Archive for the ‘FOOD’ Category

I had no idea that Vegans were so into eating their used condoms. Plus that hardly seems Vegan at that point, but if they want to eat certified Vegan used condoms rather than synthetics, more power to ’em, I guess.

Leave it to Vegans.


Those French.

I was disgusted at this frenchman’s choice of white beans when a sensible portion of haricot verts with a shallot and almond butter makes more sense.

But white beans with Frenchman is just pedestrian and frankly, crude.


I have seen two beheadings now and multiple executions by other means and I have to say beheading is one of my least favorite choices of how I would want to die personally, but if you run with the crowd that thinks this is cool stuff I am not too worked up if you die that way yourself. Getting beheaded by your own side when they mistake you as the enemy? Priceless.

Society has something wrong with it. I am sure of it. When entertainment consists of targeting total strangers to see if you can sucker punch them into unconsciousness in one blow… You have issues.

Obamacare is burdened by low income and higher risk people and requires the healthy and affluent to finance it. It is also dangerously close to tanking because it is not adequately funded. So we need more people to keep the premiums down!

Let’s add millions of illegal immigrants, because they will represent the biggest pool of healthy and wealthy people that will put more into the system than they take out.

Yeah, amnesty is key to making it work. Let’s see… What else? OH YEAH! I am pretty sure gun control, additional NSA funding, and more HomeSec bullets, armor, vehicles, crowd control, and facial recognition systems (drones go w/o saying) are also key to making Obamacare work.

From my BIL…



Is this classy to make a giant flip-the-bird statue up and point it at your ex wife after you moved into the house next to your ex wife’s boyfriend?

No, but I still applaud him. The bitch.

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The heat was on.

A few days ago I was talking to The Brains at work, a couple of cool PhD’s in Things That Involve Math. One is a good friend and the other happens to be the VP at my company.

Suddenly Prime Number says to Hot Pants (the VP’s name as a result of this very story) “Hey, show Lemur the pic of your neighbor’s kid!”

Hot Pants whips out his smartphone and shows me where the kid had all manner of burns around his mouth and head. He ate a Bhut Jolokia pepper at school, got fried, and then rubbed it all around his face and head, unaware that the stuff burns skin, too. Then the kid went home for the afternoon.

I told Hot Pants that the ghost pepper is pretty damned hot and not to be screwed around with. Jokingly I said that I had some and I would bring them in if he wanted. He said absolutely.

For rough reference… Habanero is a quarter million Scoville. Red Savina is half a mil. Jolokia is a cool one mil. Roughly.

Yesterday I brought them in and taped them to my doorframe with a post-it note that said “Hot Pants… This is your destiny. – LK”

Around lunchtime he came in and there was a gathering of five of us to watch, with Rectified Diode being the most excited. He was really looking forward to watching it.

HP took a bite and I started describing to him what he was about to experience as he munched.

“Ok, it should start out with a nice smoky flavor.”

“Yeah, it is smoky… Nice.”

“Ok, now it should start to build slowly in heat but there are some other nice flavors there.”


“Ok, now it should pick up speed…”


“Ok, now it is going to feel like you drank battery acid.”

(Dawning expression) “Yeah, that describes it pretty well.”

He gave a pained expression and was flushing red.

“Ok, now it will continue to get worse for the next 30 minutes. A lot worse.”

Then I took a picture of him holding up the bag, in pain.

He deliberately made a point of taking additional bites. See, when I ate one, I ate all I was going to eat in one go. He had rabid wolves eating him and he was egging them on.

So I sent out an email to a large number of people to give credit where it was due, with pics.

Subject: Mr. Vice President, Sir.

The man is tough. Continued to finish off the pepper even as it was attacking him. He dominated that pepper. Had I eaten the one I did in stages I doubt I could have kept chomping on it.

You have my respect, Hot Pants.

We should probably get some “fire eaters” shirts.


Note: I do not give out compliments lightly, so this was a highly unusual email for me to be sending.

Later, Prime Number, HP, and I met with a customer. Old Man (our president) attended.

When it was over, Old Man looked directly at me and said “Stop trying to kill my employees.”

Apparently Hot Pants had spent an hour curled up on the floor of the locked men’s room in agony.

