Archive for the ‘Just Plain Bizarre’ Category

It’s a world where Obama has snookered it and it’s a world where fish get hernia operations.  Many thanks to The Sun for catching this important piece of insanity.  They spent $1000 to give… A.  Fish.  A. Hernia.  Operation.

If you charged the British taxpayer $1000 so a politician could have a sitdown fish dinner topped with caviar he’d be dead meat.  Apparently surgery on a fish doesn’t stink.



Eighteen months for a gangsta rap video starring his 85 year old senile grandmother.  Thoughtless, heartless, and plain stupid… but worthy of 18 months in juvie?  What law did he break?  Elder abuse?  No, elder abuse is beating, stealing from, emotionally abusing, starving, etc. your parent or grandparent.  This is called “being a little creep and in need of a good smackdown by your parents”.

When I was growing up no one would have taken you to jail over it because they knew that your parents would be a far worse sentence.

I wish prosecutors would stop twisting the law to salve their offended sensibilities.

Now… firing a gun around town and into buildings… lock him up.


I have a pet peeve.  Reporters are supposed to have strong english skills, right?  Why then do you see rampant errors in their writing?  Just one example of what I see everywhere is this excerpt from a FoxNews article online:

A series of conversations secretly recorded by 1 of Carona’s former assistant sheriffs and close friends promises to figure prominently in the case.

See that?  “…recorded by 1 of Carona’s…”   Come on, I work diligently to get units right in my biz and make sure that equations are correct, can’t these idiots put words together with any degree of competency?  You see it in books all the time, too.

The above error looks like it was written by a teen on his text msg:  “U R so wrong”  or “BRB”


More later…

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UPDATE:  Obama/Palin pic at bottom of post…  and while we’re on that topic… Obama’s whining of smears against him is mostly because they are mostly true.


The number of sequels is up there.  Way up there.  And you start to run out of creative ways to mince meats.  So what do you do?  Stop?  No way!  You just keep going until Jason finally dies of old age.

And by now he must be pretty old.   What does an old psychopath use to ply his trade?

Glad you asked.

Click to biggerish it.

No, it is not done.  WIP.  And I know the perspective is off but I still wanted to throw it up there.  I’ve had my adobe software crash so many times that I’m *this close* to just saying screw it and using gimp/inkscape from here on out.  Fed up, I tell you…


PUPDATE… 10/21/08

(Click on pics to make them biggerer.)

Just a few weeks ago...

Just a few weeks ago...

Helping Rake Leaves

Taking a Break with Chew Blanket

Stalking GirlHead


People ought to stop trying to find irregularities in voting registration and just trust that the recruiters are doing the right thing.  Just leave ACORN alone.

“There was no fraud involved,” said Nudelman, a Democrat who supports Barack Obama. “This person is a dead fish.”


More on the USB Dog Humping… who thinks this stuff up?  View the movie…
At least the car was a rental. Chunk of metal falls from sky, destroys car.
It appears that Rep. Murtha has issues. Might have issues with the election. It would be justice.


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Update Friday Afternoon…

Ear checks out ok.  Swelling, irritation, etc.  Should be fine, just don’t use the hearing aid for a while and use some steroid ear drops.  Whew.

And now for a new, and totally worthless Guinness Book World Record.  The World Record for Having the Most Snails on Your Face at One Time. Oh yeah… you go girl.

… okay, moving right along…

Damn those flaming squirrels and their forest-fire-causing activities.

Shooting yourself has to hurt.  Shooting yourself with this bullet track has to really hurt.

Don’t tase me, bro!  Squeal.  Oink.

Don’t decapitate me, ho. Actually, if he was a criminal, I don’t feel so bad.  Had he stayed home and hung out with friends it wouldn’t have happened.  I’m not fond of violent/creepy stalkers.

Family Cremates Mom on BBQ, Keeps Benefits. Spooky scary sucker.

Man chews through belly-busting 20-lb. burger.


Yokay, short post tonight.  (Thursday night)

One would think that good ear safety would include ear plugs, not sticking things in your ears, minimize loud music, etc., right?

So what are some things considered “not safe”?

Things That Don't Play Well with Ears.

Don’t forget the other thing that can damage your hearing… in my case, Cruel Wife…

She Nags Because She Cares.

