My daughter Lemurita called me up yesterday to tearfully tell me that they found a baby squirrel in the basement that looked like it was dying.
Cruel Wife and Hackerboy and Lemurita gravely took the little guy in a shoebox outside in the shade. I was resigned to having to dispatch it when I got home. Lemurita came to grips with the “Daddy grew up on a farm and dispatching animals doesn’t even register on his radar” but at the same time the idea of doing it and distressing my daughter pained me. She asked that when I dispatched it, I left it in a whole piece. Then I spent the next hour trying to think of ways to break it’s little neck by hand or to mix up a humane lethal injection or perhaps some sort of gas. I didn’t have a lecture bottle of nitrogen so that was out. I had ether. Chloroform. Hanging. Electrocution. I felt drowning and immolation to be out of the question. Guns in the city don’t fly well and besides, does one really need hollow-points to get rid of a baby critter?
So before I left for home I got another call and the little critter was looking like it might not have eaten some of the poison downstairs and might live, so they took it up to an animal rescue shelter.
Well, I asked them to take a pic. Not a baby squirrel but a young chippy-munk. They’re kind of cute, yes, but I’d easily dispatch an entire extended family of them without a second thought to avoid them nesting in my attic, and then go get a large pizza and a chocolate malt. Rodent pee in your insulation and walls is best dealt with – extreme sanction.
Lemurita and Hackerboy, Patron Saints to Small Rodentia.
****
How pathetic is it when you get skunked and then have a reporter lob a softball question so you can explain how you dominated the scene?
White House spokesman Jay Carney said Friday that President Obama had decided to go to look at storm damage in Louisiana even before Mitt Romney announced his trip there.
[snip]
A reporter traveling with the president asked Mr. Carney about the timing: “Had the decision to go to Louisiana on Monday been made before the White House learned that Mitt Romney would be going today?”
“Yes, it had,” Mr. Carney replied
[snip]
Mr. Carney said the logistics of arranging a presidential visit take planning, and the White House decided Monday was the best time for logistics and so as not to get in the way of recovery efforts.
Republican National Convention protesters sobbed in each other’s arms as their weeklong series of protests came to an abrupt and unremarkable end.
As Mitt Romney delivered his remarks at the RNC on Thursday night, marking the end of planned events, demonstrators living in the “Romneyville” protest camp led a final march through the streets of Tampa.
Following a fragmented march against the GOP, TheDC’s photo team spoke to several protesters who said they were disappointed by low turnout at protests and the lack of open discussion between protesters and Republican leadership.Referencing the large number of bicycle-based police officers, a protester named Lash told TheDC, “we can see liberty crumbling on bikes.”
Lash, 26, described himself as a “conservative” and “a member of the Libertarian Party for six years” as he sobbed on the shoulder of Mike, a fellow protester.
Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/08/31/occupy-rnc-ends-in-tears-frustration
I just don’t know many conservative libertarian party guys that sob on their boyfriend’s shoulders when the whole drama of being a massive dick just doesn’t pan out.
5. “We fed the homeless and picked up trash”
But really, they did.
Despite an ordinance in Tampa making it illegal for anyone to feed the poor, the movement marched out of their camp, called “Romneyville,” toward the homeless nearby and spread the wealth by sharing food they had prepared through the “Food, Not Bombs” system, which involves dumpster diving and preparing discarded food
Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/08/31/reporters-notebook-sht-occupy-tampa-says-photos
Yeah, bra… we’re here to feed you some sun-dried aged chicken in a slightly-off mushroom-and-Thunderbird pan sauce. Or you can share these dried out pop-tarts in not-quite sour milk.
“I love that we have an anarchist forum here, and I really love us, but I hate that our forum can’t even talk with their conservative forum,” he said. “The police just silence us, the Republicans just silence us. We are just getting silenced everywhere we go. It’s like no one wants to even hear what we have to say.” Read more: http://dailycaller.com/2012/08/31/occupy-rnc-ends-in-tears-frustration/
“It’s like no one wants to even hear what we have to say.”
Hold on to that thought, son. It may be that you can’t yet process it, but your precious-snowflake upbringing has not prepared you for the notion that you are nothing special. That until you actually do something of worth to distinguish yourself, you don’t sit at the adult’s table. You are perceptive though, it certainly is just like no one wants to even hear what you have to say. Might want to ponder on the reasons why that could be.