He still has my respect. I think I even felt a bit of guilt but it passed quickly and I at first mistook it for gas.

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I managed to scarf two donuts and two Pączkis.  Someone mentioned that they wanted to see a picture of one.  So here you go…

What could be a Pączki, if I hadn't eaten them all.

I was on a Mission from God Tuesday morning to even find any at all.  The guy at Zingerman’s looked at me apologetically and said “You needed to reserve them ahead of time.  No reserved boxes, no Pączkis.”

“Can I reserve three boxes right now for pickup in ten minutes if I wait over there by the door?”

I tried in vain to look like a nice person but failed miserably.


There was no hint of apology in his voice this time.


So I frantically drove around looking for a place that could serve an honest Pączki. I skipped Kroger, didn’t have time to drive to Hamtramck, and when I stopped in Meijers with the cloying scent of defeat and shame  and asked the gal if they had any Pączkis, she looked at me and said…

What are Pączkis?

I struggled valiantly to suppress the twitches of various body parts and to not look disappointed.  I  must have failed in the attempt since the baker-ess took several steps back and was trying to reach for the phone. An elderly couple gasped and somebody whistled. A tumbleweed rolled by.

So I bought four large packages of chocolate donuts, donut holes, cinnamon rolls, and raspberry donuts to quell the whinging of my co-workers.  If you listen to them they will tell you that I was the one to start whining about pastries on Tuesday morning.  DO NOT LISTEN TO MY CO-WORKERS.  THEY LIE.  ALL OF THEM.

On the way back to work I asked Cruel Wife to please look at a nearby grocer to see if they had any. Thirty minutes later she called to report success. Yay!!!

I could only eat two. I was all proud of scarfing down two paczkis.

Curtail Friar put on a professional show of Fat Tuesday and I feel inadequate. It is fair to say that crammed inside each pastry is seventeen eggs, two quarts of whole milk, two sticks of butter, and nine cups of sugar but I still feel like an amateur.

Perhaps I was unfair to not post a real pic for you.  Here are the only two Pączkis known to be roaming in the wild in our house.  They alone survived the gauntlet.  I will turn them loose and perhaps there will be more roaming around next year.

The nimble Raspberry and Apple Pączki. The slower custard/creme ones did not have a chance.

On the kid front… there’s some improvement but still a great deal of concern on our parts.


Utah.  Where a kid needs to get permission from a parent for each and every tanning session but only notification (if possible) given to the parent before a teen gets an abortion.

Wow.  It’s good to make sure your kids are safe from harmful UV radiation and it’s also good to have unimpeded ability for your children to kill their children.

Santorum may have said something politically stupid when he talked of “Satan Attacking America” but he probably did the right thing by saying it anyway.

Regardless of your stance on abortion (and I’m going on record as opposing it, vehemently) you have to admit that not requiring parental consent is taking too much of being a parent away from the parents.

Let’s put it this way – teens gets to exercise their options in being a parent but the teen’s parents do not?

Seriously?  And yet we’re concerned here with excessive tanning sessions?

That is all.

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I forget how many days it has been since we started our new eating lifestyle.  Cruel Wife is smoking me in terms of dealing with it well.  She’s a machine.

Me, I’m fixated on food. The Dude sent me the link to this.  Nice catch, man.  Nice catch.  Me, I just got a craving for smoked pork butt.


Inscrutable Halfbreed walked into my office yesterday.  He’s the guy whose American dad met his mom, who  is full-blooded Korean-heritage and they came back to the states and had a family.  His mom makes kimchi that I weep over – beautiful woman, just beautiful.  She puts a righteous amount of chili flakes in the kimchi.

We got to talking about British tv, such as Dr. Who, Life on Mars, and Wire in the Blood and were wondering why so many of their shows are really quite superior to the crap coming out of Hollywood.

He said he was watching this one British movie and he could not keep up with it because he kept getting confused, saying “I couldn’t tell the women apart – they all look the same to me.”

He stopped and looked at me inscrutably.

I froze, deadpanned, and one eye started blinking arrhythmically.  I pursed my lips on one side and looked right, up at the ceiling, to the left, and back up again without focusing on anything.  I shifted to my other haunch and looked back at him.  I leaned forward and finding no respite from the awkwardness there I finally settled back in my chair, my mouth working kind of uselessly.  I started to say something and then stopped several times all the while Inscrutable Halfbreed looked at me with increasing inscrutableness.

