The Sideways Post.

More migraines.  More work.  Less sleep.  It all ties in nicely.

Whining over.

I will get major Sith points for this….  heh heh heh…

I just happen to like these guy’s schtuff.

If you walked up to me tomorrow and said “If you give up your legs you can play like that” I’d run and get the axe.

*****

Tell me guys that you wouldn’t opt for the Wolverine Adamantium Claws, too.  A bit gory, might not be good for certain workplaces.

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Cat-crap Busy.

Been kind of busy lately when not cluster-migraining it all over the landscape. Two days shot to hell and a near-miss to the hospital because it sucked worse than dying for a little bit, a day or two post-migraine celebratory hangover for the fun of it, and a few days playing catch-up.

Hadn’t heard from a scientist friend in a while so I suggested we catch up if she’s not too busy, if it was indeed a busy time for her. Her response was poetry.

Busy? As busy as a cat burying a turd on a marble floor, as a friend of mine puts it…

That brings a tear to my eye.

Ok, now a visual brought to me by Black Lab on Amphetamines.

More. From somewhere else. The best key hanger that I have liked the looks of in the last 24 hours.

From some pet-shaming link that I couldn’t recall the name of.

YOU wouldn’t trust that thing, would you? That is our Mrs. Reynolds.

And just because I am feeling lazy… Sharks with frickin’ lasers on their heads.

By the way, has anyone seen that lurker veeshir lurking about? It isn’t like him to not cross over the boycott lines once or twice a day.

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Tact is for Pussies.

I can always tell when I’ve been a bit more House-like than usual, because I’ll come back to my office and find that a passive-aggressive co-worker such as Crazy Cat Lady (aka CCL) has put this on my keyboard where I’m sure to not miss it.  I’m 99% certain she did it because of her look of innocence rather than confusion when I said “That was you that put that on my desk, right?  Well done.  Well done.”

I’ve known CCL for something like… oh… 12-13 years now, probably, so I’m not too worried that she’ll pour cat urine all over my office chair.  Yet.

****

Yes, I’m still obsessing about inertia.  Wouldn’t warpage of space be a nice tidy way to look at it?

This sort of thing is pretty far out there and approaching Tin Foil Hat Technology, but I want to believe that warp travel is possible because otherwise getting to other stars is pretty prohibitively expensive.  Fuel, mass, cost, lifespans, etc.

Here’s how I look at it:  Humanity is due for something new.  We’ve been stuck on E-M for some time now what with Maxwell and Faraday (and many others) doing their mad magic with magnetism and electricity.  Nothing really new has been done in terms of manipulating stuff.  Sure, recently they’ve realized a fourth fundamental circuit elemnent, the memristor… but there’s not been any real new physics.

Jeez, I can see the debates over that last sentence… work with me here, people.  I’m talking about new fundamental models and applications that alter fields or space.  Give me some sci-fi, ok?  Stasis fields, gravity manipulation, inertial dampers/exciters, etc.  Yes, that is all BS, but I’d like some BS that didn’t involve a politician or some zealot or some lunatic.

****

The fringe folks sure want to believe that Jesus was tempted, married, or farted in church, don’t they?  Jesus was married, and we know that because someone wrote it on a papyrus, so it must be true, right?

Karen King, a professor of early Christianity at Harvard Divinity School, announced the finding Tuesday at an international congress on Coptic studies in Rome. The text, written in Coptic and probably translated from a 2nd century Greek text, contains a dialogue in which Jesus refers to “my wife,”whom he identifies as Mary.

In just about any other accounting, there are independent sources that parallel other accounts, and I challenge someone to show records elsewhere that list Jesus as being married.

She stressed that the text, assuming it’s authentic, doesn’t provide any historical evidence that Jesus was actually married, only that some two centuries after he died, some early Christians believed he had a wife.   [ emphasis mine – lk ]

“Some early Christians” could mean anything.  “Some” meaning the writer.

Christian tradition has long held that Jesus was unmarried, although there is no reliable historical evidence to support that, King said. Any evidence pointing to whether Jesus was married or had a female disciple could have ripple effects in current debates over the role of women in the church.

And THAT folks, out of the entire article presents the sole reason for all Prof. King’s efforts.