See the blue thing in the center of the first image?  That’s my hearing aid exactly only mine is black.  You know what?  It is entirely possible that today when I went to put it in during the lunch meeting at work I managed to do something to my eardrum. These new hearing aid styles go way freaking deep into your ear.  And if you put them in wrong… well, it can hurt.

Doesn’t hurt as bad as it would if Obama wins the election, but getting up there.

Sharp nasty stabbing pain that goes through your head, sick/sweaty, pain all afternoon, and strange hearing.   Give you three guesses as to what that might mean.  No, hemorrhoids aren’t in the running.

I go see the doc tomorrow.  Hopefully it just means there’s swelling and/or wax against the eardrum.

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No, not the trip to work every day.  Yes, the roads are bad enough, but cars driven by zombies don’t normally eat your brains.

Take a look at Item #1: A book on the net.  Really.  It is called…

The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead

It's a real book.

Well, an entire book is good and all if you have memorized it, and is probably the best of it’s kind on the market, but it is hardly safe as a snap reference when in a tight bind, e.g. being stalked by groaning, oozing, brain-eating zombies.

So, for example, while a cube-denizen whom we shall call “Phil” is frantically looking for page 74, where there is this cute little diagram and a bullet-list wherein item 23 says “Aim for the head” he’s going to “get recruited” and start moaning “Brrrrraaaaaaaaaaaainssssss” because he couldn’t find it in time.

This, of course, is tragic.  And unnecessary.  It could have been avoided with a good quick-reference guide, Item #2, such as a flyer printed on recycled paper (going green):

Click to embiggen. It's not a real product.

No, I’m not suggesting you shoot him – for it does bear an uncanny resemblance to some celebrity, does it not? – but rather if you see a zombie as scary as this (by referring to your handy flyer as a reference identification is a snap), you can quickly refresh your memory of the proper procedure – especially if they are groaning, oozing, brain-eating zombies.

Note:  Any resemblance to any person real, fictional, alive, or dead is purely coincidental.  Undead resemblance – that was intentional.


An individual whose brains were apparently eaten but was still not inducted into “the club” as he was found lacking…  Democratic U.S. Rep. Tim Mahoney was found to be cheating on his mistress.  The bastard!


I am sure that the enviro-zombies are moaning that this was predicted by their global warming models.

Grape Slurpees coming right up.

Eastern Oregon Shivers.

In general, the weather this summer was the worst I have seen in at least 20 years.” – U.S. Geological Survey glaciologist Bruce Molnia, bitching about the thickening of the glaciers.

Funny, but that last article…

Two hundred years of glacial shrinkage in Alaska, and then came the winter and summer of 2007-2008.

Got that?  TWO HUNDRED YEARS OF GLACIAL SHRINKAGE.   I thought it was man-made and this century’s hedonism that has hurled us down the fiery trail to destruction.  Guess not.


A great graphic for a food item even if it will give you food poisoning… Wealth Spread!

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Tried phone sex but I kept slipping off.  Don’t know if this is true, but to listen in on someone’s conversations when it has nothing to do with terrorism… you’re a double-skunk.


Why don’t I believe that this will make a difference?  Obama tries secretly to convince Iraqis to not deal with Bush on pullout timetable without Congress’ approval.   Seems to me that he’s lost sight of what constitutional powers are given to whom.  This would be about the time when he and the other party’s nominee would be getting briefings on close-held world events.

Mr. Obama’s conversations with the Iraqi leaders, confirmed to The Washington Times by his campaign aides, began just two weeks after he clinched the Democratic presidential nomination in June and stirred controversy over the appropriateness of a White House candidate’s contacts with foreign governments while the sitting president is conducting a war.


Catfish with a taste for human flesh?  I guess it’s ok, I’ve got a taste for catfish flesh, also dead/burnt.  Kinda creepy though, since it’s decided it likes human sushi.


Alcohol was involved.  Hmmm.  I’ve never heard of stoned people doing extreme violence.  Pouring boiling water on your husband’s groin is about as violent as it gets.


Only in Britain could you be ordered to take down your barbed wire fence because it might hurt thieves.  No, that’s not right, it could happen here in the US, too.


