Archive for September 15th, 2012

A Piece on Ass.

Note:  I have substituted letters and numbers in common words (you will know them when you see them) to kind of keep weird pervert people away from this blog through g000gl3 searches.  It may be pointless, but I’m going to try at least.  BE WARNED… the stuff below is not what we normal well-adjusted humans consider normal or well-adjusted.

All right.  I’ve thought about this extensively and after nearly 15 seconds I’ve decided to throw this up.  Maybe you will, too.

Australia, a place where more than a few things are upside down, has a thing known as the Melbourne Underground Film Festival (MUFF).  Yes, a film festival named MUFF.  [Insert_Socially_Insensitive_Joke_Here]

Strange things I can understand.  The reporter seems entirely too supportive of the subject material.  You be the judge.

Gey secks is more likely to offend standards of morality and decency than m3n having s3x with donk3ys, as far as Australia’s censors are concerned.

A film depicting s3x acts between m3n and donk3ys was screened at a Sydney film festival last week after an exemption from classification was granted to the festival by the Classification Board.     – theage.com.au

This is important to get established quickly:

Sayeth the Classification Board… (not I)

Gey secks = Bad

Donk3y Americas-Man Love Affair  (DAMLA) = Good

Zombie Love = Bad

Ok, that noted, let’s move on.  No, they did not opt to view the film, but I bet they wish they had made even a half-hearted attempt at going through the motions.

No film can be publicly screened in Australia without first being rated by the Classification Board, which may refuse a classification if it offends standards of morality and decency.

However, it may permit a festival to screen films that have not been rated.

In contrast, the Classification Board banned L.A. Zombie, which features a zombie character having homosecksual secks with dead bodies, from being screened at the Melbourne International Film Festival in 2010.

Again, zombie n3crophilia, which ordinarily seems to me to be merely a matter of dating within your own social strata if you yourself are a zombie, is somehow more offensive and less decent than some documentary backwoods hick frolicking in the nethers of a donk3y.  Because, as we all know, whatever the topic is, documentaries mean it is like OK, you know?

Note:  Based on 30 seconds of exhaustive research spurred on by second thoughts, begun with and ended with a Wikipedia search, I can absolutely say that L.A. Zombie is most definitely awful horrible space-time-rendingly “bad” in most every sense of the word.  It makes a gey pr0nographic mockery of all the societal good done by ZombieLand and Shaun of the Dead.  Not surprisingly it too premiered at film festivals in Switzerland and in Melbourne, Australia.  Surprise, surprise.

Donk3y Lov3, which purports to be a documentary about a tradition of Colombian men having secksual relations with donk3ys, won best documentary at the MUFF.

“I was very nervous about awarding it,” said Richard Wolstencroft, the director of MUFF.

“It’s a controversial film but [jury head] Gene [Gregorits] was very insistent it should win.”

One scene in Donk3y Lov3 shows the filmmakers laughing as they film a man committing acts of b3sti@lity on the side of a road.

Serious.  The “director of MUFF” was “nervous about awarding it” when clearly the filmmakers found it to be a humorous topic, as if we were talking about an embarrassing date.  Yet he still gave it an award.

I admit that I have personally drawn the conclusion that the reason that film jury head Gene Gregorits (mentioned above) was insistent that the film should win was because that was the only way he could keep the footage of himself giving a donk3y a spin on the cutting room floor.  I have no facts to base that conclusion on but for someone to insist that this film should win even a “Best Soundtrack Award” implies to me that he’s either seriously damaged goods or he is being blackmailed into doing it.  Both seem even more likely, but that’s just me drawing my own conclusions.  After some further thought, “Best Soundtrack Award” would be even more hideous, wouldn’t it?

The director of Donk3y Lov3, Daryl Stoneage, said the film had divided audiences but had not been banned overseas.

“You make half the room never want to talk to you again and the other half come up to you and tell you what a pair of balls you must have to make a film like this,” he said.

“I think when people actually see the film, they get desensitised to the act pretty fast and are able to watch a funny and informative documentary about a cultural practice that most people don’t know anything about.”

However, he said the whole film had made him feel uncomfortable.

Stoneage was unapologetic about treating the cultural practice of bestiality, which many people would find abhorrent, and illegal, with humour.

This goes to show you that these directors – and the people that sniff their own farts and watch these movies – aren’t really uncomfortable with much of anything other than not getting attention that they thrive upon.  Arguing that your film is ok because it “had not been banned overseas” is bordering on tipping over into a specious argument at best.

Still with me so far?  Last push and we’re done…

“I’m guessing those same people would have a hard time wrapping their heads around a country full of b3sti@lity,” he said.

“It’s too bad, there should be more funny documentaries.

“I know I think about that every time I watch the 20th documentary about 9/11 being an inside job or some documentary narrated by Leonardo DiCaprio or Matt Damon telling me what’s melting or that I should recycle more.”

“If you don’t think a country full of people having s3x with donk3ys is funny then maybe there’s something wrong with you.”

Guilty!  There must be something really wrong with me because the notion of a country full of people having secks with donk3ys is the very epitome of anti-funny.

Sorry, but I’m of the opinion that the director himself is little more than a closet donkey fluffer.


While we’re talking animals, because we did gerbils last night, we should mention rabbits, too.

This isn’t news unless you are younger the event was far before your time but it is still funny and worth remembering if you are considering the many ways in which Obama has surpassed his predecessor, Jimmy Carter.

I do go by now and then to read The Straight Dope.  Cecil, the genius behind the articles, is a dyed-in-the-wool liberal.  That doesn’t mean I don’t think he’s a great writer and funny as hell in spite of the fact that our politics are diametrically opposed.  He did an article on Carter and the Killer Rabbit.  The snippet should entice you to go read more of his stuff…

The rabbit incident happened on April 20 while Carter was taking a few days off in Plains, Georgia. He was fishing from a canoe in a pond when he spotted the fateful rabbit swimming toward him. It was never precisely determined what the rabbit’s problem was. Carter, always trying to look at things from the other guy’s point of view, later speculated that it was fleeing a predator. Whatever the case, it was definitely a troubled rabbit. “It was hissing menacingly, its teeth flashing and nostrils flared and making straight for the president,” a press account said.

The Secret Service having been caught flatfooted — I’ll grant you an amphibious rabbit assault is a tough thing to defend against — the president did what he could to protect himself. Initially it was reported that he’d hit the rabbit with his paddle. Realizing this wouldn’t play well with the Rabbit Lovers Guild, Carter later clarified that he’d merely splashed water at the rabbit, which then swam off toward shore. A White House photographer, ever alert to history’s pivotal moments, snapped a picture of the encounter for posterity.

See the common thread tonight?  Rabbit Lovers Guild?

No, there’s no connection but I love words and all possible combitweetions of them.

I think of Obama in a boat and then immediately erase the imagery so I can watch him on a bicycle again with a dorky looking helmet.   I had to reach into the recesses of my mind to remember where I personally first saw that pic – Moonbattery.com – when I saw Dave Blount’s posting.  Long after the act, thank you, Dave.

Given his handling of world events lately a helmet to protect his brain seems a bit like an amputee wearing steel-toed boots but hey, if you feel good doing it, who am I to judge?  If someone you love is considering voting for this guy just point them to this years-old picture and gently suggest that unlike fine wine, stupidity does not get better with age.

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