“There are all sorts of really dodgy things about this,” said David Gill, professor of archaeological heritage at University Campus Suffolk and author of the Looting Matters blog, which closely follows the illicit trade in antiquities. “This looks to me as if any sensible, responsible academic would keep their distance from it.”

Fox News is getting almost as good as FARK for providing funny articles.

****

Guaranteed to peeve Cruel Wife off, is this news article about a restaurant in Corpus Christi threatened with fines for hosing pigeon poop off the sidewalk because it is polluting.  I hope to hell that Crawdaddy’s fights this one in court.

****

I got to see one of these fire devils in person while on a fire but it was nowhere near as beautiful as this one.

****

More Iranian women need to kick the shit out of more clerics when they mouth off about being indecently clothed.  Too bad she’ll probably have an example made out of her for her troubles.

Hojatoleslam Ali Beheshti said he encountered the woman in the street while on his way to the mosque in the town of Shahmirzad, and asked her to cover herself up, to which she replied “you, cover your eyes,” according to Mehr. The cleric repeated his warning, which he said prompted her to insult and push him.

“I fell on my back on the floor,” Beheshti said in the report. “I don’t know what happened after that, all I could feel was the kicks of this woman who was insulting me and attacking me.”

Go girl.

Beheshti said he was hospitalized for three days. The Iranian cleric said it was his religious duty to apply the principle of “commanding right and forbidding wrong,” and that he would continue to do so even after living through what he called “the worst day of my life.”

I’m thinking you get a lot of whispers behind you in clerical circles after you get beaten up by a woman.  Good.

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What other type is there?

Woman charged with “malicious castration”.

Is there a type of castration that you can be charged for that is called “felicitous castration”?  I’m sure there is at least one case of “fellatious castration”, as in… well… you know… but not felicitous.  Now I’m trying to picture the mechanics of fellatious castration and scratching my head, but moving right along…

The woman in question –

– is accused of squeezing a man’s testicle out of his scrotum this weekend.

Great horny toadies!  Can that be real?

The guy has the balls of a tiger (pardon the expression) because –

– the man walked to the Shelby Rescue Squad building for help.

Holy shit-sucking leeches, Batman!  He walked.  WALKED.  He walked to get help.

The  woman –

– grabbed him by his scrotum before he was able to jerk away from her grip.

Double the balls of a tiger.  Double the balls of a genetically freakishly large angry tiger.  He jerked away from her grip.  The woman was squeezing his testicles of of his bag and he pulled away.

Let’s paint it like it is – this is like pulling your own fingernails out, for you females out there who aren’t attached to testicles.

****

Let it be known that mrmacs came up with a nice alternative phrasing to my definition of “planic attack”:

Planic attack: Management’s response (usually finger-pointing or blame-storming) to the realization that a project cannot be completed due to technical issues that have been raised by engineers from the project’s inception.

I thought the use of “blamestorming” was a nice touch.

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The Urethra Moment.

You know that moment when you realize that someone actually came up for a name for something you kinda always sort of new all your life but never thought about it much?  As in “Gosh, I sure wish I knew where SYNDROME_X came from…” or perhaps, “Gee, SYNDROME_Y is sure kicking my butt today.”

It’s that moment when you scream at the top of your lungs “Eurethra!  I’ve got it!”

Now, clear your mind for a moment, and then read on.  I will throw the name at you momentarily.  When you read it, stop for a moment for some internal reflection and then tell me if you knew instinctively what it was BEFORE reading the description.

Ready?  Ok, here goes…

Piss shiver.

Yes, you read that right.  Now stop and think… think, damn your eyes… There, good, you actually thought for a second, didn’t you?

Did you know what it was?

It seems more guys are familiar with it but when your bladder finally voids after some interval that is less than pleasant there is a quasi-orgasmic shiver that seems to be some sort of reward.  I can’t explain it.  You either know it or need to go read up on it.

Don’t be ashamed, ladies.  Cruel Wife didn’t know what it was and wondered “Is it a guy thing?”

Here’s some definitions and mentions of it – both places are high-quality persons-of-breeding repositories of knowledge.

