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Archive for the ‘Stories of the Odd’ Category

Well as an aside, we appear to be in a transitional period and postings are kind of scarce.  Things are scary but could be worse.  We’re learning to live with the new realities.

On to the posting…

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Thanks to FARK we have this one…

Is anesthesia a luxury when a 5-foot snake and Taco Bell proportions of gas are shoved up your ass?

Well, no, I wouldn’t think so… no.

I didn’t really make the connection that the article might be on colonoscopies.  I pictured a boa and antacid tablets used in some awful combination.

Go look at the link.

The first thing to strike me was that the doctor was wearing a mask.  I thought “DUDE… you’ve got a snake… shove up some guy’s BUTT… and you’re worried about your germs?

[Loooong silence after reading this to Cruel Wife… loooooong silence…]

Nope.  I got nothin’.

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Hey, remember last week, I drove through Dexter to the sound of tornado sirens?  When I went through again, how I saw damaged buildings and downed trees?  And how friend and co-worker Butcher of Lansing saw the twister up close?

Check out this pic.  Where you see the red arrow, that is where I was when I heard the siren start up.   A few minutes later and I really would have been there.  Click on it and it will get bigger.  See the red arrow?  Bad magic.  Notice that abrupt jog that it makes as it goes NW to SE?  That’s where it decided to spare the downtown part of Dexter.  Well, wasn’t that considerate of it?

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Again, FARK…

Asking for a Brazilian wax will result in a police call if you’re wearing blue pantyhose and are male

… ? … ?? … (to Cruel Wife) … ???… that really needed to be said?

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Next time you are lamenting your issues with getting the kids to go to bed, please, realize that it could be worse.  Much worse.  Your 8 year old could drive your five year old to the store in your car at 2:30AM and total your car.  As you sleep.

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Now, mothers at daycares may care that the teacher is hot-hot-hot and a model but I’m pretty sure there’d be a lot more fathers helping split the effort of getting them there and back.  I mean, damn, there’s just nothing wrong here that I can see.  Me?  I say “Oh get a grip you insecure mothers… you’re just envious that you don’t have that… and that… and that… and… oh my…”

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How many times has this happened to you…?

“I could feel her breath on me. I’ve never been so terrified in my life.  I guess by instinct I rolled over so she wouldn’t hurt something vital. I didn’t know what she was going to do and then the bear bit me in my butt.”

Sounds like date night when the kids are away, doesn’t it?  Except for the bear part, I’m guessing.

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Now what?

Update: #10 wins. #6 is dear to my heart but #10 is one I haven’t told in a while.

Stay tuned for later tonight.

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As close as I’ll ever get to a “tweet”…

Had a blood test for cholesterol today.
Darned vampires.  They suck four quarts of blood out of your arm and then have the audacity to tell you to not take the band-aid off for seven hours or you could bleed out right there on the floor.  I think they’re just worried about where their next meal is coming from.

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No, I’m not going to quote Marcellus from Pulp Fiction, although it would be great and all.

No, “Now What?” refers to what stories shall I tell next?  Vote and if you are the selected winner of the “What Next?” lottery you will get… mentioned.

The choices are:

  1. Spelunking While Drunk
  2. Death Ride with a Strange Drunk Woman
  3. Driving to Michigan with a Drugged Cat in the Truck
  4. The Taternator: Stories of a Loosed Potato Cannon
  5. Til  the Blood Runs Clear – A Short Water Polo Story
  6. The Dog Groaned at Dusk – A German Shepherd’s Tale
  7. Cutting the Mustard
  8. A Compilation of Puppy-Dog Tails -or- Finding Nemo
  9. Fractured Ego, or “How I Didn’t Spend My Summer” (industrial accident)
  10. The Spitting Beaver River Incident

There’s more.  Many many more.  I’ve lived a strange life.  All of it true.

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I got a mission-style rocking chair today.  Originally marked at $75 and marked down by 75% I walked away with it for $18.75.   A movie production house near my work had a sale and were dumping items to get them out of their building.  I paid my money and then picked it up with my truck.

Later today several co-workers asked if it was a redneck thing going on with the chair.

I said “Huh?”

Well, ok, I guess I could see what they meant.

I told them it was cheaper than a child car-seat.

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The Dude sent me this today.  I didn’t know what the hell to do with it.  Finally I wrote back and said “Should I blog this?”

He said he got it from the moronosphere so what the hell, I’m blogging it.  No idea what the source is, and I’ll be damned if I’m going to do a Google Image search on “University of Michigan” and “semen“.

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