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Archive for the ‘candy’ Category

Shelter that Snowflake.

Update:   Sent to me by ID10T Killer.  I cannot possibly imagine how you could get geekier than building an ALU using MineCraft.   That doesn’t mean “bad”, it just means “you don’t get very many dates, do you?”

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Just how much of a sad sack of sh*t do you need to be to think that your kid needs a “no-hit pinata”
?

Me, I’m going to get my kids a harp-seal pinata, furred with real harp-seal fur.

This was originally over at Tacky Raccoons (Bunk Strutts).

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In a million years I could not stress enough how badly I need #5, The Walking Harvester, aka the Tree-Eating Robo-Spider

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Seanbaby over at Cracked.com put up a piece listing sex advice books… Page 2 is something else.  Definitely adult-oriented.  Funny as hell.

4 Great Sex Advice Books for People Who Hate Sex

#4 looks like a good way to die of a brain aneurysm, and I don’t mean the good kind.

7 Sex Tips from Cosmo That Will Put You in the Hospital

Ah, what the hell.  We’re on “Sex” tonight so let’s talk about “forbidden love”.
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And making paper out of elephant poop is a green thing to do… how?
…environmentally conscious company…
[snip]
After the poo is gathered, Flancman said it’s carefully rinsed with water, leaving only the fibrous materials from the grasses, bamboo and fruits the elephants have eaten but couldn’t digest.
Then… those fibers are thrown into a giant pot of boiling water to ensure an even more thorough cleansing and sterilization, leaving the fibers primed and ready to be made into paper.Once additional fibers from pineapple plants and trees are thrown into the all-natural mix to add thickness, [the] team separates the moist pulp into small cakes that are then spread over a mesh-bottomed tray and left out to dry naturally under the sun for several hours.Once dry, the cakes transform into sheets of paper, and Flancman and his crew are able to peel them off the tray and start making Poo Poo Paper products.

He said this tedious handmade process is repeated often, and in the end, the paper comes out sturdy and oatmeal-colored without a hint of stinkiness.

Oh!  They are allowed to dry naturally, which makes this a green process.  Right.  Got it.
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I made an awful, awful, awful mistake a month or so ago.  I like to cook and I made fresh mashed spuds using red potatoes.  My favorite, next to Yukon Golds.  So anyway, I slop some on my daughter’s plate, add a pat of butter, and a dollop of gravy from a pork roast on top.
Looking at Cruel Wife I said with a grin “There you go, girl, a ‘Volcano of Love’.”
More later…
Now, that didn’t sound NEARLY as obscene when I said it as when my daughter said tonight after finishing her mashed potatoes:
“Dad, I want another ‘Volcano of Love’.”
I looked at my wife, and she had the most evil grin on her face – the kind of evil grin that turns your bones gelatinous and makes your skin just wetly slough off and pile up on the floor.
I’m going to need a whole lot of serious therapy.

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I wouldn’t have believed it.  Chicago Sun-Times…

The owner said:  “We’re going to send Jesse Jackson his ‘Obama’s Nuts’ so he doesn’t have to be violent about it.”

Because of Jackson’s crude comment, candy seller’s site getting a lot more hits

July 11, 2008

BY ANDREW HERRMANN
Staff reporter / aherrmann@suntimes.com

The owner of “Obama’s Chocolate Nuts” is feeling like “the luckiest person on Earth” in the wake of the Rev. Jesse Jackson’s crude remarks about Sen. Barack Obama.

“Who would have thought anybody would use ‘Obama’ and ‘nuts’ in an actual news story?” said David Feingold, a 30-year-old San Diego resident.

From chocolate makers L.A. Burdick are boxed chocolates honoring Republican presidential nominee John McCain, left, and Democratic presidential nominee Barack Obama.

His site, Obamaschocolatenuts.com, occupied the top spot on Google Thursday when Web users typed in “Obama” and “nuts.” Feingold said traffic on his site more than tripled over the usual count.

Feingold says he started selling packages of nuts, chocolate balls and T-shirts with Obama’s name and likeness about a month and a half ago — an idea sparked by his revulsion over sycophantic supporters of the Illinois senator and presumptive Democratic nominee.

(The nuts connection is related to vulgar slang that Feingold defines as “liking someone too much.”)

Nothing against Obama, said Feingold, but “I think anytime somebody follows somebody blindly, it’s not a good thing.”

“Nobody knows anything about this guy; everybody claims they do,” he said.

Feingold says he’s sold 650 bags of nuts and candy so far, led by the three-bag, $8.99 sampler pack. An equal opportunity offender, Feingold was peddling “McCain’s dried papaya stick” –advertised on his racy Web site by a hungry girl in a bikini — until the wholesale price got too high, he said.

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I’m not saying I agree with her treatment, but grow a spine, lady.  If this is all it takes to turn you into a weeping turnip, you need some therapy.  Cruel Wife remarks that “If this is all it takes so that you can’t feed your son… ” – and here she lost the ability to speak for a bit, but then – “Boo hoo hoo.”   Can you imagine the magnitude of the miracle folks?  She was speechless for nearly ten seconds!

Suit: McDonald’s served up harassment

Muslim says she was targeted because of her headscarf.

By Matt Birkbeck Of The Morning Call
Breinigsville woman who says she was denied service at a McDonald’s in Whitehall Township because she is a Muslim filed a federal lawsuit Thursday, claiming her civil rights were violated.

Tanveer Walli alleges that a manager at the restaurant, which is in the Wal-Mart off MacArthur Road, behaved rudely and refused to serve her because of her Islamic headscarf, or hijab.

The Aug. 10, 2007, incident upset Walli so much that she cries uncontrollably, can’t nurse her newborn son and couldn’t celebrate her wedding anniversary, according to the complaint.

The suit, which also lists a Wal-Mart assistant manager as well as McDonald’s and Wal-Mart as defendants, is the second filed against Pany Enterprises, which operates the McDonald’s.

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More tomorrow. I put in the last portion of a chain-link fence (which I harbor no doubts as to it’s ability to actually contain my monkey-son but I wanted to do it anyway) and I’m tired and hurt. Pretty strenuous getting it tensioned and fastened all by myself. Plus I’m fishing in the morning.

But before I go to bed…  enjoy this video of a really cute puppy figuring out that mirrors are… hey, who’s that?

Or, this video of a Cadbury’s Chocolate committing suicide.  In many creative, disturbing, and hilarious ways.

Update:  I went fishing.  Strictly catch/release.  Caught one Sun Fish, a fistful of weeds, and a dozen worms.  They nibbled, ate a sparse lunch, and just did not “get the point” if you get my drift.  Ah well, it was lots of fun.  Got too much sun but should be good as new in a day or so.

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