The Straight Dope’s take on piss shiver

Cracked.com has #4 dedicated to piss shiver

Everyone is probably going to say they’ve been calling them by name for years and I will feel inadequate because it took me reading The Straight Dope in order to even recognize that there was this void in my life where I didn’t have the words to put to a normal part of life.  I feel so inadequate.

But, moving on, Cecil over at the Straight Dope also answered another question, one that has been burning me for years.  Are Manatees white or dark meat?

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A Stiff in Time.

The main post is below this impromptu Lemur Life Story…

aliceteach over at DPUD has a great post about Frank Miller for Toddlers.  That won’t make sense if you haven’t seen Sin City, but go watch the movie she put there.

My comment there was:  At least at that age you can say “Oh, look at the funny looking rubber ball!” and almost (sometimes) get away with it.

It reminded me of a time in college when my roommates and I, in a fit of boredom and an innate desire to be obnoxious (alcohol may have been a factor), crafted in the dark of night a (anatomically correct) 7 or 8 foot tall (erect) male phallus-thing.  The wording was chosen to avoid certain Google searches .

We poured bucket after bucket of water on this thing and had a layer of ice that was inches thick over the whole thing.

The next day we got pictures of each other sitting on one or the other of a pair of giant testes, and I had one of myself sitting there, proud as can be, complete with the full-arm cast I had for several months.  Shown below is a very good friend from those college days, and we’ll call him… OldEnglish800… for reasons which I will not divulge at the moment.

OldEnglish800, feeling teste, face blurred for his own good.

Women were driving by our house and every few minutes a car would honk and chicks would yell “Whooooo!”   It went on for hours until someone got cheesed and called the cops.  We denied that it was ours and the cops decided to get in a workout with their clubs.  They were extremely tired after trying to break several cubic feet of ice with nightsticks and had some firefighters come and loan them some axes.  They were not too happy with us, but as future events unfolded we became much more closely involved with them.  They had our number.   That’s another story.

I took the picture back home for the Christmas holiday.  The family was laughing over it and my grandmother comes in and says “What’s so funny?”

Immediate silence.  A hush came over the room as we all panicked and thought as one, “What the hell is the right thing to say and could someone else please say it so I don’t have to?”

It got kind of awkward after about ten seconds with the ten or twelve of us sitting there as if we were Bambi frozen in the middle of the road by the Pork Chop Express’ lights.

The pressure was building… building… and suddenly my aunt jumped up explosively and said “LOOK MOM!  HERE’S A PICTURE OF LEMUR SITTING ON PART OF A GIANT SNOWMAN!  Isn’titsillyhowhe’soutinthesnowandcoldwithoutaproperjacketandthatcastuncovered?”  Then she started hyperventilating, gasping for breath.

We held our collective breaths, waiting for the moment that our almost-octegenarian matriarch would figure it out and come unglued.  Believe me, a 4′ 11″ matriarchal ungluing is not something you want to witness more than once in your life.

She turned to me, looked me squarely up and down, frowned, and said “Lemur, why are you going out in the winter without a coat?  You could get pneumonia!”

I shook my head in shock and said “Well, Gram, I don’t know what I was thinking.  I guess I was so excited about building a snowman I forgot it.  It only got down to 8F that day so it wasn’t like it was viciously cold.”

My Gram walked out of the room muttering about how terrible I was taking care of myself and again, as one, ten or twelve of us went for our drinks and had doubles.

Goes to show you – octegenariansn and toddlers can be easily deceived at times, but you can’t depend upon it.

****

Now, for the original posting material…

Titled:  Oh.  Yeah, this means goodbye, I guess.

Harold Camping, Doomsday Priest, has apparently stuck by his prediction that Tomorrow (Friday, October 21, 2011) will be The Day We Die.

Don McLean sings softly in the background:

Did you write the book of love,
And do you have faith in God above,
If the Bible tells you so?

I’m pretty sure that the Rev. Camping has not cleared his bank account or sold his house yet again, despite the rather obvious need to spend money like there was no tomorrow in order to save the last few souls.  I’d say if he is enlightened as he says he is, it shows a remarkable lack of faith on his part when you look at the record of his behavior.  I’d also say the good Rev. Camping never actually read the Book of Matthew.  Just sayin’.

