that.

Having been stung a huge number of times once when I broke open a stump with a motorcycle footpeg, I can state with great firmness that I hate, no loathe, no… I despise yellowjackets.  I tossed the cat aside and did the drinking-glass-over-a-porn-mag… uh… over-a-Time-Magazine… uh, no, porn does sound better doesn’t it?  Don’t ask me why I had a Time magazine in my house.  I don’t want to talk about it.

Anyway, I put it outside in that state, glassed in and left it there.  It has been outside in Michigan winter weather for over three hours now.

Goes to show you that paper and dead-still air are really not bad insulators at all.  Brought it back in and dumped it unceremoniously on the counter to observe it (the Time Magazine stayed outside thankyouverymuch).  After two minutes it twitched and started going for my jugular so I put an impenetrable force-field of Ziploc ™ around it’s little wasp ass.

Now, dead seriously, I’m going to figure out the most awful way I can kill the little SOB.  I may even rig up a little pyre and stake and burn it.   Thou shalt not suffer a wasp to live. No, no… if I did all that Cruel Wife might think I was crazy or something and we wouldn’t want her to think that.  Must think of something more sane.

Do wasps have toenails?

****Why You Never Wash Fruit****

Cruel Wife picked up a pile of laundry on Sunday, just sweeping up everything in the area and washed it.

It included my heavy hooded flannel shirt/jacket/thneed thing.

She assumed that if I put it in the laundry pile, I must have gone through the pockets.  And I was dumb enough to set it there when I didn’t want it washed.  “I’ll just get that a bit later,” I said.

When she went to put the wet clothes in the dryer she discovered:

  • A fountain pen
  • A few quarters
  • My blackberry
  • Two shredded Kleenex ™
  • My car keys
  • And tobacco

Yes, she washed my good el-cheapo fountain pen.

What’s that you say?  She washed my BlackBerry?  Why, yes.  Yes, she did.

Note:  She heard something clunking in there  and said “What is THAT?”  and then said “Mmm.” and went upstairs.

Turns out they don’t like that much.  It says right on the box do not put BlackBerry in the washing machine.  Wash by hand using gentle detergents.

It still works.  Nothing was lost.  The only teensy-weensy problem is that it gets hot enough to fry teensy-weensy little quail eggs on it.

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Well That Sounds Logical.

Beautiful People Have Higher IQ’s.

By that logic, the authors of the study must be butt-ugly.

Don’t hate me because I’m beautiful.

See?  All this, and modesty, too.  I’m beatin’ them off with a stick, folks.

The study indicated attractive men have IQs that are 13.6 points above the average, while beautiful women are 11.4 points higher than average.

It doesn’t mention (at least what I read) that men are also about ten points higher in IQ than women.

Just threw that out there to count how many women read this blog.  It is absolutely untrue.

****

Cruel Wife just threw a comment down below so I thought I’d post a graph of what I think the paper’s authors were trying to say.  And added the Womyn-baiting ten IQ points spread at the median point.  Obviously CW falls way to the right (in real life outside the 3-σ range – ignore my chart).

 

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Not really…

Foremost, I am much better today.  I made some from-scratch enchiladas and not a single urge to hurl.  Yay!

Now, over at The Hostages, there was posted a clip from Family Guy.  I don’t watch Family Guy, I just didn’t get into it.

But this was pretty funny, even if it bears no resemblance to a Red Bull addi… I mean, drinker.

And by the way, the editorial over at The Hostages is pretty darned good, too.

****

Good gravy.  If you can stomach reading the comments it is rather shocking the rather skewed view of how the US should be set up.  I can’t see how they could go from history, add the Constitution, and add the Federalist Papers, and end up with such viewpoints.

The reason I can’t see it is because there’s precious little evidence that they even paid attention to any of that.

The quotes below are cherry-picked nuggets from the comments section.

The fact is, people being armed chills freedom of speech. If you’re carrying a loaded gun, I’m going to be even more careful what I say around you than I am when I’m with cops. (Not that I have anything against cops.)

Ok, seriously, does someone have stats on how many legal concealed-carry permit folks shot someone for exercising their freedom of speech?  Is it a large number?  Does it make the mind wobble?  You would think that if statistics like that existed that showed that this was a huge problem the anti-gun people would be throwing those numbers around like confetti.

