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Archive for the ‘creepy as shit’ Category

Scientist proposes walls to stop tornadoes.

It does lead to a few questions.

1)  Really?
2)  Really?
3)  This wouldn’t have unintended consequences?
4)  Really?
5)  Where are you going to get the resources to do that?

I know!  Ship LA’s garbage over and make giant ski slopes out of it.  Or dams.  Or bicycle trails.

Whatever this guy got ahold of, more people need it.  It’s like he rolled in catnip for crazy people.

“If we build three east-west great walls in the American Midwest …. one in North Dakota, one along the border between Kansas and Oklahoma to the east, and the third one in south Texas and Louisiana, we will diminish the tornado threats in the Tornado Alley forever,” according to physicist Rongjia Tao of Temple University.

The walls would need to be about 1,000 feet high and 150 feet wide, he said. Tao is presenting his research next week at the annual meeting of the American Physical Society in Denver.

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Now taking votes to see who should take Salma’s place at right as veeshir-bait.  No nibbles at all.  It used to draw him in.

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Obama’s IRS has spoken… those of us who do not pay the fee/tax thing for Obamacare will face a:

shared responsibility payment

Look, if you don’t choose to use the word “penalty” you choose something else because you want to send a message.  If you choose words that sound like a utopian’s conformational wet-dream it means you want to be as ominous as possible without sounding like a threat.  And that is what Obama is all about.

Well done, Mr. Obama.  Well done.  You now sound like a scary dictator (or beloved leader) rather than merely behave like one on paper.

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Creepy Tuesday.

All righty, campers!

Here is the first weirdness of the day. Fashion meets dead.

Creepy #2… How they keep manufacturing links to BPA hoping something will eventually resonate with enough people that they force a stop to it. It probably causes gout and ingrown toenails and as of yet they have not proved at BPA doesn’t cause MS.

Creepy #3… Matthews and Morgan. Two fruitcakes worshipping a nut job.

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Creepy #4… Weird hat.

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For a nize hat, go here

To offset the creepy, have a camel eating a small child.

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Not creepy. Kudos to her for sticking by what she said. You can’t argue with safety and gun control isn’t going to happen in the US (I am emphasizing that part).

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Been working too hard lately so I tend to want to come home and stay away from computers. Wreaks havoc with blogging. This is done via iPad.

So I watch more TV, and saw this the other day… The billing reads like so:

Batbabe, the Dark Knightie

A voluptuous vigilante squares against a pr0n stealing criminal mastermind known as “the Jerker”.

Surprisingly CW and I found it to have very little redeeming qualities. And we haven’t even watched it. It is soft pr0n and not very good at that. The title is funny though.

Observant reader Mitchell noticed that a steampunk hat would cost me substantially less than a Shelby GT 500. He is right, and the linked hat is my favorite but I will hold out for the GT until all hope is crushed.

I think that in keeping with my leather gunslinger type coat I would probably go for this.

That is it for now. Nothing of major note for today.

Addendum:

Speaking of sinking low… really low.  Urine-controlled urinal video games.   I am… kind of worried for society.

Oh, the jewish holidays are bouncing around, Pesach, I thought.  On the Doyle show he quips “They’re looking for kosher cigarettes now.  You got your Camel lights, you got your Marlboro lights, and now you got your Israel lights.”

Don’t get me wrong – I love the jews and think we [USA] should be siding with them in lock-step.  I kid everybody I like.  It’s when I stop kidding you that we have problems.

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Okay, look… I’ve seen enough weird sh*t come out of the woodworks this week that I’m upping the ratings level here to PG-13+ to cover some of these things.  I put bastardized leetspeak in for certain words because it is a smokescreen against the younger members of my family and to keep perv searches down a bit.  I’ll have some more weird shit to add tomorrow but for now it is 3:30am and it is nearly my bedtime.

