Feeds:
Posts
Comments

Archive for May, 2011

Update 2: 

I missed this but I found out from the wife…  Girlhead saw a few of the older vets in the Memorial Day parade and asked Cruel Wife “Mom, were those guys in the Army?”

“Well, they were in the Armed Services, all vets were.”

She said “Can I go thank them?”

“You sure can – let’s go.”

And so she did – walked up to one of them and said “Thank you.”

He smiled and said “You’re welcome.”

I would have said something deep and profound to Cruel Wife about that but at that moment something really huge flew in my eye.

Update:

My five year old son, missing all his front teeth as part of the “Planned Obsolescence of Childhood Schedule” (AKA “POCS” or just pronounced POX) just ran in and said lispingly “Girlhead is trying to give me a Texas Wedgie!”

I goggled at him.  “Not an atomic wedgie but… A… A… A Texas Wedgie?  That sounds like a really big wedgie!”

He said “Yeah!” and then he ran away.

Aggie, or some other Texas person… what is a Texas Wedgie?

****

After a few discussions about the age that women claim to be I’ve done a bit of research.

This is an area of investigation fraught with peril and is like tapdancing in a minefield full of twisted metal, broken glass, angry rabid rodents, and… well… mines.

But for the sake of science I will publish my conclusions.  Men!  Who will stand with me?  Men?

Hang on, I must catch up with the others, for I am their leader.

****

Thank you Fark, for recognizing this for what it really is:  NOT A CATASTROPHE THAT NEEDS FIXING.

Report: Over a third of students entering college need remedial help

Fark’s headline?

Report shows over a third of incoming college students need remedial help. Back in subby’s day, they used to say those people weren’t college material, not treat them like snowflakes and patronize them

At what point do you finally say “No the system didn’t fail the children, perhaps they just aren’t cut out for it”?

Put another way:  Not everyone is cut out to be an astronaut, a doctor, or a SEAL.  Suck on that Disney.

****

Wow.  Someone in Missouri is on the lookout for the exploited strippers.

But Dick Bryant, a lawyer for Kansas City’s adult entertainment industry, said the clubs are following the law, in part because he claimed the dancers only appear to be topless. The exposed breasts, he said, are actually covered by a thin layer of opaque latex.

“Once they’re covered, none of the rest of the law applies,” Bryant argued.

Remember Blade Runner?

Deckard:    Excuse me, Miss Salomé, can I talk to you for a minute? I’m from the American Federation of Variety Artists.
Zhora:       Oh, yeah?
Deckard:    I’m not here to make you join. No ma’am. That’s not my department. Actually, uh. I’m from the, uh, Confidential Committee on Moral Abuses.
Zhora:        Committee of Moral Abuses?
Deckard:    Yes, ma’am. There’s been some reports that the management has been taking liberties with the artists in this place.
Zhora:        I don’t know nothing about it.
Deckard:    Have you felt yourself to be exploited in any way?
Zhora:        How do you mean, exploited?
Deckard:    Well, like to get this job. I mean, did you do, or- or were you asked to do anything lewd or unsavory or otherwise, uh, repulsive to your person, huh?
Zhora:        Ha. Are you for real?
Deckard:    Oh yeah. I’d like to check your dressing room if I may.
Zhora:         For what?
Deckard:    For, uh, for holes.
Zhora:         Holes?
Deckard:    You’d be surprised what a guy’d go through to get a glimpse of a beautiful body.
Zhora:        No, I wouldn’t.
Deckard:    Little, uh, dirty holes they uh, drill in the wall so they can watch a lady undress. — Is this a real snake?
Zhora:        Of course it’s not real. Do you think I’d be working in a place like this if I could afford a real snake? — So if somebody does try to exploit me, who do I go to about it?
Deckard:    Me.
Zhora:        You’re a dedicated man.

Read Full Post »

Before we go into losers and art, here is a heartfelt thank you to all veterans for allowing those of us who haven’t served to have the wonderful country we do.

That’s the long and the short of it.  Thank you.

****

The man says he’s addicted to sausages.

