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Archive for March, 2012

Still kicking.

Just tired.  Work, two kids now listed as autistic, a loss of a job in the family… well, it’s been real.  But we aren’t giving up.

The original use for Lysol (#5) thanks to Cracked.com.  I don’t even have the right parts and I was in empathy-laden pain just thinking about it.

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Yes, I know I have ranted about Google and by extension this means Youtube is evil, too.  But dammit, this is an interesting clip of a family trying to drive out of the current forest fire.

As one who fought forest fires, this looks really… real.  Yes, it does sort of weirdly look like night under the right – errr… wrong circumstances.  This is kind of where you do not want to be.

That’s it for now.  Perhaps more later.

Yes, Aggie, we’re alive…

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Election year 2012 is past it’s due date.  It’s like contemplating eating c-rations from WWII.

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Speaking of past it’s shelf life – here’s an older story but can you really put a expiration date on “weird”?

From the endless Coffers of Trivia belonging to Black Lab on Methamphetamines I give you… goldfish with tattoos.  Yes.  Goldfish with tattoos.

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This one will never get old unless you live in India and have to put up with puppies inside your body.  Thank you, FARK.

And it persists even though it’s likely that not one person has seen another give birth to a litter of puppies.  Maybe it’s a social taboo to witness your neighbor’s puppy-squeezings.

And again, courtesy of FARK…

Among the people who have worn hoodies and, therefore, according to Geraldo Rivera, are asking to be shot include Justin Bieber, Mark Zuckerberg, Rachel Maddow, Ellen Page, E.T. and Geraldo Rivera. Gentlemen, let’s lock and load.   –  http://www.theatlanticwire.com/national/2012/03/some-other-people-who-geraldos-standards-are-asking-be-shot/50261/

Ever since Al Capone’s Vaults, Geraldo Rivera has an approval rating from me that ranges well south of zero.

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Dated but not expired at all…

Well, a small instrument I had a hand in has gotten a new lease on life due to an extension of it’s parent craft’s mission – MESSENGER has been so frugal and reliable that they’re going beyond the original mission duration.  It’s not going to be crashed on Mercury just yet.  But that day will come (thought to be next year).  This is a spacecraft that has been in-transit from Earth since 2004, has orbited Mercury while being baked from the sun-side (big heat shield) and from the backside (Mercury is hot, damn hot).  In fact, the spacecraft is exposed to enough heat that the nice highly-elliptical orbit allows it to cool a bit.  Radiation, thermal cycling, deep space, launch (they are very violent)… and it is still working.  Kudos to the mission scientists and systems engineers.

MESSENGER completed its one-year primary mission on March 17. Since moving into orbit about Mercury a little over one year ago, the spacecraft has captured nearly 100,000 images and returned data that have revealed new information about the planet, including its topography, the structure of its core, and areas of permanent shadow at the poles that host the mysterious polar deposits.

The latest findings are presented in two papers published online in Science Express today, and in 57 papers presented this week at the 43rd Lunar and Planetary Science Conference in The Woodlands, Texas. Team members at the meeting will also preview MESSENGER’s extended mission, set to run to March 2013. The event, scheduled for 12:30 p.m. CDT (1:30 p.m. EDT), will be streamed live on the Web at http://www.livestream.com/lpsc2012. Presentation materials are available online at http://messenger.jhuapl.edu/news_room/presscon11.html.

“The first year of MESSENGER orbital observations has revealed many surprises,” says MESSENGER Principal Investigator Sean C. Solomon, of the Carnegie Institution of Washington. “From Mercury’s extraordinarily dynamic magnetosphere and exosphere to the unexpectedly volatile-rich composition of its surface and interior, our inner planetary neighbor is now seen to be very different from what we imagined just a few years ago. The number and diversity of new findings being presented this week to the scientific community in papers and presentations provide a striking measure of how much we have learned to date.”    JHU APL  (jhuapl.edu)

Ice on a 800 degree planet?  Heck yeah.  In a vacuum, too.  Next we’ll find that they’ve spotted sharks with lasers on their heads.  Equally fantastic.

The MESSENGER team has launched a free app that brings you inside NASA’s history-making study of Mercury – the first images of the entire planet, along with the detailed data on Mercury’s surface, geologic history, thin atmosphere, and active magnetosphere that MESSENGER sends back every day.

Now available in the iTunes App Store, “MESSENGER: NASA’s Mission to Mercury” brings users the latest news and pictures from the mission, as well as details on the spacecraft and science instruments, and offers access to educational programs and activities.

Circle the innermost planet aboard MESSENGER, the first mission to orbit Mercury. Examine a detailed view of the MESSENGER spacecraft and its science instruments, browse the latest news and images, or trace the spacecraft’s path over Mercury as it scans the scorched surface of the Sun’s closest planetary neighbor. Can you take the heat?   – JHU APL  (jhuapl.edu)

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I was going to do a rant on racism – and how those who cry against it suffer from it as well – but I don’t have the energy to entertain the blatant hypocrisy of the last week at this time.  Maybe later.