Brits supply P@nd@ Pr0n™ movies to pandas with stagnant luv life.  Pr0n st@rs Hugh Mongous and Tiffany Teats, both WWF sponsors, donned panda outfits and donated their time and fluids to the cause.

Gosh, that was mighty nice of them, wasn’t it?

Of course now male pandas will slap the female’s butts and teats and achieve extra-coital climax on the female panda’s face just like Hugh and Tiffany show them.  Probably won’t get any more pandas out of the deal but the pandas will have a rockin wuv life as illustrated by pr0n st@rs.

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Here – have a horseshoe sculpture.  That’s pretty damn good – I don’t care who you are.

horseshoe-sculpture-21

 

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Maybe everyone heard this a long time ago (2 days on the internet is like forever, y’know?), but I only read it one day ago.  So I guess that is half of forever and I’m just now getting around to it.

Brown University is putting the learning back in education and tossing in/off real-world experience.  What are the topics?

4nic@tion 101, for starters.  The other is The Ultim@te Guide to Pro5t@t3 Pl3@5ur3.

The events are part of Brown University’s annual s3ck5 week, paid for by the student activities office.

The week of activities are set to conclude with a “Lace and Leather Burlsesque Show.”

A university spokesperson did not respond to requests for comment from Campus Reform or disclose how much funding had been deployed to fund the program.

On Monday, Brown also hosted a “4nic@tion 101” seminar as part of their s3ck5 week, which included topics such as “putting c0nd0m5 on with your mouth,” “petting kitties,” and “@n@1 adventures.”

I don’t much care if the student activities office funded this or not.  Why not host that down at the local gey bar?

I have a lesbian friend who called people that are “merely interested” in some of this stuff “NYN’ers”, as in Not Yet Notified, because it hasn’t really dawned on them that their wiring is hooked up differently yet.

Glickman will “talk about the common concerns that sometimes keep people from exploring it (and how to overcome them), tips for easy and pleasurable @n@l p3n3tr@tion, pro5t@t3 massage, which toys work best for pro5t@t3 fun, pegging, combining pro5t@t3 pleasure with other kinds of s3ck5, and much more,” it continues.

Following the presentation the school will host a night of “s3ck5 and chocolate in the dark” where students are advised to “bring blankets, pillows, friends, and questions for a night of cozy conversation in a dark, anonymyzing [sic] space.”

Got that?  Come for a nice powerpoint presentation and then y’alls can sit around in a conveniently darkened room and practice it in a non-threatening group atmosphere, but we’ll be discreet and cover ourselves with blankies.

You know I’m not a gay basher – I couldn’t condone the acts because they aren’t biblically supported, but I sure as hell am not going to go back to my old ways of spewing sh*t about them as people.  They’re people and no more or less a sinner than I.

But that doesn’t mean I can’t call creepy when I sees it.  Brown University has so many creepy crawlies they need to erect a tent over the school and fumigate it.

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Hey, who here likes eggs?  What’s more s3ck5ual than the unfertilized ovum of a domesticated fowl?  Freakin’ yummy, too.  I happen to love prepared chicken embryos in every way possible (to cook them, not engage in frantic acts of fruitless copulation with them).  Says CBS San Francisco:

A San Francisco food producer wants to make you an omelet without breaking any eggs – and they may be able to do it with one key ingredient they make in a lab – no chicken required.

[snip]

That’s right – Tetrick claims Hampton Creek has improved on the egg. They call their product “Beyond Eggs.”

“It’s made up of a variety of plants, including peas. We use different gums. We use a host of different plant-based protein sources,” Tetrick explained.

It’s hard to believe a blend of plants can imitate not only the taste of an egg, but the ability to whip up into foam like an egg, or coagulate into gel like an egg, but Tetrick said his team is clever about selecting plants that not only replicate, but surpass the egg in food products.