Somehow, people have mysteriously been spotted walking around without spines.  ACORN was pushing them to sign up again and again to vote, yet they did it even though they knew it wasn’t right.  We’ve gotta start looking for donors.


Sad, but if she was allowed out, she could have spoken to someone or made a fuss.  She permitted this to happen.  That said, he needs a good kneecapping.

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I was flabberdegasted…

WHAT Can You Say...?

WHAT Can You Say...?

That there channel runs on and on and on…  It’s allabout Obama, and his… uh… Plan for America.

I’m going to need a whole lotta serious therapy.  Did anyone else know about this?  Am I the last person to know?

I’m thinking this is next…


I have high hopes for this movie… An American Carol.  A Conservative’s Conservative movie.  With Leslie Nielson, Kelsy Grammer, James Woods, Dennis Hopper, Bill O’Reilly (as himself), and more.


Many editorial cartoons can be found here…  You’ll find stuff like this there:


Who knew that particle beams actually are bad for you?

And oh, hey, lookit all the big words.  Dark flow in our universe – or is it just outside it?

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Get elemental with your inner Geek.  USB Plasma Ball.  They are real, I’ve played with one.


From the “You Can’t Make this Stuff Up” files: Treasury Secretary goes down on one knee for Speaker Pelosi.  It is rumored that she had multiple orgasms.


Well thank goodness for this.  If you’re going to charge the guy for being an ass to a cop, fine.  If you’re going to charge him with a DUI, fine.  But don’t charge him for assault when he was just farting at the cop.  Ooh, the poor officer’s eyes must have watered so.


What, they’d rather he spit on the guy’s fries instead?


You know, 22 years ago they’d have kicked the little 8th grade fruitcake out of school until he’d had some serious counseling.  He’s fighting to wear makeup in school.  The fact that his mother is supporting this attention-starved little ass means she could use a bit of work herself.  You just don’t see crap like this happening in countries that aren’t soft through and through.


Man am I glad these guys are on top of this.  Those hotdogs plump when you cook ’em.  You know how it is… you’re tailgating, you wrap your hotdogs in some duct-tape to bring them into the game and next thing you know the bomb squad leaves you to buying crappy dogs at the concession stands for $6 each.


On a serious note…

I’m in a mood.  I know it is life, but I have a friend who just lost his second parent to pancreatic cancer, another friend whose mom (my informally adoptive mom – wonderful, kind, sweet lady) who is dying of it, and a third friend whose dad was diagnosed with it, and friend #4 whose uncle is dying of it.

Try as I might, I’m not seeing any grander purpose about all this bullshit.  Lost my mom earlier this year and she went in a bad way.  Hell, my CAT had it better than anyone.  What’s the greater purpose?

It’s been 18 months of pain for me after a car wreck – and it is getting better, but about 4 times too slow for me.  Turn your head the wrong way you get to spend three days in serious pain.  There’s no sense in the suffering I see around me.  I’m feeling very cynical today and more than a bit bitter.  I say to myself “God can create the universe and everything in it but cannot help His creations?”  The book of Job ends up sounding cruel.  Let’s just say I’m having a crisis of faith and no small amount of anger.

Our bodies break down, sometimes when we’re 90, sometimes before we’re even born, but it always happens and there’s never any dignity in it. I don’t care if you can walk, see, wipe your own butt. It’s always ugly. Always. You can live with dignity, we can’t die with it.

– House, M.D. ( Pilot episode)

And because I’m feeling like a bit of a bastard… I was looking for “bulls and bears” for a Wall Street pic and just lost half my eyesight.  Damn.

"Bull Ride Gone Wrong" (no shite?)

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So I’m sitting there one day and wondering to myself… why did the first person to get high off of a toad lick it?

Did they hold the toad in their hand, sheltering it with their body,  look furtively side to side, and then dart their tongue out for a lightning-fast lick before anyone would notice?  THEN what?  Say nothing, act casual while you fly through several takes of Heavy Metal?

(click to embigger it)

So then I started thinking… what if you stuck a popsicle stick up it’s hoo-hoo and walked around like it was a popsicle?  Who would you use for such a graphic?  If I’d used Samuel L. Jackson (who I happen to love as an actor) he’d have kicked my ass and rightfully so.  John Cusack would’ve been really good because he could look cool and hilarious at the same time, but he’d never bite.