“You don’t like a British show because… they… all… … look… … … alike?”  I fidgeted, trying sound aloof.

He stared at me inscrutably some more – he cranked that dial up to 11.

“Ok… you do realize that you just said that you couldn’t tell the Brits apart.  You do realize how funny that is, correct?”

Inscrutable Halfbreed is highly intelligent and knew damn well what the score was here.  “Yes, yes.”

“I’m blogging this, you know.”

“Yeah, go ahead.”

You should know that Inscrutable couldn’t just be a doorman, he could be the door.  Just goes to show you how awesome genetics really are.  So when he decides to look inscrutable with a hint of irritation you just know fun things are happening under the surface.


Anyway, he can’t be too mad because he sent me this link to Social Eatz where this can be found… this burger cannot FAIL.  It cannot.

Korean for “mixed meal”, it’s ground beef with a slow cooked egg,
covered in lettuce and served with pickled carrot and cucumber.

Crap, I forgot to attribute the photo - it was from Social Eatz's site - their picture, their burger, the works - I'm just hoping someone sees this and tells me how good it is and what I am missing.

Good golly, let’s eat.  Too bad it is in New York.  This is as close to NYC as I want to get.
I could be enticed to go there to try the Hanoi burger, however.  Pretty sure Jane Fonda had nothing to do with that one.  Give me a squeezy bottle of fish sauce and I’d be in heaven…
Ground beef with mint, lemongrass, cilantro and red onion topped
with lettuce and served with a chili mayo and a sweet onion jam.
Yup.  Europe is so much more advanced, cultured, enlightened than us boorish uncouth trogs here in the US.  Way to go, Greece, for turning what was a first-world country into something that aspires to 3rd world status.  Children being abandoned by families into the streets.  This sort of thing is heartbreaking – doubly so – because these parents prior to this apparently lost the instinct that makes you take care of your children even at the cost of your own life.  You do NOT just abandon your child.  At the very least, have the guts to dump the kid in person.  You may be worthless or even unable to care for them but at least have the spine to do it in person.  If you died tomorrow would you want your last act to be “I abandoned my child” or “I had to leave my child with someone who could care for him/her while I found a job that could feed us and I planned to visit daily or as often as I possibly can.”  Big difference.

Athens’ Ark of the World youth centre said four children, including a newborn baby, had been left on its doorstep in recent months.
One mother, it said, ran away after handing over her two-year-old daughter Natasha.
Four-year-old Anna was found by a teacher clutching a note that read: ‘I will not be coming to pick up Anna today because I cannot afford to look after her. Please take good care of her. Sorry.’

Triply sad is that even with joblessness sky-high there should still be enough families that are getting by and have hands to help others and they are not helping.  You can be out of work but until you find it, you can help watch kids, check on your neighbors, keep an eye out for criminals using the upset to take advantage of others.  It’s the time to pull your society together for common good, not fall apart.  The minute you dump your kids you’ve show that you are only a part of the problem with little or no solution to provide.

It’s not like I needed a lot more evidence but the Occupy folks by and large seem to be of the same mindset, needing others to take care of them rather than them take care of others (liberal thinking).   Abandoned baby found in tent.

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Fair warning – tonight my dialogue is all over the map in a rambling manner. 

I found a great Korean recipe site, maangchi.com.  I feel inspired to make something daring, something new, something fresh… well, perhaps not fresh, not anymore.  But tasty and well-preserved… yes, oh yes, most definitely.

ojingeo jeot is a dish made with squid.  You take your squid, salt it, and put it in a bin (sealed) in your fridge for not less than one month.   Now, I am showing you the two pictures below (the ones that you’ll find on Maangchi’s site), with the hopes that you’ll go over there and poke around.  Too many really good Korean flavors waiting to be experienced and if you don’t go you’ll miss them.

This is fermented squid.

Cruel Wife says she was torn by the kimchee that I was given us by my co-worker, Inscrutable Half-Breed†.  His mom is Korean (sorry, was – she grew up there and lives here now) and she is the real deal – she makes kimchee that I weep over.  Instead of ice cream in the middle of the night I have a big bowl of kimchee.   Anyway, Cruel Wife wanted to love it and she wanted to hate it when I made kimchee soup the other night, which is code-speak for “Yes, it is good, for kimchee, but culinarily speaking I am being brave by not running to the bathroom”.

