Archive for March 4th, 2012

Woman Forced to Lactate On Demand

A Hawaii woman was pumped for proof of verifiable lactation during an airport screening designed to put the squeeze on terrorism.  In spite of her expression of extreme humiliation she was forced to bottle her emotions and demonstrate her ability to provide sustenance for her infant.  After handing over her baby, several highly-trained and professional TSA agents (Mr. Smith, Mr. Johnson, and Mr. Mendoza) accompanied her and they scrutinized her every move intently in the women’s restroom.

That sucks.

The TSA recently changed screening procedures to allow women to carry breast milk onto planes without testing it. – KDSK.com

Testing is no longer required, much to the dismay of many TSA officers who have discovered that their replacement for Sweet-n-Low™ in their coffee is now, at least officially, off-limits.

I guess we didn’t get the memo.  These latest events have been a bit of a letdown after a nearly spotless record.  I had thought we had this public relations issue contained but somebody leaked it to the press.  Still, I feel bad for her, because she was exposed to God only knows how many perverts in that public restroom.  At the end of the day, however, public safety is our topmost concern, so we will pore over the many photographs we took, and if anything is amiss, we’ll be all over them. – TSA Agent T. T. Groper

Look for jugs of milk and cartons of cream to to re-appear in TSA lunchrooms across the country.

However, breast pumps may require additional screening. – KDSK.com

Can’t be too safe, I always say.  We gotta say “Ta Ta!” to the bad guys somehow, eh?

You could say that we need to do better in keeping abreast of the regulations.  Regardless of the emphasis on “new realities” of the situation, the fact is that the only way you can really screen a breast pump is to test it on a real boob.  We at the TSA have wide latitude in doing what we feel we have to and urgency demands that we do just that.  But from now on, Ma’am, I promise that it will elicit no enjoyment on our part.  – TSA Agent T.T. Groper

The interview was cut short as TSA Agent T.T. Groper rushed off to detain and thoroughly question a mother who had chosen to break the law by nursing in public.


Sorry to have been so absent lately.  Things have been upsey-downsey on the family front still.  It is challenging us.  Simply put, medications seem to be effective but either have shortcomings in some areas or what seem to be side-effects in others.  It would be easier if this were happening to one of us instead of being kid-centric.  Feelings of helplessness abound.

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