Which brought up more questions than answers regarding toads.  How do you keep ’em fresh?  Freezers?  Do they lose potency when frozen?  What about other preservation methods?

So, in keeping with my newfound love of old advertisements, I figured I’d try a 40’s style mixed in with some contemporary and a hint of satire.  A big hint.  Pip Boy (or Shelter Boy) was the guest star because he’s always pretty upbeat and I love Fallout type games.

See what sleep deprivation and Nyquil get you?

Oh yes… tomorrow is P-Day.

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If only I had thought of this.  But alas, I didn’t.  Their composition is a work of genius.


The CERN Hadron Collider has nothing on the Giant Animal Smasher (GAS).  I’ve posted the pic because it would be a crying shame if it ever got lost.  Go read Brian Briggs‘ (BB Spot) description of this very important system.  Science will not be denied.

Evolutionary Acceleration Research Institute Ready to Start “Squirrel Smasher”

Don’t know the source on this, but it’s important scientific background on Squirrel Science.

Today, squirrels exist in a universe whose cosmic background temperature is 2.725 degrees Kelvin.  But the background radiation is slowly cooling.  It is straightforward to reason backward and prove conclusively that the first squirrels existed at temperatures of billions of degrees Kelvin 13.732 billions years ago, give or take.

Around about one times ten to the negative thirty-fifth seconds after the Big Bang (an era known to Cosmeticians as “the Good Old Days”), when individual squirrels must have first separated out from the original squirrel-ferret plasma, large numbers of squirrels and anti-squirrels must have been created, according to modern S-theory.  Most of these squirrel/anti-squirrel pairs eventually recombined to become pure energy or transient little puffs of fur, but a slight preponderance of squirrels over anti-squirrels produced the universe that we observe (or run over) today.

There is no truth to the rumor that high energy squirrel collisions generated by the GAS could create a rabbit hole that would swallow the earth and still be hungry for more.  Even higher-energy collisions between squirrels or squirrelly life-forms happen frequently in nature, usually in or around Washington, D.C.


Uh… Ewwwwww. Infected corn. As food. On purpose.

While this is sad, it’s also stupid.

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After 87 different designs to consider in the last three days I am mindwiped.  So it is Lemur Droppings Thursday!  It’s like the Twilight Zone with a hell of a lot less class, creativity, or intelligence.  Read on with wild abandon then.


You all did know that we are going to die, right?  We just don’t know when.  Or do we…?

DailyMail.co.uk  ( pronounced: DailyMail Kook ) published this today.  Apparently next week the CERN Large Hadron Collider is going to whing some really small things around really fast and they are going to slap each other harder than a red-headed stepchild and scatter atomic body parts all over and then little atomic ambulances will drive up and… well.  No, not really.

Really they plan to kick these things up notches unknown to something like TeV (that’s Tera electron-volts, which is wickedly energetic short-wavelengthed nano-nanometer stuff – forget the suntan lotion) energies and then see what they do when they collide.  Probably get really nasty headaches.

A Hadron Collider.  Naturally.  (CERN/PA)

A Hadron Collider. Naturally. (CERN/PA)

But I’m digressing again.  the DailyMail Kooks paint a spooky-scary picture of which I’m referencing only enough to give you a general idea.  Go read their page, linked above.

A black hole is created and then a lot of biblical-type disasters leading up to:

The fabric of the planet itself would start to disappear, trillions of tonnes of rock, water, air and life sucked into a whirlpool of unimaginable force.

From space, our blue-and-white home would appear to vanish down a plughole in a flash of light.

At least in this scenario we would have a little time, perhaps, to come to terms with the end.

However, a second doomsday scenario is even more terrifying. There would be no warning at all.

In an instant – about one-twentieth of a second – the entire Earth would simply vanish from space.

Neat, huh?  No more global warming, no more landfill issues, population pressures decrease.  But it gets cooler…

Less than two seconds later, the Moon would follow suit.

Because, as we all know, the moon has never been one to blaze it’s own trails.

Eight minutes later, the Sun would be ripped apart, followed by the rest of the planets in the solar system and onwards, a wave of destruction caused by a rent in the fabric of space itself, spreading out from our world at the speed of light.