I started singin’,
“bye-bye, miss american pie.”
Drove my chevy to the levee,
But the levee was dry.
Them good old boys were drinkin’ whiskey and rye
And singin’, “this’ll be the day that I die.
“this’ll be the day that I die.”

But, wait… the old fella suffered a stroke (but didn’t die) in June, which seems awfully soon after The World That Refused to Die Event (May 21st, 2011).  Does that not seem like a pretty convenient way to shutter yourself away from a world full of derision, mockery, and in the case of the gypped people, betrayed anger?

Yup!  It does to me, too!

Yeah… I hear what you’re saying, Camping, but no offense… you’re a f***ing loon.

And in the streets: the children screamed,
The lovers cried, and the poets dreamed.
But not a word was spoken;
The church bells all were broken.
And the three men I admire most:
The father, son, and the holy ghost,
They caught the last train for the coast
The day the music died.

When you look at all  the nice well-intentioned folks (but stupider than a bag of hammers) that gave this screwball all their money and gave away their savings and gave up homes, it becomes obvious that another part of American Pie would seem to fit the good Rev. Doomsday.

Oh, and as I watched him on the stage
My hands were clenched in fists of rage.
No angel born in hell
Could break that satan’s spell.
And as the flames climbed high into the night
To light the sacrificial rite,
I saw satan laughing with delight
The day the music died

Don’t read anything into this.  I just really like the song and I thought it would be fun in conjunction with mocking the Doomsday Priest, is all.   I’ve often wondered what McLean meant in the lyrics but I don’t obsess about it.  It’s a catchy tune.

I was a Jim Beam man, after Tanqueray Gin, of course.  I don’t like Rye though.  Blech.

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I Do So Swear…

That my testes traveled to my shoulderblades in record time (mere microseconds), beat only by the puckering of my butt so tightly that a singularity was formed.  (Run guys, run with that joke… RUN)

Seriously… I can’t watch it.  I can watch autopsies, watch surgeries, compounded bones, gooshed limbs, ok.  But this, because of my neck sends me screaming out of the room like an 8 year old girl.

Next week I’ll show the video where he gets beat out by the man who can turn his head 181 degrees.

More later if I have the energy.  Hard day.  Check back and I’ll probably have something.

****

Note:  Fair warning, I am/was in House mode – I’m trying to get the house ready for the out-laws (in-laws) and damaging myself to do it.  Cruel Wife deserves to be able to show her folks a back room that isn’t a pile of shiat and has all the frames around the windows, doors, and closets put up.  As you can guess, I get… intense, when I hurt badly.

Here we have a woman bitching that when her mother died she was more in touch with her cat more than her.   Had she written to this column It’s All About Me, Dr. Lemur, why my response below would have been quite different.

Q. Dealing With My Mother’s Death: My mother died in February after a long battle with cancer. She and I live in different countries but always tried to see each other a few times a year. I also have a sister who lives about two hours from my parents’ house. My mother knew for some time that the end was near. My sister and I asked time and time again to see her, but we were told by her and my father that she didn’t want to see us and that she wanted us to remember her as she was. While I was upset about this, I wasn’t going to argue or upset her. The day after she died, my father called me to tell me she had died. He mentioned several times that she died peacefully while looking at photos of their cat and that her last words were to the effect that my father should look after the cat. Now, I know my parents love this cat, but I am hurt and upset that she had nothing to say about either my sister or me or any of our children (her grandkids). Fast forward to her obituary, which did not mention any of her grandchildren by name but had several sentences about the cat. This was an obituary that my mother wrote herself about six months before she died. I am struggling now, as I feel angry, and then guilty that I am angry. I feel like actual human family members are more important than feline ones. I want to get past this and have positive memories of my mother, but I am hurt by being cut out of her final moments and her favoritism of a cat, which sounds ridiculous, I know!

