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Archive for June 5th, 2012

Woman charged with “malicious castration”.

Is there a type of castration that you can be charged for that is called “felicitous castration”?  I’m sure there is at least one case of “fellatious castration”, as in… well… you know… but not felicitous.  Now I’m trying to picture the mechanics of fellatious castration and scratching my head, but moving right along…

The woman in question –

– is accused of squeezing a man’s testicle out of his scrotum this weekend.

Great horny toadies!  Can that be real?

The guy has the balls of a tiger (pardon the expression) because –

– the man walked to the Shelby Rescue Squad building for help.

Holy shit-sucking leeches, Batman!  He walked.  WALKED.  He walked to get help.

The  woman –

– grabbed him by his scrotum before he was able to jerk away from her grip.

Double the balls of a tiger.  Double the balls of a genetically freakishly large angry tiger.  He jerked away from her grip.  The woman was squeezing his testicles of of his bag and he pulled away.

Let’s paint it like it is – this is like pulling your own fingernails out, for you females out there who aren’t attached to testicles.

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Let it be known that mrmacs came up with a nice alternative phrasing to my definition of “planic attack”:

Planic attack: Management’s response (usually finger-pointing or blame-storming) to the realization that a project cannot be completed due to technical issues that have been raised by engineers from the project’s inception.

I thought the use of “blamestorming” was a nice touch.

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