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Archive for August 22nd, 2012

As an attention grabber, I have totally stolen something from Bunk Strutts.  A certain amount of shame was involved, yes.

It is sad.  But I’ve more or less come to terms with it and have moved on.

I like Pugs.  I really didn’t steal this for any other reason than that I like Pugs.

Full disclosure: And he obtained it from here… http://www.amyoops.com/2012/08/from-my-inbox.html#.UDQrhqBA2tY

No, it’s not a sick kind of “I like Pugs” thing, I just think they’re ugly enough to be cute and I haven’t seen many mean ones.

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Semi-alert reader ID10T Killer has sent me a second image that he says was flashed on his screen in a sidebar advertisement at Tom’s Hardware during his first visit on a totally virgin machine on it’s maiden voyage. (The first image can be found here.)

Now, this means one of the following:

  1. He’s either a lyin’ perv (which I’m not saying is a bad thing) and they’ve totally got his number  (odds of this are somewhere between 30% and 0.00001% but I ain’t telling because if I tell, he tells)
  2. Tom’s Hardware just figures 99% of their clientele consists of males who cannot find a real woman who will get (and stay) within 10 feet of him  (ID10T Killer is married, with kids)
  3. Tom’s Hardware is tracking people in ways we can’t believe
  4. Random sh*t happens all the time and even blind squirrels find nuts once in a while

If #2 didn’t make much sense, Tom’s Hardware is Geek Central.  Either accept that as gospel or go see for yourself.

Now, all that said, ID10T Killer and I have wondered…

“What in the hell is Wartun3, and are you going to be exposed to “t3nt@cl3 53x” or a major payload of nasty code just for being curious?”†

I doubt either of us is going to go check it out.  And we probably wouldn’t tell you if we did.

As Cruel Wife can attest, I have a thing for short cute brunettes with sometimes violent tendencies, so the graphic was at least interesting.

Apologies, because I am no fan of l33t-speak, but neither do I want web-crawling stuff sniffing me out for the term “t3nt@cl3 53x” so I threw in some pseudo-l33t.  Don’t even think about flaming me about my improper ‘spelling’ because I don’t even claim to know it all that well.

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And, this just in from the Bizarro Universe…

Study:  Marriage causes women to drink more than men

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And a hearty:

“THANK YOU, PAL!”

… to Aggie Sith and Cruel Wife.

Cruel Wife just visited Aggie’s site (Sithy Things) where she posted the recipe for a drink called “Witch’s Brew”.  She laughed at the drink and the name and I said “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it’s Aggie post today” chirped Cruel Wife.

I thought hard.  “Wait, what was the post again?  Oh, the drink…”

“… Witches Brew,” she finished for me.

Cruel Wife read the ingredients list and said “‘Black sugar’ is an ingredient?  I’ve never heard of ‘black sugar’.”

Trying to be helpful because (a) I was pretty sure it wasn’t a common variant of heroin, and (b) I’m a food-lover and interested in all things food, I said “Hang on… I’ll look it up… okay… Bing-dot-com… b-l-a-c-k space s-u-g-a-r… waiting… waiting… oh, it’s some kind of Taiwanese variant of way darker brown sugar and…”

I stopped, stared, and then I finished with “… Goddammit, you better thank me for doing that search for you.”

Confused, Cruel Wife said “What, why should I tha… black sugar… oooooohhhh.  (insert ‘bwah-hah-hah-hah here)

One cannot un-ring the bell once it has been rung.  Dammit, I’ve been on the web 20 years and should have known better.  I’ve seen worse, I just don’t like being surprised by it.

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This is not news.  Man has 9-inch fork removed from stomach.

He swallowed the fork several decades ago.  A nine-inch fork.  Swallowed.

Lee Gardner, 40, was taken to Barnsley Hospital in the U.K. after vomiting blood and suffering stomach cramps.

I stopped reading and asked Cruel Wife… Wait, do they mean an IQ of 40?  Must be, because he didn’t look a day under the age of 60.

Well, that is only to be expected, right?  Most people vomit blood and get a little crampy when they swallow a nine-inch plastic fork.

He said he was told the fork, which he swallowed 10 years ago, would pass through his system naturally so he did not think to mention it to doctors.

Yes, a doctor supposedly told him that the fork would pass naturally – a nine-inch plastic fork.

Let’s go over that again, worded differently:

Gardner said when he accidentally swallowed the fork 10 years ago, a doctor told him the utensil would pass through his system naturally, leading him to forget about the event.  – foxnews.com

Most people would view passing a nine-inch plastic fork with no small amount of trepidation, waiting for the magic moment at which his body would truly bid adieu to the offensive nine-inch plastic fork.
But this guy never noticed, and that leads me to question what his normal bowel movements are like.  I’m going to risk my reputation and guess that he’s never seen a single gram of fiber in his life.  His food pyramid has meat (meat), beer (grains), and water (only when necessary) and by all accounts his pyramid is roughly shaped like a morbidly obese giraffe.
Here is where I really shake my head…
Mr Gardner said he was playing around with the disposable fork in his mouth and gagged, accidentally swallowing it, but it had never caused him problems.
How do you play around with a nine-inch plastic fork and gag such that you accidentally swallow it?  Can anyone honestly say that they think this could happen to anyone?

What I really wonder is this… what in the hell is he not saying because it is more embarrassing than swallowing a nine-inch plastic fork?  It has to be bad enough that “playing around with [a nine-inch plastic fork]” and gagging, thereby ending up with it inside your insides seems like a preferable explanation.

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