Archive for the ‘F-U-N – FUN.’ Category

Toe be or not toe be.

Update: Lemurita has not chiseled off my toe. It may be worth saving.

Welp, I saw my regular doc as the followup to the “I”m tired of this” urgent care visit last weekend.

See, every morning I got up and it would seem better, and I’d think “What was I thinking last night?  This clearly isn’t as bad as it seemed then” and then I’d be glad I didn’t see anyone.  But by the end of each day I’d be sucking wind and it would be swollen as bad as the day before and I would think “What was I thinking? Was I brain dead?”

Long story short I saw a doc Saturday who said my toe was broken and who was ok with me asking for the lesser pain med route because Tylenol was amazingly inadequate. The other stuff was also amazingly inadequate. It was about as effective as an ear massage.  I followed up Monday with my doc and she opted for sending me to the ortho guy.

She said “Look, I know you don’t want to take heavier pain meds but you are clammy and sweaty and you obviously are in pain… you have a broken foot.  You are walking on it.

I didn’t struggle as hard as I would have last week. I obviously can’t work effectively in a medicated state but it helps in the evening.

The ortho guy said there was nothing to be done for it. Totally unsurprised by his statement because it was pretty much what I said to his nurse: I don’t know why I am here because you cannot do much for this… I said, “Great, I am happy about that. What I could use is something that is not a cast that can immobilize my foot so I can walk on it.”

Entertheboot. $80 got me something far better than the paddle flip flop thing, which isn’t saying a whole lot because a piece of McDonald’s breakfast sausage is a step up from the flip-flop. And it has these pumpy-ports to clamp on the heel and support it.


I won’t lie, it isn’t the answer to a pain-free hobbling because it does clamp down on the toes. But it is far far far far far far better than the buddy taping I tried last week, and it keeps the toes from flexing back and forth as you walk. That is a huge step.

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Never mind. They pulled it. It was funny. So sorry.

Hope everyone is well.

The link might not last long but a fun Bryan Cranston loop around from Walter to Hal from Malcolm in the Middle.

Breaking in the Middle.

I thought it was funny as hell. Requires knowledge of BB for the creepy second half to make sense.

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We met with Spaced Diode over coffee this morning and he and Lemurita played a game of chess while we ate onion rings and got really amped on caffeine.  I admit to stealing onion rings from my family.  I’m in the wrong there.  I suck.

As we left the coffee shop we ran into people from the stuffed teddy bear factory on the corner who were dressed in full teddy bear suits.

Kids.  Do NOT feed the bears.  Don’t run from them and don’t tease them… Do NOT look them in the eyes!  It’s a sign of aggression!  Don’t look at them!   – Lemur King to his children upon coming across two adults in giant teddy bear outfits

Yes.  I really said that.  No, I don’t know what the people thought.  I didn’t stick around because adults in giant animal suits kind of creep me out.  That sort of thing should remain in the bedroom between consenting adults.


Ran across a blog I’d seen for the first time quite a while back.  The section I enjoyed the most was “Steve!  Don’t Eat It!”  I threw the quote up at Nazi Surf Kittens Must Die because it hasn’t been touched in months.

In general I’m looking for things that are apolitical.  I’m sick of politicians.

The only thing weirder than me drinking breast milk, is the fact that milk is coming out of my wife’s chest in the first place. It sure as hell didn’t do that when I met her.  I’m telling you, the whole thing is lunacy.  I love my wife, but does she really have to be such a mammal?   – Steve, at “Steve!  Don’t Eat It!

I have to say, that’s comedy gold, especially if you have experienced the situation yourself.

If you feel inclined to answer what is normally an admittedly socially inappropriate question, how many female mammals who read this blog have… uh… previously lactated and tasted what was on tap yourselves?

I expect zero (0) answers to that question, but dammit, I’m curious. 

