Then Tragedy Struck.
August 24, 2011 by Lemur King
A lady from our church e:mailed me tonight. Her story has touched my heart.
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes.I made a quick trip to Madrid Spain on a short vacation unfortunately i got mugged at the park of hotel where i stayed,worse of it was that my bags, cash, mobile phone and credit cards were all stolen at GUNPOINT leaving me penniless right now.
It’s was a horrible experience for me and i need help flying back home,the authorities are not being 100% supportive but the good thing is that i still have my passport.I need some cash to settle my billsand get on flight back home. please let me know if you can help.
I’m freaked out at the moment..
But after that touching story, it gives one a moment to pause and reflect as one reaches for that third hanky.
There are a few things wrong with this… (takes deep breath)… (1) I can’t see this lady with tears in her eyes and e:mailing me, (2) I’m surprised that she would turn to me since we’re not like best buds or anything and she could at least have bothered with an opening salutation like “Dear Lemur”, (3) this lady wouldn’t make a quick trip to the store without fanfare and the idea of a trip to Europe without even a little attention-whoring is fishy, (4) she doesn’t do “short vacations”, (5) she uses regular punctuation and used to be a teacher, (6) she violated grammar in an obscene way with the at park of hotel part, so refer to #5 again, please (7) “worse of it was” is so unusual that I’d expect bestiality charges brought against her before I expected that grammar, (8) nobody in the US says “mobile phone” anymore, (9) she couldn’t have been robbed at gunpoint because all of the European gun control laws have ensured that no firearms-related crime is even possible there, (10) vanishingly few Americans use “penniless” in speech, (11) as much as she likes to talk I think that stating that it was a horrible experience is a waste of breath even for her, (12) you ought to think it over before flying her right home as there’s some positives to leaving her there, (13) the authorities not being 100% supportive doesn’t make sense because after about 30 minutes of listening to her talk would be enough for them to think of the negatives to leaving her there, (14) that they stole everything but her passport makes no sense unless she carried it stuffed in the crack of her ass, (15) asking me for the cash to settle her bills neglects to take into account the curdled milk of human kindness, (16) grammar, again, and this time I must wonder if only illiterate people get mugged, (17) it is not clear how I’m supposed to help if all I know is that she’s staying in a hotel, she has no ID, and is being held by unsupportive authorities without a mobile phone, and lastly, (18) her freak level varies between “kindergarten” and “PMS” so I’m not sure any descriptor has much meaning.