A. Dr. Lemur: Cut the lady some slack you little ingrate.  The woman took care of you for eighteen years – fed, cleaned you, tended your boo-boos, listened to your inanest utterances, and sought reasons daily to NOT kill you as a teenager. You moved to a different country and I’d guess that you and your little snowflakes visited when it was convenient.   But by the time was growing near she felt she looked hideous and didn’t want to spoil your memory of her.  Yes, ultimately it is a vanity thing.  She doesn’t love you any less (although she might be tempted by your lack of empathy)  The woman was dying.  Her cats never cared in the least what she looked like – it is easy unconditional love and they were with her all the time, they were her children in the here and now.  What you won’t see until you choose to stop being so self-centered is that your mother was doing what she thought was the kindest thing possible by not letting you see her dying.   As for an obit, it’s hers to write.  If your family all loved her they would know that the obituary is for the acquaintances and describes her life – there’s nothing that says she has to account for each and every offspring.   If you all loved her, remember her for the reasons you loved her and celebrate her life and get off your self-importance merry-go-round.   Life was slowly being taken away from her – her friends, her hobbies, her loves, her health, her mobility, and lastly it took away her sense of self-worth and then her life.  Let her have her cats.  They weren’t taken from her and she was doing the best she could do at the time in that situation.  Go pop your angry balloon, have a beer, get laid, and if you’re still whiny, punch yourself in the face five or six times – hard.  If the problem still persists, you’re just a bitch and there’s really no help for that.

****

Ok, see the x-ray through the side of a semi-truck which shows lots of illegal aliens?  There’s a certain amount of radiation that is required to peer through the truck sides… how many BED’s‡ did those people get?  Is it considered cruel and inhumane to subject these people (who were whisked away from their homes to work here illegally) to high exposures of x-rays?  Should we stop using this awful method of enforcing borders when we should be giving everyone amnesty and instant green cards?

‡  Banana Equivalent Dose.  The amount of radiation exposure you get from eating a banana.  For me, I always read BED and think back to PATEOTS units as proposed by Neal Stephenson, which illustrates some Highly Toxic Substance X that can do Scary Thing Y with a quantity that fits on a “Period At The End Of This Sentence”.

Note:  If you can’t recognize my humane/amnesty/green-card statements as sarcasm, you need to go someplace else.

****

Rug F***ers is the perfect name of a carpet cleaning company, in my honest opinion.

****

Oh, boo hoo.  If you hate it here so much that you spit on people who aren’t doing anything to you then you need to quit school and find a good university “back home”.

I especially love how she takes the blame away from herself:

Al-Doaifi told officers she was spitting on “white people” because of the way her people are treated and that a “higher authority” made her do it, an officer wrote.

Huh.  I wonder if her “higher authority” is going to pay her fines and court costs.

****

The suspect, whose identity was not disclosed, has a history of mental illness.

Seriously, you think so?  Sheesh, you eat one person’s liver and you’re marked for life.  I mean, talk about being labeled.  It’s not likely that once he killed and dismembered his friend would need that liver anymore.

****

Michigan man wins $2M and is still on food stamps.

A man who won $2 million [has admitted] that he still uses food stamps.

Leroy Fick [snip] admitted he still swipes the electronic card at stores, nearly a year after winning a jackpot [snip] that more than half the prize went to taxes.

Fick says the Department of Human Services told him he could continue to use the card, which is paid with tax dollars. He told WNEM: “If you’re going to … try to make me feel bad, you aren’t going to do it.”

This is how you recognize a broken entitlement system.  One that allow people to feel entitled long after there is any need for them to take government money.   He should be fined for every penny retroactively that he used on food stamps since the day he collected his prize plus another 20% just for being an a$$hole.

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Can They Pay You Enough?

Police: Woman Tried to Assault Cop With Sex Toy

Headlines like this always promise a story that, face it, will be a bit… odd.

Police say a dine-and-dash turned into assault charges for an Illinois woman who allegedly walked out on her bill at a restaurant and then attempted to strike a cop with a “clear, rigid feminine pleasure device,” according to police reports obtained by AOL News.

Wow.  That’s never good.  Little disappointed by AOL’s coverage of this story – nowhere do they get into her motivation, her feelings, and what she expected to be the outcome resulting from her actions.  I want to know this lady better (not in the carnal sense – I have standards).

A responding officer scoured the area and spotted a woman matching the perp’s description lying on a plot of grass near the Six Flags Great America amusement park.

When informed that she must either pay the bill or face arrest, Bildsten allegedly told the officer that she wasn’t carrying any money but had cash at home.

[At her home] Bildsten “said her money was in her dresser drawer and she opened it and reached inside and removed a ‘clear, rigid feminine pleasure device’ and held it over her head and approached the officer in a threatening manner,” according to a statement issued by the Gurnee Police Department.