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Proof? Here’s proof.

Well, Santorum just managed to prove to me that he should never ever ever be allowed within 500 feet of the White House, much less be President.

Presidential candidate Rick Santorum on Thursday said Republicans should give President Barack Obama another term if Santorum isn’t the GOP nominee… – CBSlocal.com

That shows a serious lack of good judgment.  Everybody says stupid things at times but some things are so stupid nobody says them, except for defective people.  This guy is a defective conservative.  My stupid thing was to think Santorum was a better choice than Romney.  He erased that.

NOBODY ranks below Obama at this point.  People better get it in their heads – you may not like Romney (I don’t, not at all) but I’ll willingly, gladly, and with a smile on my face pull the lever for him if he’s my only alternative to Obama.  Or I’ll do it with a grimace and pray for that meteor strike to wipe us all out.  Either way, no more Obama in the next term is a win-win.

Gingrich may be an ass but he’s got more on the ball, apparently, than Santorum.  He’s not a dumb ass.

Rick Santorum is dead wrong. Any GOP nominee will be better than Obama.  – The view as it is seen by the eye of Newt

That’s all I’ve got to say.

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Not responding much to commenters lately – so sorry – very very busy and lots happening everywhere in life lately.  It’s been real.

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Tomorrow… I post another rant about real racism.

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Well as an aside, we appear to be in a transitional period and postings are kind of scarce.  Things are scary but could be worse.  We’re learning to live with the new realities.

On to the posting…

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Thanks to FARK we have this one…

Is anesthesia a luxury when a 5-foot snake and Taco Bell proportions of gas are shoved up your ass?

Well, no, I wouldn’t think so… no.

I didn’t really make the connection that the article might be on colonoscopies.  I pictured a boa and antacid tablets used in some awful combination.

Go look at the link.

The first thing to strike me was that the doctor was wearing a mask.  I thought “DUDE… you’ve got a snake… shove up some guy’s BUTT… and you’re worried about your germs?

[Loooong silence after reading this to Cruel Wife… loooooong silence…]

Nope.  I got nothin’.

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Hey, remember last week, I drove through Dexter to the sound of tornado sirens?  When I went through again, how I saw damaged buildings and downed trees?  And how friend and co-worker Butcher of Lansing saw the twister up close?

Check out this pic.  Where you see the red arrow, that is where I was when I heard the siren start up.   A few minutes later and I really would have been there.  Click on it and it will get bigger.  See the red arrow?  Bad magic.  Notice that abrupt jog that it makes as it goes NW to SE?  That’s where it decided to spare the downtown part of Dexter.  Well, wasn’t that considerate of it?

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Again, FARK…

Asking for a Brazilian wax will result in a police call if you’re wearing blue pantyhose and are male

… ? … ?? … (to Cruel Wife) … ???… that really needed to be said?

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Next time you are lamenting your issues with getting the kids to go to bed, please, realize that it could be worse.  Much worse.  Your 8 year old could drive your five year old to the store in your car at 2:30AM and total your car.  As you sleep.

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Now, mothers at daycares may care that the teacher is hot-hot-hot and a model but I’m pretty sure there’d be a lot more fathers helping split the effort of getting them there and back.  I mean, damn, there’s just nothing wrong here that I can see.  Me?  I say “Oh get a grip you insecure mothers… you’re just envious that you don’t have that… and that… and that… and… oh my…”

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How many times has this happened to you…?

“I could feel her breath on me. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.  I guess by instinct I rolled over so she wouldn’t hurt something vital. I didn’t know what she was going to do and then the bear bit me in my butt.”

Sounds like date night when the kids are away, doesn’t it?  Except for the bear part, I’m guessing.

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Close shave.

Ok, yesterday I told y’all about the tornado going through Dexter, Michigan.

Today when I took my usual route home I realized that several huge trees (3-4 feet in diameter) were now down and several buildings were demolished.

Had I been just a few minutes behind in going home I would have had a tornado in my lap. I couldn’t hear the siren until opening my window so the reality is I couldn’t tell you if I opened my window just as they went off or if they had already been going. I do know that it had been sighted before I got into town because I heard it on the radio.

My co-worker (The Butcher of Lansing) saw it up close and way too personal. So he called me last night and was thankful to be safe/alive.

As I was just leaving work tonight I was stopped about ten or fifteen cars behind the light. I looked up in time to see a car hurtling towards me and making no attempt to slow down, going 40 to 50 mph. At one point, almost the point of no return, as I said “Awww, **** me…” and then the guy stood up in his seat, wrenched the wheel, and stomped his brakes, locked them up entirely. I turned left and goosed it as much as I could without hitting the guy in front of me. The guy behind me continued his skid and shot to my right and only when he completely passed me did he finally come to a stop. He skimmed by me by mere inches.