Also, I just realized today that NSKMD is over two years old.  Two years since the starting of that thing.  I remember with crystal clarity discussing the idea with taobmaetS ooGcM, as if it was yesterday.  He said something that I can’t quote exactly and I am unclear on what I said in return but it was all pretty profound.  He fired it up anyway because hey, blogs are cheap.


For Halloween I read Poe’s “The Tell-Tale Heart” to Lemurita with the promise of some HP Lovecraft when I can find a good story to get her started in the genre.  Last night during dinner Lemurita made me so proud… she said “Dad, can we read some Shakespeare sometime?”

My jaw hit the table.  The greatest wordsmith in the histoory f humankind – the Chopin of the literature world – and my daughter wants to read at least some of his works with me.  She isn’t even ten yet.
I tried my damnedest to recite from Hamlet from memory – failing, however devoutly to be wish’d that I could do otherwise – but she got the idea.  Cruel Wife doesn’t personally enjoy his complicated thought structure but she was supportive.  I find this particularly amusing because within the last two weeks I tried to get CW interested in watching a modern adaptation of The Tempest with me.

No, it is not a great adaptation but I liked the Mirren version of Prospero (Prospera) and I thought Ariel was creepy-fantastic.  It wasn’t awesome but it wasn’t awful, either.  It just was.

CW opined that Lemurita might first enjoy “Much Ado About Nothing” on video first, then move into the written form.  I think that’s a fair compromise.  I did read to her a portion of MacBeth for grins and giggles because I thought she’d enjoy the imagery from the witches’ brew and their troublemaking.

And she did enjoy the imagery.  Grossed her out with the “finger of birth-strangled babe” part though.

I cannot wait until she’s old enough to read Dumas’ The Count of Monte Cristo


We watched Paul last night (Simon Pegg and Nick Frost).  It is not as good as Shaun of the Dead but it isn’t bad, either.  Paul, the beer-drinking weed-smoking alien was pretty good CG.

Paul: This is America. Kidnapping a Christian is worse than harboring a fugitive.

Heh.  Paul fell shy of encompassing a hat-tip to Redneck Rampage but it didn’t do horribly, either.  It could have used a Vixen and some Moon Pies but I don’t expect Pegg to be particularly knowledgeable about Moon Pies.

Graeme Willy: You are an alien!
Paul: To you I am, yes.
Graeme Willy: Are you gonna probe us?
Paul: *Why* does everyone always assume that? What am I doing? Am I harvesting farts? How much can I learn from an ass?

Anyone out there know how probing came to be associated with aliens?  I mean, who decided to “go there” with that idea in the first place?  Of course… it really is proof that aliens are real, isn’t it?  Obviously no normal person would just make the probing stuff up, right?


Apparently some people in Chicago don’t understand that a “Job Fair” isn’t where they hire you, it is where people sniff butts and network – job seekers meet employers, blunt character assassinations take place, oppression and exploitation of the downtrodden, etc.  At least those were the only behaviors at all the job fairs I ever went to.  I never saw a job application at a job fair.

Rodney Booker said, “I stood in line for four hours. They better give me a Wal-Mart gift card, or something.”

Rodney, you just provided a potential clue as to why you might be out of work right now.  A large number of people are looking for gainful employment and many of them are smart and capable people but there is also a percentage like yourself that might – just might – be looking because… you’re an idiot.

“… better give me a Wal-Mart gift card…” –

Seriously, is this something you believe?

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Cruel Wife and Lemurita are out camping on one of those “wimmin only” outings so it is just myself and HackerBoy.

We got a large pizza last night – I ate half and he ate all of the other half minus one slice.

He taught me how to play Skylander™.  He’s too nice of a kid to say it to me but I know he’s come to the conclusion that I suck.  I know this because we met with Spaced Diode today and he said “Dad sucks at Skylander™”.


HackerBoy suggested on the way home that he maybe he ought to teach me “Lego Indiana Jones” because it is easier.  Double-ouch.  My son thinks that as far as video games go I’m on par with a retarded puppy.

