You wouldn’t make this up.

This isn’t new news, but it is news-worthy…

Woman Who Hid Gun In Vagina Gets 25 Years

No joke, I would treat any woman who would think of doing this as if she was armed and dangerous even if she wasn’t packing.

And she was packing, in several senses of the word.

Mackerel Eyes of Death

Harris, seen in the adjacent mug shot, was arrested in March after a drug dog alerted to a vehicle in which she and another woman were seated (the car was parked outside a closed restaurant at 3:45 AM). A subsequent search of the Toyota Yaris turned up meth, drug paraphernalia, a .25 caliber semi-automatic pistol, and a loaded magazine.

While being transported to jail, Harris told a cop “several times that she needed to go to the bathroom,” according to an Ada Police Department report.

During processing at the jail, Harris balked when directed to lower her underwear so that a female officer could check for contraband. She “advised that she was on her period and did not want to,” cops noted.

[See, that would have worked on a guy cop.  Chick cops are much braver.  -LK]

After Harris complied with police, Officer Kathy Unbewust reported, “I observed at that time a wooden and metal item sticking out from her vagina area.” Unbewust then “pulled the item from her vagina, and found it to be a 5 shot revolver with rounds in the chamber.”

[God, cops have the worst damn job in the universe.  -LK]

The handgun, which was disassembled by cops, is seen in the above left evidence photo.

[They had to TOUCH it to disassemble it.  -LK]

Investigators subsequently identified the weapon as a Freedom Arms .22-caliber handgun, which was loaded with three live rounds and one spent shell. The police report notes that “gun located in suspect vagina.”

[They found a .22 caliber bullet lodged in her steel-clad cervix.  -LK]

“Gun located in suspect vagina”… what?  They were just patrolling one day and saw a vagina that looked suspect?

Comments at the bottom of the article got funny – the top-notch commenters:

James E. Hobbs · University of Nebraska at Omaha

How do they know it belongs to her, it may have been left there by someone else.

Dennis Vest · Top Commenter

Wonder if she said “I’ll give you my gun when you can pry it from my cold dead vagina”?

Calvin Nystrom

Now that truly is “one in the chamber”

Jack Levitt · Top Commenter · Davie, Florida

Happiness, is a warm gun.

Bill Brumfield · ScubaDiver at Roto RooterI’m not a lawyer, but I imagine there’s some language in the local code that says you can’t store loaded firearms in a location that’s readily accessible to the general public. I think that’s where she made her mistake.

Brumfield wins.

But you know, South Park did this years ago with Oprah Winfrey – Minge.

 

****

I was out tarping up a data collection trailer today with a few co-workers – we had biggish thunderstorms on the way and an open hatch that wasn’t sealed yet.  Leaks are bad.  Laboring in 3000% humidity and 80-something degree still air and direct sun was Inscrutable Half-Breed, Laconic Pup, me, and the new guy who I’ll call… … The Last Boy Scout.

I was tying the tarp with a rope to a strut under the trailer and grunted in pain from a torn rotator cuff.  Someone asked “Your neck giving me trouble, LK?”

I said “No, no trouble at all – it’s the shoulder – I actually highly recommend cervical fusion.”

The Last Boy Scout pauses (it was deafeningly audible for a silent pause) and I had a moment to think of something fast.  He obviously wasn’t thinking “cervical vertebrae”.

“Yes, LBS, I had my cervix surgically stapled to my pelvis.”

Another long deafening pause while some other guys snickered.

“There’s things you just don’t know about me, LBS…”

****

Update:  Co-worker Laconic Pup is soon to be renamed “Ambiguous Man”.