Look, if I want to eat something that tastes like an animal I want there to be an animal involved.  I want to take down that cow with my teeth if such a notion occurs.  I want to shatter the protective shell around that chicken embryo and fry it in butter.  I want to eat a corn dog and know that it was made with the finest chicken lips and assholes, pork snouts, and beef tendons that the industry has to offer.  I want a picture of the lamb next to my plate when they bring me a rack of lamb.

Has anyone made a “veggie” dish that actually was made entirely of meat?

I grew up with a cow named Herbie.  He was a great cow.  Friendly, followed you around, let you scratch his forehead… he was a good cow, Herbie was.  And then he made great burgers (HerbieBurgers) and steaks and all manner of yummy stuff.  Later Dad had two cows in the pasture named T-bone and Rump Roast.  Dropped the pretense entirely.  They were delicious with ketchup and a pickle.

Not only is it hard to believe a blend of plants can imitate an egg, I don’t believe it.  I’m also painfully aware of how bad butter used to be for us until the medical journal “EVERYBODY PANIC” was published that said that the Holy Sacrament of Margarine was found to be a tool of the devil.

So screw the vegan egg bullshit.  Tomorrow I am introducing Lemurita to Spam™.  I have been letting her know that “nearly food” products can be darned tasty.  Hell, we may even make Spam™ Kimbap.  What’s that?  You say you want to try some Spam™ Nasi Goreng?  Maybe Pad Krapow with Spam™ instead of beef.

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Joe Biden says: “It’s just easier to blow someone’s brains out with a shotgun”.

“Sweetheart, what are you going to do after you shoot the guy in the arm and he starts chasing you around the house?” Biden looked at the woman and winked. “You gonna outrun him in your chair? Because at that point you’ve really pissed him off. Do you know what some creep is going to do to you after you’ve put a bullet in his arm? Trust me, I’ve read some of those police reports and frankly, it’s too sickening to share with you. You’re only asking for trouble if you don’t blast that fella’s head off and I’m tellin’ ya, it’s just easier to blow someone’s brains out with a double barrel shotgun.”

Classic Joe, right?

With time for one last question, a woman said she was uneasy about the horrific physical repercussions of shooting an intruder in the head with a double barrel shotgun.

“Look, it’s gonna be a little messy,” Biden sighed. “But you know what I always tell Jill? I look her in the eye and ask, whose brains do you want them scraping off the walls of our home? Yours, or the guy you prevented from stealing our toaster?” Mr. Biden looked at his audience. “It’s just that simple.”

The vice president closed his notes and smiled at the nursing home residents.

“Look folks, the fact of the matter is, America’s trauma scene cleanup crews are the best in the world, bar none. A couple of hours after they do their magic you’ll be eating meatloaf with your grand kids in the same kitchen that just hours before was dripping with some hooligan’s grey matter. Now, whatcha waitin’ for? Go buy a shotgun!”

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I am alone with HackerBoy this weekend while Cruel Wife and Lemurita attend a weekend-long training regimen at a paramilitary youth organization outing for young women.  The boy and I have eaten pizza rolls, onion rings, Taco Bell™ (no horse meat was available when I requested it and they did not see humor in it), McDonald’s™, and spring rolls – a whole bag.

We watched a bit of Batman Begins but Hackerboy grew bored and wanted to watch “The Secret World of Arrietty“, which I gotta say was well done even if cliche.  I guess he’s just not old enough to appreciate the buildup of Christian Bale in training with Ra’s Al Ghul and the subsequent return to Gotham to stomp on the Scarecrow’s smug pretty-boy face.

Too bad Bale seems like such an asshole in real life, but who among us hasn’t given a poor showing?  American Psycho was pretty well done, I thought.  And I gotta respect his drive to do what he sets his mind to do (The Machinist).  His ideals… not so much.  But I do admire determination.

h/t to alert co-worker/Farker Black Lab on Amphetamines.  Simultaneously hilarious yet nauseating.  It’s like Popplers™.   Enjoy, veeshir, this one is for you.

the-anatomy-of-a-mcnugget

I immediately thought of Aggie Sith when I saw this.  Immediately.  Darth Necklace.