Drug addicts crave their fix, and it’s the same for me – except my drug is a banger.   – Sausage wanker David Harding

Well, what the hell man isn’t?

But I’ll tell you this:  We don’t run about whining about it and wasting money on psychotherapy and hypnosis in order to stop.

We just die ten years earlier than our spouses and count it a fair bargain.

Real men look down upon sad sacks like this and wonder if stem cells will allow them to someday grow this guy a spine in a petri dish.

****

I’m glad that people have liked the Coelacanth Eco-dollars Coffee Mug.  It makes me glad when someone drinks coffee with an endangered critter.  There are more styles (denominations) of coffee cups to be had, so feel free to see if there’s something you like or suggest a different one.

****

More later…

Read Full Post »

Well that was a lot of fun today.

First off, I totally Yorl’ed out and got a leather duster – it was a Christmas present but I never ordered it, instead opting to buy after trying it on again.  Glad I did.  I needed an extra inch in the shoulders plus some room to put on flannel or other shirt to stay warm in Michigan winters.  The duster comes to just above my ankles and that is exactly what I hoped for – something to keep the winter wind away from my body – it can be awful windchill suckiness at times.

Would you believe Cruel Wife pretty much insisted that I get it?

Later… Good news.  I was able to contact the artisan directly and correct a misunderstanding on my part – damn my bad hearing (you won’t find me saying that often).   I was trying to talk to two sales reps and hear what they were saying, listen to Cruel Wife, stare at passers-by, and read lips – all over the noise of the crowd.  I had thought that the mantle was removable but found I was mistaken.  So after a quick couple of e:mails the lady who makes this stuff said she’d make it removable at no extra cost.  Awesome.

Here is what it will mostly look like except mine will have the removable mantle.


Here is Phil Foglio and his staff.  Opted to protect his identity but he’s easily recognizable from his self-portraited cartoon in the Girl Genius series.  Funny fella to listen to giving a talk.   Here he was taking a serious break.

Below, she’s all wound up.  Very well done outfit with the subtle yet superb wind-up key in the back.  I thought it was best of show, honestly.  No idea who this is. 

We went to a “Steampunking your Home” thing (or something to that effect).  The guy from ModVic and SteamPuffin (http://www.facebook.com/ModVic) gave a talk about finding the raw materials and inspiration for Steampunk creation.  Absolutely fascinating talk – an hour flew by and it was easily the best part of the whole day.

This lamp was my favorite piece in the whole place besides a projector that had been repurposed – it was the old lamp/wick style projector.   Why no pic?  Because it wouldn’t have done it justice, that’s why.  I didn’t even bother.

Somebody really cares a great deal for a friend or family member.  Look at all the work that must’ve gone into making this wheelchair.  I really apologize for the nasty orange wood color and the overexposure – but I don’t want to spend the effort to fix it because that post right behind it is going to make it look nasty unless I spend time addressing it directly.  Ugh.  I expected better from the Hyatt, but oh well.

****

Scroll down to the “Gelatin filled Christmas Ornament (on keyboard)… wicked awesomeness.

http://www.boingboing.net/2011/05/26/moment.html

****

Ha!  I KNEW IT!!!  Thank you, Fark, for shedding light on the matter.

Secret to a happy marriage?  Delusion.

Take sentences out of the article out of context is absolutely frightening…

Those who inflated their partner’s assets also reported being more happily married.

Is that anything like “Pumping his junk”?

If the couple is happily married, it could be that the better half of the couple has an idealistic vision of the lesser half.

Which might explain why Cruel Wife puts up with my bullsh*t.

I’ve always said she was delusional.

Read Full Post »

World Steampunk Expo is tomorrow.  Cruel Wife and I will be attending sans kids.  Last time one or two attendees were a bit spooky and the kids were into everything.   Getting into everything is fine if the stuff on the vendors’ tables is meant to be gotten into but they were behind and underneath tables and touching “do not touch” things, which was stressful and didn’t allow for browsing much.

I’ll see if I can snap some pictures.  Tomorrow morning we’re going to show up for the Professors Foglio demo, where they show how they create the graphics for Girl Genius.

