I am totally stealing this from Aggie Sith. She e:mailed me and insisted that I do so. She can’t stop me. I’m totally taking it. I’m a runaway truck. It’s stolen. No idea where she nicked it.
Thanks Ag. It’s beautifully awesometastic. Black Lab on Amphetamines said to me today that there are lots of Lemur Memes out there but I replied that not one of them are a Matrix Lemur Meme, so this is still totally cool.
On Saturday we drove to a nearby town to meet up with Spaced Diode – our semi-regular but totally sporadic “Saturday coffee and pastry” kind of affair.
As we drove into town my Super Lemur powers spotted a man walking through the crosswalk. He was glancing left to right constantly and his left arm was bent, with his forearm stuck out in front of him, a lot like you’d look if you were packing a .45 and fixin’ to ventilate something. Lemurs just look for this sort of thing as a survival mechanism and it comes built-in to all models as a basic package perk.
I followed the curve of his arm and – sure as God made mammaries and little green apples – he had a gun-like thing in his hand. It was attached to a reservoir at the bottom and it looked like he was ready to use it. Stuck to it was the label: Roundup™.
He walked by us and pointing back up our street I hollered out “Dude! I just saw two dandelions run that way!”
Flora-hunters are notoriously fixated and he looked bat-crap crazy so I was not surprised when he didn’t even respond.
Note: Cruel Wife may comment that he didn’t look all that crazy to her but I know… I KNOW… that he was a loon. I know it. I know these things.
I try to teach the kids funny things while on these drives. Latin. Space stuff. Biology. Whatever random sh*t my brain spits out as it gets that huge rush from my first fevered gulps of Red Bull™. “Hey, kids! LOOK! BOVINES!” And the kids usually oblige by going “MOOOOOOOO!”
And we traveled through the list of things I knew: Felines, canines, ursines, equines, murines, etc.
At some point I ran out of “-ines” and mentally went full-on, a hardcore OCD binge, wracking my brain for more. And one just popped into my head. Quinines.
I turned to Cruel Wife and said “Can you picture vast herds of Quinines running across the landscape?”
A good G&T was one of our shared favorite drinks, and she said “Yes, grazing on forests of Juniper.”
“And limes,” I added.
With a bit of thought I suggested that perhaps in one of the enormous seven stomachs of the Quinines they fermented the juniper berries. In some universe God may have tweaked things, or will tweak, or is at this moment tweaking something to allow for something exactly like that or darned similar. These kinds of thoughts do lull me to sleep in the wee hours of the morning.
All in all it was a strange morning. And the kids thought we were loons, but mention vast herds of anything and they dig it. Especially if we’re talking about vast herds of tofudebeests – I like to tell stories about dragging a tofudebeest down with one’s teeth. The slow ones can’t survive – it’s a law of nature. Nature sure is a legalistic bitch sometimes.
Visions of gin and tonics continue to dance in my head.
Good news. The doc said last Friday that yes, while I still do have pain in my neck even six months later I should continue to be patient. I asked him how the x-rays looked. He said “Excellent. The bones are fusing perfectly.”
His contention was that it probably wouldn’t be for the best for me to start biking again if it meant drop bars, and to instead use a mountain bike style conveyance. I’m thinking of a recumbent 3-wheeler, honestly. But those are expensive so it might be a while.