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Archive for the ‘vacation’ Category

Freaky Friday.

This will be a post in parts.

Lemurita and I are in Oregon visiting my dad. It is an awesome trip and I am loving hanging out with her. It is really nice to spend time with her without sibling rivalry. It is the first time I have ever done so and it is the first time Cruel Wife and HackerBoy have done the same.

Anyhow, she stayed with her aunt and uncle last night and I drove out to their house today. She had fun with her cousins SaladGirl and GameBoy.

My brother-in-law said today “You like Halloween, right?”

You know how I love Halloween.

He then said “Want to see the costume I am working on?”

So he showed me his “Babyface” costume.

This is NSFC (not safe for children)…

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Is that not creepy? I loved it.

He wants to start a “Rude Roadhouse Bar and Grill – Where you will eat your damn vegetables” and he wants me to cook there. We have established that the waitresses must chew on cigar stubs and have naughty tattoos. Feel free to chime in with your suggestions.

Next is a goat at my sister’s house/farm/menagerie. I was introduced to her and gave her some goat-scritches. Then I gave her a goat-massage of her goat-shoulders (no, get your heads out of the gutters, people). Then we moved on to see other farm critters. I said to my sister, The Mad Felter, “One thing I know is goats.”

“How do you know goats?”

“Neighbors three houses down from dad’s place had them. I sure love getting out in the country again. If the zombie apocalypse happens I will get the family, we’ll fight our way across the country and come live with you, ok? We work hard and will bring our own zombie-killin’ tools.”

“Cool!”

Just then I got knocked to the side gently by the goat, who demanded more shoulder massages.

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Unicorny…

i go with Lemurita to Oregon tomorrow. We will visit my dad and sister. He cannot travel so it will be good to see him wi the girl.

We leave behind Cruel Wife and HackerBoy. It is a win for CW because she can hang out with HackerBoy AND Jake the Pool Boy. And HackerBoy gets total Mom time, a better Wii playing partner, a waterpark, and deep-fried fish and chips.

Pisses me off since we don’t even have a pool but I will get over it, I guess.

My daughter can hold my hand and keep me from freaking on the plane. Valium will help, too, I am sure. I would rather douse myself in turpentine and belly-crawl through broken glass while buck naked.

I don’t have much to say so i will post a video of pure evil. I snorted tea hard enough to get a teabag string and bag-tag stuck in a tearduct.

If this video doesn’t post I will fix it a bit later. Damn iPad blogging software.

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By now you have figured out that the biggest thing to happen to me in a decade (that was pure fun) was our recent trip to Texas.

What you do not know is the dark and seedy underbelly of Texas, at least their part in what I suspect to be a global conspiracy.

My kids were very excited at Sea World – they were getting to see Shamu. The first two pics are Shamu at Sea World, in Texas.

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This next pic is Shamu in Los Angeles.

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These are all three different than I remember as a kid in Los Angeles.

I suspect that this “Shamu”… is not the same whale in any of the appearances. If “Shamu” is even his real name.

Yes. It is THAT DARK.

Hey, speaking of attention whores, have a look at Lady Gaga.

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Lady Gaga. The most miserable excuse for a human being since Marilyn Manson.

Now look at two non-attention-whores who were having a lot of fun with a boa. Lemurita and HackerBoy love snakes.

LemuritaBoa-081513 HackerBoyBoaThis still doesn’t fix the problem with the damn killer whale and the issue of the geckos in Texas having a drawl and not a cockney brit accent, which I’ve come to expect if I’m going to save 15% or more in 15minutes or less when buying my car insurance over the phone.

More later. It is 2:30am.

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All righty then.  We have returned to Michigan.  Tired, slightly saddened at leaving friends, glad to be home, and delighted to be in our comfy beds with warm furry kitties at hand.

HackerBoy was in tears.  Lemurita and I were zombies.  Cruel Wife was semi-comatose.  Aggie got us on the train though.

Since I have access to only my camera at the moment, I’ll show some pics going backwards in the vacation to Deepest Darkest Hottest Texas the Part That Burns Your Retinas Out (DDHTPTBYRO).  This is the stuff from the second-to-last day.

All pics get bigger if you click on them.  I think.

The honorable evil Jedi Master, Mr. Sith, offered to teach Lemurita and HackerBoy how to hunt for Texas Geckos.  Here is Lemurita and HackerBoy’s first independently caught gecko.

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Dang. Haven’t even licked my eyes lately and you just flashed me with a camera.

We visited a snake farm.  With Lemurs.

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Deep in thought but with a thousand yard stare.

Next, I will show you a picture not from the snake farm but something one might wish for on the farm in certain heightened circumstances.