****

Watched another of my favorite movies tonight.

I am fully aware that it got a lot of not-so-good reviews and even had to go look up a word:  Mawkish.

I’m afraid I just don’t see it though.

I’d probably help readers by passing on the name.  Bicentennial Man.

It’s one of those movies, like Secondhand Lions, where the viewer has to bring something to the party.  If all one can bring to the experience is a soul with shallow depths as yet unplumbed, then of course one will see nothing of value.

Oh sure, I can see how someone might say “mawkish” when describing the movie but what I can’t see is how someone could not look at their life and see a little bit of truth reflected there.

And it could be viewed as sad or maybe even bittersweet (not quite the word I’m searching for though).  One would have to be blind to not see the contrast between the humor, sadness, callousness, and insightful moments and perhaps you could even choose to ignore parts of it, buffet-style.  I argue that it would be a disservice to one’s self to ignore the sad and take in only the good because put simply that is what makes life noteworthy.   It’s the highs and the lows that are the scaffolding that props up the metaphors of our life as we segue from one into the next.

Yes, I know it is exceedingly odd to go from Duke Nukem Forever to this.  No, I haven’t been drinking.

****

Over at Science Daily where real science is never allowed to get between a reader and sensationalism.

There is water inside the moon — so much, in fact, that in some places it rivals the amount of water found within Earth.

One who doesn’t read a lot of science papers and proposals would probably say “Ho-leeeee-shiat!  There could be space fish on the moon!”

That sentence tells you absolutely nothingNothing at all.

Take a shovelful of lunar soil, pluck out the one rock that has a perfect tablespoon of water sealed up in the center.  Now you have water inside the moon and in some places (one) it rivals the amount of water found within Earth.

Elsewhere on Earth, scientists have studied the sphericity of the electron and found it to be spherical to within one umpteenooglity-eth of a meter.

Researchers from Imperial College London conducted a decade-long laser experiment on the subatomic particle and discovered that it differs from a perfect sphere by less than 0.000000000000000000000000001 of a centimeter — so that “if the electron were magnified to the size of the solar system, it would still appear spherical within the width of a human hair.”

“I don’t know of any naturally-occurring object that is rounder and has been measured to the same level of accuracy,” said research leader Dr. Jony Hudson, writing in the journal Nature.

[Note:  I’m sure that cbullitt over at Soylent Green has some pitchers of underboob that is significantly rounder than that.]

“Why is that important?” the authors were asked.

“Well, we really don’t know but if you give us a lot more money we’ll see if we can make some guesses at it.”

****

Over at PopSci there’s an article about really sharp blades and cutting through things like pop cans with knives.

Which is really cool and all.

But invariably you have some “I Know ****ing Everything” jackass who writes comments like this and it really chaps my ass.

JediMindset   05/26/11 at 10:20 pm

@inaka_rob
mythbusters are liars. they are paid to misinform their audience. i can do this with a blunt butter knife. its all about technique.

Well, you’ll have to watch the video, but when some wanker says something incredibly stupid like “i can do this with a blunt butter knife” I want to use my godlike abilities to freeze the world, put the guy on a stage, unfreeze the world and have every one of 6+ billion souls watch him as he performs an epic FAIL with his blunt butter knife.  And then if I actually had such powers I’d allow all 6+ billion people the chance to wedge one of their shoes in his ass and send him on his way.  And then he’d have to walk 20 miles home – with all 6+ billion shoes up his ass.

This is probably why I have no godlike powers.

And then someone needs to show him how to use capital letters.  Peeve of mine.  The wanker.

****

Yes, never mind that no seismologist has ever predicted an earthquake.

Read Full Post »

No, I don’t mean the movie, although it was a great flick.

Instead I am referring to the results of the wonderful propaganda campaign arguments given by concerned readers to estrogen tyrant Cruel Wife in an attempt to give me my very own copy of Duke Nukem: Balls of Steel collector’s edition.   I’m on a misogynist scatological juvenile wet-dream Duke Nukem high.

Yes, it is $35 more.  But a BUST OF THE DUKE, man!   CW said “What comes with BoSE that you want so much?”