Lemur King's Folly 
“It’s like no one wants to even hear what we have to say.”
From the mouth of a (spoiled, trust-fund) baby….
This is the core reason the word “duh” was invented.
Spoiled and a moron. It’s a bad combination.
I am glad they took it to a shelter. Glad, I tell you…. GLAD!!!!!
As to the Occupiers…. Sigh…. if they only shared the intellect between them, perhaps we would have no need of irony. I also hear they plan on even BIGGER crowds at the DNC convention. That tells me two things: 1) they think they will have facetime on camera, and the speakers will give them the time of day, and C) it isn’t a protest, but rather a chance to be seen.
That last idiot you quoted gave me heaves. NO ONE wants to listen to them?? Uh, did he NOT do an interview RIGHT THEN??? Sorry, but I already know the lyrics to Kumbaya. What else were they saying?
Oh, and that photo op the Prez had a Ft. Bliss?? Not so good. Went over like a lead Zeppelin. The Monday thing was not pre-planned at all. We all know this. If he had been smart, he would have gone before the RNC was over.
Uh.. “… tells me two things: 1) they [snip] and C) it isn’t a protest…”
1) and C)…?
Do you want me to edit that or was that a joke that I am too slow to assimilate?
You are too slow. It’s the verbal equivalent of prime numbers 😉
Oooooh.
I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy.
After looking in the mail today I KNOW that I’m not worthy.
I love the little critters, but I draw the line at having the wild, unwanted ones (not to be confused with the wild wanted critters) in my house. When I first went to scoop it up with a small shovel, I really thought it was dead. Then I saw it twitch, blink, and it slowly fell over with one leg frozen in the air. It slowly settled where gravity would have it, while Jack the Cat blithely walked by. (I guess it was too young to have a scent yet.) At that point, I thought “Poisoned, dying” instead of “Poisoned, dead”.
So I put it in a box to keep it as comfortable as possible as it passed onto the next chippy life. At Lemurita’s behest, I put a bottlecap filled with water in there, and added a bit of bird seed to show I thought it might have a slim hope, and left it in the yard where it would at least be warm. I was stunned when I realized the little guy was starting perk up. At that point, I had to hastily revise plans for the little guy’s future, because I didn’t really want to have a critter smooshed if there were alternatives. When I found the wildlife shelter would take it, off we went. Now we have to call and see how the little guy is doing. He’ll be released out there once he’s big enough. 🙂
That would have been a perfect time to get your kids to understand that most animals are tasty.
The problem with chipmunks is that you need a bunch to make a decent meal, but they’re very tender. You just skin em, rub some olive oil, basil and sage on them, shove a stick up their butts and cook them on a fire.
Pretty much the same way I cook lemurs, except I rub cayenne pepper on them, it gives them a kick.
And I’m all about kicking lemurs. .
I’m teaching them almost daily that most animals are delicious if smoked and dry rubbed with brown sugar, salt, paprika, cumin, etc.
I refuse to raise a vegetarian or vegan. None of that crap in my house.
Noticed you ignored my lemur-cooking comment. Smart.
A man (Or Lemur as the case may be) has to know his limitations.
So I ignored your comment. Ignoring children (and adults) when they behave immaturely to get people’s attention is just something one has to do sometimes.
As I’ve said elsewhere, you sure seem to be a no-man not-chasing a lemur pretty darned hard for a guy who doesn’t care.
Anyway, you’ve obviously fallen victim to buying the cut-rate mock lemurs (lesser primates, all). It’s a common mistake for beginners. People who are experts and really know their lemurs know that lemurs rub cayenne all over themselves at the start of the day. Why? First because it is nice and secondly most predators can’t handle the heat and learn to avoid them.
Heh, you sure did spend a lot of time telling me I’m not worth your time.
You have been needy lately – just trying to help.
Projection, it’s not just an obsolete TV.
Ok, you got me – I laughed. I don’t think I ever heard that one.
I think that’s mine. At least, I haven’t seen it elsewhere.
Well, it is fairly clever.
Try not to act so surprised.
A little surprise mixed in with the congrats and a shaving of astonighment – for having exceeded my highest expectation. Be happy and take credit where credit is due.