Archive for the ‘Art (homegrown)’ Category

I had to wrestle with the title of the post for more than ten seconds before deciding to do it.

I don’t normally post stuff like boob bombs or the penis award.  But there’s always a first time (most things anyway, and there are a lot of exceptions).

Yesterday’s post involved a side project for an award for c.monster over at Soylent Green.  Please do feel free to read yesterday’s post for I shan’t repeat the story here.

Defintely NSFW, but the warning would come too late if I had put the page in-line with the posting, so I didn’t.  Instead you can follow this link TO AN NSFW GRAPHIC of  (in deep exaggerated baritone voice)


You have been warned.

Feel free to give feedback – it is critical feedback that makes things better.

Update:  I gather that the response was positive

Update #2:  I wouldn’t have thought I could possibly view a picture as pathetic as this.  Jar-jar Binks has more charisma.

Update #3:  This cat has my permission to boil that turtle in oil.  (h/t to Laura at Fetch My Flying Monkeys – Now with more goat)

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Proposed Badge

Okay.  So c.monster over at Soylent asked me what my vision would be for an award he has been given.  Click for a NSFW picture post.

The award?   (in a booming loud baritone voice)

The Iron Penis Award

So, like… wow.  Now, I’ve known c.monster for a while now and it would be hard to turn him down when he’d been given a cool award for tasteful imagery, but I wasn’t sure just what to do.

When I did the Boob Bomb pic to see if veeshir could be enticed back (he’s triple-secret boycotting me now, it appears) I had to do a lot of distasteful searching on Google for boobs.  I had to find the perfect one and CW would not model for the pic.  So I sacrificed to come through on that image.  I looked at literally thousands of boobs.

But somehow, I just wasn’t as interested in taking one for the team when it came to looking at lots of pics of penises.

So I said to myself “Self, what does one look like?”

And I answered myself by saying “Well, Self, if only we knew of someone who has one, and perhaps he might be able to help us.”

And that’s where I came in.  I was indeed an owner of such equipment and I was able to help myself in this endeavor.

Can this get any more awkward?

So drawing upon my vast experience with original-owner genuine junk, I set out to do a line art version, one that would be stylized and not a ‘shopped photo, which had all the appeal of a drooling skunk.

Cruel Wife took a look and said “Yep, that is unmistakable, and if Girlhead sees it, you can tell her it is a chinese mushroom.”

The graphic is not a picture of my junk, ok?  I just went for the stereotypical imagery and a size ratio that fit the effect I was going for.

My this is awkward, isn’t it?

The graphic may change, depending on what c.monster says he likes or doesn’t like.  It is his award after all.

Update:  Ditch the lettering.  Chrome it up.   I can do those.  Tomorrow night.

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Veeshir boycotted my blog.  Not even SALMA HAYEK screaming “Veeshir, come back!” and falling out of her top (see sidebar at right) was enough to keep him from boycotting Lemur King’s Folly.

This would NOT do.  Hillary Clinton unattended at the top of my blog for days was understandably an assault on the eyes, and Scarlett Johansson was not up long enough to salve his corneas (And she is dating Sean Penn?  WTF?), so he was understandably soul-injured and skittish afterwards.  Then he just became peevish and intractable.  When Salma doesn’t work, drastic measures must be taken.

So I decided that I must drop the bomb for the sake of peace.  The Boob Bomb™©.

Instant fame to the person who recognizes who the boob came from!!†

I have now looked at so many porn-star boobs to find “the perfect one”, only to find 999 times out of 1000 some butt-ugly guy on a couch with some chick with silicone filled hooters that have their own zip codes, that I’m probably going to need some kind of therapy.  The things I do for peace.

I asked Cruel Wife if she would rather be the model of said boob, which would keep me from having to -ahem- research.  She said, and I quote “No f***ing way.”


For Curtal Friar… a recipe.  There are two pages in that PDF – it “printed” oddly, but both sides of the recipe card are there.


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(Update below this fishy offering…)

If you remember the graphics BP Gulf Plate Shrimp and Squeezed Duck by Chez Lemur way back when, you’ll understand that I meant it to illustrate that mankind can kind of mess things up.

I am not a Greenpeace member, not with PETArds, I don’t hug trees, I don’t squeeze ducks, I don’t fluff bunnies – but I DO look around and say “Awww, damn, we could have done that better”.

Yes, I know, you can’t design every damn thing as if it could take a 9.8 earthquake, but it isn’t like there weren’t some stupid things that could have been done better.

So this graphic is really more of a commiseration with the Japanese (love the Japanese and their culture) in that gallows humor kind of way of mine.

Click on it for the larger version


I personally know a few Crazy Cat People.  With two cats I feel like we’re creeping into that “zone” but still no urges to get more.  h/t to Inscrutable Half-Breed.


Obama says he pines… he yearns…  perhaps on a really rough night maybe he even keens.

“I just miss – I miss being anonymous,” he said at the meeting in the White House. “I miss Saturday morning, rolling out of bed, not shaving, getting into my car with my girls, driving to the supermarket, squeezing the fruit, getting my car washed, taking walks. I can’t take a walk.” – Barack Obama, missing his John Q. Public life that he never had because he loathes Americans

Oh horseshit, you miss it like a diarrhea sufferer misses daily attacks.  You love the attention, when it is a bunch of people fawning over you diety-ness.


Public schools banning home lunches.

Principal Elsa Carmona said her intention is to protect students from their own unhealthful food choices.

“Nutrition wise, it is better for the children to eat at the school,” Carmona said. “It’s about the nutrition and the excellent quality food that they are able to serve (in the lunchroom). It’s milk versus a Coke. But with allergies and any medical issue, of course, we would make an exception.”