I was horribly frustrated.  Are we so out of sync that she couldn’t see the obvious?

I wrote:

What do I want so much??? Did you look at the picture?  Did you listen when I described what came with it?  (I was frothy by now)
It’s got a bust of Duke!  It has Duke Nukem dice!  It has radioactivity bumper stickers!  A collector’s comic book!  Duke Nukem poker chips!  Duke Nukem postcards!  Duke Nukem art book!  It even has it’s own serialized Proof of Duke Nukem Officialness certificate!

She didn’t understand it, but she relented agreed to it this evening.

This is a triumph.  I’m making a note here: Huge Success.  It’s hard to overstate my satisfaction.  At LemurKing’sFolly, we do what we must, because we can.

ID10T Killer at work is getting one, too, so it only makes sense that I should be allowed to more fully share common experiences with co-workers/friends, right?  Delivery on June 14, of 2011.

****

Man says he is robbed by woman with “real big thighs”.  God what a storytelling.

****

Honest truth?  We should all be allowed to go in a cool way like this – saving the life of someone that means everything to us.  Good on you, Don Lansaw.  And so sorry for your loss, Bethany Lansaw.   Your fella was a true hero, one you can be proud of.

****

More later.

Read Full Post »

Update below…

****

One burglar killed the other in critical as homeowner protects his home.  Guess it’s not a good idea to steal guns from a gun-loving family.

****

I have a dilemma.

Should I get Duke Nukem Forever for $55 or the Duke Nukem Forever: Balls of Steel Edition for $99?     I mean you get a giant bust of Duke,  playing cards, dice, postcards, a collector’s item artbook, casino chips, and oh yes, the game, too.  Look it up on Amazon.  You’ll see.

****

Look carefully at this picture and see if you notice anything unusual about it.  You may have to click to embiggenify it.

Read Full Post »

Update:

Pressing discs?  Duke Nukem has gone Gold?  Until Duke Nukem Forever is actually on my hard drive and I’m shooting bad guys I’m not going to truly believe it 100%.

Mundus vult decipi.  (the world wants to be deceived)

Oh, how I want to be deceived.

****

Physicals.

Everybody loves them right?  Right guys?

Yes, you chicks out there have it worse, I know this.  But another’s suffering does not negate yours nor does it invalidate it even partially.

I went in to see my GP today – we’ll call him Dr. FishBait for reasons I will not fully explain – I respect his privacy even if it is (as you will see shortly) not a reciprocated sentiment.

He listens to the heart, lungs, checks the throat, nose, ears, etc.

Dr. Fishbait:  Ears are good except a bit of earwax.

Me: (grumpily) Good, make candles then.

Dr. Fishbait:  Nah, they don’t burn well.

Me:  Huh?

Dr. Fishbait:  We tried in medical school.  Just doesn’t burn well.

Me:  No, don’t tell me details… I don’t want to know.

Dr. Fishbait:  Ok, drop drawers.

Me:  Hey!  Your favorite part and mine!  No, seriously doc, is this absolutely necessary?

Dr. Fishbait:  (looking at me blandly) They tell me I have to do it.

Me:  They?  What do They know?  I mean, I’m only [age redacted].

Dr. Fishbait:  Well, there’s really no incontrovertible proof for prostate checks at your age just as there’s really no proof that listening to your lungs will find something we aren’t already looking for.

Me:  Good deal, we can skip the poop chute thing, then…

Dr. Fishbait:  Nope.

(I stared at him unblinking for a few seconds)

Dr. Fishbait:  If I find one person in 30 years that it catches something early it is worth it.

Me:  You can’t seriously expect me to believe that you’re going to invoke the “if it saves one child/kitten” argument…?

Dr. Fishbait:  Yep.  Over there, please.

Me: (grumbling) I still think this is total bullshi … holy shi… whoa, whoa, WHOA, DOC!  You just bruised one of my goddamned tonsils!  What, is your index finger three feet long?

Dr. Fishbait:  Prostate is good.

Me:  Sh*t, I could have told you that.

You know I can embellish stories at times.  Not here though.  That was absolutely verbatim.  We have a strange relationship, my doctor and I.