SithNecklace_CouturebyLolita

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Adding this in as an update to this post – Man Insists Girlfriend Wears Celebrity Masks When Having Sex.

Now, you could assume that the guy is a creepy perv and doesn’t deserve her.  It could be that he’s not telling the whole truth and she’s either a sheep or she’s fantastically ugly.  It could be several other things entirely.

But the question you really have to ask yourself is why The Guardian is even putting this stuff out there.  No, I know they’re doing it for the ratings and the shock factor, that’s not at issue.  They’re putting it out there because readers are eating it up, and that says a lot of sad things.

Oh, and you should ask why she’s still with him regardless, unless she really is a sheep.

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Opinions Mixed as State Takeover Looms in Detroit

Now, you would think that if you took white man out of the equation and let the black man do all the amazing shit he’s gonna do without the oppression faced every day, that perhaps Detroit could be a shining beacon on a hill.  No, it’s a bubbling busted open sewer line spraying fecal matter into the air for whole city blocks.  It’s corrupt and run by idiots.

“All of us agree that the city has serious financial challenges which must be addressed, however I fundamentally disagree with taking measures that disenfranchise the families I represent in Detroit,” Peters said, in a statement.

Manage?  Disenfranchise?  Personally I think they ought to level the city and start fresh.  It’s just that screwed up.

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TSA says Hiring Freeze could Double Waits

Let’s be honest, okay?  We didn’t have TSA for the first 32 years of my life and we got along fine without being groped or yelled at or intimidated.

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Well, I’d surely like to believe this is a legit story that went down the way they say it did and that it isn’t a glurge story.   If he DID walk ten miles in wintry snow to get a job, he needs to be cloned because we need more people like that.

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By now there may have been disease carriers in your area (children, for example) who have offered to infect you with a gastrointestinal ailment.

Let me offer this advice – under no circumstances accept this infection from any plague carriers that may be peddling their wares.  Seven days of this, and the most delicate way I can put this is to say “Geese have stood back in amazement at the efficiency of my intestinal tract.”

Co-worker Rectified Diode had it for fifteen days.  I advise you in the strongest terms possible to avoid it.

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I’m honestly not sure… the Japanese have some amazingly cool cultural traits and I think the mindset formed by that culture is fascinating… but they’re off the rails at times.

Like injecting saline into your forehead and making a dimple so you look like you’ve got a bagel in your skull.

There just isn’t a great deal many things that are odder.  Sicker, yes.  Grosser, maybe, ok yes.  Mind-numbingly peculiar in its own class, absolutely.

Once his forehead is fully swollen and he has had the bagel’s “hole” pressed into it he looks in the mirror.

On seeing his “bagel head” reflection he smiles and says: “Oh sweet buttery bagels, I’m impressed.

“I look delicious.”

Ask yourself this question:  Can you point to any other culture where a person engaging in this behavior would say “I look delicious”?

Pay particular attention to the choice of words here:

“We stayed in contact, then eventually I experienced saline with him in 2003 and he gave me permission to bring it to Japan.”

When someone uses the words “… eventually I experienced _____ with him…” it is time to run.  It does not matter what they experienced, there is just no way to synthesize a sentence that works out in a normal social context.
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Cruel Wife sent me a pic that I feel applies perfectly to Crazy Cat Lady (CCL) at work.
Obviously this is a horrifying example of animal cruelty because those cats had to be drugged in order for sixteen of them to sit still long enough for a photo.
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Michael Savage is a peculiar thing for me.  On one hand I think he’s extremely intelligent.  On another hand I think he’s an egomaniac.  On another hand I really like him.  On yet another hand he bugs the everloving crap out of me.
But any guy who can piss off Great Britain enough to be banned from the country has my support.  That takes effort.  They won’t even ban Jeremy Clarkson and he’s been an ass for years.  But he managed to win in a court case to get out of a contract that he no longer wanted to be in and won.  Good for you, Savage.  Yes, yes, he signed a contract, but at some point (8 years) you ought to be able to say “Sorry, I don’t want to be part of this.”
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aliceaitch may have a standing shoot-on-sight order out on me after my comment but I loved her post on the relative amount of housechores done by spouses.