Few things are as utterly terrifying as having a large caliber dildo brandished at you from overhead. Ignore it at your peril… it’s like the Schlong of Damocles or something like that.

“The officer knocked the device out of the way prior to being struck and placed the woman under arrest,” the statement continued.

Let’s be honest, there are a lot of things that could have been much worse, but do the cops ever envision these moments when they make their career choice?

Bildsten was charged with theft of labor for allegedly walking out on the restaurant bill, pedestrian under the influence for walking on city streets while inebriated, and aggravated assault for menacing the officer with a sex toy.

Perhaps she’ll get off with good behavior.

****

If enough people say “That’s a risk we’re willing to take” then they do indeed need to get rid of the scanners.  Gov’t does not call the shots, as much as they’d like to believe.

I find that being full-body groped ( I was in Florida ) to be ridiculous since I don’t even remotely fit a terrorist profile, and I don’t like the all-body scanner.  Target those that fit the profile and stop being a bunch of pinheads.  Be discerning.

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Speaking of Parasites…

Ok, this didn’t start out being about parasites.

It started out with my fixation on two art pieces that cbullitt got me interested in.

1) An angelic eco-tard freezing in the arctic wastes (believe me, it’d have some artistic value/merit, even as bad as it sounds)

2) Hungry Bear ™ TV Dinners – Eco-tard in a parka, iced seal-sushi, and hockey-stick pudding

But as I was searching for inspiration I ran across an article on parasites, which (and cbullitt will laugh at this) I thought of him.  No, he’s not a parasite, but it is funny to say it sarcastically.  He’s actually my muse.  My twisted and psychotic muse.

I must continually fight the temptation to sidetrack.  Running around on the internet will take one down many winding and otherwise hidden paths.  One such path was the blog of a ocean-biology writer’s blog.  And there I learned about a certain barnacle.  Two words…

Damn.  DAMN.

I mean, this is enough to make your testes shrivel up and fall off.

Parasites are nasty things.  (Discover magazine)

D-d-d-d-d-DAMN.

The blogger that wrote the article before I read the barnacle one had a wonderful piece about how we view our world: Can I eat that, or not?

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Things I Must Have.

For those who don’t know me… that was sarcasm.

On the Life website…

Oh yeah… tires that light up.  From the inside.  (ok, this would be kind of cool at first)

Venetian sunglasses, for when your eyes want a little privacy.

When you’re willing to risk death for your invention, that is dedication.  When you’re willing to go to certain death for your invention, that’s just stupid.  Birdman costume.

Yes.  Yes this would work.  Now I can restrain my 30MW bundle-of-energy English Shepherd, Zoe.  My problems are solved with the Dog Restrainer.

Cigarette holder for two.  When you need this kind of intimacy you don’t need more of it, you need professional help.  Get all the psychiatric disciplines involved, while you are at it.

****

Reuters brings us more science from London (apparently).

Many prehistoric Australian aboriginals could have outrun world 100 and 200 meters record holder Usain Bolt in modern conditions.

Some Tutsi men in Rwanda exceeded the current world high jump record of 2.45 meters during initiation ceremonies in which they had to jump at least their own height to progress to manhood.

Any Neanderthal woman could have beaten former bodybuilder and current California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in an arm wrestle.

Except for several key points.  Prehistoric man was about as intelligent as a brain-damaged guinea pig.   Prehistoric man died around age 25 if he was very very lucky to have lived that long.  Prehistoric man didn’t have SUV’s, DVR, answering machines, microwaves, Tito and Tarantula albums… hey, their life sucked.

These and other eye-catching claims are detailed in a book by Australian anthropologist Peter McAllister entitled “Manthropology” and provocatively sub-titled “The Science of the Inadequate Modern Male.”

Oh yeah, I’ll run right out and buy that.

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Baked Beans and Roasted Weenies.

Beans and Weenies after the updates below.

**************

Update #2:

Obese inmate hid gun in his flab

A 40 stone [560 lbs] man smuggled a gun into two US prisons by hiding it within his rolls of fat.

They train officers to lift rolls of fat to search for smuggled things.  Oh.  My.  God.  You could not pay me enough to palpate some morbidly obese person’s rolls of flubber.

