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Archive for the ‘Junk Science’ Category

Mathematics are boundless

Steamboat McGoo approached me the other day and said “Lemur King, I would love to collaborate on a paper, but I must be top billing and I get to name the misshapen progeny that will result from such a union.

Wanting to flex some brainicles a bit I agreed to his proposal and we worked feverishly on this document that we hope to publish in the Albanian Mathematical Society of Our Lady of Perpetual Menses.  Their peer review cycle is generally only as long as it takes to clear a $40 check and requires no edits.  Beware, McGoo’s mind is a deep one and his papers should not be taken lightly – I was lucky to be able to include my name.  The link will bring you the PDF document (compiled in LaTeX)

McGoo-Lemur King-2012

ADIABATIC INFLATIONARY THEORY OF
MAMMO-GROUPS IN THE PRESENCE OF TACTILE
MANIPULATION: AN EXCITATIONAL TENSOR
APPROACH

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Kittens grow fast.  Ours quickly becomes a demon.  Here you see a small kitten in the coat rack, which she has recently decided is a suitable cat-perch.   She is in Urban Kitten mode, where she blends passably well into her surroundings.

treedcat

Below is Melody Demon Song taking a breather and planning out her next ambush on Sir Jack L. Katt and Mdm. Jilly of Boo.CatNotofThisEarth

Here she is looking a tad bit less demonic and just skilled at whatever she is doing.

MelodyTreeNormal

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Do it for the glaciers…

Glaciers be damned, we’ve got more important things going on today.

Note the involvement of Lemurita in this endeavor.

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Time for a reality check.

Contrary to ideas about the disappearance of Pastoruri, engineer Benjamin Morales Arnao, local glaciologist, to state testing a method to reverse the thaw, though many may consider unorthodox, has already received its first positive results: Cover the ice with a layer of sawdust 15 cm thick. The experiment was carried out in the mounts Chaupijanca and Pastoruri. The results are clear: the fields look like a plateau covered in snow. Thus, the first glacier managed to keep four meters of ice and in the second five. “This material acts as an insulator. Contains cellulose and, thus, we managed to decrease the melting glacier. Although this method has worked well, we’ll be testing other alternatives”, refers Morales..  (Yes, wikipedia but reported on NPR today)

Let’s assume for the sake of a silly argument that SOYLENT GREEN is absolutely and utterly full of sh*t (and he is, by his own admission, just not about AGW and many other things †), and we’ll assume that AGW is “real”.

Note:  Hilariously, SOYLENT GREEN’s posting today is titled “Do The Math”…

Some numbers based on Arnao’s experiment.  Let’s propose that we are going to save that glacier (Pastoruri Glacier) using his method – cover a glacier with 150mm of sawdust.

AG (area Pastoruri glacier) = 3.1 km^2 = 3,100,000 m^2

DC (depth of chips) = 0.15m depth

VC (volume chips) = 465,000 m^3 = 608,197 yds (cubic)

Dens (oak ‡) = 600 lbs/yd

MC (mass of chips) = 364,918,224 lbs

MOT (mass of one oak tree) = 20,000 lbs

SNOTTMD (small number of oak trees that must die) = 18,245 oak trees for 3.1 km^2

(breathes, continues)

AGW (oopsie, area top 10 glaciers in the world) = 13,745,426 km^2

At 18,245 oaks per 3.1 km^2 it’s 5,885 dead oaks per km^2…

LNOOTTSTPG (large number of oak trees to save the planet’s glaciers) = 81,255,670,649 oak trees

Now, just prove to me that these numbers are any less silly than the bullsh*t numbers SOYLENT GREEN and others are fighting daily that have come out of Hansen, Gore, Briffa, Jones, etc.  Most of the numbers were researched educated guesses based on assumptions pulled out of my ass.  Just like science.

I’m pointing out what kind of fruitbats conduct experiments covering glaciers with sawdust.

So next time some idiot spouts off about saving the glaciers remind them that a fellow fruitbat suggested killing 81 billion trees to accomplish that mission.

SOYLENT GREEN is most definitely not full of shit unless he wants to be

Oak was used because there are a lot of numbers on it and denser trees make for more believable numbers than if we used pine trees

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Update:  I’m out today.  Just not feeling great and tired of going to work no matter what.  It gets old showing up day after day to do your job when all you want to do is lie down.

