Woman charged with “malicious castration”.
Is there a type of castration that you can be charged for that is called “felicitous castration”? I’m sure there is at least one case of “fellatious castration”, as in… well… you know… but not felicitous. Now I’m trying to picture the mechanics of fellatious castration and scratching my head, but moving right along…
The woman in question –
– is accused of squeezing a man’s testicle out of his scrotum this weekend.
Great horny toadies! Can that be real?
The guy has the balls of a tiger (pardon the expression) because –
– the man walked to the Shelby Rescue Squad building for help.
Holy shit-sucking leeches, Batman! He walked. WALKED. He walked to get help.
The woman –
– grabbed him by his scrotum before he was able to jerk away from her grip.
Double the balls of a tiger. Double the balls of a genetically freakishly large angry tiger. He jerked away from her grip. The woman was squeezing his testicles of of his bag and he pulled away.
Let’s paint it like it is – this is like pulling your own fingernails out, for you females out there who aren’t attached to testicles.
****
Let it be known that mrmacs came up with a nice alternative phrasing to my definition of “planic attack”:
Planic attack: Management’s response (usually finger-pointing or blame-storming) to the realization that a project cannot be completed due to technical issues that have been raised by engineers from the project’s inception.
I thought the use of “blamestorming” was a nice touch.
Obviously this fella had to have been on some serious high grade, mind (as well as testicular) numbing drugs. Had it been my sac…well let’s just say I would be filling out job applications for castrati vocals (after regaining consciousness, and having the murder charges dropped).
“Blamestorming”!!! mrmacs wins the interwebs!!!
One would hope he was on something because otherwise this experience would suck balls.
“Blamestorming” is not new but I think mrmac’s use of it was well placed.
“Seagull Manager” is another good one – worth looking up.
re: mrmacs and ‘Blamestorming’:
“He uses his tongue prettier’n a $20 whore!” *Taggart, in Blazing Saddles”
My mind can’t wrap itself around the testicular/scrotal damage (and resulting pain) implied by the article. It’s simply beyond comprehension.
While I love Blazing Saddles, I’m not sure that I’m up to the $20 calibre.
Then again, you just don’t know the amount of technical BS documentation that I have to read and deal with at work.
Then again, maybe you have had to deal with it too…
As for the castration victim… OUCH! Tough character!
I left a “stop Italics” thingy off after “saddles”, LK. Fixee pleesee?
Fixed it, ‘Goo!
Hole Lee Sheet!!!
That takes….gumption. I can’t imagine the pain the poor guy was in…
mrmac – admittedly Heady (that’s Hedley!) LaMarr did have a special way with words.
LC – I can’t even imagine John Wayne walking any distance with his balls popped out of his … carrier. This is not your average boo-boo. We’re talking yelping-into-the-sky frenzied agony.
We’re sayin’ that nearby men who witness the damage will limp for a week simply in sympathetic commiseration, and not a few of them will actually become sterile.
Ditto
– Ditto? Ditto!? You provincial putz!
It might as well be a piece of rebar through your heart as far as the imperative with which your male body will respond to wounds of that nature.
Cast back into your childhood, friends… a friendly game of sack-tapping to see who was the toughest guy… it’s always about pain. Eventually the troglodyte wins by virtue of having less pain receptors and less brain cells to sound the alarm bells as the testes begin to throb and swell.
I’ve had my nose broken, and I’d rather that than a good solid sack-tap.
Even the thought of a sac-tap causes me to imagine that particularly nauseating bloom of pain one gets – and then I get nauseated for real.
I always hated getting hit …there…because the pain was not instantaneous; it bloomed, slowly, giving you plenty of time to realize whats coming next, and that there is nothing whatsoever you could do to avoid even a tiny pinch of the approaching agony. Its the defining example of inevitable .