This is a famous machete that is purported to be very very useful for killing zombies.  Note the zombie blood and gristle on the blade.

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Zombie-Killing Machete™

THIS is the Boomslang that kept licking its scaly little chops at me, making me wish I had a Zombie-Killing Machete™ with me…  He was eyeballing me and I was eyeballing him twice as hard.

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THIS is a cougar.  No, not the frisky slightly-older-woman type, but the big kitty that purrs kind.

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What do you mean, smile? I AM smiling.

Have a nice green Verdi-Boa or something like that.  Eldest Sith could probably tell me the real name of it.  I was too busy trying to snap pics to pay much attention, sadly.

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Snake. Yawning. Charming and creepy.

A Peahen was looking regal so I snapped one of Her Majesty.

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Here is a black lizard Tree Monitor thing.

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It is with a grateful and heavy heart that we prepare to leave the Siths in Darkest Deepest Hottest Texas.

We all had fun and were charmed and touched by turns by the entire family and their generosity of heart, spirit, time, and laughs.

We were treated to good food, good conversation, great tour guides, learning experiences, lessons for the kids.

So, in a strange mix of sadness at leaving and desire to see our own home, we leave the Siths and board a train bound for the land of “Are you talking to me?” Instead of pleases, thank you, and y’all’s.

I would like to hope that we were able to give something back – experiences, conversations, joking, eating, and sharing.

So I have to say: gosh I will miss these folks but also I miss being able to kick my own cat.

Stay tuned. I hope to have Lemur pics from today fairly soon.

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Hospitality of the Sith

We had a great trip to Texas on the train. It was long and mostly uneventful except for a transient and his dog on the tracks outside of Saint Louis. The food was excellent, with Cruel Wife opting for dead cow steaks and me gnawing on braised beef ribs.

We are now visiting the Sith(s).

Our kids enjoy the company of theirs and vice-versa. Mr. Sith (Mr. Aggie) and I see many things in a similar way and enjoy keeping our kids’ minds flexible.

Southern hospitality is a nice change from Detroit’s studied indifference. I could live in this area without a great deal of trouble.

The only truly disturbing thing was a grocery store mascot whose costume is that of a giant paper bag full of giant groceries that look wholly inedible. Truth be told the fake groceries look mildly nauseating. All three times I saw it I got the heebiedejeebies. As it passed me in the aisle it touched me (no, not in that way) and I creeped out a bit. But it scurried away after a short burst of harsh language and a swipe at its produce.

Hackerboy played video games and Lemurita learned from Aggie how to fold books into some kind of ornamental fan thing which completely captured her attention. Mr. Aggie took myself and Lemurita outside this evening and taught her how to catch geckos with some secret ninja-lizard-catching trick. She very nearly caught one but held several.

All in all their reputation for evil seems a bit misplaced but the week is not done yet. A Sith mind-choke-pinch thingy could come at any moment. For the moment I shall continue to sleep with one eye open.

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Spaces in Between.

Be patient… there’s some formatting issues on this blog due to some wonky code somewhere that I need to fix cut cannot address until tomorrow.  It’s truly hosed but you should always be able to read the most recent post w/o hassle.

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We are solid in the middle of sorting through Cruel Wife’s mom’s stuff.

You might be able to imagine three very intelligent and opinionated sisters in a high-stress situation of sorting through their mother’s belongings after a very unexpected demise.  It has been… trying.  Not bad, not good – no judgment – but a situation requiring lots of latitude and patience.

The only thing we can figure is that she exhibited all the symptoms of heart problems, yet because the most commonly known symptoms of heart problems are the symptoms that apply to men.

Things like blue fingers and nose, one cold leg and one hot, tired for no reason… everyone thought she had the best health and ate healthier and exercised more than any of us.  But, sometimes this sort of thing doesn’t make any sense at all and a common theme here has been one of self-blame, and that is unfair to one but it is also understandable.

So three crazy-tense sisters and two of us husbands who could make it, and we’ve tried keeping kids sane or at the least out of their mothers’ hair.  It’s interesting.

On the way out here from the airport (about three hours of driving), we came across an interesting spot.

A single-wide trailer, its outhouse, and next to a truck car-wash.  Save your soul, empty your bladder, and drive away in a sparkling-clean truck.  Just down the road is the best part – a gas station that sells corndogs.  Since being back in the NW I have had five corndogs, which you don’t find in so many places in Michigan.  It has been a slice of heaven.  So not all about this vacation has been sad.  Hey, work with me here – it’s been a visit with many bittersweet moments as memories have been relived – but there have been chances for people to show strength, too.  Corndogs help.

More later…

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