I know that didn’t sound too cheery.  This ought to help – Got the link on a tip from Monster (cbullitt) over at Aardvark’s and Asshats.  Published in The Canadian.  All through the article the author/compiler peppered the thing with “could”, “could be”, “probably”, “as much as”, and my favorite “if validated”.  Emphasis mine…

Over 4.5 Billion people could die from Global Warming-related causes by 2012

Hydrate hypothesis illuminates growing climate change alarm  – Compiled by John Stokes

To summarize, human activity is causing the Earth to warm. Bacteria converts carbon in the soil into greenhouse gasses, and enormous quantities are trapped in unstable clathrates. As the earth continues to warm, permafrost clathrates will thaw; peat and soil microbial activity will dramatically increase; and, finally, vast oceanic clathrates will melt. This global warming chain reaction has happened in the past.

Atmospheric concentrations of CO2 rose by a record amount over the past year. It is the third successive year in which they have increased sharply. Scientists are at a loss to explain why the rapid rise has taken place, but fear the trend could be the first sign of runaway global warming.

Runaway Global Warming promises to literally burn-up agricultural areas into dust worldwide by 2012, causing global famine, anarchy, diseases, and war on a global scale as military powers including the U.S., Russia, and China, fight for control of the Earth’s remaining resources.

Over 4.5 billion people could die from Global Warming related causes by 2012, as planet Earth accelarates into a greed-driven horrific catastrophe.

Maybe the Mayan 2012 thing had merit?  Ohgoshwe’reallgonnadie!

The “hydrate hypothesis” (if validated) spells the rapid onset of runaway catastrophic global warming. In fact, you should remember this moment when you learned about this feedback loop-it is an existencial turning point in your life.

By the way, the “hydrate hypothesis” is a weeks old scientific theory, and is only now being discussed by global warming scientists. I suggest you Google the term.

Now that most scientists agree human activity is causing the Earth to warm, the central debate has shifted to when we will pass the tipping point and be helpless to stop the runaway Global Warming.

The author paints a picture where all scientists are working day and night as a cohesive organism, grim faced, with scurrying engineers and acolytes – all tirelessly sacrificing to understand the process by which a large portion of humanity will die – all because of greed.

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Whups.  That is going to leave a mark.


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That’s what my mother told me when I finally got my diploma and headed towards the “real world”.

Let’s not analyze her or her remarks too closely but focus instead on a generalization that we can make based on the statement as presented.

Education is very useful, valuable even, but if you are a blithering idiot it’s a waste of your time and dangerous to others.

On NPR’s Environment report this morning I heard a piece about toxic chemicals in things we use every day – cleaning supplies, household goods, and even perfumes.  The idiocy was here:

Ann Steinemann is an environmental engineering professor at the University of Washington, and has studied hundreds of cleaning products. She says nearly all brands on the market, even those labeled green products, contain undisclosed carcinogens – which are considered hazardous by the Environmental Protection Agency:

“According to the EPA, things that are classified as carcinogens have no safe exposure level. There is no safe exposure level. Even one molecule cannot be considered safe.”

Some of the most toxic shit known to mankind, ricin and botulinum toxin – will not kill you with one molecule… NOTHING will.

Nor can it be considered unsafe at any level.  This is such a bogus statement.  Sure it’s technically true but it has no intrinsic value.  It’s like saying human’s diet includes bugs because we get them in chocolate.  Well, yeah, we do get bugs in our chocolate, but so freakin’ what?

The EPA is not the final arbiter of information about what is good and what is bad – they hold no universal truths and they can be wrong.  The problem is that when you start labeling things as toxic or carcinogenic those claims are based on testing that is the biological equivalent of testing to failure in the mechanical engineering fields.   There is no number where you say “Oh, after 10,032 molecules you’ll die of gangrene of the eardrum”.

Why scare people with statements that lead them to believe that even one teensy little bit that can only (maybe) seen wtih a gas chromatograph is going to kill them?  What if it is a thousand times some teensy amount?  Is that bad enough?  It’s not at all clear that even then it’s ok to declare a product “unsafe”.  Just claiming that the presense of a substance is enough to ban it is asinine.

Yes, lots of things are carcinogenic.  Yes, some things are scary.  That doesn’t mean we should freak everybody out with technically correct claims that are still so far removed from reason as to immediately lower the IQ of anyone who hears them.

Disclaimer:  I am not even remotely interested in debating chemicals in consumer goods, not even a teensy bit.  I’m ranting about scary-sounding statements used to make one’s cause seem more urgent, like the one above.