How about a metal detector?  How about a quick trip to a liposuction clinic?  Ok, maybe not so quick.

****

Update #1:

I wanted to get this off my chest.  Reps from Congress are finding that people aren’t interested in listening, they want to be heard.

“Why won’t you let the people speak?” shouted one protester in Tampa, Fla., at a public forum where Rep. Cathy Castor, D-Fla., attempted to pitch Obama’s health care reform plan to her constituency.

The Tampa protest made national headlines afterward, as dozens of protesters were pushed out the door in a scuffle, some claiming to have received injuries, and the doors were locked to bar their chanting protest: “You work for us!”

For some reason, our elected officials think that they do whatever they want to do and then tell us how it will be.

This is the exact opposite of reality – they work for us.  They get told what to do by us and then they go to Washington and do what we tell them.

On the issue of health care reform and so many other issues, they seem to believe the exact opposite.

“It’s a challenge, no question about it, and you’ve got to get out there and make the case,” Sen. Christopher Dodd, D-Conn., said afterward. “This is not the time for the faint-hearted.”

The only case they need to make is in DC as they do the things required of them by their constituents.

Let me be clear:

Representatives represent our views,

they do not attempt to change them.

Carl Levin D-MI retreats from the Pledge of Allegiance.

Lawmakers are also retreating from contact with their angry constituents.

The health-care debate was supposed to play out at rallies and inside gymnasiums when lawmakers headed home for the August recess.

But after a series of contentious town-hall meetings, some Democratic lawmakers are thinking twice about holding large public gatherings. Instead, they are opting for smaller sessions, holding meetings by phone or inviting constituents for one-on-one office hours.

“Democrats may think that attacking or ignoring this growing chorus of Americans is a smart strategy, but they are obviously forgetting that these concerned citizens are voters as well,” said Paul Lindsay, a spokesman for the National Republican Congressional Committee, the House GOP’s campaign arm.

Rick Scott, who leads Conservatives for Patients’ Rights, a group that has helped publicize the local meetings, said: “The polls reveal the real picture of what is happening across the country — people are genuinely concerned, some are genuinely angry, and they are expressing themselves.”

****And now, the Beans and Weenies****

You can’t make this stuff up…

Police said that the incident took place at a club in the Greek resort town of Malia. The British man, who police have also not yet identified, allegedly took off his pants there and waved his genitals at a number girls. He is then said to have “forcefully fondled” the Greek woman and asked her to hold his genitals.

The woman asked the man to stop harassing her, police said, and when he didn’t, she poured Sabucco, a liquor that resembles Greek ouzo, on his private area.

When the man continued his advances, police said that’s when the woman set fire to his genitals using a lighter.

This is crazy stuff here.

She has been charged with causing bodily injury and endangering private property…

Oh, I bet.

I say give her a medal and $10 for each blister on his franks-n-beans.

****

Man blames cat for illegal pornography on his computer.  If you go to the link you can see a picture of the idiot.

… detectives didn’t buy it when a 48-year-old Jensen Beach man claimed that his cat was downloading child pornography on his computer.

… detectives found more than 1,000 child pornographic images on his computer, according to a news release.

Griffin told detectives he would leave his computer on and his cat would jump on the keyboard.

When he returned, there would be strange material downloaded, the release states.

Truly, this is a special kind of stupid.

****

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Club a WoW Seal Senseless Today!

Note:  I had put an anti-troll disclaimer up at this very spot but then read McGoo’s response to Troll Tessa, and thought “Damn, the wind ‘neath my wings… I will persevere!  I will survive!

Clubbing virtual seals.  Oh.  My.  God.  This sounds like so much fun.  It almost makes me want to join up with Enas Yorl and hurt furry wittle things.

You getting this?  PETA is engaged in activist behavior against KILLING VIRTUAL SEALS IN A VIRTUAL UNIVERSE.  Pictured is a screenshot of one of these virtual World of Warcraft seals:

A co-worker whom I shall refer to as Laconical Pup had this to say about it:

Killing the seals yields Chilled Meat, which is used in a wide variety of foods.  And yes, those with the skinning profession can take skin dead seals, which can give them either leather or fur, either of which may be used (along with several other reagents) in the crafting of epic leather armor.