Carmona said she created the policy six years ago after watching students bring “bottles of soda and flaming hot chips” on field trips for their lunch. Although she would not name any other schools that employ such practices, she said it was fairly common.

A Chicago Public Schools spokeswoman said she could not say how many schools prohibit packed lunches and that decision is left to the judgment of the principals.

First… the policy was made six years ago?  It’s just now being reported?

Second… school lunch excellency is a matter of debate.

Third… the decision should not be up to the principal.  It should be up to the PTA and school board.

Get the gov’t and public sector out of our lives, please.  They presume too much.  When they stop being our employees and start being our keepers, they need to be slapped down.  Hard.

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I asked the question over at Aardvarks and Asshats:

What was the exact time and place where you first heard of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle?

It’s one of the more entertaining questions that you can ask of a physics person.

It’s all a question of how long it takes them to make the connections.  It’s a hoot.

About tomorrow…

Igloo image courtesy of Clayoquot under GNU CC License...


Ok, I’m a good sport.  From Aggie at Hookers and Booze, I was commanded to follow these instructions…

1 – Go to Wikipedia and hit random. The first random Wikipedia article you get is the name of your band.
2 – Go to quotationspage.com and hit random. The last four or five words of the very last quote of the page is the title of your first album.
3 – Go to Flickr and click on “explore the last seven days”. Third picture, no matter what it is, will be your album cover.
4 – Use Photoshop or similar (picnik.com is a free online photo editor) to put it all together.
5 – Post it on your blog along with these instructions, and trackback or link to your post in these comments.

I may have added three extra words to the title of the band/artist.  Sue me.

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Update: Huh.  Hit counter… 199,425 hits.

Who knew there were so many cases of bored people?

Update #2: Oh f*** me in both ears.

D&D in Prisons Could Lead to Gang Activity.  Didn’t we already live through this happy bullsh** with Tom Hank’s stoopid-beyond-belief D&D version of  “Reefer Madness”?

I say that as one whose mother tossed all his D&D books in a dumpster somewhere while he was at school.

Update #3: Oh please.  She was not jailed for sending her kids to a better school.  She was jailed for breaking the law by lying on her paperwork.  The mechanics were different but it’s not much different than holding up stores to pay for your kid’s school.  It’s taking money that isn’t yours.


I freely admit:  I love Taco Bell.

An engineer I worked with for a year said something about it that I’ll never forget.

Why Taco Bell?  Because it’s cheaper than food.

That was a pretty profound statement but I’d still eat the stuff every day if I could.

I’ve found the latest lawsuit to be both funny and puzzling.  Funny because, well, you get it.

Puzzling, because it still tastes pretty good.

Me? I'm rooting for Taco Bell.

I am loving PhotoShop.  I’ve always been bullish on open-source and freeware but I’m a convert.  There’s a good reason why it’s as popular as it is.  Been saving for it forever and finally was able to justify buying the package.

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A New Graphic

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Update:  Below I have updated the nasty spiteful and soulless graphic I first did (the B&W one).  I have since added some festive glow bracelets and splashes of color


It’s quick, it’s dirty, it’s not done yet.  But here’s the work in progress.  I don’t like it, I must confess.  It lacks in many ways, but it’s still bound to piss someone off.

Here comes the update.  It is still weak but what the hell, eh?

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Yes, it sure does look like I’m going commercial, doesn’t it?

Last ones for a few days.  I really enjoyed making both of these.

A Crabby-Sushi T-shirt.  (Inspired by a very good friend of mine.)

A Rad Shark T-shirt.  (Inspired by another very good friend of mine.)

General store stuff…

Note:  The store is in a bit of disarray… Zazzle doesn’t update rapidly at times.

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Eco-Dollars, inspired by C. Monster (cbullitt).   The $1T bill, featuring a unicorn, which we need to preserve for the UN’s continued importance as well as Mytho-Diversity.  Coffee mug only, right now.

Coelacanth Ecodollars – $1 Million Coffee mug only, right now.

Leatherback Ecodollars – $10,000 Coffee mug only, right now.

Also there will be two shirt designs going up tomorrow, as yet unpublished or seen by the unsuspecting public.

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Friday Update:

Yes, I do feel like hell.

But the bright side is that I’ve seen a product that is more lovable than The Candy Man… Bacon-Flavored Soda.

J&D Foods owner Justin Esch told AOL News that his company recently partnered with Jones Soda to create a special-edition bacon-flavored drink just in time for the holidays.


Yep, they toasted six cervical nerves today.

I am (at the same time) drugged and in pain.

Bright side:  Getting ’em all over with at the same time.  Yay!

I’ll post something more substantial tomorrow night while Cruel Wife is out of town.  She’s going bar-hopping with the other church gals.

Soon, very soon, I will be posting in parallel a new Soylent Eco-Dollar that I’ve just about completed for C Monster.  (He should be proofing it sometime soon.)

C Monster came to me and said “Lemur, I have just volunteered you to do another graphic for me.”

I had a question for him (I said “yes”) and he responded in the affirmative that I could indeed throw Eco-Dollars up on Zazzle and see if anyone should care.  I’ll do it sometime soon and y’all can look ’em up there.

He’s going to have the hi-res one up soon…

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Ok, I have posted that Tenement Lobster™ t-shirt on Zazzle and am waiting for my Official Guinea-Pig/Critic/Proofer to give it the sniff test.  It’s current state will live or die based on her profound insights.

Feel free to go look at it and see if it (without the watermark) is whiffy or whether it passes muster.  I may make changes to it but I should know by tomorrow morning if it will remain as-is or not.

Here it is with the marks…

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