All she’s said for about five minutes is “Ew. Ew. Ewwww. Ewwwww!”
I read her this article to take her mind off of her pain.
Women flock to take horse-semen shots
Yes, that is a very real title.
(she just said “Ew” about sixteen more times)
Green Man Pub chef, Jason Varley, said the drink was proving most popular with women.
“Ladies thought it was great a couple were going to go home and get their husbands to eat grass,” he said.
I don’t want to know what that means but I have a suspicion.
Oh, what happened to Cruel Wife, you ask?
She bought the kids an after-dinner treat called “Hissee Fits” which are giant gummy snakes (which I promptly warned the kids not to throw in the house).
Girlhead whined about the toughness of the snake and wondered how old it was. I asked her to hold it up so I could see how long it was. I reckoned that it was about three weeks old and opined that it has probably dined well on gummy bugs (Cruel Wife suggested gummy worms). We then wondered if they could swallow a whole gummy bear and Girlhead was of the opinion that they would have to be mini gummy bears.
Whining continued and finally Cruel Wife says “Ok, would you like me to soften it up in the microwave?”
Girlhead said “Yes, please!”
So CW nuked it for 15 seconds, no more, no less. She reached in without looking and suddenly I heard “Oh! Ow OW OWOWOWOWOWOWOW!” and things flying across the floor as she dashed for the sink. I pointed out that purposely sticking her fingers in molten sugar was probably not her finest hour. It immediately 2nd degree burned her middle finger, smeared across all four fingers, and flipped up on top of 2-1/2 fingers. She’s had her hand in a glass of ice water and packed in WaterGel for four hours now. I am thinking that her risk of needing an escharotomy is much reduced. And here I’d put a bitchin’ edge on a razor blade in preparation.
I’ve been reading Fark to her for hours now to keep her smiling and laughing. Not sure if the horse semen thing helped or not.
But they also linked The Bloggess, who had a story about giant chickens and chicken envy. And towels.
Lemur King's Folly 
Okay, I clicked the link and read the article about the horse semen shots.
I have a strong stomach, but I kinda gagged a little when I read this:
“Mr Varley admits to trying the drink himself which he said was “ok”, and “like custard”.
There just ain’t enough money in the world.
I like to joke with the kids that when we are having Monterrey Jack cheese that we’re having Jack-Jack Cheese (our cat). “Made from a real cat. We just walk right up there and milk him.”
Cruel Wife rolls her eyes and the kids yell that it’s a BOY cat.
But you kind of would have to go up to the horse and … you know… to … well, you know.
In the words of Monty Python:
“Nudge, nudge. Wink, wink. Say no more.”
Bestiality on tap…who knew?
Well, the furries are in town today for their annual convention…some of them probably do.
Furries, as in the cartoonish furry humanoids, but a convention?
Oh, I forgot. Just saw today’s Bizarro comic and thought it could use a more realistic take:
The mobius-strip steak.
What-a-ya-think…a food magazine quality “photo”? Garnished as you see fit?
oh yeah, the caption was cool too; “I’ll never finish this.”
CB, that is a totally freakin cool awesome idea. Would it be ok to Zazzle it afterwards?
Add to your table to go with the “Mobius” steak: Loki’s endless cup of mead that he used to challenge Thor, along with a cornucopia full of vegetables.
Now you have a meal fit for a god….
Hey, It’s in a comic strip…but your take would probably be Zazzleable.
Oh and by furries, I mean the sexual deviants who dress up as animals. The come here every year.
There are no words I can use to describe the absolute disgust I feel after reading that horse crap.
As to the Bloggess, Hubby called me on Skype, and asked me if I had read it. I hadn’t, and he said (no, I’m not making this up), “It’s like they are living our life, honey.”
I know where she got the chicken. I’m going to go up there this weekend 😉
Now I actually feel bad about disgusting you so much… sorry Aggie.
You’re going to get a Chicken of Steel(tm)? Can you send a pic of you posing with your… uh… rooster? I would tastefully blank out both of your faces for your privacy of course.
I’m so envious it’s coming off me in waves. Wow, I know someone with a Chicken of Steel(tm)!
You are now a Professional Yorl’er, Master Class.
Make sure you send Hubby some pink towels in a care package. It’d be a great joke.
In Soviet Russia horse semen shoots YOU!
Oh, and be sure to make sure CW’s fingers don’t get infected from the gummi-burn. It’ll hurt like the dickens for a while too… If the burn goes all of the way around a finger or wrist, watch for swelling and loss of circulation in that area…
Like I said, I don’t think we’ll need to do an escharotomy. Thank goodness, because there would be a lot of whining then. 🙂
So, give her one of those horse semen shots. Then, instead of whining, she’ll be whinnying.
Glad that she doesn’t need the escharotomy. But as you mentioned, it’s only partial-depth, not full-depth burns. Still not good, though. Lots of blisters, etc. Sorry to hear that she got hurt. Probably scared girl-head too.