With my neck as it is and with no collar hitting me that fast could have very easily left me paralyzed. This would have sucked, as you can well imagine.

Once I found my heart (it leaped out of my chest, Alien-style) I called The Butcher and said, “You know how you called me yesterday, glad to be ok and alive? Well, about that…”

It would have been a life-changing event. I had time before the potential impact to think “OK, it just took five years to recover from the last one… Not again… Noooo.”

So I was happy to pick up the kids and go make dinner with my daughter.

My guardian angel is out getting hammered tonight, I’m sure.
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My daughter, who is at this very moment making a “leprechaun trap”, says that I absolutely may not either BBQ or smoke any leprechaun that she may catch in the next 24 or so hours.

“No, Dad, you may not smoke a leprechaun – I want it for the gold!”

So it is apparently ok to mug one but not eat one. Bummer.

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Speaking of Alien-style, Bunk Strutts over at Tacky Raccoons posted a great animated GIF… Alien vs. Predator.

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Yahoo.

Quarter to 1/2 inch hail, can’t see the roads, torrential rain, and tornado warnings.

Man is this awesome.

On the way to get kids and got footage of the drive on the iPad.

The radio is pure static and the sky is flickering.

I repeat, I love this stuff. Really.

And people mosey around outside, volunteering to become a statistic. And I will be there.  The people who get hit by lightning are the ones that mosey around.

Update:

Stills that I took as soon as I realized that things were “not quite right”.  The horizon disappeared, for one.  And the sky went black – it was not blue as shown below.  Damn Apple and it’s crappy iPad cameras… the tornado was 90 degrees to the left and down the hill a short ways.

Here is where it touched down in Dexter…  I know that subdiv.  Passed within 1/4-1/2 mile of it as the sirens went off.  A co-worker who takes the same route home says he saw it up close and personal and turned around to drive all the way to Chelsea.  He was not transformed into a salt lick by turning and looking back – just shook the dust off his boots and hauled ass home.

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80% in a poll says they are either no better off than four years ago or about the same.  There’s a shining endorsement.

But some say “nah nah nah nah nah nah nah” with their fingers in their ears.  People like Harry Reid, W(hinger)-NV.  He’s just given birth to a whole new party of clueless people in painful denial.  He’s like an Occupier with a suit.  I hope that the internet sags under the number of times he’s quoted a poll.

“I’m not much of a pollster guy. As everyone knows, there isn’t a poll in America that had me having any chance of being re-elected, but I got re-elected,” he told TheDC.

“I think this poll is so meaningless. It is trying to give the American people an idea of what 300 million people feel by testing several hundred people. I think the poll is flawed in so many different ways including a way that questions were asked. I don’t believe in polls generally and specifically not in this one.”     http://dailycaller.com/2012/03/13/reid-poll-finding-80-percent-of-americans-not-better-off-so-meaningless

Oh really?

Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid (D-Nev.) on Wednesday pointed to the results of a new poll in arguing that House Republican leaders “can’t let the tea party call the shots” in ongoing negotiations over funding the federal government.  – http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/2chambers/post/reid-the-country-doesnt-care-much-about-the-tea-party/2011/03/30/AFkYeZ2B_blog.html

I WONder where the dissatisfaction is coming from?

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Yes, the news is in – Tide, as in the soap, is a hot item across the country.

“We sent in an informant to buy drugs. The dealer said, ‘I don’t have drugs, but I could sell you 15 bottles of Tide,’ ” Sprague told The Daily. “Upstairs in the drug dealer’s bedroom was about 14 bottles of Tide laundry soap. We think [users] are trading it for drugs.”

Police in Gresham, Ore., said most Tide theft is perpetrated by “users feeding their habit.”

“They’ll do it right in front of a cop car — buying heroin or methamphetamine with Tide,” said Detective Rick Blake of the Gresham Police Department. “We would see people walking down the road with six, seven bottles of Tide. They were so blatant about it.”

Lots of euphemisms now sound even weirder.  “Bath salts”, “Crystal”, “getting clean”, etc.

Surf’s up, dudes.

I’m going to sit and wait for someone to notice something about these last few paragraphs.  If no one says anything I will conclude that Cruel Wife is right and I am indeed “A Sheldon”.  That’s painfully blunt talk, there, and we use it to mean “Yeah, technically smart but functionally as dumb as a bag of hammers”.  I am pretty sure she wasn’t implying “genius” in any way, shape, or form.

“Cruel Wife” fits.

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Mitchell has found a link that is a lifesaver.

I don’t know if you guys are Star Wars fans, but I thought Episode I (with Jar-Jar Binks) was some kind of obscene and cruel joke with no punchline.

Where Mitchell’s link leads, the guy makes a great argument for mixing up the order entirely and never watching Ep. I again.  And he makes sense!

If I can save just one child from that perversion named Jar-Jar, a lifetime of letter-writing to pass this information on will be worth it.

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