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It is time to come out, come clean… I… I… I am a fountain pen freak.  My father is disgusted – he says “We embraced ball-point pens for a reason!”  Yeah, well, my hand gets tired with BP and fine-point pens – and a good fountain pen is smooth as glass.  And no one steals them, either, because 97.23% of the people out there can’t write with ’em.  Good, I say.

The Skyline model (Eversharp) is something I drool over.  Note the art deco design.

I’m showing an image from that link as a teaser… go look at the beautiful pens…

Note:  The website requested that I only use this image provided… go look at the pens on the page…

PenHero.com Main Page
Read about more great pens at PenHero.com

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I lived in the Tri-Cities for years and met Cruel Wife there so this article caught my attention.

I’m cynical and I piss Cruel Wife off regularly by saying “I have faith in human nature.”   I mean it in the most unflattering way possible.

There are good people around still.  How about that?

I still have faith in human nature.

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The definition of Irony is to arrive at the same ultimate end but by a manner you could never have foreseen.

You got a headache and you’re going to the drugstore for some ibuprofen.  On the way, your car gets run over,  killing you… by an ibuprofen supplier truck.  THAT is irony.

My goal was to have the flames be in the shapes of little demons – Gore, Briffa, Mann – all running around trying to put it out but only lighting more fires.

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Update on the Mexican Invasion of our United States….

On Thursday, about 200 Mexican-American students walked out of class in protest of the flag clothing incident. Members of the group waved the Mexican flag and said they were marching for respect and unity. They also demanded the school suspend the boys who wore the U.S. flag-adorned clothing.

I say:

1)  You are either Mexican or you are American

2)  Get your damned flag out of my country

3)  If you want my respect, have some respect for my nation and my flag – and see #2, above

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Inscrutable Half-Breed passed on this link – a Cracked.com article about how The Karate Kid has irrevocably ****ed up our lives.   There’s truth to it.  Because of these blindingly unrealistic portrayals of adversity, we’re freaked out when we find that success is hard.  Here’s part of his wisdom exactly as it dribbled out in congealing HTML on his site.

I really think Effort Shock has been one of the major drivers of world events. Think about the whole economic collapse and the bad credit bubble. You can imagine millions of working types saying, “All right, I have NO free time. I work every day, all day. I come home and take care of the kids. We live in a tiny house, with two shitty cars. And we are still deeper in debt every single month.” So they borrow and buy on credit because they have this unspoken assumption that, dammit, the universe will surely right itself at some point and the amount of money we should have been making all along (according to our level of effort) will come raining down.

All of it comes back to having those massively skewed expectations of the world. Even the people you think of as pessimists, they got their pessimism by continually seeing the world fail to live up to their expectations, which only happened because their expectations were grossly inaccurate in the first place.  – Dr. David Wong

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Eco-tards continue to impress me with their skills at accomplishing absolutely nothing.

French University builds 11,000 MPG car.

Of course you shouldn’t expect to see anything like Team Polyjule’s car in showrooms anytime soon. The tight-fitting car is worn like clothing more than sat in, and has virtually no practical applications, as is. The idea behind the competition, which was first held in 1939, is drive innovation in new automotive technologies, and get people excited about fuel efficiency.

Oh yeah.  Rah.  Rah.  Rah.

That “as-is” qualifier sounds a lot like a teenager who realizes what he’s saying is a horribly stupid idea and is stealthily trying to build in exit strategies if someone calls him out on how utterly moronic his suggestion is.

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Mickey Rourke – always has been a favorite of mine.

He told Parade.com: “It was important for me to put that aside and go, ‘You know what? This is a business. If you kiss the right a*s and you get lucky on a movie or two, you could last 10 years.’ So, now, I just keep my mouth shut and pet my chihuahuas.”

Is “pet my chihuahuas” a euphemism?

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I’m probably evil right down to my coal-black heart, but I laughed my ass off at this movie.  Eco-nuts are trying to shock me into emotionalism so I won’t say “Uh, what is the connection between 400Kg of CO2 from jet aircraft and polar bears falling out of the sky?”

But I laughed my butt off and still asked the question.  Sorry Eco-Nuts.

If you are sensitive or have small children, might I suggest you go find the Disney website?

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Enough about polar bears hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement – its been done already on WKRP in Cincinnati using turkeys …

Or go here, and look around 17:30 into the show on Hulu. Honestly the funniest thing I’ve ever seen in my life.  The best line ever comes on at 19:30 into the show.

… so now lets look at the jobs situation hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement.

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What?  Did they think these animals were family pets beforehand?  They’re meant for eating.