And you thought this kind of havoc could only be caused by American Idol or Carrot-Top.  Nuh-uh.

Any extra-terrestrials out there would die too, in due course. And there would be nothing technology could do about it.

So I guess there’s no issue with the anniversary of 9/11.

And how the hell is technology supposed to do anything?  It’s not like they have any programming for the Wii in situations like this.

Ok.  So.  Wanna go… someplace else?  Ok.


Now, if this isn’t one of the sorrier excuses for a human being, I don’t know what is.  His wife apparently isn’t the brightest spark either, but there’s no call for tricking your wife into putting on handcuffs, putting on a blindfold, and walking up a ladder… I mean, she trusted him.   It’s not news except that he got sentenced to 12 years.  She already divorced him before the verdict but I saw that as 50/50 odds considering the participants.

Moooooving right along.


Glad my daughter didn’t start her first week of kindergarden in Brooklyn.  Bus driver lost, circles Brooklyn for FIVE HOURS.

Bus Driver Suspended After Circling With Children On Board

(POSTED September 4, 2008)

NEW YORK — The driver of a school bus that circled Brooklyn for nearly five hours while carrying about a dozen kindergartners and first-graders has been suspended.

Got that?  Five hours.  You’ve got to be stoned or stupid to achieve this.  I’m kind of surprised that the article doesn’t dig into why/how the driver got “lost” in the beginning.  They may not know…

Parents say their children were shaken by the ordeal that ended when police were called and were finally able to reach the driver.

Lovely reporter understatement – my child would have been traumatized.  Let’s just be glad they all got home in one piece.

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Update: Why we’re the major world superpower.  The automatic donut maker machine.  I assume a USB version is in the works.


Forget the spaghetti western.

It’s time to step aside.

Ascension is here, now, for the…

Sushi Western.

To be reckoned with?  Hai…


Everybody Loves Hypnotoad.

Everybody Loves Hypnotoad.  Everybody Loves Hypnotoad. Everybody Lo…

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Yep, yesterday was a day with Le Porcupine… So, after so many weeks, a new addition to the page.


She’s honest, and that counts for a lot, even if she is a limpid milquetoast.  Pleas for Nannies…


Here is an idea that is so clever and disgusting that I HAD to link the guy’s site.  Go visit Nik’s site.  Wonderful site, some stuff may be NSF or un-kid-friendly, but use your best judgement.

BriefSafe on mmoabc.com

The problem with most safes is that experienced burglers know how to crack them. “Brief Safe” offers the next best thing which is basically stained underwear that securely stores valuables in a 4″ x 10″ secret compartment with velcro closure. Available now for $9 from Shomer


Next, I find over at “This Goes to 11” from a post about a militant FemiNazi who is militantly pro-choice to the point where she is critical of not killing your Down’s Syndrome child. Get that?

I’m pasting the F-Nazi’s link here but I’m not linking it because frankly I don’t want her to splash her frothy foamy saliva all over my site.   She the individual, personified, who I did the “so you’re a feminist…” graphic about – You can only fight that kind of self-absorption with mockery.


But the important thing (other than that she’s a sworn right-to-kill-your-child raver) is that the Feminazi is critical of Sarah Palin, who I actually wish had run for the PRESIDENTIAL position.  Beats anything else that the Republican party was graced with this cycle.  Complaints are that Palin is less experienced than Obama, but here’s the real point:   I know what she stands for but all I can tell is that Obama is about rainbows, change, healing, and unity.  NONE of those is a position!  They are feel-good words that tell me not a damn thing.

Preston’s closing remark over at Six Meat Buffet – it is exactly right:

While I’d prefer a PALIN/McCain ticket, this will have to do.


Oh drats, now I’m non-family friendly.  A site that reads your blog and assigns you a rating.

OnePlusYou Quizzes and Widgets

Created by OnePlusYou

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News Flash

Drudge Report shows a McCain/Palin pairing for the election.  He could have done worse – much worse.  Let me rephrase that… he did good, about as good as it gets.  Weasel has some interesting factoids about her.

On another hand, here’s more proof that Obama is high.


This is a PROBLEM???  When was the last time you really felt like taking a shot of alcohol via your eyeball?

DOCTORS yesterday warned against a new craze of taking alcohol through an eye socket.

