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Archive for January, 2013

Time is short.

Lemurita turned ten today.  It’s hard to believe that ten years ago I was a drooling idiot staring at a squalling pink little face and totally clueless about what to do.  Now she’s ten and I am still totally clueless.

It is also surprising to me that while she has aged ten years I have aged at roughly double that rate.  Maybe that surprises no one who has kids.

I can say that she might have it in her to be a stone cold killer.

Her mom made some chocolate no-bake cookies and I asked Lemurita if I could have two.

“No.”

“What?  You wouldn’t give your dear old dad two chocolate no-bake cookies?”

“No.  You can have one and a half.”

So I turned on the emotion, cranked it up to 11.  “Puh-leasssse, Lemurita?  Pretty please?  Not even for your dear father who loves you so very much?”

“One.”  And she pinned me with a cold mackerel-eye stare.

I grinned at her pleadingly and worked up the welling of a tear in the corner of my eye. (I am not a sociopath… stop judging me!†)

Cold mackerel eyes… “One.

She’s good, that girl.

Source:  Sithy Things – the “judging” part, that is.

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Trying hard to not get angry about the steady systematic erosion of the 2nd Amendment but this really does kind of steam my clams.

The most recent liberal reinvention, in the style of “global warming” the way it morphed into “climate change”, the notion of the 2nd Amendment as purely what it says – the right to keep and bear arms period – is now being re-branded as the idea that the 2nd Amendment’s only valid purpose is to allow hunters to retain their firearms heritage.

Think anyone should agree with that?  Oh, I think not.

For the record, if you think that so called “assault weapons” are not properly called defensive weapons, then I bring your attention to a General Service Administration request for bid issued this week, to supply the Department of Homeland Security with 7,000 5.56x45mm NATO weapons. These weapons look like the much-maligned AR-15, except that the DHS request is for “select fire” weapons — machine guns. That notwithstanding, the very weapons the Left classifies as “assault” are classified by DHS as “Personal Defense Weapons,” which are “suitable for personal defense use in close quarters.”  – Mark Alexander, Patriot Post

Durbin (below) talks as if he is utterly shocked at the concept that a nation of those governed by consent could possibly be uncomfortable with the inability to maintain that arrangement.  Apparently Durbin is either a piss-poor student of history or several standard deviations below average intelligence, or he is both.

[Senator Dick Durbin] lamented that some of his constituents in Illinois told him, “It’s not just about hunting, it’s not just about sports, it’s not just about shooting targets, it’s not just about defending ourselves from criminals … we need the firepower and the ability to protect ourselves from our government, from our government…”

It is about defending ourselves – our lives, our liberty, and our beliefs.  That is what makes us what we are.  And yes, most definitely we must protect ourselves from our government.  Lament away… Dick.

See Ralph the Circus Bear in Liberty Meadows.  He sees the light.  This is how we ought to think when we go to counter those who are dismantling the US and remaking it into a communist paradise.  I’m not saying we do actual violence but take no prisoners is how we should approach the “discussion”.

LamentationsMay I suggest you all run right out and find a copy of any of Frank Cho’s Liberty Meadows?  Brandy is in it… she’s got the hawtness of Agatha from Girl Genius if not the spark.

Need more?  Mad Cow Disease doesn’t just mean PMS anymore…  here’s Frank Cho’s h/t to Misery with guest star Mark Trail.

madcow

3D printing is so cool.  Note the Mad Cow in the middle.  Found it at VinylPulse.  NO IDEA what else is there so browse at your own risk and don’t come to me if you find something objectionable.  It could be a perfectly family-friendly place or not, just don’t blame me.  Most excellent 3D model.  Awesome actually.

3D-Printing-IMG_6675_1_b

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h/t to The Dude for his find of… zombie snowmen.

zombiesnowmen

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I’m convinced that while God has a wicked sick sense of humor sometimes, there also must be sometimes a protectiveness of some children.  But let’s not get hung up on philosophical/religious arguments at the moment.  The point is… look at the link and the freaking x-ray.  Holy carp.

Girl shish-kebabs brain with pencil, no lasting damage.

Pencil_Brain

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Correlation can imply causation now and then.

It should be noted that if one does a linear regression on a graph of frequency of divorce vs. frequency of graphing things in marriage, the correlation coefficient is r = 0.87, where 5 graphs per day in a relationship leads, ultimately, to a messy divorce involving multiple lawyers, blunt character assassinations, and the sacrificing of many small animals.  I am declining to post the graph in order to maximize my odds of that never happening.

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We just got back from seeing a matinee showing of The Hobbit, Lemurita and I.  It was fun.  She only jumped and said “Ew” twice, once when she spilled Orange Crush on herself.

Lemurita and I both felt that the giant eagles totally Roc’ed.