† Note:  Inscrutable Half-Breed as a name does not offend my friend/co-worker of thirteen years – I easily refer to myself as Sour Kraut.  He knows I mock stereotypes and loathe the politically correct idiocy.  He’s half-Korean half-American and when he wants to mock the inscrutable stereotype he has a great scathing gaze.

Oh well, more for me.  The kids run screaming from the room.   Having my offspring run from the room at the mention of unusual foods is not my proudest moment but they are young and should be given some latitude.   In the last five days I personally have eaten roughly one gallon of Inscrutable Half-Breed’s mom’s kimchee, truth w/o exaggeration.  I had a two-cup helping of kimchi with a small bowl of rice and some blackened Tilapia for dinner tonight.

But I have the feeling that Cruel Wife will NOT try fermented squid.  To her, “fermenting” is too much like saying “rotting”.   Next up, is the pic of the ojingeo jeot after it has been mixed in with the pepper flakes, fish sauce, garlic, onions, sugar, sesame oil, etc.

Doesn't that look like the most awesome thing you have ever seen? THAT is fermented squid in chilies.

Apparently once you get it to this stage, it will last forever in your fridge (months and months).  People write in to Maangchi and the gal takes her time to write many kind and encouraging things like “The smell means it’s maximally nummers!”  or “Luck favors the brave!”  or  “Aw, go for broke!”   Well, she said none of those, exactly, but she does say a lot of encouraging things and asks her readers to please send her pictures of the goodies that people make there.

What is really cool is that this could serve as a starter for your kimchee or your kimchee could serve as a starter for your squid, and indeed some kimchee recipes involve fermented anchovies.  Probiotic cultures in your food is cool.  And tasty.  And I have to say, after talking with many fellow Americans, that this food is probably not for everyone (they keep making warding signs and sprinkling the places where I walk with salt).

As a side-note, I had Thai with The Dude last Thursday.  We ordered our usual dishes and asked them to kick them up to ten-stars (the heat scale on the menu goes to four-stars) per our customary heat levels.  We haven’t eaten there in a few months and oh how we suffered.  He wanted to do eight stars and I said “What?  You wuss.  TEN.  TEN stars.”  When we got our food we were dying and drinking water by the carafe.  I got back to work and talked with his wife and told her that because he was weak and unable to fight peer pressure it was his fault that we were both dying of internal injuries.

Moving right along…

One of my favorite snacks is roasted seaweed.  Sadly, I can count on one hand the people that want to have second helpings after trying some of my snacks.  Again, more for me.

Think of seaweed flavored cellophane. Tasty cellophane.

Another recipe of Maanchi’s that I want to try badly enough that it amounts to a burning sensation in my soul is her seasoned fried chicken (yangnyeom tongdak).  Here’s that pic to help sway you into going over there.  Now… go there… go there now.  Just GO.

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Who says romance is dead?

Sent to me by The Butcher of Lansing.

No idea where it came from originally.

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We were at The Dude and Crazy Cat Lady’s Cat ranch for the Xth annual bonfire and Roman Food Orgy.


We ate more than was healthy, and then we ate more than was safe or reasonable.

I am STILL waddling.

Here is how my plate went down…

BBQ pork (shredded), bulkogi beef, corn chips, cheese-distillated (fractionated) product, synthetic onion-flavored sour-cream dip, spaghetti, horseradish, seconds on bulkogi beef, two chocolate-chip cookies, two slices of pumpkin bread, two halloween-style sugar cookies, and a bottle of tonic water.

Lots of kids were there and a number of friends, too. The Dude, ID10T-Killer, Black Lab on Crank, and Tenacious Bulldog.

Prometheus brought fire, too, I guess.

After test driving my iPad briefly (only three hours after I used it 10 minutes following the three hour setup), I heard Cruel Wife go “OOOOOOH” and at that point I knew we were going to go buy her one as well.

I can see how we’ll get our money’s worth already. They keep the kids quiet on car trips – using Angry Birds. I can see how Cut the Rope will be a useful tool as well.

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