Tonight, corn dog bites, tater tots, and chocolate pudding.  Man food.

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Destructive Duo.

Update:  A good friend who I will not name but it’s Aggie has suggested a new name for Girlhead.  I am so enamored of it that I’m throwing it out there and y’all can vote but I’m 90% of the way to adopting it.  It just sounds purty.


Let’s take a vote – regarding Girlhead’s stage name on this blog – should we:

A) Keep it the way it is – “Girlhead”?


B) Change it to “Lemur Girl”?


C) Lemurita


It’s no secret that I really resonate with my daughter Lemurita, and nine is such a fun age in my opinion.  The other night we took apart the broken kitchen clock, down to the component gears, and talked about gear ratios, electromagnetics (the teensy motor), and put it back carefully to restore it to working order.  So she got to see what I’ve done all my life, which is take things apart – she still doesn’t have a clue how many things I’ve never been able to properly reassemble but I told her that even those are things you learn from.

Why fight to save an old kitchen clock?  Because the replacement Cruel Wife had is hideous.  She thinks it is “pretty”.  I think it looks like a bunch of impressionistic painters and their cats got run over by a rock crusher.

Today Lemurita came to me and said “Lemur-Dad, can we take something apart?”

Well, far be it for me to tell her “No, Lemurita, we can’t destroy anything today” when it is clearly not true.  You can destroy something every day of your life if you are gifted.  We went out to the garage to look for something to cannibalize or outright destroy.

Lemurita firmly refuses to let me anywhere near the transmission of her mom’s car even though I swear to her that we’d put it back right where we found it and even though I tell her that taking apart a CVT drive system would be the pinnacle of our lives and quite possibly the lives of three generations of Lemurs to come.  “NO!  You’d never get it back together!”  Cruel Wife came into the room and said “That’s RIGHT, Lemurita.  Don’t you pay any attention to your dad.”

Update:  After promising Lemurita that the odds were good that Cruel Wife would birth puppies if we took her transmission apart she changed her tune and insisted that NOW we be allowed to take her CVT tranny out and have our way with it.  What Lemurita does not realize is that Cruel Wife has already donated a sewing machine to our efforts.  Yes, Lemurita and Lemur-Dad are going to start taking apart a sewing machine soon.  I think it will be a blast.

I looked at the fridge in the garage and the motor was just going to be too much hassle to get to even with the Sawzall, which is the only way I will work on a fridge.  Either that or a sledgehammer.

We grabbed a hard drive I had sitting in a moldering pile of old hard drives, motherboards, and obsolete video cards.  I suppose I could have spent some time pondering if there was something still valuable on it but if it was in a pile of hard drives sitting on top of the woodburning stove, unattended and unloved, then I’m of the opinion that it probably wasn’t high-importance – and if it was… oops.

We drilled it out and cracked open the case, we studied the ultra-lightweight heads, the drive head mechanism and the magnets, and we asked ourselves why the mechanism is so stiff and the magnets so beefy (it’s all about quick crisp response).

We handed it over to Franken-Boy who did his part with the first contact (look at the platter at the 3:30 location) and promptly went back to playing Skylander.

She immediately said “What else can we take apart??”

I looked at Cruel Wife guiltily.  “I’m afraid I’ve given her the ‘Take-Apart Bug’.  I’m so sorry.

CW just looked at me and grinned.  She’s an engineer, I’m an engineer… she knows the score.


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A Book Review, Plus Some.

John Dies at the End

I read Cracked.com and I enjoy it immensely. David Wong writes there a lot and he ran out and wrote a book that is irreverent, funny, clever, and at times even a bit creepy. It is being made into a movie.

Here is a quote from it:

Last night you had a dream, Arnie. You were being chased through a forest by your mother. She was lashing you with a whip made of knotted penises.

Damn if that isn’t a twisted visual.

I tried to cull up other quotes but they would be long, because while Wong typically uses shorter sentences the set-up for his humor takes a bit of time. I am writing from my iPad and do not want to do a lot of transcribing. Do not let the short sentence remark slow your decision to read the book – it is quite excellent.