Hackerboy and Cruel Wife stayed at home and played Lego Harry Potter.

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h/t to The Dude for passing on this pic of the day.

forever

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Warning:  RANT AHEAD

This has been in my “to-do” box for some time.  It’s a mention of how life has been… unfair… to Gen Y’ers.  See, apparently someone along the way promised them puppies, unicorns, moonbeams, Hope and Charge, and all of the perks to be found at Big Rock Candy Mountain.

American Dream Fades for Generation Y Professionals

Eighteen months and two busted jobs later, the daughter of a retired physician and a former editor at Vogue circled back to upstate New York and hunkered down at a small legal office that pays about one-quarter of her former $165,000 salary.

Hey, life is hard.  I was laid off a day after our honeymoon ended, eight months later moved across country away from family and friends, and found/took a job making peanuts after losing most everything we had.  If she was making $165,ooo a year, why the hell doesn’t she have a huge savings account stuffed with dough?

Generation Y professionals entering the workforce are finding careers that once were gateways to high pay and upwardly mobile lives turning into detours and dead ends. Average incomes for individuals ages 25 to 34 have fallen 8 percent, double the adult population’s total drop, since the recession began in December 2007. Their unemployment rate remains stuck one-half to 1 percentage point above the national figure.

So, life gives you some hard knocks and just years later the conclusion is that the American Dream has faded?

Geez, grow some… brains.  Wherever did the American Dream promise success?

“This generation will be permanently depressed and will be on a lower path of income for probably all of their life — and at least the next 10 years,” says Rutgers professor Cliff Zukin, a senior research fellow at the university’s John J. Heldrich Center for Workforce Development. Professionals who start out in jobs other than their first choice tend to stay on the alternative path, earning less than they would have otherwise while becoming less likely to start over again later in preferred fields, Zukin says.

Guess what?  The world is populated by people who to a huge extent have lives that weren’t their first choice.

“I had a lot of faith in the system, the mythology that if you work really hard you can achieve anything, and the stock market always goes up,” says 2009 law school graduate Elizabeth Hallock, 33. “It was pretty naïve on my part.”

Yes, yes it was.

“It’s a generation that had really high expectations, in some part driven by the way they were raised by their boomer parents,” she says. “Yet in the past five years they have had reality slammed in their face by the employment situation.”

The legacy given by boomer parents has been comprised mostly of piss-poor assessment of reality.

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I seem to be taking some heat over at doubleplusundead – above and beyond this life-crippling boycott levied against me.

Apparently two minion lemurs (short tailed, unkempt) were freed from their enforced incarceration by a strange individual with bolt cutters.  Since these were minion lemurs and not of higher breeding – uneducated, unwashed, undisciplined – they followed their baser natures and got involved with incidents involving the law.

One of them (Leonard “Ratface” Lemur) was in a tree when officers arrived on the scene and came quietly.  The other accosted a 2 year old, leaving her face scratched.  Leo Langton Lemur will not be officially punished with jail time but may have an unfortunate accident sometime in the future involving a wood chipper or a cement truck.

Point to be made is that I have no control over these minions – only Maurice held the real power associated with my figurehead and he is vacationing in St. Petersberg.  These new minions do not even pay dues to enhance their legal defense fund.   I wash my hands of them and dismiss them with a double flick of the tail.

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Soy Sauce.

Ok, I was thinking… When was the last time any of us men said to the wife “Woman, I am going to a movie with the guys” and then went to see “John Dies at the End”?

It is due out on the 24/25th last time I heard.  Rumor is that Mitchell has seen it and now is a follower of Korrok
Read the book in early 2012 and I can say it is like the strange offspring of a ménage between Phantasm, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, and Apocalypse Now if AN had been more than simply a dark comedy.
The story centers around a guy who investigates the paranormal after he has been exposed to Soy Sauce, a really bad soy-sauce-like hallucinogenic.  Sort of.  Or maybe it is part love story where one partner is wired a bit funny and has a prosthetic limb.  Or a story about monsters made of deli meats.
Oh just go look it up. Fair warning – – – John dies at the end, just like it says.  It is probably also extremely violent, gross, and a chunk of your life you’ll never get back again.
The preview might not be particularly good for kids.
It’s got a 67% on Rotten Tomatoes which isn’t too bad.  Considering that it is firmly in “Bubba-Ho-Tep” cult movie territory it’s really quite good.  I’m trying to get a bunch of friends to ditch their wives to go see it.
Mitchell must write a review on it.

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Silly Products

I was listening to Doyle on the radio coming home tonight and they mentioned this:

“Anti-Loneliness Ramen Bowl” from Miso Soup Design

Apparently you can hook your iPhone up to it while you eat miso soup and not feel alone while you eat your dinner.