Bardot and protesters:  Put yourself in the place of the animals.  Literally.  If you’re willing to sacrifice your life for that of the animals, if there really is parity, then please do jump in.  If you truly believe that the animal is that important, you shouldn’t have qualms about taking it’s place.

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This is hands down the single worst nightmare I could ever have.  My mind just skitters right over it when I try to imagine it.  A similar thing is if I try to recall exactly what happened when I had my arm compound-fractured in a plywood machine… the brain just skitters over it.  Can’t go there.

Trapped in your paralyzed body for 23 years and everyone thinks you are asleep.

If it were me, and they finally “woke me up”… I’d be insane.  No joke.  I’d be insane.  Crazy as a bedbug.

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What?  Being nice in the world gains you nothing when the people you are dealing with don’t like you?  But I thought a great big hug, an apology on behalf of all Americans that you aren’t authorized to give, and a rousing round of Kumbaya… well… shouldn’t that just work?

Obama’s Nice Guy Act Gets Him Nowhere on the World Stage

Say it ain’t so!

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I mean, once you see it you think “Oh, drunken lemurs… of course, why wasn’t that obvious?  It’s hilarious.”

But it took a geniusioso with great masterfulness to put it into words.  Beautiful.

drunken-lemursI’ve been reviewed like this before.  It’s like being nuked.

♦♦♦♦

A wee bit worked up.  Model Plane and Jet Near-Miss.  Whaddya mean, near miss?  They missed it.  No “near miss” about it.

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Romney and I agree on this.

At last week’s Summit of the Americas, President Obama acquiesced to a 50-minute attack on America as terroristic, expansionist, and interventionist from Nicaraguan president Daniel Ortega. His response to Ortega’s denunciation of our effort to free Cuba from Castro’s dictatorship was that he shouldn’t be blamed “for things that happened when I was three months old.” Blamed? Hundreds of men, including Americans, bravely fought and died for Cuba’s freedom, heeding the call from newly elected president John F. Kennedy. But last week, even as American soldiers sacrificed blood in Afghanistan and Iraq to defend liberty, President Obama shrank from defending liberty here in the Americas.

Hey, Mitt… where I come from, that’s called “being a pussy”.  This is Jimmy Carter for the New Millenium.  A guy who is so concerned with being everyone’s friend that he stands for nothing.

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I’m biased, naturally, but many deep and profound brain things go on inside my head when I read:

WASHINGTON (Reuters) – President Barack Obama on Monday proposed a $100 billion U.S. loan to the International Monetary Fund to boost the IMF’s resources and urged a bigger stake in the IMF for emerging powers.

Yeah, this is pretty important, all right.  At a time when all is so dire that we need to plunge headlong into socialism fascism our Obamessiah finds compelling reasons to give the IMF $100B.

rocky-moneyBut he’s a frugal man, the Big O.  He’s saving $100M by iron-willed restraint, trimming the budget.  Hardly worth talking about given our $3T budget.

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The title of the Sun’s article is Fatties Cause Global Warmin[g]

Provind that Pravda isn’t the only publication that will print anything:

Dr Phil Edwards, of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine, said: “Moving about in a heavy body is like driving in a gas guzzler.”

Each fat person is said to be responsible for emitting a tonne more of climate-warming carbon dioxide per year than a thin one.

It means an extra BILLION TONNES of CO2 a year is created, according to World Health Organisation estimates of overweight people.

They’ll just spit anything out.  These are somebody’s ESTIMATES, and are BASED ON MANY MANY ASSUMPTIONS.

The hysteria goes on and on, but I found this to be an interesting bias and painfully obvious.  A British rag publishes American obesity stats, not British ones.  First they vilify anyone who is considered (by who?) to be overweight, and then they cite only – only – lard-butt stats for the U.S.  Wonder why?

A staggering 40 per cent of Americans are obese, among 300 million worldwide.

Sounds like someone has an issue with the U.S.

Bitez moi.

Frighteningly, a starkly terrible correlation is dead-on nailed at the end of their article…

Australian Professor Paul Zimmet predicted a disastrous obesity pandemic back in 2006.

And Oxfam warned yesterday that the number of people hit by climate-related disasters will soar by more than half in the next six years to 375million.

The impact of more storms, floods and droughts could overwhelm aid organisations.

Proof positive that we’re all gonna die.

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UPDATE:   The HULC sounds like a hoot.  I have concerns about power lifetime and practicality.  Perhaps if you put generators on the hip joints you could generate power and it’d go infinitely long?