It’s also worth noting that these seals are level 68-69 and have around 7,500 hit points, and they respond aggressively to anyone that comes within their range.  If you don’t treat them like the dangerous predators they are, they’ll kill you.

Yep, that sure fits the image above, doesn’t it?

As I delved more into it over at IGN:

A post on the PETA website attempts to rally the PETA forces to protest the slaughter of seals in World of Warcraft. The protest is to take place on the WhisperWind realm in the Howling Fjord zone, where baby seals live on glaciers. The poster points out that you must be at least level 70 in order to participate in the campaign, which is set for Saturday, April 11, at 1:00 PM ET. Protest guy writes:

That’s right, gamers, get ready: This Saturday, World of Warcraft (WoW) players will have the opportunity to combat a team of four Horde seal killers. We need your help to stop them from bashing in the heads of any more seals!

Thrall refused to ban the slaughter of seals, despite multiple requests from the Alliance to do so, because Orgrimmar stands to make a large profit from the fur.

Activists from across the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor are banding together to put a stop to the atrocious seal slaughter. Anyone who slaughters baby seals for their fur must surely be in service to the evil Lich King.

If you wish to go mock a fruitcake at PETA, go here.  Hell, if you wish to mock a PETA fruitcake you can stay right here and do it!  I’d love to hear your best “I screwed with a PETA fruitcake by ________” essays!

♦♦♦♦

Want to know who your real enemy is?  Guys like Juan Williams who want to make you helpless and feel smugly superior while arguing for it.

He thinks that by taking away guns it’ll somehow actually make them go away.  Idiot.

There’s no shortage of carbon-copies/xeroxes of him, either.

♦♦♦♦

Suicide Victim Jumps, Lands On NYC Shopper

Sorry, but there is no such thing as a suicide victim.  Nor a suicide bomber.  There are “successful suicide pilgrim” and “killers”, though.

I’ve got two family members that committed suicide.  There’s no such thing as a suicide victim, sorry.  The kid she landed on is another story.

♦♦♦♦

How disingenuous can you get?  Pretty darned, if you are Russia.  And Obamessiah is naive enough to buy it.

Russian President Dmitry Medvedev admitted to President Obama during their summit meeting last week that American intelligence estimates … have been more accurate than Russia’s…

…  Moscow is now said to be open to “much more severe” punishment for Tehran if the regime there persists in enriching uranium into 2010.

♦♦♦♦

Obameh.  Did he bow or didn’t he?  Meh.  I wanna know if Obama really gave Abdullah a Chiabama Pet™ as a greeting gift.

Next on his list would probably be Green Slime™ or Pop Rocks™.  I notice Obama tends to give gifts that he himself enjoys and is less so interested in matching gifts to the person.

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Kangaroos, Camels, and Koalas – Oh My!

I know this is in the news but it’s too fun to pass up…

Australians urged to eat camels – to protect the environment.

The report in part says:

Australians were urged Tuesday to eat camels to stop them wreaking environmental havoc, just months after being told to save the world from climate change by consuming kangaroos.

Who the hell writes this stuff?  Who the hell writes news articles about it?

One of the report writers, Professor Murray McGregor, says a good way to bring down the number of camels was to eat them. (Bright spark, that one.)

Eat a camel today, I’ve done it – Prof. McGregor

If you are eating camels and you are not bringing the number of them down, the imagination is allowed all manner of horrific imagery.

You might have already bought into the idea put forward a few months ago where the Australians were told to swap out cows and throw in kangaroos.

Apparently they are less flatulent, at least where methane is concerned.

But (lets assume I am a pants-wetting globular worming freak) if you get kangaroos, the fences now have to be twice (or more) as high as they are now, thus doubling the amount of fencing and more than doubling the amount of work to build them, plus all the other little things that ‘roos entail where they are harder to work with.  I imagine trying to milk a ‘roo is (1) less productive in terms of quantity, and (2) damn near impossible.
Besides, “Come on out, I’ll put a ‘roo on the barby” doesn’t ring well.

**********

Usually you can defuse this “In the Doghouse” kind of thing with a question showing lots of compassion, showing that you care and are supportive, like:

Is it that time of the month again?

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