Some people die from gun violence in Arizona and we all get upset. Many, many more citizens will die this year from state budget cuts and medical insurance cuts. Seems the real predator is actually the people who oppose tax increases to pay for the services people need to stay alive. Not as sexy an issue as murder by a right wing nut; but more deadly and evil all the same.

Guns don’t kill people: conservatism does! In all its manifestations: from warmongering, to cutting taxes, to promoting false patriotism.

This is the real evil that walks amongst us!

What is it with people that think conservatives are evil soulless beings?  I know a great number of conservatives that would prefer to donate money to a charity or a church rather than give it to the government – why is this “wrong”?

This is one that’s really going to torque McGoos, cmblake6’s, cmonsters, and AggieSiths… among others.  Ready?

Absolutely zero gun control laws would have stopped this tragedy from happening. Let me explain, lets say you want to ban all guns, you get the law passed and tell everyone they have to turn in their guns. Who is going to turn their guns in? The law abiding citizen? Probably 80%-90% would. The person who intends to do harm now or in the future? I would say less than 5%. Now you have a situation where the criminals know that the chances of someone else having a gun are very low.

80-90%.  That high?  Really?

The people that believe in the 2nd Amendment don’t believe in the right to protect themselves because of the 2nd Amendment… they believe it is their God-given right to protect themselves and their family, and the 2nd Amendment is merely an affirmation of that.

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Experiencing Technical Difficulties.

Day 2 of SIF.  (Severe Intestinal Flux)

I am not working.  I am not blogging.  And I most certainly am NOT eating.  Fool me once, shame on me, because no one made me eat but someone should have stopped me.  Bad move.  Going back to bed.

*****

I am up after sleeping 4 hours straight.  Ate some chicken soup.  Not sure if that was a bad idea yet but my stomach is kicking up like it’s pissed that I disrespected it.

…anyhow…

Apparently San Francisco doesn’t need standardized testing to gauge whether the kids are proficient or way behind the curve and sadly sadly lacking.

Authorities say seven San Francisco middle school students have been taken to hospitals after apparently mistaking rat poison for candy.

San Francisco Fire Department Lt. Mindy Talmadge says students from the Martin Luther King Jr. Academic Middle School were taken to three hospitals Thursday afternoon after ingesting a blue cube they found atop a filing cabinet.

Why take them to three hospitals?  Segregation?

Speaking of MLK, it appears the holiday is being thrown under a bus, doesn’t it?

Snow makeup days on MLK Day.

Would you like some honesty?  While I respect MLK, I recognize that he was still just a man and had his issues, just like the rest of us.  Do I sit down with “my black brethren” and reflect about King’s dream?

Oh freakin, PLEASE.  Are you KIDDING?  We are near Detroit.  God’s honest truth?  Since I moved to Michigan I have met more blacks who have hostile (outright hostile) attitudes towards whites than any other place in the nation.  And I’ve been all over the nation.  Even the South, where you might expect more hostility, you don’t see it there.  Not like here.

When CW and I moved here from the NW, it was an absolute shock.

“It’s an opportunity for people, black and white, to reflect on what King’s dream meant for blacks and whites,” said Georgia State Conference NAACP President Edward DuBose. “And it’s humiliating to hear that school districts want to take a snow day rather than to honor Dr. King’s legacy.”

Huh.  How about that?  My kids’ teachers are taking a professional development meetings day on Monday.   Oh, maybe that’s secret-speak for “observing MLK day”.

“Humiliating”?  Dude, MLK is not your God, he was a champion for civil rights.  What were the names of the two white civil rights workers who were killed, again?  I forget what days they got for reflection.

I don’t think I was ever given the day off.  I am pretty much too busy to “reflect”.  If it makes anyone feel better, I don’t even know what day is “President’s Day”.

“Am I surprised? Probably not. But I’m disappointed,” said state Sen. Vincent Fort, an Atlanta Democrat and a leader of the Georgia Legislative Black Caucus. “It’s supposed to be a day of service, a day of reflection. And this sends a message that the home state of Dr. King may not fully value him.”

What the hell does whether or not you take a day off – especially in this business/economic climate – got to do with “fully value(ing)” a person?

