The Nature of God

Update:  Since the original post was about the nature of God, let’s have another bit of humor.  Yes, it’s on yoootoob (associated with g00glle) but just this once…  it’s an important public safety announcement.

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An Observant Reader, ooGcM taobmaetS, recently passed on to me via dead drops, mute couriers, and randomized routes a picture that is so momentous, so blockbuster, so all-consuming, that it is a wonder that space-time hasn’t grown thinner in spots and perhaps even started to crumble like old cheese in others.

It was regarding the nature of God.

I must do some fearless sock-searching, perhaps take an inventory of my drawers, and get right with my wardrobe.

I have asked taobmaetS ooGcM if he has considered being a High Priest of the Ordered Drawer of the Holey Sock.

He chuckled and shook his head modestly and said:

Lemur, I know you worship the very ground I walk on (shame on you).  But you also know I’m too humble to think of elevating myself to a position of such awesome responsibility.  I am just a simple man, with simple needs, and a cat named Brrrt, who needs me to feed him smoked gouda and free him from trees from time to time.  No, that is my calling in life.  And baiting goths and trolling Trolls.  And ****ing with people that need ****ing with.  Yes, that’s the life for me, my friend.  That’s the life for me and that’s my calling.  Leave the rest of that to better men than I. –  taobmaetS ooGcM, explaining why he could not take up the mantle of the Holey Sock priesthood. 

Note:  I am a God-fearing Protestant and not some rabid atheist.  I just believe that God also has a sense of humor.  Look at the world around you and you have many examples of this.

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If ever you needed more reason to pack your own kid’s lunches, may I suggest that this is it?  This is what your government will do to feed your little snowflakes.  This is stuff that they won’t even put in hotdogs because it is last-choice animal product.  The only thing that comes lower than this stuff is actual excrement, earwax, the solids from bile, and pulmonary tumors.

USDA Buys 7 Million Pounds of Slime for School Lunches

Here’s what should really disturb you:

Pink slime is a mixture of leftover trimmings, sinew, and other beef parts culled from a cow once the expensive and more recognizable cuts of meat have been harvested and sent to a butcher. The collection of leftovers is spun in a centrifuge to remove excess fat, washed in a disinfecting solution and then minced for use in various applications.

Pink slime is allowed to make up as much as 15% of the ground beef you might be purchasing at from your local grocery store. And according to some industry experts, the concoction may be in as much as 70% of the ground beef found in America.  – Mike Opelka, The Blaze

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The Urethra Moment.

You know that moment when you realize that someone actually came up for a name for something you kinda always sort of new all your life but never thought about it much?  As in “Gosh, I sure wish I knew where SYNDROME_X came from…” or perhaps, “Gee, SYNDROME_Y is sure kicking my butt today.”

It’s that moment when you scream at the top of your lungs “Eurethra!  I’ve got it!”

Now, clear your mind for a moment, and then read on.  I will throw the name at you momentarily.  When you read it, stop for a moment for some internal reflection and then tell me if you knew instinctively what it was BEFORE reading the description.

Ready?  Ok, here goes…

Piss shiver.

Yes, you read that right.  Now stop and think… think, damn your eyes… There, good, you actually thought for a second, didn’t you?

Did you know what it was?

It seems more guys are familiar with it but when your bladder finally voids after some interval that is less than pleasant there is a quasi-orgasmic shiver that seems to be some sort of reward.  I can’t explain it.  You either know it or need to go read up on it.

Don’t be ashamed, ladies.  Cruel Wife didn’t know what it was and wondered “Is it a guy thing?”

Here’s some definitions and mentions of it – both places are high-quality persons-of-breeding repositories of knowledge.

The Straight Dope’s take on piss shiver

Cracked.com has #4 dedicated to piss shiver

Everyone is probably going to say they’ve been calling them by name for years and I will feel inadequate because it took me reading The Straight Dope in order to even recognize that there was this void in my life where I didn’t have the words to put to a normal part of life.  I feel so inadequate.

But, moving on, Cecil over at the Straight Dope also answered another question, one that has been burning me for years.  Are Manatees white or dark meat?

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