CW and I made some sausages and Zatarain’s™ rice and beans for dinner because we’re just plain tuckered out. It’s salty as hell but it’s cheaper than food, so what the hell, right?
For the benefit of our health I took some mixed greens and sorted out the gooey bits that are always in the mix no matter how fresh. If you think your source of greens is without a gooey piece in there you need to sort it a bit more. Green salad makings are fragile. Unless you sort that stuff you are just asking to shovel something in your mouth that is going to negatively impact the flavor and experience.
There was a tub of feta cheese in the fridge that wasn’t working too hard and I pulled it out and put it on the counter.
We ate our main course and I got up to get my salad. Greens, check. Feta, check. Low fat italian dressing, check. I love a good salad, I really do, but normally we cut up a huge cucumber or get some green beans going or some such thing and don’t get them as often as I’d like. I’m a freshness freak and the Green Goddess dressing wasn’t catching my eye so I just left it there – perhaps it would be fresher tomorrow.
Italian dressing… uh… hold on… loose cap… crusty stuff… (sniff)… ooooh… rancid oil. While I love me a good helping of rancid dressing it doesn’t like me. Into the garbage it went. Green Goddess remained in the fridge. I wasn’t ready to face rejection there on top of the way things were going.
I should note that normally I make the salad dressing on the fly with my own balsamic, good oil, mandarin oranges, etc. We use the inferior bottled stuff when I don’t feel like going through the effort.
Pantry raid. Surely we had another bottle in the pantry? Oh yes, we did. Goody goody goody goody. Ok, well, let’s just see how fresh the stuff is…
Okay… best by… let’s see… April 25… okay, so it’s probably just fine then so I’ll…
Best by 4/25… 2002
Hey, CW! When was the last other time we bought some balsamic and oil dressing? Take a guess. No, you’re off by nine years – it’s ten years to the day past it’s “Enjoy by” date. I don’t think I’ll bother to sniff this one – that ok with you?
I know when I’m being given a hint. Clearly a salad was not in our future.
Sure enough, looking at the horoscope:
Your sign is on the wane. Do not buy a lottery ticket and face up to the odds that today may suck so badly that you experience negative pressure. Avoid tattoos, pub crawls, remodeling, organ transplants (or organ donation), and enemas. Do not eat salads or any chicken dishes for takeout chinese today. Think about staying in bed with the covers over your head – it might not help but it can’t hurt. Much.
If you ever played D&D you probably know of at least one person that made a session (or several) about as fun as a paper cut between the fingers from the full length of an 11×17 sheet. Yes, I knew of two such people. Married, if I recall. Both were broken toys in my opinion by the time the last session rolled around when I finally had enough of the whacked-out drivel I kept hearing. I might have used more tact, I’m sure, but dammit, they were PETA members and were really getting on my nerves with this fixation on their culinary superiority.
Anyway, this has gone beyond what I meant to say. There’s always a person like that at some point in your wanderings and Cracked.com did a bang-up job describing how one such degenerating D&D scenario might go down.
And while we are talking about the sanctity of marriage… Not that we were, actually, but if we had been discussing the sanctity of marriage we might get on the topic of becoming an ordained minister.