And a post or two ago, I asked people for their peeves in terms of meaningless expressions.  Add two:

reflection

day of service

update:

I just saw this…  it is rather typical of the NAACP to be pushy as hell, much like Jesse Jackson, Sharpton, and others.  I’m more of a Clarence Thomas, Jesse Peterson, Thomas Sowell, Walter Williams, Alan Keyes, and Ken Hamblin kind of guy myself.

SANFORD, Maine (NEWS CENTER) — While attending a meeting for business leaders in Sanford, Governor Paul LePage spoke out about why he would not attend Martin Luther King ceremonies on the upcoming holiday.

LePage has declined invitations from the National Association for the Advancement of Colored People (NAACP). The organization has already expressed its displeasure with the governor’s plans to not attend the events.

“They are a special interest. End of story…and I’m not going to be held hostage by special interests. And if they want, they can look at my family picture. My son happens to be black, so they can do whatever they’d like about it,” said LePage.

LePage has an adopted son who is from Jamaica.

When a reporter from another television station asked LePage if his non-participation is more than one instance, and rather a pattern, he replied, “Tell ’em to kiss my butt. If they want to play the race card, come to dinner and my son will talk to them.”

Well, the NAACP just didn’t like it.

In response, NAACP CEO Benjamin Todd Jealous accused the governor of stepping over the line.

“Governor Le Page’s decision to inflame racial tension on the eve of the King holiday denigrates his office,” he said. “His words are a reminder of the worst aspects of Maine’s history and out of touch with our nation’s deep yearning for increased civility and racial healing.”

Add another useless expression to “healing” and all the rest!

increased civility

“Deep yearning” is at least more on-par with a good Seinfeld episode, and as a result, I endorse it.

Good on you and yours, Gov. LePage.  Your son will grow up strong knowing that his worth is based on his worth and character, not on the organization you affiliate yourself with.  May I point you to a terrific example of good character?

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Office Assassin sent me a link to the newest Llamas with Hats.  Bless her coal-black heart.

She has pledged to be nice(er) to me this year.  For the most part she’s done very well.  She sent me a picture of a beautiful flower yesterday and then disclosed that it was a deadly poisonous one and that perhaps she has a little ways to go.

I should probably mention that I have filled our luggage with orphan meat.  – Carl the Llama

Awful.  Hilarious.  Sick.  Funny.

****

Today’s second dose of black gallows humor.  I have absolutely no idea where it comes from.  Might’ve been Adult Swim.

Scene:  A guillotine
Dramatis Personae: A crowd, a man in the stocks, and a black-masked executioner

Executioner:  Do you have any last words you would like to say?

Prisoner:  I’d like to say to my wife and family –

[Guillotine whistles down, stopping with a thudding sound]

Executioner:  [smiling] I just live for that.


****
Bunk Strutts over at Tacky Raccoons has an awesome set of china on display.

They just scream “Eat ribs on me!”

****

Ah, what a wuss.   Boy sticks tongue on frozen pole.

I did it as a kid just before the school bus drove up.  Driver said to get on or get left behind.

So I steeled myself and ripped my tongue off the mailbox leaving a nickle-sized patch of tongue on the mailbox.  Bled like crazy for 30 minutes or so.  I spit every last bit of it on the floor on the back of the bus just to spite the hateful harpy of a driver.

Didn’t need no firemen to save me from my stupidity, just a shrew of a bus driver.

****

I’m speechless as a result of the stupidity of the Seattle bean-pusher named Johnson.

“There was a little line on there near the bottom of the bill that said ‘King county death tax: $50.’ And we looked at that, and looked at that and looked at each other and said ‘what is that?’ Couldn’t believe that a little girl that lived for an hour has to pay a $50 tax,” said Larry.  [Larry the grandfather of the little girl who lived one hour and then died.]

King County now requires a review of every death. The medical examiner instituted the $50 fee for cremations three years ago. This year, it included the fee for burials as well.

The reason we do that is to make sure no one goes to the crematorium or to their grave without society and the family knowing exactly how their loved one died,” says Gareth Johnson, King County Prevention Division Manager.

It’s a well-known fact that without charging them money it would be otherwise impossible to contact the deceased’s family.  What a schmuck.

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