Archive for the ‘Knives’ Category




A number of idiots out there make a case for Zombie Jesus, which I find to be a hollow insult to Christianity, as in me saying “Ha. Ha. You guys are so funny I forgot to laugh.” (Feel free to look them up on your search engine of choice, but they are typically spiteful atheists or just mean-spirited so I will not link them.)

Then the thought occurred… “Would Jesus kill zombies?”

Cruel Wife laughed and answered my question with “That is the question for the ages.”

I bet He would. I cannot possibly imagine Jesus not smiting the poo out of any zombie he found, whether eating braaaaainnnns or just mindlessly minding its own business. If you look at “Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.” (John 6:31) I can honestly say that I would not want others eating my braaaaainnnns nor would I want to do the same to others.

Jesus and Lazarus came back smelling like roses and not at all interested in braaaaainnnns, so I just cannot see how you could make the argument that they were zombies themselves. The idiots who spout “Zombie Jesus” nonsense clearly did not think that one through.

So, I can now make the argument to Cruel Wife on this Easter Day that getting me a $500 gift certificate to Zombie Tools is a Good Idea.

(h/t to The Dude for passing that on – I’m sure he saw the Jack L. Katt post from yesterday and sent it to me to cheer me up)


Mack-Daddy-O – Zombie Tools


The Reaper – Zombie Tools

Those are just my preferences.

Already pointed out to CW… “Isn’t it interesting that they offer gift certificates starting at only $500?” She was lukewarm at the time but as that thought takes hold it will probably weigh in my favor.

I pointed out to her that even at around $400 either one of these would cost less than one payment on a Shelby GT 500. (I am sure I am awarded one point for that.)

Then I asked her if the fact that they were 5160 steel was a good thing. Good materials scientist that she is, she looked it up and said that yes they would make excellent swords, being essentially spring steel. (Another two points for appealing to her intellect.)

I asked her if it was good that they were hardened to Rockwell 53. She said “Oh yeah.” (Another additional point for further seeking out her expertise, I’m positive.)

Then, I pointed out that the company that makes them is in Montana, where she has familial ties. (Not sure if it helped, but how could it hurt?)

Then I pointed out their usefulness for BBQ. (Two points, easy-peasy.)

Next I shall point out their suitability for Home Defense, because they cannot fire through walls and indeed require no ammunition whatsoever.

I’ve got this one in the bag because the final point will be when I point out that “Jesus must be anti-Zombie. Food laws from the Old Testament went away but never once did He and the disciples feed multitudes with braaaaainnnns, they did not go out on boats to get braaaaainnnns, and at the last supper He mentioned eating of His body and drinking of His blood but never did He mention braaaaainnnns. Communion involves no braaaaainnnns whatsoever.”

One could even argue that one is closer to Godliness armed with such tools.

She cannot refute my logic.

Note: You may not read anything into the “communion involves no braaaaainnnns” sentence other than its original meaning, which is that I’ve never seen Communion involve anything other than wine and bread – the discussion surrounding transubstantiation is for another day.

I’m thinking that He would be more likely to go for this sort of Zombie Tool, however. It looks more traditional.


Ferrous Wolf – Zombie Tools

Anyway, happy Easter to all. Forget about Zombie Tools and think about what Easter is really about. Eggs, chocolate, Resurrection, naps – not in that particular order.

I hope no one was offended by this post because I believe God must have a sense of humor. If God is as humorless as some of His followers, then eternity is surely one long waiting room without magazines.


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