How could you NOT like a book about end-of-the-world ghostbusters who can see the supernatural because of their use of their own specially-blended mix of hallucinogenic drugs?

I would tell you more but firstly I haven’t finished the book and secondly I wouldn’t want to spoil it for you.

Go here to learn more… http://johndiesattheend.com/#

More later tonight when I am not using the pad.


There’s this drug going around:

On the street they call it Soy Sauce. It’s a drug that promises an out-of-body experience with each hit. Users drift across time and dimensions. But some who come back are no longer human. Suddenly a silent otherworldly invasion is underway, and mankind needs hero. What it gets instead is John and David, a pair of college dropouts who can barely hold down jobs.

Based on some of the descriptions I think it is pretty obvious that this Soy Sauce is a real phenomenon and it is centered around Washington DC.

And thanks to Soylent for his movie link below.

I really really really really hope that this movie is worth watching.  The visuals are great.  Come on, let’s not insult Edgar Rice Burroughs, Hollywood.

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Franken-boy turned six recently.  The wrap-around in the title has more to do with a python wrapped around a limb this weekend than any intellectual exercise.

Some weekends we usually go to this small coffee shop a half hour away and hang out with my buddy from the UofM.  About a month ago we were there and we had someone give us a flyer to a reptile zoo.  We offered to the boy the chance to have his birthday party with a bunch of snakes and lizards or Chuck E. Cheese’s.  I would argue that either place gives you snakes and lizards but the zoo has higher-quality ones.

Here is the question:

Do six year old boys like birthday parties if they involve snakes and lizards?

Do frogs have watertight assh*les?  Of course they do!  Are bears Catholic?  Does the Pope crap in the woods?  Do Occupy America losers sniff their own farts?

We got the party favors, Cruel Wife baked a snake-cake, we brought in pop, and we made a pizza run partway through the party.

What was there?  Glad you asked, because that is what I asked.  There were:

  1. Pythons
  2. Chameleons
  3. Tortoises
  4. Bearded Dragons
  5. Blue-Tongued Skinks (minor disappointment on my part when I learned that it was skinks and not skanks, but in the context we were working in, skinks really made more sense)
  6. Boas
  7. Rhino Iguanas (will charge anything but didn’t use a single credit card while we were there)
  8. Monitor lizards
  9. Crickets (food)
  10. Madagascar Hissing Cockroaches (maybe food)
  11. Scorpions†
  12. Tarantulas‡
  13. Brazilian Pink Salmon Bird Eating Tarantula (say that even once really fast, I dare you)
  14. Uromastyxes
  15. More criters
  16. Still more critters
  17. And more critters

† My least favorite animal  (tied for first place with earwigs)

‡ My second least favorite animal

The coolest part was near the end where they brought out some of the animals and let the kids hold them.  Blue-Tongued Skinks are cool.

The boy grinned from ear-to-ear with a big cheesy grin when he got to hold a real-live snake.  He was in awe when a 20 foot python hung down from it’s branch and was 6 inches from the boy’s nose (separated by glass).  Boy and snake stared at each other for minutes and minutes, which is pretty good for an autistic kid.

Meanwhile we were monitored by the Monitor Lizard who stood on it’s hind legs and monitored us as we went through the exhibits.  He did his job well.


I saw the pain clinic people again today.  I have officially given in and reluctantly agreed to higher doses of painkillers.  After months of the worsened state of discomfort from the herniated discs I gave up, especially since the neck and head are killing me (figuratively) and the arm and hand don’t feel all that much different from being scalded with hot water.   The only thing this afternoon that kept me from chopping my arm off at the elbow was the knowledge that it wouldn’t accomplish anything.

No, painkillers don’t help all that much for chronic pain but they take the sharp screaming edges off.

Friday is the meeting with another surgeon, and hopefully this guy will have a better solution.

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