UPDATE 2:  Ah, a new lease on life for the Bedwetter Society.

But climate is known to be variable — a cold winter, or a few strung together doesn’t mean the planet is cooling. Still, according to a new study, global warming may have hit a speed bump and could go into hiding for decades.

That is called an end run, saying that you can’t prove we’re wrong because all facts you’d use to prove us wrong are invalidated by our proven premise.

Here’s my own end-run:

UNTIL CURRENT CLIMATE MODELS CAN PREDICT ACCURATELY THE OBSERVED HISTORICAL WEATHER EVENTS USING THE SAME PRECURSOR DATA, MODELS PREDICTING FUTURE GLOBAL WEATHER/CLIMATE ARE OF LOW RELIABILITY.

There is also a major flaw with even that because the models are always tweaked to account for the latest anomaly.  Just because they are so tweaked does not mean that the model can and will predict tomorrow’s events.

This is Hubris.  The idea that one can account for every variable and is well documented as a form of god complex.

Update #3:  So sayeth the rich asshole.

President Obama said Tuesday that now is a good time for investors to buy stocks if they focus on the big picture.

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Obama apparently isn’t giving anyone anything they can hold on to, just “we have plans”.  When Russian President Dmitry Medvedev gets a letter from Obama with no hints or suggestions, I’m just not surprised.

The letter contained an assessment of the situation, but there were no concrete proposals about any mutually binding decisions

Update: Huh.  Well I can be wrong

Senior U.S. officials say Obama suggested missile shield might be unnecessary if Moscow helped with Iran

But, we’ll probably never know given how untransparent the most transparent administration ever has been so far.  Prove me wrong again, Obama.

Elsewhere, we see the results of this concrete made of air.  For example, the stimulus package was supposed to stimulate (never mind that it was ill-conceived no matter what) but instead became entitlement money as the largesse morphed into another form.

Most of his “stimulus” spending was devoted to social programs, rather than public works, and nearly all of the tax cuts were devoted to income maintenance rather than to improving incentives to work or invest.

WSJ has a nice graphic.  Wanna see?financial-losses Funny how the sharp loss events seem to correlate to pronouncements of the O-administration that relate to economic policies.  For the White House to whisper words monetary is akin to the kiss of death.

For those not in a state of active denial:

…after five weeks in office, it’s become clear that Mr. Obama’s policies are slowing, if not stopping, what would otherwise be the normal process of economic recovery. From punishing business to squandering scarce national public resources, Team Obama is creating more uncertainty and less confidence — and thus a longer period of recession or subpar growth.

[later]

The market has notably plunged since Mr. Obama introduced his budget last week, and that should be no surprise. The document was a declaration of hostility toward capitalists across the economy. Health-care stocks have dived on fears of new government mandates and price controls. Private lenders to students have been told they’re no longer wanted. Anyone who uses carbon energy has been warned to expect a huge tax increase from cap and trade. And every risk-taker and investor now knows that another tax increase will slam the economy in 2011, unless Mr. Obama lets Speaker Nancy Pelosi impose one even earlier.

Ouchie.  Another complaint from those who were either deprogrammed or never sucked into the cult in the first place is the fact that capitalism is not being allowed to do it’s job.  One nice feature of capitalism is that it is self-cleaning.  Think of ants – they eventually pick clean stuff that is dead, usually after predators have taken care of the weakest in the ecosystem.

Obama is keeping the predators at bay, giving the one or two sickly lemurs horribly expensive life support that takes up an entire hospital’s resources, and all for terminally ill critters.  The rest of the system is being starved of resources and competed with.  Ok, bad analogy, a blend of analogies, and kind of a waste of both your time and mine.

His Treasury has been making a similar mistake with its financial bailout plans. The banking system needs to work through its losses, and one necessary use of public capital is to assist in burning down those bad assets as fast as possible. Yet most of Team Obama’s ministrations so far have gone toward triage and life support, rather than repair and recovery.

What’s he going to do when even the deniers realize that he can’t pin this on Bush any more?

Update on the financial issue:  Bernanke Says U.S. May Need to Expand Bank Rescue

No, no, no, no, NO.  Let the bad banks FAIL and let the ones that are still viable grow stronger without the crippled resource-wasting competition.  Zombie companies are not adding anything valuable to the party, only serving as a fiscal black hole (think AIG).

** Note, if you have not read clear through this post and you ping me about the HULC and the impossibility of perpetual motion, rather than recognize sarcasm, please be aware that I’m going to skewer you verbally.

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