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As an attention grabber, I have totally stolen something from Bunk Strutts.  A certain amount of shame was involved, yes.

It is sad.  But I’ve more or less come to terms with it and have moved on.

I like Pugs.  I really didn’t steal this for any other reason than that I like Pugs.

Full disclosure: And he obtained it from here… http://www.amyoops.com/2012/08/from-my-inbox.html#.UDQrhqBA2tY

No, it’s not a sick kind of “I like Pugs” thing, I just think they’re ugly enough to be cute and I haven’t seen many mean ones.

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Semi-alert reader ID10T Killer has sent me a second image that he says was flashed on his screen in a sidebar advertisement at Tom’s Hardware during his first visit on a totally virgin machine on it’s maiden voyage. (The first image can be found here.)

Now, this means one of the following:

  1. He’s either a lyin’ perv (which I’m not saying is a bad thing) and they’ve totally got his number  (odds of this are somewhere between 30% and 0.00001% but I ain’t telling because if I tell, he tells)
  2. Tom’s Hardware just figures 99% of their clientele consists of males who cannot find a real woman who will get (and stay) within 10 feet of him  (ID10T Killer is married, with kids)
  3. Tom’s Hardware is tracking people in ways we can’t believe
  4. Random sh*t happens all the time and even blind squirrels find nuts once in a while

If #2 didn’t make much sense, Tom’s Hardware is Geek Central.  Either accept that as gospel or go see for yourself.

Now, all that said, ID10T Killer and I have wondered…

“What in the hell is Wartun3, and are you going to be exposed to “t3nt@cl3 53x” or a major payload of nasty code just for being curious?”†

I doubt either of us is going to go check it out.  And we probably wouldn’t tell you if we did.

As Cruel Wife can attest, I have a thing for short cute brunettes with sometimes violent tendencies, so the graphic was at least interesting.

Apologies, because I am no fan of l33t-speak, but neither do I want web-crawling stuff sniffing me out for the term “t3nt@cl3 53x” so I threw in some pseudo-l33t.  Don’t even think about flaming me about my improper ‘spelling’ because I don’t even claim to know it all that well.

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And, this just in from the Bizarro Universe…

Study:  Marriage causes women to drink more than men

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And a hearty:

“THANK YOU, PAL!”

… to Aggie Sith and Cruel Wife.

Cruel Wife just visited Aggie’s site (Sithy Things) where she posted the recipe for a drink called “Witch’s Brew”.  She laughed at the drink and the name and I said “What’s so funny?”

“Oh, it’s Aggie post today” chirped Cruel Wife.

I thought hard.  “Wait, what was the post again?  Oh, the drink…”

“… Witches Brew,” she finished for me.

Cruel Wife read the ingredients list and said “‘Black sugar’ is an ingredient?  I’ve never heard of ‘black sugar’.”

Trying to be helpful because (a) I was pretty sure it wasn’t a common variant of heroin, and (b) I’m a food-lover and interested in all things food, I said “Hang on… I’ll look it up… okay… Bing-dot-com… b-l-a-c-k space s-u-g-a-r… waiting… waiting… oh, it’s some kind of Taiwanese variant of way darker brown sugar and…”

I stopped, stared, and then I finished with “… Goddammit, you better thank me for doing that search for you.”

Confused, Cruel Wife said “What, why should I tha… black sugar… oooooohhhh.  (insert ‘bwah-hah-hah-hah here)

One cannot un-ring the bell once it has been rung.  Dammit, I’ve been on the web 20 years and should have known better.  I’ve seen worse, I just don’t like being surprised by it.

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