One of the guys opined that it should be given the model name “Miso Ronery”.

I am reasonably certain that if you can go to hell for repeating that I am in big trouble because I also laughed.

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Childrearing can be fun.

The kids are of an age to teach about guns.   At their age I was already shooting several boxes of .22’s daily.  Here they cannot do that.

So I got out various weapons and showed them the proper way to point them, when to consider them loaded (all the time), showed them how any one of them could easily kill a person.

Moved on to the “sound” portion.  I racked the Mossberg 500 – you know that formidable sound it makes.  I said “Kids when you hear that sound what do you do?”

“Run away” was one answer.  Another was “Hide in such-and-such location”.  I told them “No, what you do when you hear that sound is hit the floor.   “Let’s see how fast you can hit the floor when I rack this gun”

And so we made a game out of a very serious thing, which is get the kids out of the equation.   “How long do you stay there?”    “Until you say we can get up.”    They were slamming themselves into the floor to see who could be quickest.

It was a great start.    And I made it clear to them that if I ever have to choose between their safety and the safety of an intruder in our home we will not hesitate to send the intruder to his maker in the most expedient way possible.  I disabused them of the silly notion of “aiming for the leg” that so many liberals would love – if you mean to aim a gun at someone you should only have done so thinking that you or yours were in terrible danger, and if your situation is that extreme then the idea of only trying to wound someone is ludicrous.

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Given the latest round of testing done to look at Lemurita and where she falls on the ASD continuum, they reversed her diagnosis to a lesser but still real diagnosis and then said “She tests just under 140 on her IQ.  Get her into robotics or something.”   Well, I KNOW she’s bright… why did y’all think I have been throwing latin and classics and music at her all this time?

She and I are so alike that the worst disservice we could give her is to not give her free reign to run as far as she can go in any field of learning.  With the right mentor, vast swathes of my childhood would have been infinitely more interesting.

So last night Lemurita and I built a galvanic response circuit you can use as a VERY simplified lie-detector circuit if you have appropriate leads.  She swears she does not sweat when she lies so now we must prove the point one way or another.  I’ll also take the opportunity to teach her how to flip the emotional switch off and see if that makes a difference.   Doing scientific projects with Lemurita is fun – a vast huge amazing amount of fun.

Wait until Lemurita and I make thermite and put it on a remote ignition.  Oh this will be such fun.

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I am going to live.  As my old man said, “You get to where you think you’re gonna die, then you pray that you will…”  And he was right, as far as that went.

But now I’ve decided I don’t want die just yet and that sentiment firms up more and more as the nasty old flu recedes in the rear-view mirror.  So while I didn’t get what I really wanted for Christmas (health) I got it later, so it all worked out.   The worst of the coughing is over and not a moment too soon since it cracked my neck every single cough.

Now I am just going in fits and spurts of being wiped out and then getting energy back off-on throughout the day.

See the energetic furry creature below?  She got spayed today and the poor dear is pretty uncomfortable.  Yes, even the Furry Little Black Dress of Evil can suffer.

Mel-CoatCat

We gave Lemurita an MP3 player for Christmas and she asked me to load it up with some of my music after she went to bed.  I have a huge collection of digital music but not all of it is exactly acceptable for a 10 year old.  Butthole Surfers, Circle Jerks, Henry Rollins, Metallica, the Doors… nah.  I did give her AC/DC Hell’s Bells (she loves that one), some Rod Stewart, Don Henley, bagpipes, etc.  Not sure about The Who, Shawn Mullins, Tom Petty, etc.

By the way – if you have not seen the movie Limitless, I would HIGHLY recommend it.  I said to Cruel Wife, “Ok, I have to admit that if I was in his shoes I don’t think I could have done anything differently – it would be that seductive, especially to my brain.”  It is NOT an anti-drug movie.  It’s not a pro-drug movie.  It’s a movie with a drug that the movie centers on but what a fun ride the movie is.

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Our Mrs. Reynolds

I am still feeling like canned cream-of-shite and am calling in sick for the remainder of the week. I have been laid low and humbled. But amazingly I felt this evening like living seems marginally better than dying. As my dad put it tonight, “you feel like you are going to die and then you pray that you will…”

The title of this post – no pics just yet, sorry – refers to our new Christening of the kitten formerly known as Melody. Now we affectionately refer to her as “Mrs. Reynolds” which is a nod to the character Saffron from Firefly. She is bodacious and evil. Pure essence of cunningly alluring evil. She is no longer a kitten but turning into a sleek beauty.

It is a lie.

I have a picture of her waiting like a coiled up serpent in our Christmas tree. Check back in this post later for the pic.

But first a video

Here you go… She is about 3-4 feet up in the tree. She did not find the Pickle Ornament first in spite of base camping there.

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