Pubs and clubs are selling drinks to be taken through the eye because revellers believe they get them drunk quicker and stay in their system longer.

– – –

I’ve whinged about this before, but I’m not the only one noticing that the blogosphere is silent as a morgue lately, right?  I figured 1-2 weeks, but this is… silent.

– – –

Sorry, but if this is the new way to get votes… is it any wonder why people are so ill-informed at the voting precincts?  Look, if you’re really on top of topics and the facts and issues, you’re probably not going to register via an XBOX because you’d have already done it via other means.  Most (most, not all) XBOX players will not be of the mentality to be well-informed on the issues.  Sorry, it’s just true.  So why do I want to get people who don’t know what the **** they are doing out to vote?  I would only want that if they were pliable human putty.  How have we gotten here?  Me, I want people to have to prove that they know a certain minimum level about the topics before they are allowed near a booth.  Allowing an XBOX to be a mode of registration is just asking to move a step closer to this:

“Oh, but that is disenfranchisement!” they say.  HUH?  Is it too much to ask that people know what they are doing before casting votes?  This is serious stuff, and it isn’t about the hairdo, the boyish dimples, our feelings about change, the power-pantsuits… this is about the platform, the issues, and the candidate’s past voting record.

When was the last time you heard someone say “I can’t vote for that guy because I looked up his voting record and it both sucked and blew”?  When was the last time you could say that?

Remember, every time we lower the bar, we are setting the new default.  Fini.


Sixteen hours of the last twenty-four.  Staring at a design.  Drinking coffee.  Staring at design.  Waiting for modeling program to catch up.  Grinding molars.  Drinking more coffee.  Go to the bathroom, realize I haven’t gotten out of my chair yet.  You know the drill.

Just got done 25 minutes ago.  No, I’m not done, but I’m done if you know what I mean.  Stick a fork in my ass and turn me over.  I’d drink but I don’t drink anymore.

Here’s what I see when I look at my desk:

My vision as of right now.

Yep.  Double vision.  What’s worse is there’s no apple on my desk.  Seriously though, that is an artist’s impression of what an apple could look like if it were indeed, sitting on my desk.

I suspect it is somehow linked to the blood from my sinuses, a raspy nasty cough, a truly bitchin’ headache, low-grade fever, and foul taste in my mouth.  If it’s still bothering me in a few weeks I’ll get it checked out.  Driving is a cinch – I just close one eye.   Financially I feel more secure – basically all I have to do is look at my money and it practically doubles.  Luckily I can touch type.


Why do newspaper outlets even write obituaries in advance?

It’s pretty damn ghoulish, if you ask me.  Turns out it ends up being foolish too.


Let’s talk about the kid’s new nickname: Lucky.

Disposable diaper breaks fall, saves child’s life

A disposable diaper has saved the life of an 18-month-old boy, breaking his fall from a third-floor apartment window, officials said Thursday.

Caua Felipe Massaneiro survived a 30-foot (10-meter) fall because his diaper snagged on a security spike embedded in the concrete wall around his apartment building in the northeastern Brazilian city of Recife.

The boy dangled from the spike for a moment, then “the diaper opened and the baby fell to the ground, but at a much slower speed,” a police officer said. “The diaper obviously lessened the impact of the fall and saved the baby’s life.”

“It was a miracle,” said the officer who declined to be identified because she was not authorized to speak to the press. “He could also have been killed by one of the spikes.”


It’s already old news but the thing is, it hasn’t been reversed in a damned court yet!

As students get ready to start their classes, the teacher in a small Texas country school, packs a gun together with their lessons. The school is located near the border with Oklahoma and is believed to be the first school to allow weapons in the classroom.

According to the school’s officials, teachers with guns are the only way to protect the school, located 30 minutes from the closest police station.

“How do you stop the angry person without enough sense? It’s not going to take very long for it to be a total massacre,” said Superintendent David Thweatt of the Harrold Independent School District.

This is what I think teachers ought to be allowed to carry (keep one step ahead of the bad guys):

Yes, I know somebody is going to have to write to me and tell me all the reasons why it’s stupid to show that weapon.  Well… don’t.  If you want to have a discussion, I’d love it, but if you’re flexing your brain/ego, go do that with Mensa.

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