Later…

Dr. Fishbait:  You know, your heart rate was a bit elevated…

Me:  I was excited to see you.

Still laterer…

Dr. Fishbait:  (looking around for my clothes which were folded neatly in a corner)  Where are your clothes?

Me: (in hospital gown)  I didn’t bring any.  I wore this here today just to see you.

Still latererer…

Dr. Fishbait:  How’s your neck?

Me: Tell the truth and shame the devil?  Getting worse.  I’m about to see another specialist for a second opinion.

Dr. Fishbait:  What percentage of the time are bad days?

Me:  Oh, as little as 80% of the time.  I’m pretty sure nerves have regenerated.  Just a few months ago I was saying “no more treatments”.  I’m starting to reconsider.

The usual exam results – quit drinking, smoking crack, sports sex, lead pipe cruelty, eat more leafy greens and less ruminant brains.

Except I don’t drink, smoke crack, engage in sports sex, or eat ruminant brains.

****

Seriously?

Alaska… Fish and Wildlife… no tasering of wildlife for catch-and-release.  Well that doesn’t make sense.  You never know with bears.  The right to keep and arm bears is a fundamental right, I’m told.  It’s all Constitutional-like.

Fishing with a taser on the other hand seems ridiculous when you could just use dynamite instead.

****

The question to ask yourself… after you read this quote from FoxNews:

As crestfallen followers of a California preacher who foresaw the world’s end strained to find meaning in their lives, Harold Camping revised his apocalyptic prophecy Monday, saying he was off by five months because the Earth actually will be obliterated on Oct. 21.

Here is the question… how much money does Camping still have in his bank accounts?  If he really believed his own crap, he’d have spent every last dime saving as many souls as he could at the 11th hour and 59th minute.
My guess?  He’s still got millions in his saving account and long-term investments.

Camping’s hands shook slightly as he pinned his microphone to his lapel, and as he clutched a worn Bible he spoke in a quivery monotone about some listeners’ earthly concerns after giving away possessions in expectation of the Rapture.

Family Radio would never tell anyone what they should do with their belongings, and those who had fewer would cope, Camping said.

“We’re not in the business of financial advice,” he said. “We’re in the business of telling people there’s someone who you can maybe talk to, maybe pray to, and that’s God.

But he also said that he wouldn’t give away all his possessions ahead of Oct 21.

“I still have to live in a house, I still have to drive a car,” he said. “What would be the value of that? If it is Judgment Day why would I give it away?”

Yeah, that’s what I thought.

Camping, who made a special [snip], apologized for not having the dates “worked out as accurately as I could have.” Through chatting with a friend over what he acknowledged was a very difficult weekend, the light dawned on him that instead of the biblical Rapture in which the faithful would be swept up to the heavens, May 21 had instead been a “spiritual” Judgment Day, which places the entire world under Christ’s judgment, he said.

The globe will be completely destroyed in five months, he said, when the apocalypse comes. But because God’s judgment and salvation were completed on Saturday, there’s no point in continuing to warn people about it, so his network will now just play Christian music and programs until the final end on Oct. 21.

In other words, he’s taken in about all the money he’s going to be able to sucker people out of and needs people to give him about five months of space and hopefully they’ll have forgotten about all this by then.

****

Oh bravo, you schmuck.  Blowing your mom up isn’t kosher.

Gee, I’m really sorry your mom blew up, Ricky, guess she won’t be able to eat any spicy foods for awhile.Lane Myer in Better Off Dead, right after Lane’s failed suicide-by-fire attempt, when Ricky’s mom drank a mason jar full of gas he was holding and lit a cigarette

****

There’s only two places where I personally could sanction hitting a woman – self defense is one instance and the second is if she was beating children (yes, that second isn’t legally defensible but it’s how I feel – there is no excuse to beat children beyond corporal punishment in parental discipline if it is necessary).  And this lady should not have been beaten.  But she did kind of bring herself into the line of fire by ridiculing Mr. Micro’s tool size publicly.  I mean, what did she expect?

Read Full Post »

Older Posts »